Silverman Quotes & Sayings

When you're a comic, it's like being born gay. It's what you want to do every night when your other friends are out at night going to parties. — Sarah Silverman

The original 'Caddyshack' with Chevy Chase and Bill Murray is one of the best comedies ever made. — Jonathan Silverman

I'm doing stuff on Kaballah and Scientology and a little bit more racial stuff, for good measure. — Sarah Silverman

Also, I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn't matter, you know ... because, at the end of the day, they're both gross. But mostly, I learned that elderly black women are wise beyond their years ... but younger black women are prostitutes. — Sarah Silverman

I don't compromise. I only do the stuff I want to do. — Sarah Silverman

I think the difference between being miserable and finding happiness is just a matter of perspective. If you live your life defining yourself by what other people think of you, it's a form of self-torture. — Sarah Silverman

I happen to think that there are already tons of perfectly good babies out there already born. — Sarah Silverman

I felt bad for the girls in my school, who flocked to prom like it was the second coming of Christ, complete with double-rainbows and unicorns. — G.G. Silverman

I think maybe I became funny because as a kid, I was a Jew in a town of no Jews, and being funny just instinctively came about as a way to put people at ease around me. — Sarah Silverman

We deserve quality lives with equality. — Sarah Silverman

Atheism is an effect of that knowledge [a poll showed atheists knew more about religion than anyone else], not a lack of knowledge. I gave a bible to my daughter. That is how you make atheists. — David Silverman

My growing up years, we watched 'Happy Days,' every night. I don't know what was reruns and what was new. — Sarah Silverman

The worst thing that can happen for people who don't want women to be strong is that we help each other and become a force. — Sarah Silverman

Any dope with a checkbook can buy a company. It's what you do afterward that matters. — Henry Silverman

This is AIDS. AIDS is as real as an egg. — Sarah Silverman

I tend to be more arrogant on stage. Far more ignorant. I sometimes say what I think and sometimes say the opposite of what I think and the lines get blurred, but I can only hope that some kind of absolute power transcends. — Sarah Silverman

I am wedded to who I am. — Burton Silverman

I have no religion, but I can't escape being extremely Jewish ethnically - that is, culturally. In other words, I'm not religious, but I worry and I'm neurotic. And I'm very good with money. — Sarah Silverman

Comics who grew up surviving their childhood by being able to be the first one to make the joke about their weight or their hairy arms - like me - whatever they're insecure about, whatever they're apologizing for, that becomes their strength. — Sarah Silverman

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second. — Sarah Silverman

I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion. — Sarah Silverman

I like my messiness on stage, though I watch comics who come at a joke from every angle and I think, 'Yeah! That's how it's done!' But for me it's the audience. If I feel connected to them, I have so much fun, and if not, it stinks. — Sarah Silverman

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am - I'm white! — Sarah Silverman

I'll tell you why we make fun of midgets: We're not afraid of them. — Sarah Silverman

I definitely think that prescription drugs, like antidepressants, are prescribed so cavalierly, anyone can get anything, but I need it. I do think that it needs to work hand and hand with therapy. — Sarah Silverman

I remember my first standup act when I was seventeen; I did a really lame song about being flat chested. I was doing it in New York, and I remember Kevin Brennan, the guy I lost my virginity to, was like "That song doesn't make sense, you have tits." — Sarah Silverman

I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl. — Sarah Silverman

You want to make people laugh and by virtue of that please them, but when you're instructed to make people laugh and please them, you're too resentful to do it. — Sarah Silverman

I buy water at the liquor store across the street from where I live. So I'm walking into the door, and standing, loitering, outside the door is a man. And I walk by him to go in, and he says, I want pussy! Now, I don't want to seem conceited or anything, but he was talking about me! — Sarah Silverman

As a kid, I was terrified. I was a bed wetter, and I had to go to sleepaway camp every summer, which was humiliating and terrifying. I had lots of insecurities and scaredness. — Sarah Silverman

The female nudity in movies is always sexualized. — Sarah Silverman

I think Jews tend to hold me in fairly high regard. — Sarah Silverman

You might think that the most sensitive, empathetic person would make the best social worker, but that person would end up being soup on the floor. It really takes someone strong - someone, dare I say, with a big fat wall up - to work in a pool of heartbreak all day and not want to fucking kill yourself. — Sarah Silverman

That's not to say that I don't find anything offensive. — Sarah Silverman

If I were somebody else looking at my character, I'd be like, "She's beautiful." I'm practicing. I'm not succeeding. — Sarah Silverman

You know, I think whatever a comic talks about onstage is all they talk about offstage. — Sarah Silverman

I can't believe how much time has passed. The first time I did stand-up I was 17, and I was really a stand-up once I was 19 in New York, and now I'm 41, and I still feel like I haven't found myself onstage. — Sarah Silverman

If you decide to do comedy that involves risk, risk means risk, and you can't complain of flesh wounds if you sit down at the table to play. — Sarah Silverman

