Smartass Quotes & Sayings

Smartass Disciple: Master, what is the secret recipe of your happiness?
Master of Stupidity: If I tell you, there is nobody left to be made fun of. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, that guy's teaching is somehow annoying me.
Master of Stupidity: Only as long as you stay tuned for pissed-off channel. — Toba Beta

Are you always a smartass?' Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep. — Jim Butcher

Don't try dodgin' me again, Gwen," he warned, and I tensed at his tone. "Your friend's man is a cop or not, I'll come and get you. You almost got dead today. That's twice in a week. That shit's gonna stop and it isn't Tack who's gonna make it stop for you. Got me?" "I'll quit being a smartass if you quit being so bossy. — Kristen Ashley

Smartass Disciple: Master, what did you do to earn wisdom ?
Master of Stupidity: Well, I forget. Shit happened, life goes on. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, can you trust this bank to keep your money safe?
Master of Stupidity: Well, I can put a bit less distrust on this bank than others. — Toba Beta

I'm totally crazy, I know that. I don't say that to be a smartass, but I know that that's the very essence of what makes my work good. And I know my work is good. Not everybody likes it, that's fine. I don't do it for everybody. Or anybody. I do it because I can't not do it. — Maurice Sendak

Smartass Disciple: Master, why do some people so stubborn and unruly ?
Master of Stupidity: Only when you want them do according to your wish. — Toba Beta

Don't be a smart ass!
Smartass die first!! — Deyth Banger

Smartass Disciple: Master, I want to be the better me by forgetting my past.
Master of Stupidity: If you just forget it, how would you measure you're better? — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Does stupidity a sin?
Master of Stupidity: No stupidity, no sin. — Toba Beta

Idiots are of two kinds: those who try to be smart and those who think they are smart. — Raheel Farooq

Our relationship wasn't easy. It wasn't mellow. It wasn't comfortable and sedate. He was too bossy and I was too much of a smartass. We bantered and sometimes we fought. But I'd learned I was completely unable to endure Hawk being mad at me and then I'd noticed that Hawk felt the same. No grudges were ever held. We created sparks but those sparks never caught the kind of fire that could do damage. Instead, we got over it and moved on. — Kristen Ashley

I got body snatched by an alien." McClane grumbled a protest. "A sentient alien armor and weapons system," Riley clarified. "Very sophisticated. Very unique. Very much a smartass. His name's McClane — J. Fally

Science can't predict what stories my children's great grandchildren will tell. The ultimate story about the experience of our journey into consciousness is a closed book to theologians and scientists alike, but it is not a book without promise. At this point we've barely cracked the introduction, and already smartass scientists and theologians pretend they know not just how the story started but how it ends - and worse - what it means or doesn't mean. — Frank Schaeffer

Smartass Disciple: How the hell do we find the truth ?
Master of Stupidity: Just seek it with hope it'll find you. — Toba Beta

She glanced down and saw that a glove of blood covered her lower arm from the elbow to the wrist. The arm
was throbbing, stiff, and painful.
"Is this when you start tearing strips off your T-shirt to bind up my wound?" she joked.
She hated the sight of blood, especially her own.
"If you wanted me to rip my clothes off, you should have just asked." He dug into his pocket and brought out
his stele. "It would have been a lot less painful. — Cassandra Clare

Smartass Disciple: Master, I want to eradicate all corruptions in this world.
Master of Stupidity: Let it be a bit! Otherwise you'll make us jobless for good. — Toba Beta

You're injured." He flicks his chin at my bleeding leg.
"We need to get that cleaned up."
"It'll be fine," I wave it off. "My mom will descend upon me with a bottle of
peroxide the second I hit the door. — M.A. George

Smartass Disciple: Master, how could I know that you've told me the whole truth?
Master of Stupidity: Someday. [Never on earth. Otherwise I'd lose you and my job] — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, please show me the way to the enlightenment.
Master of Stupidity: Walk with me! [but I won't let you try to surpass me]. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, you should teach people not to do war to each other.
Master of Stupidity: I should teach people how to win their minds of their wars. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: My master, please show me how to be a wise man!
Master of Stupidity: I can't. But I can show you how to do something wisely. — Toba Beta

Emma pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Okay, here's a really bad analogy for you. Aidan is like the Indy 500 of Sex, and I need someone who is more - "
"Bumper cars?" Casey asked.
"I was going to say the slow lane, smartass. — Katie Ashley

