Romance Humor Quotes & Sayings

Leave it to you to find a legal way to do something illegal — Diana Palmer

No day should be without romance — Dana Bennett

Kara Keen--Romance with heat, humor and heart — Kara Keen

Knives and candlelight," he said, "how romantic. — Nenia Campbell

With Mr. Montgomery, I set out to see what it would be like to write a novel in 30 days. It was hell! I'd do it again in a minute. — Nadlee Thims

They're so retarded they think stereotype means typing with both hands. — Poppet

When somebody you love dies, a phase of life's innocence dies with that person, and a part of you dies as well. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

I'm out of health potions. Retreat! Retreat! Give me some of your health potions!" I screamed. "I don't have any potions. Run, bitch, run," Brody squealed. The red ran out on my health and my assassin was transported, stripped of everything we'd earned, back to the starting camp. "I'm dead! Fuck, they killed me! — Kristen Ashley

Michael staggered to his feet and turned to face his worst nightmare. Baal stood before him, a smirk on his face. He wore his signature grey, pinstripe, three-piece suit, and casually twisted his pinky ring on his long and slender well-manicured finger. As it rotated Michael caught a glimpse of the rubies in the skull's eye sockets. His black hair was slicked back, the sight of his false appearance made Michael sick to his stomach. — Wendy Owens

How do you poop? Where does it go? If you get more prestigious as you go down, aren't you shitting on the upper classes? — Alanea Alder

Saint Bo, a man christened with the miraculous ability to gentle horses, nervous women, and one year olds. — Becky Wade

I was sorry to lose it, and if you make me another one, I promise not to get taken captive by bandits and have to use it to save my life. — Shannon Hale

Colin decided then and there that the female mind was a strange and incomprehensible organ - one which no man should even attempt to understand. There wasn't a woman alive who could go from point A to B without stopping at C, D, X, and 12 along the way. — Julia Quinn

I think you better hurry along with that French toast making, Stud. You know - before my fetus eats your face."
"It would be equally as delicious. — Pella Grace

Rachel knew what she was doing. And when she didn't, she could improvise on the fly, coming up with options that left a lot of collateral damage but usually only hurt herself, not the people around her. It was one of the things he would never admit that he admired about her. — Kim Harrison

You're taller than I am, but I'm stronger, and meaner right this minute than you could ever imagine - Lady Madelyne. — Julie Garwood

Hold onto your creativity, that idealism that is rooted in some degree of innocence and a firm belief in something finer than the things we already have. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Sunshine, I ... Starla's voice broke off as she entered the room and caught sight of him standing naked in the corner. She eyed him in an odd, detached way, as if he were an interesting piece of furniture.
Talon and modesty were strangers, but the way she stared at him made him damned uncomfortable. In spite of the sunlight, Talon grabbed the pink blanket off the bed and clutched it to his middle.
You know, Sunshine, you need to find a man like that to marry. Someone so well hung that even after three or four kids, he'd still be wall to wall.
Talon gaped.
Sunshine laughed. Starla, you're embarrassing him. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

The parasail's winch turned, winding up the line, pulling Ally and Serena lower and closer to him in a steady pull. A funny feeling seized him as he watched her. Logically, he knew she kept getting closer, but he suddenly knew she'd never arrive. She'd be suspended out on the end of that line for eternity, seemingly within reach, yet somehow distant. His breath stopped. — Linda Morris

If you get the urge, then write about it. — Terry Brooks

Oh my God, you're huge. She struggled to get her hands to the ends of the long sleeves. The garment hung to her knees. She glanced up to see his lips pressed together, like he was choking on a laugh. The corners of his eyes wee crinkled and amusement flickered in his heated gaze. — Krystal Shannan

Did you let him know that if he can't see fit to return your blow job immediately, you will have no choice but to sue? — Meg Cabot

Yes, I called him mine. He'd put his mouth on my vagina, and I was a feeling a little territorial about the whole thing. Sue me. — Elizabeth Brown

