Scary Humor Quotes & Sayings

I am not going to say you are right because I could not take it if you smirked."
"I do not smirk," Vikirnoff claimed.
"Yes, you do. And I detest that after all these centuries, you are making sense. Frankly, its scary."
"It is only that you are not making sense sunce you acquired a lifemate. I hope that does not happen to all men. It would be a shame."
"Your sense of humor is not improving," Nicolae pointed out dryly.
"I do not have a sense of humor." Vikirnoff answered.
"I had not noticed," Nicolae teased. — Christine Feehan

The best scary movies have great humor in them and a great story. — Stephen Sommers

Not only eating Lieutenant, but slobbering over the food as well. Clearly, he, she, or it has no manners. — Douglas Preston

The wall between writing and painting is just good grammar.

Moderation in moderation.

Fun is scary with a happy ending.

Just love. If love doesn't transform that which annoys you, it will be easier to tolerate. — Emily Thornton Calvo

How can such scary looking parents create something so cute? — Chetan Bhagat

...but freedom is scary. — Renata Suerth

You sure are a sweet girl, Scout. I'm half tempted to keep you."
"Ummm ... Thanks?" Knowing she was a potential Alpha I worried about what "keeping me" might entail. Probably chains. And whips. And maybe a dog collar.
And now I was going to have to live with scary Fifty Shades Aunt Rachel pictures living in my head for all time. — Tammy Blackwell

When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke, But sometimes life is scary and dark. That is why we must find the light. — Adventure Time

She searched for something to say, something that would make the world a little less dark and scary for him.
'Pop-Tart?' she offered. — Stephenie Meyer

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa. — Ricky Gervais

We try to get out of these cocoons and make our way down to where our bodies are. We try shoplifting and racist/sexist/ageist humor (trying to offend our way out); we get naked on stage. We try sleep deprivation and razors on our skin. We date creepy, scary sleazes who we half-hope, half-fear might do the cutting for us. But we're so used to living inside a dream, even cutting feels dreamy. We can't get out. We can't wake up. — Lisa Crystal Carver

One would think that since Hamilton and Eliza only just got married, our mothers would be satisfied for a while, but instead they seem to have come to the conclusion that everyone needs to enter into the state of wedded bliss. Quite frankly, they've turned scary. — Jen Turano

Not only is he mentally challenged, all he has is a couple of scary fangs and absolutely no idea what kind of fire is in this furnace. — Jayde Scott

Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year. — Derek The Ghost

You look as scary as a buttered muffin. — Tamora Pierce

She stared at his sharp teeth and swallowed the lump
that formed in her throat. "Um, you look scary when you
show your ... uh ... teeth. They look really sharp."
He didn't get angry. In fact, her words seemed to
amuse him greatly. "The better to eat you with," he
teased softly.
Tammy's heart flipped inside her chest. "That's a bad
joke, right? Please tell me you're just kidding."
"I'm not a wolf."
"I'm not wearing red."
"I still want to eat you. — Laurann Dohner

Sticking one's head in the sand is a deep human impulse. Like when you feel some kind of bump or growth on the back of your neck, and your heart jumps, because, Christ, that could be something bad, I should see a doctor right away. But then you don't, because it's too scary, and what if they do find something, and ... and besides: maybe it will just go away! — Bill Maher

Yeah. I talked to their chief and she told me something pretty scary."
"What?" he asked. I took a deep breath, and tried not to stutter.
"She told me that a storm is coming-"
"It does look like it might rain." Dean noted, cutting me off.
I rolled my eyes, "Not a literal storm, dumbass, — Sara Massa

It was a scary thought. A man could be surrounded by poetry reading and not know it. — Richard Russo

People who entered the Courtyard without an invitation were just plain crazy! Wolves were big and scary and so fluffy, how could anyone resist hugging one just to feel all that fur?
"Ignore the fluffy," she muttered. "Remember the part about big and scary. — Anne Bishop

Who cares even if I didn't?!" Conor shouted back. "They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!"
The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise. — Patrick Ness

What the Lady was happening? The man had his mouth smashing on Tarin's, and his tongue was shoving at Tarin's tongue. Tarin tried to scream. The men did eat boys. It wasn't just a scary fire-rumor. He bucked his body and writhed. He was going to be consumed alive!

"Lady!" he bawled like a little kid. It sort of worked.

The man moved his mouth and laughed.
"Now, no fussing. I won't hurt you if you're a good boy."