For God's sake, get down off the cross - someone else needs the wood." He grinned widely. "I always wanted to be able to use that." "Smartass," I retorted. "Well, Christ on the cross didn't groan as much as you are. — Andrew Grey

I would rather give full vent to all human loves and disappointments, and take a chance on being corny, than die a smartass. — Jim Harrison

You don't have something smartass you want to add? — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Jehovah's Witness? Don't sweat it. I'm going to hell, already booked my ticket. Bright side? I'm pagan. Your hell is my heaven ... if for no other reason than you won't be there. — Dennis Sharpe

Smartass Disciple: Master, why God let human did sins in the beginning?
Master of Stupidity: If the saviour must come, why should He prevent that? — Toba Beta

Please, Eve, these public displays of affection must stop. I have a reputation."
"Keep it up, ace, and I'll give you a public display of affection that'll have you limping for a week."
"Now I'm excited. — J.D. Robb

Smartass Disciple: Master, I feel really really confused about the truth.
Master of Stupidity: Only confused? Walk in my shoes then you tell me. — Toba Beta

Are you talking to her or me, because I just can't tell — Jessica Sorensen

Hey, T-Rex? Remind me next time I want to get smartass with you that it's a really stupid move on my part? (Talon)
Oh, no, you don't, you wuss. You told me the next time you saw Ash you were going to ask him if he'd seen the movie 10,000 BC and if it'd made him homesick. (Wulf) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Smartass Disciple: Master, where is exactly the edge of this universe ?
Master of Stupidity: Edge is wherever the absence of universal gravity. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, why should people love each other ?
Master of Stupidity: Well, orgasm is felt better than kill each other. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: I've been searching for so long.I still can't find the truth.
Master of Stupidity: Until you've lost and felt desperate, you won't be found. — Toba Beta

Hubris is when God screws you over for being a smartass. — Raymond L. Atkins

Smartass Disciple: Three years! I've listened you preaching just for this silly truth?
Master of Stupidity: Who said I was preaching? Who said anything about the truth? — Toba Beta

I like smartasses, because I can be smartass back and rashy. — Blake Butler

If you can't acquaint an opponent with reason, you must acquaint his head with the sidewalk. — Lee Child

You'd be amazed to discover all the tangible things that can come out of dreams." "Like drool? — Catherine Lowell

Have you noticed we can breathe in here too?
Gosh, I wouldn't have picked up on that. — Dan Abnett

I remind myself that if there was anything in the air that would react with my body, it would've reacted with the scanner. What I really want right now is a second scanner to scan this scanner. — Hugh Howey

Logan lifted an eyebrow, looked at me, then back to Nate. That really touched me. I have no smartass comment to follow that. — Tijan

Smartass Disciple: Where were all things before the time began?
Master of Stupidity: What was the time before all things created? — Toba Beta

Always a smartass, I thought, even in the worst situations. I think I kind of loved him just for that. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Smartass Disciple: Master, I believe that the truth will prevail at the end.
Master of Stupidity: No 'the end' for the truth. 'Prevail' is something else. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, how do I know that I am not dreaming right now ?
Master of Stupidity: You don't. Only those who see you're dreaming can tell it. — Toba Beta

I'm that annoying?"
"Well, you have pretty sharp mouth."
"I don't want to sound like a smartass, but sir I can't handle my own smartassness for being uncontrollably sparkling from me and mentally hurts you due to its awesomeness. I'm just unbelievably genius. Dummies like you call us 'crazy' but it's such a strong word."
"See? That's why people hates you." "And 'us'?"
"I'm pretty sure I'm not the only living genius. — Rea Lidde

All my friends seem to be smart arses. Don't ask me why. Like many things, it is what it is. — Markus Zusak

Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn't judge others?
Master of Stupidity: Don't! Unless you are paid for it. — Toba Beta

I also gotta tell ya that you look pretty hot in your black swimming suit you're wearing." Tucker looking behind me, I'm sure at my butt.
I started laughing so hard; my face flamed up and burned my cheeks from my smile.
"It's a leotard, Tucker," I smirked.
"Oh, you're such a smartass," Just then, Tucker grabbed me and held me up in his strong arms and I was able to wrap my legs around his waist. — Nichele Reese

Smartass Disciple: But, you said that it's the truth??
Master of Stupidity: O Yes. That is yesterday's truth. — Toba Beta

I shopped,"she said
"Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
"Smartass. — J.D. Robb

