Screw You Quotes & Sayings

Congresswomen are congresswomen - you are, sorry. And for women who want to be congressmen, there's a screw loose in their head. I'm proud of being a woman. I think 'congresswoman' is the appropriate term, and 'Madame chair' is just fine with me. — Linda Sanchez

Well, you can't expect a lion to stop pouncing on you just because you are a vegetarian, as the saying goes. Yes! Shit happens to everybody, regardless of how good at heart you are.This is karma and it will screw you. — Kavipriya Moorthy

In what way did your parents screw up to make you the woman you are today? — Nicki Elson

When David Fincher called me up a few years ago and said, 'Hey, I'd like you to score this film 'The Social Network,' I said, 'I'm flattered, but I really don't have any real experience scoring films, and I'd rather not screw it up on a high-profile project. And I like you and I don't want to compromise our friendship.' — Trent Reznor

Actors are always looking for actor-proof parts. A part so good you can't screw it up! — John Rhys-Davies

I'm not leaving." I said.
"Why not?" he demanded.
"I'm in my last semester of school -it would screw everything up."
"You're a good student -you'll figure it out."
"I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil."
"Your Mother's been dying to have you back."
"Florida is too hot."
His fist came down on the table again. "We both know what's really going on here, Bella, and it's not good for you." He took a deep breath. "It's been months. No calls, no letters, no contact. You can't keep waiting for him. — Stephenie Meyer

So long as your desire to explore is greater than your desire to not screw up, you're on the right track. — Ed Helms

It's very rare in our lives that we're like "Ooh, I'm going to really screw this family up." You just don't. You work from a place of need, like I want to finish this movie or I want to feel loved at that moment or I need empathy right now. And then, you do things that are questionable. — Ry Russo-Young

Look, I've been doing this a long time. If I'm honest with you, then yes. The Families could have done both. The car thing is absolutely their style, like you said."

Luc frowned. "But you don't think they did it."

David shook his head. "No. Because you're alive. The Families wouldn't screw up twice." He left, closing the door behind him.

"If that was supposed to make me feel better," Curtis said, "it needed way more puppies. Or something from the chocolate family. — Nathan Burgoine

One good thing about animation is that, if you do screw up a line, they won't use it. You can keep going until it's right. — Jim Cummings

Life is too damn short and [screwed] up to go through it silently loving someone and never telling them how you feel. [Screw] the consequences, [screw] the implications of the actions, to hell with it all ... whatever happens as a result is better than the nothingness that is inevitable with silence. — Janis Joplin

That means if you want to become strong, you become predictable. You keep your word, know and then honor your commitments, mind the details, invest in daily spiritual input, assume rather than avoid responsibility, admit your mistakes, correct your screw-ups, and keep a healthy watch over yourself. — Anonymous

With each impact you tell me that my body belongs to you; that I am
yours to use, yours to punish and yours to screw. Your words are almost as
powerful as your hand. They leave me feeling breathless and desperate for
your cock. You are working me into the usual frenzy of slutty desire that
we have both come to love. If I was permitted I would tell you how much I
love you right now and how much I need this. But it's not my words which
are important at the moment. Instead I demonstrate my devotion to you in
my complete submission to your desire. — Felicity Brandon

This flirting is all well and good, but I mean it when I tell you, I cant have you leaving me again. It almost broke me."
My ribs seemed to squeeze all of the air out of my lungs at the thought. "I don't think I could. I don't want to be away from you again either."
"But you need to give me a chance to fix things when I screw up. You know I'm an ass sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
Growling, he whispered, "And I tear lingerie."
I pushed a curl off his forehead, "And hoard it. Don't forget the creepy hoarding. — Christina Lauren

She shoved to her feet. What the hell is that scroll? Some sort of Aegis romance novel? Underworld erotica? Screw you all. — Larissa Ione

Holy shit." Ethan's voice floated out to them through the open window. "Would the two of you just shut the fuck up and screw already? — Tess Bowery

When you work with web design companies in San Francisco, you end up with a bunch of twenty-somethings who have their own cultural peculiarities, including obscurity for its own sake. You give those guys a website for a banking institution and they screw it up, because they are designing for themselves. — Brenda Laurel

People just expect you to show up, be a cartoon character of yourself, take your money and go home. But don't screw up to the point where you're gonna be out of the picture. — Jimmy Chamberlin