"Don't eat me," moaned Tarin. He was too scared to be brave. This was why no boys ever escaped from the Before Times buildings. The men ate them! No wonder men were so sleek and strong. They had boy meat to get them through the winter — Syd McGinley

Dude, I told you she was a man-eater."
"That's the thing, she isn't. She is actually an amazing woman. Tough as nails, and man she keeps me on my toes, but she has a heart of gold that she hides from everyone. I really do believe that she was made for me, and I don't care how girly that sounds."
Erick scoffed. "No worries, when a dude is really in love, he turns into a freaking girl. It's scary. So stay away from girls, they are icky and will make you do stupid things. Okay, buddy? — Toni Aleo

When it comes to scary business, I believe that forewarned is forearmed. — Cary McNeal

They forgot to feed them for a few days and, when they remembered, both lions lay limp in their cage, as if dead. A juggler and a clown went in to check - the clown had nicked himself shaving and was bleeding. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the lions weren't dead: they'd merely been sleeping and woke to find two men in their cage and the door wide open." "Gosh," I said. "That must have been very scary, especially for the bleeding clown." "Language, Andy. As it happens, the lions, ignoring the clown, went straight for the juggler.. — Wilkie Martin

IT (The country) IS HEADED TOWARD OVERSIMPLIFICATION. YOU WANT TO SEE A PRESIDENT OF THE FUTURE? TURN ON ANY TELEVISION ON ANY SUNDAY MORNING - FIND ONE OF THOSE HOLY ROLLERS: THAT'S HIM, THAT'S THE NEW MISTER PRESIDENT! AND DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE FUTURE OF ALL THOSE KIDS WHO ARE GOING TO FALL IN THE CRACKS OF THIS GREAT, BIG, SLOPPY SOCIETY OF OURS? I JUST MET HIM; HE'S A TALL, SKINNY, FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD BOY NAMED "DICK." HE'S PRETTY SCARY. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM IS NOT UNLIKE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE TV EVANGELIST - OUR FUTURE PRESIDENT. WHAT'S WRONG WITH BOTH OF THEM IS THAT THEY'RE SO SURE THEY'RE RIGHT! THAT'S PRETTY SCARY - THE FUTURE, I THINK, IS PRETTY SCARY. — John Irving

How wonderful," he purred. "I've been longing to speak to you for days, Princess Cecelia."
"And I've been wanting to kick you in the shin for days. — Jessica Day George

All right. This was no time to crumble. I'd been through an excessive amount of terrifying events. So I needed to take that scary little rabbit hole I was about to dive down, fold it neatly in the palm of my hand, and shove it into my pocket, my Can't Deal With This Now Pocket. Later, when I could process this, I'd take that journey. Until then, I wouldn't try to comprehend, rationalize, or analyze — Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

They're really into it, laughing and teasing each other, and I am looking at Pam and thinking once again how she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen and that if we were back in the olden times she might have been made into a goddess because she is so beautiful. Sometimes I cannot stop my mind. It's scary. — James Howe

That's the scary thing about hope," she said. "If you let it go too long it turns into faith. — Christopher Moore

It wasn't fair, he thought - Aaron having no family and Tamara having her scary family and now Jasper. Soon, there would be no one left for him to hate without feeling bad about it. — Cassandra Clare

If you're a disheveled, easily distracted person, it's always scary when someone asks what your plan is for the day. We don't know our plans.
Distracted people make plans in transit. — Lisa Smartt

Look, I didnt want to be a half-blood.
If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom and dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.
Being a half-blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful nasty ways.
If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe none of this ever happened.
But if you recognize yourself in these pages-if you feel something stirring inside- stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before THEY sense it too, and they'll come for you.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
-Percy Jackson — Rick Riordan

I think that the only real way to tell if a boy like likes you is to be direct. None of this game-playing, that's juvenile. Instead, even though it might be scary, the thing to do is to just march up and ask one of your friends to ask someone else to ask one of his friends what he thinks about you. — Lisa Yee

The magic in that country was so thick and tenacious that it settled over the land like chalk-dust and over floors and shelves like sticky plaster-dust. (House-cleaners in that country earned unusually good wages.) If you lived in that country, you had to de-scale your kettle of its encrustation of magic at least once a week, because if you didn't, you might find yourself pouring hissing snakes or pond slime into your teapot instead of water. (It didn't have to be anything scary or unpleasant, especially in a cheerful household - magic tended to reflect the atmosphere of the place in which it found itself
but if you want a cup of tea, a cup of lavender-and-gold pansies or ivory thimbles is unsatisfactory.) — Robin McKinley

I walk home by myself all the time , " Regan snapped at him
"That's different " Levi smiled at her warmly "You don't rock that Little Red Riding Hood vibe. You're scary — Rainbow Rowell

That's funny. You would think after being followed and shoved into a dark alley by a stranger, you would be at least a little shaken. Don't tell me, you are a black belt just waiting for the perfect moment to strike." He laughed soundlessly. "I mean your words do sound brave but your eyes and the fact that you're trembling like a scared little kitten say something else entirely." Even though the alley was submerged in darkness and shadows, it was obvious there was a devilish grin stretched across his face ... — Nicole Rae