I listen, and it's Taylor explaining to Martin that she wasn't necessarily trying to get a gap between her thighs, but it's her metabolism, and she didn't even realize that some girls try to get the gap on purpose. Martin nods and scratches his head and looks bored. "She can't help her metabolism, Simon," Abby says. "Apparently not," Taylor may be an undercover, bully-fighting ninja, but she's still kind of awful. — Becky Albertalli

It's why we oppose Citizens United from that right-wing Supreme Court. In 2012, I also said the Tea Party "acted like terrorists" and called a donut shop manager in Milwaukee who wanted lower taxes a "smartass." And I said the number one issue is a three-letter word, J-O-B-S." I'm proud of who I am. — Joe Biden

Smartass Disciple: Master, why there was no second chance in garden of eden?
Master of Stupidity: Of course. Perhaps, human can only enjoy one-time virginity. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, do you really believe in the second chance?
Master of Stupidity: That supports the basis of lost-then-found concept. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, I don't need a fairytale.I need you to tell me the truth.
Master of Stupidity: It is not funny if you just found it. No drama if no lost at first. — Toba Beta

Don't. I'm all sweaty and bloody," I protested.
"Heavens, not sweat and blood," he replied mockingly. I managed to smile. Smartass vampire. — Jeaniene Frost

We'll call ourselves Victorious Secret and our motto will be 'We Live to Spank You.' Duuude. Yes! I'm basically the smartest person in the world. Ever. You in? Of course you're in. Practice begins tomorrow. — Gena Showalter

You're arrogant, domineering, egotistical, and disdainful of the law."
He lifted one amused brow. "And your point would be? — J.D. Robb

A stupid person can make only certain, limited types of errors; the mistakes open to a clever fellow are far broader. But to the one who knows how smart he is compared to everyone else, the possibilities for true idiocy are boundless. — Steven Brust

Smartass Disciple: What were said for things before the time exist?
Master of Stupidity: No words to be said by no man at no time at all. — Toba Beta

Tanner: I think that I might kiss you to keep your lips busy with something other than insulting me.
Ella: If you think you can do it without getting lost. — Melissa Lemon

I think I fell in love with you," Rhys murmured, stroking a finger down my arm, "the moment I realized you were cleaving those bones to make a trap for the Middengard Wyrm. Or maybe the moment you flipped me off for mocking you. It reminded me so much of Cassian. For the first time in decades, I wanted to laugh." "You fell in love with me," I said flatly, "because I reminded you of your friend?" He flicked my nose. "I fell in love with you, smartass, because you were one of us - because you weren't afraid of me, and you decided to end your spectacular victory by throwing that piece of bone at Amarantha like a javelin. I felt Cassian's spirit beside me in that moment, and could have sworn I heard him say, 'If you don't marry her, you stupid prick, I will.' " I huffed a laugh, sliding my paint-covered hand over his tattooed chest. Paint - right. We were both covered in it. So was the bed. Rhys — Sarah J. Maas

In the vast game of Darwinian musical chairs, whenever the music stopped there were large numbers of people without a seat - and some smartass had sold them guns. — Daniel Suarez

You are all wave particles when I close my eyes. I am no more entranced by your entanglement than a butterfly is to a bee. — Solange Nicole

She looked into Matt's eyes. 'Even so, I love you.'
Matt smiled at her and winked. 'I know.'
Celeste and Julie both smacked him.
'This would be an appropriate time not to be a dork or a smartass,' Julie said.
Celeste popped her head into the front seat. 'Be the hero, Matty. Come on. You're supposed to be the hero now. The romantic lead.'
'I know that, too,' he said. Matt did not hesitate a moment longer. 'Julie, I love you. I absolutely love you.'
'Good,' Celeste said, satisfied. 'Now it's time to jump. — Jessica Park

And you never struck me as the suicidal type, smartass. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

A smart terminal is not a smartass terminal, but rather a terminal you can educate. — Rob Pike

Smartass Disciple: Master, I'm going to change the whole world.
Master of Stupidity: It changes within you. It changes without you. — Toba Beta

It startled him even more when just after he was awarded the Galactic Institute's Prize for Extreme Cleverness he got lynched by a rampaging mob of respectable physicists who had finally realized that the one thing they really couldn't stand was a smartass. — Douglas Adams

Smartass Disciple: Master, what will happen to the men right after their death ?
Master of Stupidity: They live with a same or different part of their consciousness. — Toba Beta

It's an expensive place. The cheapest salad is twenty-five dollars."
"I hope that comes with extra croutons and a hand job. — Andrea Speed

