Sarcasm Love Quotes & Sayings

Men weigh love with hands. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Carefully I opened my eyes and looked at him again. All his natural gifts were there in a blaze of light: the delicate but strong limbs, large sober brown eyes, and his mouth that for all the irony and sarcasm that could come out of it was childlike and ready to be kissed. — Anne Rice

I love the French for their sarcasm, their irony. I love them for their bad moods. — Marjane Satrapi

Yeah, I was just curious. I concentrated on my footsteps.
Yeah, well, next time you think about stepping into rock concerts you might want to bring a bodyguard.
I stopped and turned around. I brought my hands to my hips, a bit offended. What is that supposed to mean?
He dropped the end of the bat into the sand.
It means your small. — Holly Hood

I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife. — F Scott Fitzgerald

Where is your false, your treacherous, and cursed wife?"
"She's gone forrard to the Police Office," returns Mr Bucket. "You'll see her there, my dear."
"I would like to kiss her!" exclaims Mademoiselle Hortense, panting tigress-like. "You'd bite her, I suspect," says Mr Bucket.
"I would!" making her eyes very large. "I would love to tear her, limb from limb."
"Bless you, darling," says Mr Bucket, with the greatest composure; "I'm fully prepared to hear that. Your sex have such a surprising animosity against one another, when you do differ. — Charles Dickens

And fetch some straw.
We'll put it between us and the ground. No reason we shouldn't sleep soft tonight."
"Straw. I love luxury. — Joanna Bourne

I'm so sick of sarcasm and irony, I could kill! Sincerely, the real root of things is love and sacrifice. — Ben Foster

If walls could talk - scratch that, if walls could make sarcastic comments... well, things would be interesting. — Meghan Apriceno Carr

I've been surrounded by nitwits my entire life. — Chelsea Ballinger

I was an atheist until I realized I was god. What happens if you get scared to death >twice. National sarcasm society:like we need your support.some girls wear Prada some girls we're glock 17 short recoil spring loaded semiautomatic pistols with a loaded chamber indicator and a nonstop drip. — Darynda Jones

He made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat. Oh thank you so much. That's what every man wants to hear about his name. You might as well call me 'Little Pecker' while you're at it and tell me you would love to have me go shopping with you for feminine hygiene products. Oh and by all means, carry a big, sparkling pink bag with flowers on it and make me hold it. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Now, Mr. Antonio. I understand that there are people who are close to you who want me dead."
"No, mija. They don't want you dead."
"Then explain this." I handed him the picture.
He chuckled again.
"No, they don't want you dead. That would be too easy. They want revenge."
Cold sweat broke out all over me, but I kept my face calm. I looked at him straight in the eye.
"Well, then they are going to be quite disappointed, aren't they?" I flashed my teeth at him.
"Senorita, you might want to warn Senor Smith, you see, my nephew he doesn't like to share, and if he sees another man after you, he'll get very, eh, aggressive." The silver fox looked at me and winked.
"Oh, he won't have to worry." I said as I was walking out the door. "I doubt he will be alive long enough to know Agent Smith."
Then I slammed the door. — Rumi Antoinette

I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on! — Ljupka Cvetanova

There are three ways to say, I love you, man.

The first one is an announcement, said at full volume and often accompanied by a swear word. It's sort of Thank you, sort of You're cool, with a little And damn, you make me look good thrown in. This is how kellen said it.

The second one is a diss, said with four and a half tons of sarcasm and most likely a reference to the father, son, or Holy Ghost. There's no sort of about it. It means I hate you right now.

The third one comes wrapped in caution tape. It is said quietly and on its own, without any adjectives. There's no 'sort of' to this one, either, because you mean it.

Like I did. — Sarah Tregay

What tale do you like best to hear?' 'Oh, I have not much choice! They generally run on the same theme - courtship; and promise to end in the same catastrophe - marriage. — Charlotte Bronte

I'd love to start some movements. What I'm tired of is irony, and sarcasm, and music/movies/what have you, not having the guts to mean anything. — Don Hertzfeldt

Why do you haunt me? You, like a tattoo on my tongue, like the bay leaf at the bottom of every pan. You who sprawled out beside me and sang my horoscope to a Schubert symphony, something about travel and money again, and we lay there, both of our breaths bad, both of our underwear dangling elastic, and then you turned toward me with a gaze like two matches, putting the horoscope aside, you traced my buried ribs with your index finger, lingered at my collarbone, admiring it as one might a flying buttress, murmuring: Nice clavicle. And me, too new at it and scared, not knowing what to say, whispering: You should see my ten-speed. — Lorrie Moore