If she hasn't learned to appreciate my sterling character and spectacular good looks by this time, it's not likely she will. — Elizabeth Peters

Stop complainin." Jess climbed up to the cab and leaned down to pull me up beside him. "I'm not complaining." His fingers clung to my wrists as the soles on my gray, canvas shoes slipped up the worn steps. "It's hot. I'm sweatin'. I don't want to go campin'," his voiced pitched high to mock me. — S.D. Hendrickson

She looks me dead in the face and says, "The safe word is going to be 'immigration,' because you know I'll stop it. — Kayti McGee

One more crack like that, Chatsfield, and you'll have to entertain yourself in your little hideaway.'

Antonio took her hand again and found himself feeling serious as he said, 'Not a chance. You're not escaping now. — Abby Green

Bad enough that getting turned on when he had nothing more than a bath towel to hide it would make the condition kind of hard to miss, but getting turned on in front of his ex-fiancee was akin to smearing honey on his junk and walking into grizzly territory. — Heidi Betts

I'm not a size zero, I'll never be a size zero, and the number of fucks I give about that is zero. — Lauren Gallagher

I'm a writer," she declared before she drained the glass. "I should learn about everything. — Mary Cox

If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract ...
Rhett — Rowena Cherry

My good qualities are under your protection, and you are to exaggerate them as much as possible; and, in return, it belongs to me to find occasion for teasing and quarreling with you as often as may be ... — Jane Austen

You can't even begin to fathom the amount of fucks I do not give about what you want. — Ella Dominguez

Can you even have human nature if you don't have the capacity to feel?" I ask.
"Do you mean on some kind of existentialist 'what are we if not the things we feel' kind of way?" I don't know what he means by existentialist. I say as much. He laughs. I entertain the idea of stabbing him for several minutes. — Ellis Adler

We are all works in progress, the authors of our own lives. — Caroline James

Yes. I know all about soul-wraiths." Ramsey frowned. "How did you avoid them in the past?"
"Set a perimeter of energized diaman crystal. That will keep them at bay." Hel smiled without humor. "I have the diaman crystal in my saddle pack. I lack a sexual partner to energize them. I had intended to return with a magistra but a magister will work as well. Care to volunteer?"
"Only if I top," Ramsey snapped.
"You'd have to kill me first," returned Hel.
"With pleasure."
Steffania took a breath. Ram cut her off. "No. I don't share you, Vixen."
Fear of the unknown almost froze Adonia's tongue, but she was the obvious answer. She could do this, and the opportunity might never present itself again. "I'll be your partner. — Patricia A. Knight

There was a definite pull to him and in that moment I had to know why. — Nicole Gulla

If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic. — Richelle Mead

Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped. — Phyllis Diller

More dangerous than being in a house full of vampires? I think I'll take my chances, Mr. Fallinsworth."

"I think we're way past formalities here since my cock has been inside that hot, wet, delicious body of yours. — K.L. Kreig

This isn't so much romance as it is opportunity [victor mancini] — Chuck Palahniuk

Liz pasted on a smile, trying to appear normal in light of the fact that he had possibly incriminating knowledge on her from the background check. She hoped her application for a marriage license with Craig wasn't in the report. Or her long shopping record for organization systems from The Container Store. Or her many Internet searches for breeds of nonshedding dogs (she was waiting for the house with a yard before getting one). Or her long-time obsession with new cleaning products. — Kylie Gilmore

She flipped off the cat?