Smartass Disciple: What were you thinking when the truth is revealed unto you?
Master of Stupidity: I wasn't thinking. I was having sex when it came to my mind. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: Master, tell me what is it beyond this universe ?
Master of Stupidity: No 'space' in no 'gravity'. No 'thing' in spaceless. — Toba Beta

There's nothing worse than a smartass who pretends not to understand hyperbole. — Steven Brust

Eve "I shopped,"she said
Roarke "Dear God! Are you all right? Should I call for the MTs?"
Eve "Smartass. — J.D. Robb

Smartass Disciple: Master, how do you heal the broken heart?
Master of Stupidity: It isn't a disease need to be healed. It's life. — Toba Beta

Now how do we know you're really from Edenton?" he said.
"And the point of lying would be?" Gabriel asked. "So we could have a complete stranger chauffeur us to another complete stranger's house for proper English tea at," he looked at a clock on the bookshelf, "two in the morning? Mia, he's discovered our nefarious plan."
Edgar rubbed his black shorn hair and squinted at Gabriel "Smartass teenagers. My favorite. — Elisa Nader

Even Christian - the poster child for "smartass" - looked grim. — Richelle Mead

Smartass is a latent idiot. — Toba Beta

Anyone who discounts you is a dumbass," I muttered as the golf cart jerked forward.
"And are you a dumbass?" the Pigeon inquired as she peeked under the tarp.
"Absolutely not ... I'm a smartass. — Robyn Peterman

You gonna put on your big-girl panties and fight with the boys, now?" He looked over his shoulder as if he expected me to blush or something.
"Who says I wear panties?"
I was certain that he flushed red this time. Laughing, I left him shaking his head and went on inside to find the Kid. We had work to do. — Faith Hunter

Smartass Disciple: Master, what do say about the truth itself ?
Master of Stupidity: Like sex, no fun anymore if all is revealed. — Toba Beta

I jerk my head toward Thomas and immediately curse myself for trying to be a smartass. My head is not healthy enough for smartassery. — Kendare Blake

Smartass Disciple: Master, why heaven is up there and hell is down there ?
Master of Stupidity: If otherwise, it wouldn't be celebrated as ascension day. — Toba Beta

Smartass Disciple: If there were two masters, which one should I listen to?
Master of Stupidity: Use the ears to the one who looks so stupid, eyes to else. — Toba Beta

I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been. — David Letterman

I like my money, and if you mess with it, I fuck with you."
I raised my eyebrow. "You want to fuck with Alec?"
"What? No, that's not what I meant."
"But you said you-"
"I know what I said you smartass, — L.A. Casey

I'll be at your place tonight, seven thirty."
"Does seven thirty mean our reservation is at eight?"
"Eight fifteen, in case we hit traffic or weather."
"Will this mean you'll turn into a pumpkin on the way back, considering we'll probably get home past your bedtime?"
Silence then, "Now she gives me smartass and it's still fuckin' cute." — Kristen Ashley

I guess I can put two and two together."
"Sometimes the answer's four," I said, "and sometimes it's twenty-two ... — Dashiell Hammett

Please don't let it be really hot here.' New Orleans in August was about as hot as he wanted to deal with. And he definitely didn't want to smell rotten eggs for eternity. He'd had enough of Kyrian's dirty laundry for that. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I forgive you, but only because you said 'please.'"
Smartass, I thought. Then I groaned at the instant chorus of "Please!" mixed with cries for release from Vlad's prisoners. No wonder he got so sick of the word.
"I'm only merciful to one person a day," he threw over his shoulder. "As the saying goes, today isn't your day and tomorrow doesn't look good, either. — Jeaniene Frost

Smartass Disciple: If you are really a master, then make me see miracles!
Master of Stupidity: Go to sleep and dream, then wake up thirty years later! — Toba Beta

Sway says you've been taking really good care of him for me. (Claria)
Well, his mom did a great job housebreaking him, so he doesn't require too much work. Not to mention Vik doesn't mind walking him once a day. It's all good. (Devyn)
You're such a smartass. (Claria) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

I don't try to be completely calculating in everything I say and do, but there's no way I'm going to talk. There's no reason to. And that's why I'm such a boring interview, because I don't go for the shock value, or smartass answers. — Chris O'Donnell

Roan tried not to stare, but the guard's head was almost perfectly egg shaped. He wanted to ask him if he'd ever had a hen sit on him by mistake. — Andrea Speed

Smartass Disciple: Please teach me about the truth, master.
Master of Stupidity: Hmmm ... tell me about your sexperience! — Toba Beta