Smart Humour Quotes & Sayings

You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown. — Ljupka Cvetanova

I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt. — Lois Greiman

You hit me again," I said, growing oddly annoyed.
"Ya think?" Evil Riggs said. Smart-ass.
"Part of my brain hurts. I demand to know what that part of my brain is called and what its job is. — Darynda Jones

Yes, but none of them can steal my ship.
None of them are smart enough to know that it was the right thing to do at the time. — Howard Tayler

There's one thing you don't put in a trap, if you're smart, if you value your continued existance, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never ever put in a trap.
And what would that be sir?
Me — Russell T. Davies

If I could pray with my cock, I'd be much more religious — George R R Martin

As he grew older, which was mostly in my absence, my firstborn son, Alexander, became ever more humorous and courageous. There came a time, as the confrontation with the enemies of our civilization became more acute, when he sent off various applications to enlist in the armed forces. I didn't want to be involved in this decision either way, especially since I was being regularly taunted for not having 'sent' any of my children to fight in the wars of resistance that I supported. (As if I could 'send' anybody, let alone a grown-up and tough and smart young man: what moral imbeciles the 'anti-war' people have become.) — Christopher Hitchens

Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV? — Bruce Coville

When did you get so smart?"
He tapped his forehead. "Brain transplant. They put in a whale's. I'm passing all my classes with my eyes closed now, but I just can't get over this craving for krill." He shrugged. "And I feel sorry for the whale that got my brain. Probably swimming around Florida now trying to catch glimpses of girls in bikinis. — Maggie Stiefvater

Research shows that most of the decisions are made within the first four minutes, far too soon for personality and intelligence to be properly assessed. Among the characteristics that emerge as favorable are self-assurance, eye contact, enthusiasm, cologne, a firm handshake and spectacles. Humour may be beneficial but not if it comes across as smart-arse, competitive or hostile. — Glen Wilson

Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time. — Scott Adams

Boys don't make passes at female smart asses. — Letty Cottin Pogrebin

Of course I'm smart. What were you expecting-'Lordy, Mr. Lawyer Man, I don't know nuthin' 'bout filin' no injunction'? Please, Alayna muttered. — Karyn Langhorne Folan

Do you think anyone found out about that?" B. J. Asks, sounding nervous.
"Found out about what?" I ask, trying to imagine why I would say that to my fake girlfriend. Maybe if she asked "Do you think anyone found out about that?" meaning, "Do you think anyone found out about us having sex in my parents' bed?" or something. I hope Courtney is smart enough to infer that that's what is probably going on. I wonder if it would be going too far to actually come out and say, "You mean about the doggie-style we had?"
"Found out about the pot we bought!" B. J. Says, sounding exasperated. He's been sounding exasperated with me a lot lately. — Lauren Barnholdt