Smells Like Funny Quotes & Sayings

Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: "Something smells like smoke in here!" "Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy." — Jim Gaffigan

A forest," William said, his expression distant. "Where the ground is dry soil and stone. Where tall trees grow and centuries of autumn carpet their roots. Where the wind smells of game and wildflowers."
"Why, that was lovely, Lord Bill. Do you ever write poetry? Something for your blueblood lady?"
"No."
"She doesn't like poetry?"
"Leave it."
Hehe. "Oh, so you have a lady. How interes
— Ilona Andrews

A simple act of kindness can touch someone's mind, so in every interaction be loving and be kind. — Debasish Mridha

I had a dream about you. You were you, but you were many - a multitude of mannequins, each named Manny. And I was me, but I was Dark Jar Tin Zoo, and as such I made love to you - all of you. Then I woke up alone, naked, cuddling a mannequin I named after you who smells like you, because I spray it with the same fragrance you used to wear. Is that crazy? No, I didn't think so either. — Dora J. Arod

Who cares if you have a girlfriend, anyway?"
"I care," Simon said gloomily. "Pretty soon the only people left without a girlfriend will be me and Wendell the school janitor. And he smells like Windex."
"At least you know he's still available."
Simon glared. "Not funny, Fray."
"There's always Sheila 'The Thong' Bararino," Clary suggested.
"That is who Eric's been dating for the past three months," Simon said. "His advice, meanwhile, was that I ought to just decide which girl in school has the most rockin' bod and ask her out."
"Eric is a sexist pig," Clary said. "Maybe you should call your band The Sexist Pigs."
"It has a ring to it. — Cassandra Clare

Shergahn and friend lay like poleaxed steers, and the Daranfelian's greasy hair was thick with potatoes, carrots, gravy, and chunks of beef. His companion had less stew in his hair, but an equally large lump was rising fast, and Brandark flipped his improvised club into the air, caught it in proper dipping position, and filled it once more from the pot without even glancing at them. He raised the ladle to his nose, inhaled deeply, and glanced at the cook with an impudent twitch of his ears.
"Smells delicious," he said while the laughter started up all around the fire. "I imagine a bellyful of this should help a hungry man sleep. Why, just look what a single ladle of it did for Shergahn! — David Weber

Chase leaned in close. "hey" What?
Are you wearing perfume? No ... why would I be wearing perfume? ... You sure you're not wearing anything? It smells like jasmine. Must be the bushes — Gemma Halliday

People don't really have a relationship with great writing or great production or great art direction or great direction. They just sort of admire it. — Steven Moffat

The only thing that happens overnight is recognition. Not talent. — Carol Haney

I did have a Huggy Beardoll. One of his legs fell off. That empty leg became a place where, when we were doing a lot of drugs on tour at one point, we would store the drugs in his empty leg. That's where the term 'dancing with the one-legged man' on Smells Like Children came from, because whenever anyone was doing drugs we called it the 'dance of the one-legged man.' That became a ritualistic thing that was funny for awhile. — Marilyn Manson

Sorry, I didn't know that you had a vagina, I'll refrain from using vulgar words for now on. How about it smells like pee pee and poo poo, with a little bit of spew, is that better?"
"You're a real character, you know that?"
"Thanks, I try," she says. "Now, let's get the shi-stuff and get out of here."
"Fine," I say. "But for future reference, I like it better when you curse. It's pretty funny to see a pissed off Tinkerbell." I run from the baseball mitt being hurled at my head, laughing all the way . — Katelin LaMontagne

Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make ...
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever ...
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old? — Gena Showalter

Alec licked his spoon, then set it on the table and popped his drink open. "Okay, I may be breaking some kind of girl bonding rule or something, but can I offer you a guy's perspective on this?"
I frowned, my spoon halfway to my mouth. "Is this gonna make me want to hit you?"
He shrugged. "Maybe. But it's the truth. Here goes: kissing back is an instinct. Unless the girl smells like a sewer or has tentacles feeling you up independently, a guy's first instinct is to kiss back. That's how it works. What's important is how long that kissing back lasted. So ... how long? — Rachel Vincent

One way an author dies a little each day is when his books go out of print. — William Goldman