I stood for almost an hour in a line of shuffling, bitter - eyed late mailers (Christmas is such a carefree, low - pressure time - that's one of the things I love about it), ... — Stephen King

The words, I love you, are empty without clarification. Women prefer to be told what they can expect. It is measurable like a Weight Watcher's diet, with extra points at the end of the week if you don't cheat. — Shannon L. Alder

The creative process is a love story that never ends. The ideas are like suitors competing for your attention. You may have relationships, with multiple ideas, at once. You may devote yourself completely to one idea, for a awhile, but the affairs will never end. There will always be more ideas to romance and more concepts to develop. And all for that wonderful moment when you get to gaze at the complete creation and hold perfection in your arms, for one blissful moment ... before your inner-critic starts tearing it to shreds. — Jaeda DeWalt

Does the Pope love Jesus? — Dana Marie Bell

I once saw you in a tuxedo and all I wanted to do is eat. — Pushpa Rana

How 'bout a shot of truth in that denial cocktail. — Jennifer Salaiz

I wanted to come clean many times. I wanted to admit my jealousy, to confess my sarcasm and endless anger, to put all my cards on the table and say the word. But no I'm not that kind, I love deeply; innocently but alone, and my unrequited love will haunt me, forever ... — Invisible Sam

Oh, for the love of God. There is no agent more agent than you. I swear you have pin-striped ties encrypted into your DNA. When you die, the coffin is going to read Property of the FBI. — Lisa Gardner

I glanced back to Yanni to see him smiling at us. "You two can stop being so cute now."
"Well, Spencer can," Andrew deadpanned. "I, unfortunately, am cute all the time."
I laughed. "It's true. He is. — N.R. Walker

What's that around your neck?" asked Emily.
"It's a golden star." Said Reed.
"What did you get it for?"
"Chemistry class."
"What's the star for?" the shadow asked, Usually stars represent a straight A student.
"You get it for having greatness. But Emily doesn't know what that is." He said, answering the shadows question and looking at Emily.
"Greatness, what's greatness?" Emily asked, all wide eyed, and clueless looking
"It's when you do really awesome stuff, and people recognize you for it."
"Oh, no" Emily laughed ."No, I don't know what that is. — Rumi Antoinette

That's great," Katie said. "Actually, it's revolutionary. If you can work and be in love at the same time, you're the first woman I ever knew that could. Maybe you're the missing link, Amanda."
Maybe you ought to get a job for the 'Ladies Home Journal.' They like simplistic shit like that. — Ellen Gilchrist

Using love as a bait and replacing respect with ego-pampering makes you a skillful social animal; unfortunately, all kinds of animals are less evolved than human beings. Would you like to evolve? — Saurabh Sharma

I've given her signs! I've given her plenty of signs. What does she want me to do? Slap him across the face with my glove, and challenge him to pistols at dawn? — Molly Ringle

Oh," she said, in a very different way. "Well. Thanks for my part in the compliment. Naturally I'd love to be watched and controlled, but I think I may be washing my hair that day. — Sarah Rees Brennan

Would you like to assist me with my choice of underwear as well?" My sarcasm whistled right over his head.
"I would be delighted. While I'd love to see you in a balconette bra, I'm afraid for this particular occasion I would have to go with a foam-lined seamless due to the tight fit of the garment across your breasts ... Perhaps I could come over and review what you have available ... — Ilona Andrews

You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain.
That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain.
I shrugged. I'm glad you guys are so close. — Holly Hood

As my laughter faded, he shot me an amused glance. "You should laugh more often. It's far less nauseating than your speaking voice."
"That may be the nicest thing you've ever said to me."
"Don't let it go to your head. — Cecily White

Was she on some sort of Candid Camera version of This is Your Sucky Love Life? — Nicki Elson