I'm at the corner of None of Your Business and Screw You. — Jeaniene Frost

Screw you! You're a crappy best friend!!! — Jenny Han

The most satisfaction I get is from doing a good gig, which really makes you feel in control. If you've worked a room really well, it makes you feel great. TV is a bit more difficult; there are more factors that can screw it up along the way. — Nina Conti

Imagine what would have happened if you hadn't heard
her coming."
"Screw you," I growled, and grabbed his collar to drag
him out of the stall.
"In a public restroom, Ellie? Really? Didn't think you were
that kind of girl. — Courtney Allison Moulton

Forgive yourself and be ready to forgive yourself in the future. You're gonna screw up. It's okay. — David D. Burns

You keep runnin that mouth and I'm goin to take you back there and screw you. — Cormac McCarthy

God not da faddah, he just the spoiled moody child, but you got to go t'rough him to get to da real power, his mama, Mot'er God. She da real Almighty! She run da heavens alone. Original single parent. When somethin' bad happen, usually mean she let God try his hand, and he screw up plenny. You need something important, you go directly Mot'er God. Jesus, Mary, Joseph? Dey just small potatoes, part of the chorus, neh? — Kiana Davenport

The story' Sanders would say "the whole tone, man, you're wrecking it."
Tone?'
The sound. You need to get a consitent sound, like slow or fast, funny or sad. All these disgressions, they just screw up your story's sound. Stick to what happened. — Tim O'Brien

Stand up, speak out, and be bold. Screw political correctness. Never let them tell you to sit down and shut up. — Sarah Palin

I love that as a theme for women: Stop standing by! You've got to make stuff happen! You've got to create your own world because if you let other people do it, they're going to just screw you. — Melissa Rosenberg

Marie's drunk texts:
Marie: Horse, muss yu
Marie: Why dont anser?
Marie: Horse like yur name. Horsey. I'd like to rid u horsey, LOL. You sleeping? Or busy with someone?
Marie: I know yur there. I bet you got a new gurl alredy. Screw you.
Marie: Screw you and your slut. I hate you. Take yur club and shove it up yur ass I wudn't be yoor old lady for ten milion dollrs. — Joanna Wylde

Yo, we was here first!" Bandanna joined the shouting match.
"Screw you. I'm here now! What gives you the right to come in here ten minutes too early and screw up my job, anyway? Go the fuck home and leave this to a professional."
Bandanna laughed in disbelief. "A professional? Look at you, man! Who the hell does a holdup in a freaking suit? Not just a suit - a shitty suit that you've been sleeping in for three weeks."
"Oh," Harry said quietly. "Perfect. Now you're slamming me for getting caught in the rain." He began to shout again. "When I planned this job, I didn't plan for it to rain, all right? Can you give me a fucking break here - — Suzanne Brockmann

Donna learned quickly that there's no point in beating yourself up when you screw up or fail to follow through. Guilt trips and self-criticism don't motivate you to make meaningful changes; they just keep you stuck, dwelling on the past. So after each relapse, Donna came back to the basic ACT formula: A = Accept your thoughts and feelings and be present. C = Connect with your values. T = Take effective action. — Russ Harris

Of course I've got lawyers. They are like nuclear weapons, I've got em 'cause everyone else has. But as soon as you use them they screw everything up. — Danny DeVito

Somewhere along the line, I'll screw up and hurt you," he said. "Everybody does. But that's not the point."
"What's the point?"
"The point is if you believe I would never do it on purpose - and if I believe the same of you. That's how you deal with stuff. — Erica Bauermeister

Every person I talk to has a story about how their smoke alarm went off or woke them up with a battery beeping. So you take it off the wall and you take the battery out and say 'screw this.' They hate the products. — Tony Fadell

See, this was why I liked coffee. You couldn't screw up making coffee. Even the bad stuff was good. — Kim Harrison

With six weeks' worth of recuperation time, you'll also be able to see any glaring holes in the plot or character development. And listen
if you spot a few of these big holes, you are forbidden to feel depressed about them or to beat up on yourself. Screw-ups happen to the best of us. — Stephen King