She said he was judging her. — Tiffany Reisz

Eventually, you're gonna have to let someone in. — Cassia Leo

Get your fang boner under control. Your freaking out my person — Alanea Alder

Ben was in his truck, window down, idling at the curb, dark lenses hiding his eyes from her, looking effortlessly big and badass.
The way she wished she felt. — Jill Shalvis

She'd run over Dankyo in an instant to get to Theo. Be a darn big bump in the road, but she'd do it. — Cari Silverwood

If you were three times poor, I would still have paid attention to you and fell head over heels in love with you. — Olga Goa

Oh fuck, he was right there. I was wet as hell and he could probably smell me now. I should have eaten strawberries or melon or a dozen roses or an entire mint plant. Did that work for women? I read an article that it worked for men. Their spunk tasted like what they ate. Did my vagina taste like spaghetti right now? God dammit! I shouldn't have eaten dinner! — Tara Sivec

Of course, in my mind, violence would have been better, but since that wasn't an option, I decided to play along. "It's okay, handsome. I've only been here a few minutes. I'd like to introduce you to Dick."
"No, it's ... " Richard tried to correct me only to be interrupted by Drew.
"Nice to meet you, Dick," Drew retorted. — Jeanne McDonald

A woman with long, blonde hair stood for a moment on the other side of the door. She looked similar to his date. Was she entering or leaving the coffee house?
Before Paul could confirm her identity or stand and run after her, she strode away and disappeared in the crowd. — Cheryl Sterling

Great, Alexia thought, I have gone from soul sucker to electrical ground. The epithets just get sweeter and sweeter. — Gail Carriger

That was some powerful shit. Like mind and pussy-numbing, fuckilepsy inducing, reproductive organ-exploding powerful. You really are some kind of flogger wielding sex God. — Ella Dominguez

Remember I told you I've taken a vow of chastity. You understand what that means, right?
Yeah," he said. "You're very generous. I think that's cool."
I didn't quite get his answer, but I didn't want to prolong the conversation. [ ... ]
That's when it dawned on me what Greg had meant. [ ... ] Um, that's charity, Greg, not chastity.
He is so not the right guy for me.(137-138) — Robin Brande

If you ever need to confirm that a girl is worth coming back from Hell for, show her your monster arm and see what she says. — Richard Kadrey

Are you going to give her gonorrhea too, or was that gift just for me? — Cassia Leo

A witch, a vampire, and a pixy walk into a bar, I thought as I led the way into the Squirrel's End. It was early, and the sun had yet to set when the door swung shut behind Jenks, sealing us in the warm air smelling faintly of smoke. Immediately Nick yanked it open to come in behind us. And there's the punch line. — Kim Harrison

It smelled delicious but tasted of jealousy. — Katie Graykowski

To be honest, your crap fascinates me. Having you here is like visiting a foreign land. — Samanthe Beck

A few more of those smiles, and this guy isn't going to know what hit him when the Earth girl impulsively kisses him for no apparent reason. -Reece Bryant — S.L. Morgan

Kindness is a source of relief to the soul of the giver, creating a sense of fortitude that is incomprehensible to those who do not know what kindness is all about. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

That is when you know you have reached the point of no return, when you began to stalk a ghost. — S.R. Gibbs

In your selflessness pursuit of things higher than yourself, you appear selfish or inconsiderate to those who truly love you and who have cared deeply about you from the first day you came into their lives. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear ... from my future Kids' Funny Business. — Ivan Stoikov

And then I realized that my sister was trying to LIVE a romance novel.
Man, that takes courage and imagination. Well, it also took some degree of mental illness, too, but I was suddenly happy for her.
And a little scared. Well, a lot scared. — Sherman Alexie

She'd been trained as a child no to trust anyone, but he'd just saved her life, and she was freezing. He could be a yeti for all she cared. — Krystal Shannan

GET IN he says, getting in on the driver side. I get in with no questions. Okay. This is a bad movie waiting to happen-I'm getting in a car with a guy I just met today who is keeping secrets from me. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm too scared to speak or ask or run away, though. So I just get in and put on my seat belt. I am so stupid. — Sara Daniell

What were you chanting when you gave me your blood?"
"More of my vampire magic. I cast a healing spell to aid the powers of my blood."
She sniffled, her nose stuffy. "It was better than Vicodin."
"Vicodin?"
"A painkiller from my world."
"A killer of pain. Did you love him?" The words were growled.A burst of unexpected humor gave her strength. "No. In fact, he was hard to shake. He, uh, stalked me, that kind of thing. I had to pretend he didn't
exist."
Nicolai kissed her temple and relaxed against her. — Gena Showalter