She said yes. If only she didn't talk so much! — Ljupka Cvetanova

You've come to your senses, that's what. Although stubbornness may be a quality some admire, I find your overabundance of it quite distasteful. You take an enormous amount of leading to reach the correct conclusions."
"You know what I love? I love being manipulated! It makes me so happy and so willing to do whatever I'm being manipulated into!"
His mouth curved into a puzzled frown.
"It's called sarcasm, you stupid faerie nitwit." I picked up the nearest object, a froofy pillow with gold thread in intricate swirling patterns, and chucked it at his head. He stared at me, aghast, and I was pleased to see I'd managed to muss his perfect golden hair. — Kiersten White

Luke is the sort of boy Taylor Swift could at least three songs out of. — Beth Garrod

He pulled Dancer to the side. "Can I ask a huge favor?" Dancer scowled. "What?" "You know where we're headed. Find Talyn's female and bring her to the Porturnum station to stay with him. I think he'll like that." Dancer's gaze softened. "You sure?" He nodded. "Families shouldn't be separated. And while you're at it, why don't you bring Sumi and the kids, too? I know you don't want to be away from them, either." A strange shadow appeared in Dancer's red eyes. "Who are you and what have you done with my I-don't-give-a-shit-about-anything brother?" Fain snorted at his mock sarcasm. "Shut the fuck up and do what I said." "Now there's the familiar asshole I know so well and love for reasons still unknown." Fain — Sherrilyn Kenyon

And I know I'm sarcastic and defensive and I make a joke out of everything and am highly resistant to anything that reeks of sentimental corniness, but I'm giving you my heart anyway because being with you feels like home, and I know you won't break it. — Shauna Cross

Poison." he said, deadpan. "That's an unusual name to give your child. You must love her very much."
She's a treasure." Bram agreed, blithely ignoing the sarcasm.
...
Then went a few dozen feet in silence, until they were out of eaarshor of the gaurd.
She's a treasure." Poison mimicked, and Bram burst out laughing. — Chris Wooding

What? Who are you marrying?"
His jaw tightened."Princess Cleiona Bellos."
Lucia could not believe her ears. "This has been arranged."
Magnus gave her a look."Oh, not at all. Since helping to take her father's kingdom and destroy her life,I couldn't help but fall madly in love with her. Yes,obviously it was arranged. — Morgan Rhodes

Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet ... Ew, did you ... ?"
"Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless. — Molly Harper

You'd really give up your big, swanky apartment?"
"If you don't want to move in there with me, yes."
"But you love your apartment."
"I love you more, dumb ass. — Suzanne Wright

If there is no sarcasm, there's no true love towards the mankind — Dmitry Pisarev

Dearest love, let me count the ways. Dismemberment, garroted, poisoned, drowned, named. I read that as soon as a species is named it begins its travels up the endangered list. Discovery meaning death. — Lindsay Hunter

What do you feel?" Curiosity hung in the air.
Matt was thankful Darian didn't walk out except now he had to explain himself. "I feel jittery."
"Oh, then it's gotta be love." Darian shook his head and turned away.
Matt knew sarcasm when he heard it. He grabbed Darian's elbow and pulled him into his arms. Darian's hands were smashed to his chest and his face was very close to Matt's. "I'm not letting you walk out." He asserted. "You make me feel sick."
"Oh, that's so much better. — Wade Kelly

The very concept of trying to 'teach' a lover things feels patronising, incongruous and plain sinister. If we truly loved someone, there could be no talk of wanting him or her to change. Romanticism is clear on this score: true love should involve an acceptance of a partner's whole being. It is this fundamental commitment to benevolence that makes the early months of love so moving. Within the new relationship, our vulnerabilities are treated with generosity. Our shyness, awkwardness and confusion endear (as they did when we were children) rather than generate sarcasm or complain; the trickier sides of us are interpreted solely through the filter of compassion.
From these moments, a beautiful yet challenging, and even reckless, conviction develops: that to be properly loved must always mean being endorsed for all that one is. — Alain De Botton

Love is a fairytale blah, blah, blah. — Jessica Fortunato

Love is worth dying for, said the spermatozoid. — Ljupka Cvetanova

Sometimes you get this look in your eyes, like you've just realized I'm edible."
"Well, I like looking at you." He angles his head. "Do you know what else I like? I like your thoughts, your imperfections, your lips, your sarcasm, your explosions of anger, your intelligence, your strength of character. I like it all. — Elisa Marie Hopkins