October twenty-second ... " Lee read, trailing off as she reached the year. Her insides went cold. She whirled around, her voice quavering. "What is this? Don't screw with me!"
"What is it?" Nasser asked?
"The date is wrong." He knew it, of course. He had to know.
"How wrong?"
"Seven years wrong!" Lee shrieked. "What is this? Where am I?"
Nasser opened his mouth, but all that came out was a series of stammers. Filo glared at him, then turned to Lee. "You want to know what's happening?"
"Yes," Lee sobbed, nodding feebly. "Please."
"Okay," Filo offered. "What do you know about faeries? — Kaye Thornbrugh

How can you design for people if you don't know history and psychology? You can't. Because your mathematical formulas may be perfect, but the people will screw it up. And if that happens, it means you screwed it up. — Michael Crichton

Guess what, love, you will [screw up]. So will he. It's what you do with it once you've screwed up that matters. — Kimberly Lauren

William to Paris: "I always figured you for the in and out type. Kinda stealthy, leaving the girl wondering whether you'd been there or not. But I didn't know you were quite this stealthy."
(Paris) "Nice to know you've considered my sex life"
"Hasn't everyone?"
"Screw you"
"Again, hasn't everyone? — Gena Showalter

What does NOT work best for anyone, though, is being forced to keep a Windows partition around just to play video games. The best operating system for playing games is the one that lets you keep your word processor, instant messenger, email, and music player open in the background while you play. The worst is the one that will force you to shut all that down just to screw around for a few minutes. — Ryan C. Gordon

Remember, changing someone's hang-ups is an easier task if stays in the realm of sex because the carrot at the end of this trip is - SEX! It's not so easy to change other aspects of a man's personality because the rewards aren't as apparent and you can't exactly screw the stupid out of someone. — Roberto Hogue

How did you act when all was not good? Did you rise to the challenge? Did you display grit, resilience, and integrity in your response? Character isn't about being perfect or always doing the right thing. Character is how you respond to your own failures. It's when you screw up and life hits you in the mouth that you have an opportunity to reveal your inner strength. — Bill Courtney

Screw that, the questionn at hand is what's your major?" Oded said. "Because let me tell you right now, any answer other than World of Warcraft or Advanced Ninja Studies will not be accepted. — Rachel Caine

You don't have to pick me up," I said in a rush.
"Considering you have no idea where we're going and I have no intention of telling you, I'm quite sure that I do."
"I can meet you somewhere centrally located."
Noah sounded amused. "I promise to press my trousers before meeting your family. I'll even bring flowers for the occasion."
"Oh, God. Please don't." I said. Maybe honesty is the best policy. "My family is going to screw with my life if you come over." I knew them far too well.
"Congratulations
you just made the prospect all the more enticing. What is your address? — Michelle Hodkin

You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches. — Iliza Shlesinger

If I were you, I'd wake up every day at dawn to see the sun come up. Then I'd go back to bed. I'd screw a different woman every night and mean it when I told her I loved her. I'd read a mystery and stop halfway through so I'd have something to wonder about. I'd see how many grapes I could fit in my mouth. I'd drive a hundred miles an hour. I'd stay sober in the morning, drunk in the afternoon, high at night. I'd have Chinese food an tacos for dinner, spaghetti for breakfast and blueberry pie for lunch. Then I'd have anything I wanted in between, 'cause son" - here he took another hit, then looked at the ground, shaking his head - "pretty much all your choices are about to go away. — Jon Wells

After all, which would you rather do, pal, screw Bridget Bardot's brains out or read reviews of her movies? — M.T. Bass

Just don't get distracted. Keep focused." "I think I could figure that out." I snapped, and knew I was on edge; perhaps overreacting due to stress. "There's a lot of things I thought you'd figure out that you haven't." I should've left it at that. I'd gotten nasty, he'd gotten nasty back. But I couldn't. "You mean like figuring out that you used my friend to screw with me? Stuff like that?" "Using her would have been sleeping with her. If I'd actually wanted her, I would have had her, and that's just stating the facts." He broke into a falsetto then "'I don't want you, no wait, I do want you' and then you hang all over Vitor. Maybe you had it coming?" "So you used my friend? You thought that was the smart thing to do? No wonder we've got holes rotting away our universe, this whole operation is being run by an idiot! — Donna Augustine

Transformation doesn't have to be deep, dark and mysterious. If you screw up, fine - laugh at yourself, learn and move on. — Iyanla Vanzant