What I am doing is not giving religion respect that it wants but it doesn't deserve. I respect people; I respect humans. I do not respect religion. And I do not respect the idea that religion deserves respect. ["Atheist organizer takes 'movement' to nation's capital", Belief Blog (CNN), 23 March 2012] — David Silverman

Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks. — Sarah Silverman

When my father first came home from college, he sat my grandparents down to tell them some very serious news. They followed him quizzically into the living room, and from the bantam couch stared up at their nervous, pacing son.
"I'm gay," he announced.
They sat stunned for a moment, and just as his mother started to cry he said,
"Just kidding. I smoke. — Sarah Silverman

A bull in just about any shop is gonna be a mess. — Sarah Silverman

I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in. — Virginia Woolf

If we can send a person to the moon, we can send someone with AIDS to the moon, and then someday we can send everybody with AIDS to the moon. — Sarah Silverman

And then before going back for my sophomore year, I decided to change my major to arts and sciences, and my dad cut a deal with me: He said if I'd quit school he'd pay my rent for the next three years, as if I were in school. — Sarah Silverman

At some point, I figured that it would be more effective and far funnier to embrace the ugliest, most terrifying things in the world
the Holocaust, racism, rape, et cetera. But for the sake of comedy, and the comedian's personal sanity, this requires a certain emotional distance. It's akin to being a shrink or a social worker. you might think that the most sensitive, empathetic person would make the best social worker, but that person would end up being soup on the floor. It really takes someone strong
someone, dare I say, with a big fat wall up
to work in a pool of heartbreak all day and not want to fucking kill yourself. But adopting a persona at once ignorant and arrogant allowed me to say what I didn't mean, even preach the opposite of what I believed. For me, it was a funny way to be sincere. And like the jokes in a roast, the hope is that the genuine sentiment
maybe even a goodness underneath the joke (however brutal) transcends. — Sarah Silverman

The abolition of slavery, apart from preservation of the Union, was the most important result of our Civil War. But the transition was badly handled. Slaves were simply declared free and then left to their own devises. Southern Negroes, powerless, continued to be underprivileged in education, medical care, job opportunities and political status. — William Silverman

If you sell the Vatican and you take that money and you use it to feed every single human being on the planet, you will get cah-azy pussy. All the pussy. I don't mean literally. That might not be your cup of tea. I don't know what your version of 'all the pussy' is. But you'll get all the pussy. — Sarah Silverman

I just look like a transvestite when I try to dress up. There's no place to hide my balls. — Sarah Silverman

I had a lot of depression as a kid. — Sarah Silverman

The anxiety of being in Heather's stuff was stress-gravy on an already terror-filled plate. — Sarah Silverman

Everyone's got their own velocity, and there's no real time frame with comedy. — Sarah Silverman

I'm always in those tabloids where they show who's badly dressed. It's funny, because each time I'm getting my picture taken, I'm thinking, This is a nice outfit. — Sarah Silverman

I think I've been called edgy - but in all honesty, there is a safety in what I do because I'm always the idiot. Unless you're just listening to buzz words and not taking into account the context of the situation, you see I'm always the ignoramus. — Sarah Silverman

I do love the idea of ritual. — Sarah Silverman

I have heard many times that atheists know more about religion than religious people. Atheism is an effect of that knowledge, not a lack of knowledge. I gave a Bible to my daughter. That's how you make atheists. — David Silverman

I love children. I'm embarrassingly baby-crazy. — Sarah Silverman

Atheists are the fastest-growing religious subgroup in all fifty states. There are more atheists in this country than there are Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and Buddhists combined and doubled. ["Unbelievable! Atheists to Rally in Record Numbers", Forbes, 21 March 2012] — David Silverman

Now you're in a meeting. — Sarah Silverman

Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you! — Sarah Silverman

My dad was a bedwetter; I think his dad was a bedwetter. I like to talk about it because it's something that I thought would be my deepest, darkest secret my whole life, and then you become an adult, and it's not. — Sarah Silverman

I don't like people whose job it isn't to be funny, to tell me what is and isn't funny. — Sarah Silverman

I think when you're 25 you're still finding yourself, and you should have the freedom of that. — Sarah Silverman

It's not cold in here, you're just dying. — Sarah Silverman

I'm wildly different than Maria Bamford or Sarah Silverman, and might be more similar to some male comics. — Jen Kirkman

The first time I did stand-up was the summer I was 17. — Sarah Silverman

Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist. — Sarah Silverman

Everyone self-Googles. And, I have, of course, the Google alert. — Sarah Silverman

I am stuck with my passion for the objective world, for the constantly shifting shades of meaning to the events of my life, to the states of being of the people I paint, and to the persistent need to get it right. — Burton Silverman

I do love science. My father is a scientist. — Allison Silverman

All comics want to be musicians. There's a part of me that wants to be a serious musician. I love songs about heartache and heartbreak. — Sarah Silverman

