Seinfeld Nothing Quotes & Sayings

Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. — Jerry Seinfeld

Like most athletes, I like to go home and relax. I try not to bring the game home with me. I might play some video games that are, let's just say, for mature audiences only. And I might get some flak for this, but I like to watch 'Seinfeld.' Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine. — Nick Ferguson

I can't eat chicken and look at strippers at the same time. — Jerry Seinfeld

[Comedian Jerry Seinfeld was nominated for a Grammy for his spoken-word children's album] Halloween ... Don't Give Up on Me. — Jamie Lee Curtis

I hate shows, personally, where people stand around tossing stuff at each other, and any character can say any line, because you don't believe any of these characters care for each other. I used to fight with my friends who wrote on 'Seinfeld,' because they had such great pride in saying it was a show about nothing. — Bill Lawrence

People should get married because they have finally seen the folly of being single: "Oh, this is all just kind of a bad magic trick. I just keep bending over to reach for this wallet on a string. How much longer am I gonna do that?" — Jerry Seinfeld

One day I was watching these construction workers go back to work. I was watching them kind of trudging down the street. It was like a revelation to me. I realized these guys don't want to go back to work after lunch. But they're going. That's their job. If they can exhibit that level of dedication for that job I should be able to do the same. Trudge your ass in. — Jerry Seinfeld

I am freaking out! I am freaking out — Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes they'll make little Play-Doh animals, and when they go to sleep, I'll break the heads off the animals and put them at the foot of their beds for them to discover in the morning. Nothing wrong with sending your kids a little Sicilian message. — Jerry Seinfeld

I've compiled a book from the Internet. It's a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people. — Jerry Seinfeld

I've never seen 'Friends;' I've never seen 'Seinfeld.' I've heard people reference these things but I've never seen them. — Moby

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. — Jerry Seinfeld

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. — Jerry Seinfeld

I was a big TV kid.When I was a kid, I would go home at 3:00 and watch TV straight through to the end of Letterman at 1:30 in the morning.I was obsessed with comics.And I would watch Jerry Seinfeld and Jay Leno and study them as if it was Tolstoy. — Judd Apatow

I am so busy doing nothing ... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld

A movie is kind of like being the captain of a ship, which is nice, but when I perform by myself it's just surfing on the water and nobody really knows what happens. — Jerry Seinfeld

That's the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill. — Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld has his way of telling jokes - and I'm not comparing myself to Seinfeld, his genius is observing the small details of everyday life and finding humor in it. — Nick Kroll

When I was a comic in the 1980s, I was on the road somewhere every day, and I'd get back to the hotel, and it was Carson and Letterman, and I looked forward to that all day. — Jerry Seinfeld

Twitter is good. Why say a lot to a few people when you can say virtually nothing to everyone? — Jerry Seinfeld

I'm not really in touch with those 'Seinfeld' lads except Jason Alexander. — Wayne Knight

I was in the drug store the other day trying to get a cold medication ... Not easy. There's an entire wall of products you need. You stand there going,"Well, this one is quick acting but this is long lasting ... Which is more important, the present or the future?" — Jerry Seinfeld

Dating is pressure and tension. What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? — Jerry Seinfeld

The peak of being a fan is a hotdog and a beer and a seat at the game. There's nothing above that. Nothing above it. — Jerry Seinfeld

Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. — Jerry Seinfeld

When the 'Seinfeld' show said it was going to be a show about nothing, everybody said it couldn't - wouldn't work. It did. 'Thor' is about something, about that character finding his destiny, but it's not doing what was expected ... and yet it's doing very well. — J. Michael Straczynski

You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture. — Jerry Seinfeld

It's always interesting for me to watch the pilot of an established show because you see how the writers and actors weren't really sure what the show was and what the dynamics were. If you look at the pilot for 'Seinfeld,' for example, it's practically unrecognizable. — Johnny Galecki

For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh. — Jerry Seinfeld

I grew up watching Letterman, 'Seinfeld,' 'SNL,' and Monty Python movies. But nothing made me want to get into comedy more than when 'Mr. Show' started airing. — Joe Mande