Screw caution," Tori said. "I'm outta here." We looked at her. "Well, I am. As long as someone comes with me." We kept looking at her. She sighed. "Fine, but when everything goes to hell, just remember, I get to blame you guys, because I wanted to leave right away. — Kelley Armstrong

Sometimes if you jump into something too quickly, you can screw up something that might have been good two years down the road. — Dolly Parton

NO. No no no. I don't want to screw you. I just love you. When did who you want to screw become the whole game? Since when is the person you want to screw the only person you get to love? It's so stupid, Tiny! I mean, Jesus, who even gives a fuck about sex?! People act like it's the most important thing humans do, but come on. How can our sentient fucking lives revolve around something slugs can do. I mean, who you want to screw and whether you screw them? Those are important questions, I guess. But they're not that important. You know what's important? Who would you die for? Who do you wake up at five forty-five in the morning for even though you don't even know why he needs you? Whose drunken nose would you pick?! — John Green

Screw-top wine has improved the quality of life by about ten percent, wouldn't you say? — Martin Amis

Cupcakes The first time you bake cupcakes, you will certainly follow the recipe with rigor. The third time, you might improvise and screw up. Learning your lesson, you will follow the recipe again and again as closely as you can. At this point, by the fifth time, some people actually learn to bake. They improvise successfully. They understand the science and the outcomes. They develop a kind of gracefulness in the kitchen. Others merely plod along. They're cooks, not chefs. A cook follows a recipe. A chef invents one. We have too many cooks. The world is begging for chefs. — Seth Godin

Screwing up is hardly a major mistake. Sometimes your wrong choices bring you to the right places. — Shannon L. Alder

Daemon: We can go live in a damn cave. Look, I'm a selfish person. You know that. And I don't want you to go through that, so I'm willing to say screw it and we cut our losses.
Katy: Really? What kind of life would that give us?
Daemon: Don't bring logic into this conversation. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Believe me, Clara. It would be very easy to lay you back down, ease myself inside you, and fuck you senseless. But I can't just screw you on some random couch where anyone could walk in on us. And I can't screw you while the room is spinning and I'm slightly shitfaced. I don't even want to screw you. I want to make love to you. The slow, sweet, all night long kind of love. — Sarah Darlington

As they say around the Texas Legislature, if you can't drink their whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em anyway, you don't belong in office. — Molly Ivins

Guys just don't care. We don't take the time to plan behind each other's back. We just say, If you don't like me, screw you'. If a guy doesn't like you, you know because you have a black eye. — Jonathan Bennett

Honey, right now you look like someone's adorable little sister. No guy wants to screw his little sister. And if he does, you don't want to be near him. — Cora Carmack

You've mistaken me for someone else. Do not wait on me, Ms. Lane. Do not construct your world around mine. I'm not that man."
"Screw you, Barrons."
"I'm not that man, either. — Karen Marie Moning

He licked his lips before he continued treating her neck. "Where I come from, family's defined as those who don't screw you over a paycheck. Blood makes no difference. If you can trust them with your life and know that they'll be there come whatever hell rains down, then they're your family." In her world, family meant they had the good grace to stab you while looking you in the eyes. She couldn't imagine her sisters standing by her side for any reason. Unwilling — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Trevor realized that the odd thing about English is that no matter how much you screw sequences word up up, you understood, still, like Yoda, will be. Other languages don't work that way. French? Dieu! Misplace a single le or la and an idea vaporizes into a sonic puff. English is flexible: you can jam it into a Cuisinart for an hour, remove it, and meaning will still emerge. — Douglas Coupland

At the end of the day, all people want to do is hear a great singer sing a great song. They don't care about what vocal changes it went through. You can't screw up a great song and a great singer. — Vince Gill

What freaking year were you born in? You can't be much younger than me. They had all of those shows about Amazon chicks and Greek gods, gladiators ... "
"You watched shows about Amazons and Greek gods." It was more of a flat statement than a question.
"Screw you. Them bitches were fierce."
"You're a bizarre person."
"Says the guy in the bodysuit."
Mr. Greek's mouth sunk at the sides. "It's protective armor."
"Like I fucking said. — Santino Hassell

point is, he wants to hurt you, doc, and he's already trying hard. one way or another he's going to screw you, if he can."
"he can wait in line with all the other people who want to. — Patricia Cornwell