Considering what a hot, wed dog smells like, dog stew has a surprisingly savory odor To tell the truth, it tastes pretty good, like oxtail. To be perfectly honest, it's delicious. (Anything about this to my golden retriever, and I'll punch your lights out.) — P. J. O'Rourke

Not content with the liberal creed of equality of rights, of equality before the law, the socialist State would trample on such equality on behalf of the monstrous and impossible goal of equality or uniformity of results--or rather, would erect a new privileged elite, a new class, in the name of bringing about such an impossible equality. Socialism was a confused and hybrid movement because it tried to achieve the lbieral goals of freedom, peace and industrial harmony and growth--goals which can only be achieved through liberty and the seperation of government from virtuallty--by imposting the old conservative means of statism, collectivism, and hierarchical privilege. — Murray N. Rothbard

You always feel quite vulnerable when you're naked on a set. You feel quite silly, actually. And with the green screen around you, it's not that sexy. But, it looks stunning. It's art. It's not vulgar. It's not indecent. It's not realistic. It's beautiful, I think. — Eva Green

People associate long hair with drug use. I wish people associated long hair with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake!" "He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?" — Mitch Hedberg

Then the rest of my men and I will make a run for the train tracks." "Not without me guiding you, you're not," Novak said. "Obviously. The jokes about the most dangerous thing in the military being a lieutenant with a map exist for a reason." Cleasby — Larry Correia

Why? Why should the bond between a people and their baseball team be so intense? Fenway Park is a part of it, offering a physical continuum to the bond, not only because Papi can stand in the same batter's box as Teddy Ballgame, but also because a son might sit in the same wooden-slat seat as his father. — Tom Verducci

Wrong turns teach us the right way. — David Mitchell

The man who, despite the teaching of Scripture, tries to pray without a Savior, insults the deity. — Charles Spurgeon

I'm sick of them. I never want to see them again. Except Aros; he smells nice. And Rome; because he's so strong I'm pretty sure not even Rau can get past him. I don't need the others. Except Siret. I'm pretty sure he hates me, but he's really good at catching me like just before I face-plant into something. But the others, I don't need them. Not at all." I paused, my brow furrowing, my mouth pursing, and then I quickly blurted, "Except Coen and Yael. Coen is really good at making decisions, and if I leave out Yael he'll probably hunt me down and haunt me-"
"That's all of them," Emmy interrupted smoothly. — Jaymin Eve

Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. — P. J. O'Rourke

I think a lot of humor is about distracting yourself. Pretend you're not trying to make it funny. Because for some reason the effort to be funny smells like sulphur in our culture. — Sloane Crosley

Stevie Wonder always smells so good ... I'm like a DEA dog, I can smell people a block away! — Gloria Estefan

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts. — Demetri Martin

Now, even when I make an outfit for myself, I wonder what other people will think. The truth is that I secretly love what seems to be my own individuality, and I hope I always will, but fully embodying it is another matter. I always want everyone to think I am a good girl. Whenever I am around a lot of people, it is amazing how obsequious I can be. I fib and chatter away, saying things I don't want to or mean in any way. I feel like it is to my advantage to do so. I hate it. I hope for a revolution in ethics and morals. Then, my obsequiousness and this need to plod through life according to others' expectations would simply dissolve. Oh, — Osamu Dazai

That's what love is, Georgie. Accidental damage protection. — Rainbow Rowell

I have withered within me all human hope. With every silent leap of a sullen beast, I have downed and strangled every joy.
I have called for executioners; I want to perish chewing on their gun butts. I have called for plagues, to suffocate in sand and blood. Unhappiness has been my god. I have lain down in the mud, and dried myself off in the crime-infested air. I have played the fool to the point of madness. — Arthur Rimbaud

My sanity threatened to take a holiday without me. — Maria V. Snyder

Breathe, Cassie, breathe. He has a good face. Not the face of someone who wants to hurt you. If he wanted to hurt you, he wouldn't have brought you here and stuck an IV in you to keep you hydrated, and the sheets feel nice and clean, and so what took your clothes and dressed you in this cotton nightie, what did you expect him to do? Your clothes were filthy, like you, only you're not anymore, and your skin smells a little like lilacs, which means holy Christ he BATHED you. — Rick Yancey