Shaving Humor Quotes & Sayings

I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick. — Libba Bray

I had only four hairs worth shaving, but I managed to inflict five cuts attempting to remove them. — Troy Soos

To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully-constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which cancelled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them; to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to believe that democracy was impossible and that the Party was the guardian of democracy; — George Orwell

I couldn't have loved her more if she was my own child. But sometimes I considered shaving her eyebrows off while she slept.
For the sake of developing her character. — Molly Harper

The bathroom door burst open, and Molly came trotting out. The left half of her body had been shaved almost down to the skin. The right half was as shaggy as before. John emerged after her, brushing a layer of dog hair off his clothes.
John said, Well, that's done ... It was Molly's idea. She wants to look like two different dogs when she's coming and going. She thinks it will make it easier for her to steal food ... That's one complicated dog, Dave. Have you started on the bomb? — David Wong

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person. — Bo Burnham

Sacred are the lips from which has issued only truth. — Robert G. Ingersoll

What are you doing, shaving every hair individually?" Alex appeared in the bathroom doorway. "My grandmother could get ready faster than you." She leaned a shoulder on the door frame and crossed her arms, one corner of her mouth lifted in an indulgent smile.

Mitch returned her smile in the mirror as he wiped his jaw with a wet cloth. "This kind of perfection doesn't happen all by itself, you know. — Jillian Burns

Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving? — Woody Allen

We all treasure the innate illusion that nothing bad can happen on a beautiful summer day. — Andrea Cremer

Ritual he liked, but compulsory routine he hated. Thus, he resented every minute that he now had to surrender to showering, shampooing, shaving, and flossing and brushing his teeth. If mere men could devise self-defrosting refrigerators and self-cleaning ovens, why couldn't nature, in all its complex, inventive magnificence, have managed to come up with self-cleaning teeth? "There's birth," he grumbled, "there's death, and in between there's maintenance. — Tom Robbins

You may need help or information from some nongovernmental organization, and the local person heading that NGO may be some West Coast, liberal-educated, no-leg-shaving, Birkenstock-wearing female uniform-hater. And you gotta deal with her. — Dick Couch

The thing about our cast - and I'm not saying this just to be diplomatic - is that everyone is really fun, and really hardworking, in equal measure. Julia [Louis-Dreyfus] and Tony [Hale, who plays President Meyer's "bag man," Gary Walsh] are always doing outrageous "bits" in character right before we start scenes, which are hilarious. — Sarah Sutherland

They forgot to feed them for a few days and, when they remembered, both lions lay limp in their cage, as if dead. A juggler and a clown went in to check - the clown had nicked himself shaving and was bleeding. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the lions weren't dead: they'd merely been sleeping and woke to find two men in their cage and the door wide open." "Gosh," I said. "That must have been very scary, especially for the bleeding clown." "Language, Andy. As it happens, the lions, ignoring the clown, went straight for the juggler.. — Wilkie Martin

I hate cutting my wrists while shaving — Josh Stern

There's a reason caveman started to develop sophisticated tools before the meteor wiped them all out: It's so they could fucking shave. Do you know how frustrating it must have been to be hunched over all night trying to start a fire only to finally succeed just to have your beard go up in flames? No aloe vera back then. — Ari Gold

Blake looked around and gulped. He'd forgotten about the mess on the floor. Chamber pot shards, his
shaving kit, a towel or two ...
"I ... ah ... " It seemed to him that it was far easier
to lie for the sake of national security than it was to his
older sister.
"Is that a bar of soap stuck to the wall?" Penelope asked.
"Um ... yes, it appears to be. — Julia Quinn

Before The Simpsons, I was 4 years old, so I don't know exactly what I was thinking before that. — Eric Andre

,dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw.
Chapter I. — Chuck Palahniuk