Get the money before they screw you, darling. — Shirley Polykoff

Look, you're small-town. I've had over 50 jobs, maybe a hundred. I've never stayed anywhere long. What I am trying to say is, there is a certain game played in offices all over America. The people are bored, they don't know what to do, so they play the office-romance game. Most of the time it means nothing but the passing of time. Sometimes they do manage to work off a screw or two on the side. But even then, it is just an offhand pasttime, like bowling or t.v. or a New Year's Eve party. You've got to understand that it doesn't mean anything and then you won't get hurt. Do you understand what I mean?"
I think that Mr. Partisan is sincere."
You're going to get stuck with that pin, babe, don't forget what I told you. Watch those slicks. They are as phony as a lead dime. — Charles Bukowski

Being under the microscope meant I was never given any slack. I still managed to screw up plenty in life, mind you, but in the things I really cared about - the legal work, or the stories I was telling as a writer, or the office I built in government - I wasn't left a lot of margin for error. It's kept me driven. — Ronan Farrow

You know what your problem is? You got too many scruples. One or two is okay, but you get too many of them, and it clogs everything up."
What she said made no sense at all, but was probably right.
"I got some scruples," Lula said, "but I know when to stop. There's a point where you have to say enough is enough and screw scruples. — Janet Evanovich

I trust you, and I know you trust your contact. For one million dollars and three months of my time, I'll screw pretty much anyone. — Winter Renshaw

The only way to tell off an asshole was face-to-face and to look fantastic doing it. So, here she was, with perfect makeup, hair done in a riot of waves that had taken a ridiculously long time to create, and a brand new screw you and the horse you rode in on dress laid out on her bed. — Roberta Pearce

Now, I came to everyone else's rescue. Screw the knights in shining armor. This beauty of the night came to your rescue with pointed fangs and skintight leather then, as a thank-you, sucked your blood in payment. — Eve Langlais

As long as you are forced to be a woman first instead of a person, by default, you need to be a feminist. That's it. Men are people, women are women? Screw that. Screw that. I am sick of having words aimed to shut me up. I am sick of having to be anything other than a person first. Zounds! I enjoy being a girl, whatever that means. For me, that meant Star Wars figurines, mounds of books, skirts and flats. It meant Civil War reenacting and best girlfriends I'd give a kidney to and best guy friends I'd ruin a liver with and making messes and cleaning up some of them and still not knowing how to apply eye shadow. That's being a girl. That's being a person. It's the same damn thing. I wish Rush had just called me an idiot. I'm happy to be called an idiot! On the day when someone on the Internet calls me an idiot first and ugly second, I will set down my feminist battle flag and heave a great sigh. Then I will pick it back up and keep climbing. There are many more mountains to overcome. — Alexandra Petri

Hey,maybe I could have a talk show, since you aren't going to be my June Cleaver anymore. I could call it the O'Neal Hour. Sounds important, doesn't it?" [Butch to Vishous]
"First of all, you were going to be June Cleaver-"
"Screw that. No way I'd bottom for you."
"Whatever. And second, I don't think there's much of a market for your particular brand of psychology."
"So not true."
"Butch, you and I just beat the crap out of each other."
"You started it. And actually, it would be perfect for Spike TV. UFC meets Oprah. God, I'm brilliant."
"Keep telling yourself that. — J.R. Ward

So let me get this straight." ... "He threw the note at Tommy and then told him to fuck off? Or do I have it backwards?"
"I'm detecting some sarcasm."
"And then got himself sent the principal's office because he was ready to defend your honor?"
"Quinn."
"Her friend waved a hand. "No, I think you might be on to something. This is clearly an elaborate plot to screw with you. He asks you out, he defends you from that meathead - what next?" Quinn's eyes flashed wide in mock surprise. "Crap, Bex, do you think he will do something truly horrible like buy you flowers? — Brigid Kemmerer

Google's a strange place. When I met Eric Schmidt, he said, "If you are kind to everybody, then you will make good decisions because people will give you good information, and if you are truthful to everybody, they will be truthful to you." That's what's different about Google. They screw up and make mistakes, but they genuinely mean the good stuff about "don't be evil." — Larry Brilliant