It's hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything. — Jerry Seinfeld

There's nothing more fun than entertaining kids. — Jerry Seinfeld

I am a very organized person. I get up at 6:15 a.m., the kids get up at 6:45 a.m., and so I get up and get it in. I'm addicted to the high function. To me it's a work thing
if you meditate, you can get so much work done. I always say to people you know how about three nights a year you get a good night sleep? You can have it every day with meditation. — Jerry Seinfeld

In terms of 'Seinfeld', I think there's lot of reality in a show that's supposed to be about nothing. — Wale

You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that. — Jerry Seinfeld

Washington's all abstraction. It's about access to power and nothing else. I mean, I'm sure it's fun if you're living next door to Seinfeld, or To Wolfe, or Mike Bloomberg, but living next door to them isn't what New York is about, In Washington people literally talk about how many feet away from John Kerry's house their own house is. The neighborhoods are all so blah, the only thing that turns people on is proximity to power. It's a total fetish culture. People get this kind of orgasmic shiver when they tell you they sat next to Paul Wolfowitz at a conference or got invited to Grover Norquist's breakfast. — Jonathan Franzen

The human body is like a condominium. The thing that keeps you from really enjoying it is the maintenance. — Jerry Seinfeld

I love meeting Israeli people. They look at me like a son — Jerry Seinfeld

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers! — Tina Fey

The blessing in life is when you find the torture you are comfortable with. That's marriage, it's kids, it's work, it's exercise. Find the torture you're comfortable with and you'll do well. You've mastered that, you've mastered life. — Jerry Seinfeld

What's the deal with Ovaltine? It comes in a round container, you put it in a round glass, why don't they call it Roundtine? — Jerry Seinfeld

I am very sure that my children thrive on structure and need boundaries. I know my children need to know what time they are going to bed or how many more minutes until they are leaving for school, and so I have imposed a structure that allows them to know where they are all day long, every day in life. — Jessica Seinfeld

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. — Jerry Seinfeld

What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it? — Jerry Seinfeld

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable. — Jerry Seinfeld

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. — Jerry Seinfeld

I prefer the old theaters because the audience is ... trapped. — Jerry Seinfeld

I only do a show when there's somebody I want to talk to. — Jerry Seinfeld

You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. — Jerry Seinfeld

After you get a job and before you have to do it. Nothing beats that. — Jerry Seinfeld

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out. — Jerry Seinfeld

I love energy. I love it. And I pursue it, and I want more of it. Physical and mental energy, to me, are the greatest riches of human life. And TM is like a free account of an endless amount of it. — Jerry Seinfeld

When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard. — Jerry Seinfeld

When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face. — Jerry Seinfeld

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. — Jerry Seinfeld

The Lampoon was definitely quite formative. You know there's a crazy like kind of network of comedy writers from The Lampoon that are, that kind of you know like Seinfeld and The Simpsons and a lot of shows kind of had a lot of kind of Lampoon writers and so that was very formative. I mean, to me I got interested in comedy writing at an early like reading like Dave Barry. — Nicholas Stoller

When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business; I have to humiliate myself. — Jerry Seinfeld

Elane scan the room and takeing in the white antiseptec decor of Buzzfeed office in Soho. Her eyes land on a wall decoratien, a glareing yellow butten about the size of a parasol. It read simply: LOL. It seem to mock her. Honestly? Elane just dosent fit in here. No one here is under 30 and to Elane it is almost like nobody speaking Englesh. Everything is "HTML 5" this and "Keven Ware sports injery" that and "Game Of Throans recap" this and "Downten Abby parady tumblr" that. She have no idea what any of that mean. She open her face book and feal deep pit of emptynes as she click thru the profiles of her 17 face book frends. — Seinfeld 2000

And that's when I realized, when you're a kid you don't need a costume, you ARE superman. — Jerry Seinfeld

It's shrinkage! Hasn't she heard of shrinkage? -George Costanza, Seinfeld — Genna Rulon

I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. — Jerry Seinfeld

Tape Seinfeld for me. — Harvey Korman