We have to be rid of all paradigms, I mean all, and go to that place where all paradigms dissolve. That's what this certainly is all about; especially the scary paradigms. Do you really think that we are all going to Hell, or even Heaven? This is not about punishment and reward. We already have the reward. It's the grace of this journey into the heart of the Creator and being a part of that creation. — Art Hochberg

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here. — Mitch Hedberg

You're going to stop distracting me while I drive," he said and there was no humor in his voice. "Do you understand?"
"Jeans tight?" I asked, daring him.
Judd narrowed his eyes at me in a rather scary way. Instead of shirking away from him, I remembered how it was his job to get me to Ellsberg safely. Narrowing my eyes, I glared right back at him. We held those angry gazes for a few minutes then he grinned.
"Yes," he said, answering my question as he stared at the now moving traffic. "So shut up, will ya? — Bijou Hunter

'Didn't realize Matty was so scary,' Chris said.
'She's maybe five two and can't make it up a flight of stairs without huffing and puffing. But if I really pissed her off, she might poison my coffee.'
'Sounds like someone I'd like to meet.' — Kim Fielding

I'm dealing with a lot of scary things. I think you have to react to them. And you either laugh at them or you go insane. — Jim Butcher

That's when it happens. Maybe it was my argument. Maybe it was my scary zeal. Whatever the reason, as soon as Megan whistles, the crowd is on its feet.
They're blowing bubbles. They're raising their lighters high.
They're cheering through their fangs ...
For Dawn Summers, for themselves and each other, for every sibling who got tossed into a situation beyond her control.
For me.
And for my sister, who whistles again ...
Once more with feeling. — Cynthia Leitich Smith

Daily receiving the old physician in his study; or visiting the laboratory, and, for recreation's sake, watching the processes by which weeds were converted into drugs of potency. — Nathaniel Hawthorne

Think about scary movies: There's a fine line between horror and humor. — Roy Blount Jr.

Yes to everything scary.
Yes to everything that takes me out of my comfort zone.
Yes to everything that feels like it might be crazy.
Yes to everything that feels out of character.
Yes to everything that feels goofy.
Yes to everything.
Everything.
Say yes.
Yes.
Speak. Speak NOW.
"Yes," I say. "Yes — Shonda Rhimes

Thomas had a depressing - and scary - thought. 'Am I ... replacing someone? Did somebody get killed?'
Minho shook his head. 'No, we're just training you - someone'll want a break. Don't worry, it's been a while since a Runner was killed.'
For some reason that last statement worried Thomas, though he hoped it didn't show on his face. — James Dashner

She did, she really told her. She was pretty scary, actually,"

"The best women always are, love; you don't get to my age without realizing that. — Gil McNeil

Without context, things are not scary. Without context, like humor, horror doesn't work. — Guillermo Del Toro

That's the thing with Holy Moses: big as a house and scary as heck if you don't know him, but Charley Manson and his whole family could come parading through here and he'd give them you room key for a slice of sharp cheddar.
Ms. Fisher, The Last Stop — Kirt J. Boyd

Weren't you ever booed at by your mother?! — Alfred Hitchcock

They're just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries!"
The monster looked at him quizzically. "How strange", it said. "The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seem to suggest otherwise.
"You're as old as the land and you've never heard of sarcasm?" Conor asked. — Patrick Ness

Since when did you bring a gun?" Navidson asks, crouching near the door.
"Are you kidding me? This place is scary. — Mark Z. Danielewski

Why are you singing?" Daniel asked. "You're just lying in the dirt and singing. That's weird. I thought you were supposed to be some kind of scary monster. — Amanda Hocking

I'd heard that if you saw a Reaper, you saw what you expected to see, what you thought the agents of Death would look like. Personally, I wanted to see little, fuzzy pink bunnies, but apparently my subconscious visualized tall, scary, and skeletal. My subconscious and I needed to have a long talk. — Lisa Shearin

Although I like a good scary movie, I've never actually believed anything paranormal or supernatural could be real ... until today. Magic genies, witch spells, and magic troll dolls with funky bright hair are other ideas that have crossed my mind. It also occurs to me that I may be going crazy, and will have to be committed before I finish high school. — Jen Naumann

Agatha, you dressed as a bride for Halloween."
"Weddings are scary. — Soman Chainani

Look, this is just the cemetery. It's got bylaws and things! It's not Transylvania! There's just dead people here! That doesn't make it scary, does it? Dead people are people who were living once! You wouldn't be so worked up if there were living people buried here, would you? — Terry Pratchett

I don't know why anyone would be scared of a homeless person. The truly scary people are all the murder mystery writers. They spend all day thinking of the perfect plot on how to kill someone and get away with it. — Shannon L. Alder