We all love each other, Ange," I said impatiently, hating this whole conversation. "No, not like this," she went on relentlessly. "Fang loves you." ... My mouth dropped open. How does she know this stuff? "Forget it! No one's getting married!" I hissed. "Not in New Hampshire or anywhere else! Not in a box, not with a fox! Now go to sleep, before I kill you! Oh yeah, like I got any sleep after that. - pg 35 — James Patterson

The problem is not that people make any bond of affection they like with people they like; the problem is calling that bond of affection "love. — Daya Kudari

Sir Mark Turner," he said. "I speak with the tongues of a thousand angels. Butterflies follow me wherever I go. Birds sing when I take a breath. — Courtney Milan

There wasn't anything that I didn't love about her. Her sarcasm and wit were so much fun. She was strong and driven and so good with her creative thinking. She was so caring, and a good friend - she was everything I'd been looking for, when I wasn't even looking. But as strong as she tried to be, there was a vulnerability about her that made me feel so protective of her. I couldn't help that I went all alpha male anytime a man approached her. She had no idea how attractive she is. — Taryn Plendl

The way you walked away
The way you stopped and waited
All that time
What was in your heart?
A laugh?
A sarcasm?

Couldn't we be lovers?
Though we have never walked together — Shasika Amali Munasinghe

You're just a huge romantic at heart, aren't you?"
"If there's cash involved, I'm anything you want me to be. — Jasper Fforde

-"This is incredible Ryn. It is. But-"
-"No." He turns around. "No buts. You think I'm going to hurt you? You think I'm going to get bored and run off with some Undergrounder the first chance I get? You obviously have no idea how amazing you are. You, Violet Fairdale, are incredible, and I want you. Every part of you. I want your stubbornness and your sarcasm and your competitive spirit. I want you challenging me and fighting beside me. I want to hold you and kiss you and so much more because there's no one else in the world who knows me like you do. You have always been the one for me, even when we couldn't stand each other. You're beautiful and hot and sexy all at once, and you're more intelligent than any girl I've met. I love the fact that I've known you all my life. It just feels right when you're beside me. It feel like I've been lost in the desert for years, and ... I've finally come home. — Rachel Morgan

Relationships are so much like the United States - they only really thrive when faced with an external threat. — Laura Pedersen

Marriage is always something of a compromise, as I'm sure you're now aware. Any long-term relationship is - and one does have to see it in the long term, Charles. No, I expect your mother and myself will never divorce. It's uneconomic and, at my age, usually unnecessary. — Martin Amis

Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. — P.G. Wodehouse

Who the hell calls at two in the morning?"
"Maybe it's Matt Wilde, confessing his love," Lindsay says.
"Very funny, — Lauren Oliver

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. — Lorrie Moore

My mother and father were married this way and are quite happy. I hope to find happiness, too. To find a woman that all of Illea can love, someone to be my companion and to help entertain the leaders of other nations. Someone who will befriend my friends and be my confidante. I'm ready to find my wife.
Something in his voice struck me. There wasn't a trace of sarcasm. This thing that seemed like little more than a game show to me was his only chance for happiness. He couldn't try with a second round of girls. Well, maybe he could, but how embarrassing. He was so desperate, so hopeful. I felt my distaste for him lessen. Marginally. — Kiera Cass

Inevitably, anytime we are too vulnerable we feel the need to protect ourselves from further wounds. So we resort to sarcasm, cutting humor, criticism
anything that will keep from exposing the tenderness within. Each partner tends to wait on the initiative of the other for love, only to be disappointed but also confirmed as to the rightness of the accusations made. — Stephen R. Covey

Keep up," said an irritable voice in her ear. It was Jace, who had dropped back to walk beside her. "I don't want to have to keep looking behind me to make sure nothing's happened to you."
"So don't bother."
"Last time I left you alone, a demon attacked you," he pointed out.
"Well, I'd certainly hate to interrupt your pleasant night stroll with my sudden death."
He blinked. "There is a fine line between sarcasm and outright hostility, and you seem to have crossed it. — Cassandra Clare

I love you too, I wanted to say with as much hurtful sarcasm as I could muster, but she hadn't seen me, and I kept quiet. I did love her, of course, but mostly just because loving your mother is mandatory, not because she's someone I think I'd like very much if I met her walking down the street. Which she wouldn't be anyway; walking is for poor people — Ransom Riggs

I love having to attend the one class that is being taught by a professor who feels that their class is the only class being taught at the University and gives nothing but busy work. — Heather Chapple