The world is very good at encouraging you to go along with the status quo and at basking in your successes. But when you hit a wall in your personal life, and you screw up, people don't give you a chance to navigate your way through it and tap into what's extraordinary about you. — Viola Davis

We have a mutual friend, see, and she- Ah, screw it. This is Gideon. When would it be convenient for you to die? — Bryan Lee O'Malley

Is there a definition of a truly good person? ... Many say that "Nice guys finish last", that "kindness is weakness", and so on. To those of you who are told "Your too nice" or you tell yourself that. That is something to hold on to! So many people say "screw it" I can't be walked on or treated this way. So they become what they think is "tough" ,"smarter" or it's just easier. It's really not. Because even though you think you get "respect" you had to sacrifice the good part of who you are for it. — Monique Reza

Ambition is a funny thing. You can completely screw yourself with it if you're not careful. — Simon Le Bon

What do you guys even do every night?" The words slip from my mouth before I can stop them.
"It," Rashmi says. "They do it. He's ditching us to screw. — Stephanie Perkins

Butch nodded as if he knew exactly what was doing. Like I said, my man, it's whatever. You and me? Same as always, no matter who you screw. Although ... if you're into sheep, that would be tough. Don't know if I could handle that. — J.R. Ward

We would screw up our children. It was inevitable. Julie had taught me that you never get the child you want or expect. You get the child you get and you try your best to make sure they turn out to be a decent human being. That was all that mattered. An — Ilona Andrews

You're the tattooed, chain-smoking, beer-guzzling, train wreck, son of the movie star who's marrying my family-values, ex Marine Senator father. You're a tabloid headline, standing right here in front of me!

Yeah? Well, you're the goody-goody, stuck up, boring-ass virgin who's so uptight she can't find anyone to punch her v-card except the manwhore from her school who will screw literally anyone. And then turns out to be the most boring fucking lay I've ever had. — Sabrina Paige

That woman was sexy ... Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them. — Justin Halpern

You got to harden yourself. Make, like, a shell around you. But not everyone can do it. If they got nothing to hang on to some of them screw up. They're not in the game no more. — Charlie Higson

When you are a screwed up person, you have a responsibility to keep your normal friends from getting walked on. 'Cos, how bad could you screw that up ? And don't say, Well, you could cause someone six months of physical therapy. 'Cos, hey, lots of times, those exercise take places in pools and nylon tents with little plastic balls. Fun places like that. And, she gets to park up really close for a while. Ha ha, oh, I'm the bad guy. — Christopher Titus

I know Ty's not all there." Nick said, tapping his temple with a finger. "He has always been a step away from the wrong path. One screw comes loose, and he's gone. The only thing keeps him on the side of the righteous is his loyalty. His sense of purpose. You take that from him? And you're looking into the eyes of a monster. — Abigail Roux

Can we screw the 'sorry' part and let me hit you back instead?
Vishous to Butch — J.R. Ward

Now it's just sharp elbows, and instead of having a caucus where you sit down and say, 'What are you doing for your country?' you sit figuring out how to screw the other side. — Alan K. Simpson

Yes. And Paula's a bitch," I said without preamble. "You mean Miss Mint Julep Ladygirl Fiddle-dee-dee? Yeah. Screw her. — C.D. Reiss

Genius or fool, you don't live in the world alone. You can hide underground or you can build a wall around yourself, but somebody's going to come along and screw up the works. — Haruki Murakami

Screw poetry, it's you I want, your taste, rain on you, mouth on your skin. — Margaret Atwood

Screw you, Moretti." Wyatt glared at him. "I ain't stupid."

Nova laughed. "You just said 'ain't. — Kele Moon

I couldn't stand by and watch you put yourselves in harm's way. No way. And fuck those SAVAK bastards, and their Western masters, and the grand servant of the West. Fuck anyone who wants to put me in jail because I stood by my friends to mourn the death of a hero, screw them all. I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life behind bars, I don't, I really don't. I learned today that friendship is worth making sacrifices for. Doctor proved that life is a small price to pay for your beliefs. — Mahbod Seraji

I might screw up, I might embarrass you, I might yell at you, but I will never, ever stop loving you. You're my first born. The first time I held you ... I fell in love so hard it cracked my bones. — Kristin Hannah

One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people. — Bob Newhart

If you're studying geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life. — Steve Martin