Schaffer Quotes & Sayings

I've always loved music videos - I used to make my own for bands like Pearl Jam. My favorite directors are Michel Gondry, Spike Jonze, and Patrick Daughters. — Akiva Schaffer

[In comedy] you never want to leave the actors hanging out to dry. So you need to come up with funny individual stories for each character, and then you do this sort of comedy geometry, weaving them together. Once you've got a funny structure and you know why the scenes are funny, then you get super funny people to say your own lines, say their own lines, say things in their own way, and every scene is a live rewrite in front of the camera. — Jeff Schaffer

I'm all about 'Halo 2'. — Akiva Schaffer

I find that 'Ghostbusters' and 'Alien' actually have a lot in common in that they're both so naturalistic in the performances. It feels like people you could be hanging out with right now in this room, yet they're on a spaceship or killing ghosts. But the way they talk is never heightened or otherwordly. — Akiva Schaffer

Government is just spending too much money. — Bob Schaffer

My mother is Ukrainian. She immigrated to the U.S. from Canada as a child. — Bob Schaffer

There are many hands touching ballots after a voter drops his ballot into the ballot box. There is no guarantee of ballot secrecy for anyone, which makes the whole system vulnerable to intimidation and bribery. — Bob Schaffer

In the late afternoons and early evenings, the crowd is easily over 1 million. That many people simply can't fit in Independence Square. The demonstration spills in to the streets for several blocks. — Bob Schaffer

It's so fun because Jason [Mantzoukas]'s one of the smartest people I've met in comedy. So unbelievably fast comedically - so he's quick with whatever, but it's fun to watch someone be so quick and so stupid simultaneously. — Jackie Schaffer

We always want to let people leave with some sort of like, "Great, I want to see more." Not "Oh my God, that's still on?" — Jeff Schaffer

The interesting thing now for No Child Left Behind is that there are very few advocates for it; there is no constituency for it. Parents don't like it, administrators don't like it, and kids don't like it, but politicians and bureaucrats in Washington love it
which should be the first indication to you that it is a troubled program. — Bob Schaffer

Reducing the tax burden is necessary to produce economic growth. — Bob Schaffer

This won't look so good in my obituary," Schaffer said dolefully. There was a perceptible edge of strain under the lightly-spoken words."Gave his life for his country in a ladies' lavatory in Upper Bavaria. — Alistair MacLean

Salazar's record is one of weakness; he hasn't been a good attorney general. — Bob Schaffer

Listen, Stephen King used to write in the washroom of his trailer after his kids went to sleep. Harlan Ellison wrote in the stall of a bathroom of his barracks during boot camp. Elmore Leonard got up at 5 AM every morning to write before work.
Every time my alarm goes off at 5 AM and I don't want to get up, or I would rather sit down after work and play a videogame, I think about those guys. Take care of your family. They need you and love you. Make time for them. Then stop screwing around and finish your damn book. — Bernard Schaffer

The Russians have a lot at stake, and the power of Moscow pride should never be underestimated. — Bob Schaffer

Never think I'm worried about losing sales by speaking out for human rights + gun control. I'd rather be broke than corrupt. — Bernard Schaffer

You learn, even at 'S.N.L.,' that the funniest scripts a lot of the time were written with the actor, because they know what makes people laugh. It's always going to be better if they own it. — Akiva Schaffer

I think people who are fanatical about anything are funny. — Jackie Schaffer

Though there is growing division among the Ukrainian military ranks as to loyalty in this revolution, the possibility of violence looms over the entire situation. — Bob Schaffer

I remember being in the audition with Mark [Duplass] and I remember not being able to dominate him. He's so smart and centered and grounded. I can't do what I'd normally do to someone in this situation. I can't get the upper hand in the scene. I was really impressed and excited about the possibility to work with him. — Jackie Schaffer

That takes a lot of confidence to let your actors come up with something that could be theoretically funnier than what you had envisioned originally. — Jackie Schaffer

For most adult amateurs trying to keep their heels down forces their feet forward which throws them out of balance. — Michael Schaffer

As long as the opposition believes the world will stand with Ukraine's democrat reformers, they will have the leverage and the courage to establish a legitimate republic under the leadership of Viktor Yushchenko. — Bob Schaffer

Bill Thompson edited 'Whitechapel,' and his first question to me was, "Why in God's name do you want to bring down Superman?" And my answer was, and remains, by breaking down Holmes as this untouchable machine, it gives him the chance to become the hero we need him to be. — Bernard Schaffer

You cannot stand for civil rights + not support gay marriage. You cannot stand for human rights + not support gay marriage. It's that simple.
Everywhere, the voice of the oppressed must echo + ring out or else it will be crushed by the tyranny of wickedness. — Bernard Schaffer

Nothing new about death, nothing new about deaths caused militarily. We scorched and boiled and baked to death more people in Tokyo on that night of March 9-10 than went up in vapor at Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. — Ronald Schaffer

In the television business, I don't think anyone will let you go in and pitch a show unless you use the words 'organizing principle' or 'this is the prism through which we see their lives'. — Jackie Schaffer