I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldn't be the bad guy in the joke; he couldn't upset people, really. — Anthony Jeselnik

I've met a surprising number of comedy writers whose parents are scientists. Both have an antiauthoritarian slant - they're both skeptics. — Allison Silverman

Like I said about Seinfeld and Chris Rock, they're a great combination of brilliance and hard work. [But] there are people who are brilliant and don't work hard, and there are people who are brilliant and sabotage themselves — Sarah Silverman

See? This was how he'd gotten me to fall in love with him. At times like this he made me feel like the most treasured woman in the world. "So you don't remember doing this to me? Naked? In the shower? On the bed? On the floor?" With Matt Damon? Okay, how had the Sarah Silverman video gotten in my
head, now of all times? — Gena Showalter

I am 39 years old, and I still wake up every morning really excited I don't have to go to school. — Sarah Silverman

I don't think there is a woman in her 40s who doesn't, kind of, examine herself in the mirror ... — Sarah Silverman

We're all idealists," said Lord Silverman, smoothing over the conflict like a good host. "That's why we're in politics. People without ideals don't bother. But we have to confront the realities of elections and public opinion. — Ken Follett

The believers who say they are praying for me are victims of a lie and think they are doing something good; I let them know they are not. I tell them to imagine I had a newfangled gun that forcibly turned religious people into atheists. I tell them the gun didn't really work, but I thought it did. Let's say I decided to force them to be atheists, so I pointed the atheist gun at them and pulled the trigger. Would they think that was a nice thing to do? Would they appreciate my effort, or would they feel assaulted? When you pray for me, you are asking your god to change me. You are asking your god to forcibly enter my life and my brain and change my way of thinking (using euphemisms such as asking God to "open my heart to Jesus" is evidence of the intent of the assault). — David Silverman

I don't set out to offend or shock, but I also don't do anything to avoid it. — Sarah Silverman

I'm a native of L.A. I've seen the city change and develop over time, and I still believe there's no place like home. — Jonathan Silverman

One thing about writing 'The Sarah Silverman Program' was the concern that I don't give myself the best story, you know what I mean? — Brian Posehn

I was always the class clown; I made my family laugh, and that was when I was always happiest. I grew up listening to stand-up comedians' albums and watching them on TV, on 'The Tonight Show' and Letterman. — Sarah Silverman

I do remember with great pleasure, if not terribly clearly, a play by Richard Foreman with music by Stanley Silverman called Hotel For Criminals, which I saw in a sinisterly suitable mansion in the cultured wilds of western Massachusetts in the summer of 1974, and which could be described as based loosely on Fantomas. — Edward Gorey

I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health. — Sarah Silverman

I don't get this shitty attitude that only gays should care about gay issues and only women should care about women's issues. — Sarah Silverman

I don't want to make any judgments, and I don't want to preach, but I'm hoping that marriage can work: that when people do fall in love, when people do find their soul mate, everyone sticks to it. It has the potential to be a very powerful thing, marriage. — Jonathan Silverman

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing. — Sarah Silverman

My dad loves to be talked about, good or bad. He just loves it. He's not even hearing the content, he's just hearing him. When I'm onstage, he's looking at the audience members and can't believe that there are strangers listening to me, and he's just delighted by the whole thing. — Sarah Silverman

My comedy notebooks are filled with random journal entries. It's all the same. I can look back on old joke notebooks, and know exactly what was going on in my life. — Sarah Silverman

Women know intuitively when they are being devalued. (121) — Robyn Silverman

Look at the people who are kind of the funniest cultures, they're the cultures of the people who have been the most oppressed, black people and Jews. Not that they're the only funny people, but culturally, it comes from the pain, you know? — Sarah Silverman

HE BROKE HIS NOSE GIVING A FAKE BLOWJOB. Holy shit. I love that story with every part of me. — Sarah Silverman

I think it's a very legitimate aspect of American life to criticize and to disagree and to debate. But I want to say I think it's a lie to say that the president lied to the American people. I sat on the Robb-Silverman Commission. I saw many, many analysts that came before that committee. I asked every one of them-I said, 'Did-were you ever pressured politically or any other way to change your analysis of the situation as you saw?' Every one of them said no. — John McCain

When you're a bed wetter there's only one group of people you can feel better than, bed shitters, and unfortunately they're hard to come by. — Sarah Silverman

Earlier in my career, I was really tight, really together, and knew who I was and I was confident. I kind of feel in between now. — Sarah Silverman

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore. — Sarah Silverman

If women could ejaculate, I would have exploded hot jizz all over my manager's face. Instead, I hugged him. (about getting the SNL gig as a writer) — Sarah Silverman

When God gives you AIDS - and God does give you AIDS, by the way - make lemonAIDS. — Sarah Silverman

Take lots of time for yourself, discovering yourself-pursue not only a profession but other life passions, I always make time to rock climb or hike or write a few short stories. Also, find good people and surround yourself with them. Most importantly, always believe you will, unequivocally. — Sarah Silverman