Past misdeeds must only serve as a reference point in calm conversation about lessons learned or actions that taught us to behave better. They should never be bantered about with sarcasm, anger, or nastiness. — Cathy Burnham Martin

Mary,' said her mother. 'We don't like sarcasm '
'You mightn't like it,' said Mary. 'But I love it. — Roddy Doyle

Zach," Seth greeted him cautiously. "I'm surprised you joined us."
"Apparently, he's an enigma," Marcus drawled, the words dripping with sarcasm.
Seth actually felt the urge to smile.
"And you're the luckiest bastard on the planet," Zach declared. "They love you, faults and all. — Dianne Duvall

Love has been taken away from the poets, and has been brought within the domain of true science. It may prove to be one of the great cosmic elementary forces. When the atom of hydrogen draws the atom of chlorine towards it to form the perfected molecule of hydrochloric acid, the force which it exerts may be intrinsically similar to that which draws me to you. Attraction and repulsion appear to be the primary forces. This is attraction. — Arthur Conan Doyle

Any boy who'd love a sailboat-patterned, swimsuited sausage who tames rabid foxes would be wonderful. And impossible. — Fanny Britt

I'm a silly guy, I love wit and cynicism and sarcasm. — Columbus Short

She could be a fire hazard. Maybe we should remove her from the ship before she spontaneously combusts. — Marissa Meyer

Bryn," he said. "Do you know how much I love you?"
I smiled and answered with a hint of sarcasm in my tone, "Well, I'm not quite sure."
"No, I'm serious," Tyler said, turning over onto his side so that he was facing me. His eyes were serious, something that I only saw when he really had something to say.
"Yeah, I do. It's the kind that hurts so good, right? Almost like you can't breathe without the other person and the only thing that keeps you sane throughout the day is knowing that you'll see that person soon enough. Nothing can come between you and that person. You would do anything for them. Be anyone they need you to be. Without thinking twice, you know you will be there, no matter what. That's what loving you is to me. — Alexandria Rhodes

Don't make me climb across this desk and slap you, because I will. — H.M. Ward

I am quite scandalous, you see. I come packaged with unpredictable moments, brutal honesty, calamitous outbursts, the ghastly need for love, a fiendish lack of filter, the horrific need to question everything, nauseating affection, offensive kindness, indecent spirituality, obscene beauty, monstrous creativity, barbaric embellishments, contemptuous passion, sinful childhood traumas, unscrupulous hobbies, vexatious caring, abominable sensitivity, reprehensible humor, hideous sarcasm, displeasing feelings, unpalatable confidence, offensive compassion, villainous inspiration and a devilish wit. I am quite grotesque in my imperfectness and I am not ashamed to admit it. — Shannon L. Alder

Edna restored the toffee to the centre of her tongue and sucking pleasurably, resumed her typing of Naked Love by Armand Levine. Its painstaking eroticism left her uninterested
as indeed it did most of Mr. Levine's readers, in spite of his efforts. He was a notable example of the fact that nothing can be duller than dull pornography. — Agatha Christie

Why fall? Let's rise in love together; and while we're at it, let's come up with lamer quotations. — Ahmed Mostafa

I tweet from bed. I love it because it's so quick. And it's funny. But it also leaves a lot of room for error because new people don't sense the sarcasm - there's no sarcasm font. — Christine Teigen

Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked?
Jace: I was following you.
Simon: Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me? — Cassandra Clare

I'll see you there little Red.' Fane's voice faded out of her mind and she could feel his humor. Oh, wasn't he just too cute, picking up on her two best friends' idea of a sick joke - to turn her into the little girl who almost wound up as the wolf's dinner.
"My, what big eyes you have, wolf-man," Jacque said out loud, unable to stop her sarcasm from boiling up.
"The better to see you with love," Jen chimed in.
"What big ears you have!" Sally continued their comic relief.
"The better to hear you with my love," Jen followed.
"What big teeth you have!" Sally mocked, her hands on either side of her face.
"The better to eat you with my love," Jen cackled, but she wasn't finished. True to Jen form she added her own twisted sense of humour. "My, what a big-"
Sally slapped a hand over her mouth, quickly realising where Jen was going with that statement. — Quinn Loftis

I just want you that's it. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. Everything. I just want you — Sara Quin