One cannot help being impressed by the protesters. They have begun each day of the protest in Kiev in prayer and all activities are accomplished with a collective sense of respect, kindness, and an intention to conduct a peaceful revolution. — Bob Schaffer

Fantasy football is actually an amazing American pastime, because it takes the ultimate team sport, NFL and football, and turns it into the quest for individual achievement. — Jeff Schaffer

I take a lot of ladies' vitamins, because I never buy my own and that's what's in the house. More iron. — Akiva Schaffer

Well, we all have our specialties, Harold." For example, you are a wanking accountant. — Dylan Schaffer

'SNL' is our main priority because that was our first big break. — Akiva Schaffer

Mark [Duplass] is the same person that I met on day one. He's a very smart, savvy, creative guy. If you ever want a champion on your side, it's Mark. — Jackie Schaffer

We don't run out of stories, because of the characters. But also every year, the NFL, like a crazy rich uncle we never see, just drops some stories off at our door. — Jeff Schaffer

I would love to see the French spending money to restore Iraq. — Bob Schaffer

One time, my mom told us, 'No TV.' It was 3 P.M., and I was sneaking it in. She put her hand on the back of the TV to see if it was warm, and it was. So she pulled the cord out of the wall, opened the second-floor window, and just threw it out the window. — Akiva Schaffer

We deal with all the production headaches and all that stuff. They just have to come here and be super funny. And it's worked out well. I mean, literally, every day they're all saying things I'd never thought I'd hear before and just some of the funniest discussions I've ever heard. — Jeff Schaffer

I got invited to the Playboy Mansion with the Lonely Island guys after their first season on 'SNL,' and I sat in the corner drinking coffee and talking to Akiva Schaffer about what aspect ratio he was going to shoot 'Hot Rod' in. Like, that's what we talk about. — Bill Hader

The first thing the federal government can do to help is get out of the way. — Bob Schaffer

Nothing is better than the moment you have Michael Bolton dressed as Forrest Gump and you see it in action. — Akiva Schaffer

The revolution has been dubbed The Orange Revolution, orange being the campaign color of Viktor Yushchenko. The demonstrators say they are tired of living under a corrupt government. — Bob Schaffer

The demonstrators in Ukraine will persevere and succeed, or grow tired, cold and fade. — Bob Schaffer

It is unlikely Yanukovich won. If he did, his government made it impossible to determine. — Bob Schaffer

The fundamental force behind the Second Amendment is to empower the people and give them the greatest measure of authority over the tyranny of runaway government. — Bob Schaffer

What 'SNL' taught me that was useful on 'The Watch' was, only put in bad words if they can get a laugh - there was no need for swear words and beeps in places that weren't necessary. Those beeps should only be in there when they mean something and it's important to the joke. — Akiva Schaffer

The recent history of Ukraine is replete with dead journalists, beaten journalists, news agencies being shut down, and politicians being injured or killed. Most are killed in mysterious auto accidents. — Bob Schaffer

Cartoons are the best stuff on TV. 'Wonder Showzen,' 'Aqua Teen,' 'SpongeBob,' and, of course, 'South Park' - one of the funniest shows ever made. — Akiva Schaffer

Killing Japanese didn't bother me at that time. It was getting the war over with that bothered me. So I wasn't worried particularly about how many people we killed in getting the job done ... . All war is immoral, and if you let it bother you, you're not a good soldier. — Ronald Schaffer

With a lot of those 'S.N.L.' shorts, we would do them just as we wanted to do them and then beep out the bad words. Since it was late night T.V., they let us get away with a lot. — Akiva Schaffer

The objective of the demonstrators is to win the affection of the armed agents of the government. Most of the Kiev police have now pledged their support for the people. — Bob Schaffer

'The Watch' is first and foremost a comedy, but since I got to shoot the film using elements from the sci-fi genre, I wanted to make sure the alien didn't look goofy. I got to make a real alien that looks dangerous. That was a big plus for me because I got to do something really fun and cool. — Akiva Schaffer

All of our heroes did silly stuff early and got more serious as time went on. Steve Martin, Adam Sandler, Bill Murray. They got older, wiser, and made different choices. — Akiva Schaffer

Vote counting and ballot collecting does not occur in the light of day. There are too many occasions when observers and opposing parties lose contact with the ballots. — Bob Schaffer

I supported Bob Schaffer's three races for Congress. But we all had concerns about whether he could win statewide. Then my wife suggested that I get it. — Pete Coors

The Christian is the one whose imagination should soar beyond the stars. — Francis Schaffer

My book is extremely graphic. I make no apologies for it. But it is graphic only because I told the truth about what the Ripper did to his victims. — Bernard Schaffer

The Western media tends to place a lot of emphasis on official institutions in Ukraine such as its supreme court, the central election commission, and the parliament. In reality, the people of Ukraine now control their destiny. — Bob Schaffer

The only people helped by the death tax are lawyers, accountants, and IRS agents. — Bob Schaffer

unequally; rarely do they assign equal weights to attributes when performing categorization (Goodman, 1955; Medin & Schaffer, 1978; Nosofsky, 1984; Ortony, 1979; Sutherland & Mackintosh, 1971; Trabasso & Bower, 1968: A. Tversky, 1977). — Lawrence W. Barsalou