Sarcastic Humour Quotes & Sayings

You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Your love is better than chocolate. Better than anything else that I've tried. — Sarah McLachlan

Our souls are old,
often used before.
The knife outlasts
the hand that holds it. — Ursula K. Le Guin

An idea is a mental spark, a mindset is a mental inferno — Danny Dover

Just a cold. And I think maybe I'm pregnant, because I'm always riding the porcelain bus, or thinking about it. — Alex Adams

Every single person I've seen in the past few days asks me about the Leg.
How is it?
How's the Leg?
The Leg is attached. Thanks for asking. There's The Leg right there. It's on display, always outside of the sheets and blanket, although the whole thing is still so wrapped up it looks like I borrowed The Leg from some ancient Egyptian mummy.
How's The Leg?
It seems a bit mummyish, thanks. — Michael Grant

What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore parachute pants for a long, long time, and I'm doin' okay. — Ellen DeGeneres

We left the nursery in silence, Ma smoking a roll-up, looking like she hadn't slept in a week or maybe like she had slept for a whole week. When the nursery was just a grubby finger smudge behind us Ma looked down at me and said in her poshed-up telephone voice: "Will you speak to Janie about swearing? Fuckin' busybody!"

I laughed and swung our linked hands.

"Aye, fuckin' busybody."

Pleas of laughter escaped us and spiraled up into the hot, blue Scottish sky. We laughed all the way home — Kerry Hudson

Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the 'totality'. The television also told her she wouldn't age if she bought expensive creams and pills. — Guillermo Del Toro

He won't be safe," Hatcher repeated. "For I will find him and I will strip the flesh from his bones piece by piece. There is no place the Rabbit can hide, no hole he can disappear into. I will not sleep again until I have heard him scream for mercy he will never receive. — Christina Henry

I am not a creature of habit. — Tony Visconti

Ingesting a powerful dose of a psychedelic drug is like strapping oneself to a rocket without a guidance system. One might wind up somewhere worth going, and, depending on the compound and one's "set and setting," certain trajectories are more likely than others. But however methodically one prepares for the voyage, one can still be hurled into states of mind so painful and confusing as to be indistinguishable from psychosis. — Sam Harris

He cleared his throat. "You need to pick a safe word."
"What on earth is a safe word?"
He smothered a sigh. This was proving to be more work than he thought it'd be. "It's a word you use when you want things to stop."
"How about I use the word 'stop'?" She sounded sarcastic.
"That's not how it works. You need a word that you wouldn't normally use during sex."
"Fine. How about 'dumbass'?"
"I don't think you're getting into the spirit of this."
"Really? You think?"
"Fine. Dumbass it is." There was no dealing with her when she was in this mood. "If you use your safe word, everything stops."
"Good." She took a deep breath. "Dumbass," she shouted.
Andrew wasn't sure what to do next. This was not going the way it did in the books. — Janet Elizabeth Henderson

Don't think that people hate you, strongly dislike is a better word for it. — Sarah Van Waterschoot

She bared her teeth at me. "Screw you, shifter!"
"Ah, is our honeymoon period over so quickly? You wanted to jump my bones just a second ago. — Cori Moore

Shakespeare was an intellectual ocean, whose waves touched all the shores of thought; within which were all the tides and waves of destiny and will; over which swept all the storms of fate, ambition and revenge; upon which fell the gloom and darkness of despair and death and all the sunlight of content and love, and within which was the inverted sky lit with the eternal stars
an intellectual ocean
toward which all rivers ran, and from which now the isles and continents of thought receive their dew and rain. — Robert Green Ingersoll

They'd had to empty their pockets and turn over Aunt Val's purse to the security guard. That way, I wouldn't be tempted to try to kill anyone with her lip gloss and her travel-size pack of tissues. — Rachel Vincent

Whether we admit to it or not, all of us savor scandals involving paramours. At the back of it could be our innate desire to be the lover of every desirable dame that is born. In order to savor the details, we convert these private affairs into public scandals. If the involved were to be rich and famous, then we have them in the tabloids. It's as if we try to supplant the woman's lover in our dreams. — BS Murthy

Dad made me laugh a lot. He was a real comedian. He had a real sarcastic sense of humour, he could really make a fool out of people. I have to watch it a little bit, because I caught that habit from him. I was really fond of him. He was my idol. — Julian Lennon