He looked like a sexy ninja. Or a tiger ready to pounce on his prey. She just looked like she was sitting sideways on an invisible toilet. Curse the male species for making danger look so good! — Leia Shaw

The soy is seeping through the material like a BP oil slick in a Louisiana swamp. — Poppet

In the world of today, human desires far supersede human needs. Waste, as you can see, is the result of all of those contradictions. That is how we ended up complicating our world. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

I can only imagine what goes on in that head of yours ... " he teased. "I assure you I haven't taken up black magic, ritualistic sacrifice, or - "
"Plushophilia?" I tagged on.
"Excuse me? ... " came his half-confused, half-intrigued reaction.
"An obsession with stuffed animals," I clarified. "I mean, you are a young one ... "
"Where did you come up with that?" He kept his hands firmly covering my eyes, but I could hear the amused smile in his voice. "Is that even a real word?"
"I'm a doctor, I know these things," I shrugged. — M.A. George

I love the business. Hooking is
just acting laced with lust."
BUNNY Stilettos And Steel — Jeri Estes

In spite of being happier than I ever dreamed I could be, I'm also soberer. The fear that something may happen to you rests like a shadow on my heart. Always before I could be frivolous and carefree and unconcerned, because I had nothing precious to lose. But now
I shall have a Great Big Worry all the rest of my life. Whenever you are away from me I shall be thinking of all the automobiles that can run over you, or the signboards that can fall on your head or the dreadful, squirmy germs that you may be swallowing. — Jean Webster

More than anything." Rob persisted. "You'd crawl on your belly over broken glass for her. Easy. — L.J.Smith

When Grant Blue reaches me, he bends his head down close enough that I can smell the soap and promise on his skin. Clean living and popularity - It's quite the aftershave, let me tell you. If I'm being honest, the fact that he even has to bend to talk to me is making me want to swoon a little ... But just a little. — Isobel Irons

Kitty need's a tounge bath — Jeaniene Frost

It's about time! It's supposed to be a ritual, not a marathon. — Karen Chance

Thank you," she whispered, sending up a quick prayer for his continued recovery.
"You're welcome," Marcus murmured.
Honoria let out a little shriek of surprise, jumping back nearly a foot.
"Sorry," he said, but he was laughing.
It was quite the loveliest sound Honoria had ever heard.
"I wasn't thanking you," she said pertly.
"I know." He smiled — Julia Quinn

She wears those old fashioned pj's like body armour. Going to bed these days is like wresting with Kevlar. — Poppet

All pomp and show." Anjali's glare at the house would've exploded bricks if she'd had superhuman powers. "A fat cow needs a big barn. — Nicola Marsh

He's hot. Too hot for me. Jeez, if he said the word sex to me I would probably pass-out. — LeeAnn Whitaker

I think it's necessary when you're dealing with a dark show that has explosion and violence to have defined moments of lightness and humor, even romance. It's important, and it deepens the character, of course. — Wentworth Miller

And you haven't got a 'pause' button, have you? You are just uncontrollable! — Olga Goa

His legs were still crossed, and his bulge sat atop his crossed thighs, so large it seemed to be taunting her, [...].
"My eyes are up here, you know," Elbryn said in amusement. — Ash Gray

With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy. — Janvier Chouteu-Chando

In my experience, the romance novels written about BDSM have about as much in common with actual BDSM relationships as a child playing with a jump rope. — Nenia Campbell

Trades are happening, and I have two players that if they don't get their crap together I'm going to castrate them."

He took in a sharp breath. "Don't castrate my teammates, sweetheart, it will affect how they play. — Toni Aleo

I didn't tell you how beautiful he is so you could fall in love with him. I told you so you could appreciate that I'm in love with him. — Marianne Maughan

Boy meets girl. So what? — Bertolt Brecht

He wanted more, as did I, but we still had a ways to go. I wasn't a tease and my demands seemed pretty reasonable: always be honest and try not to eat me.

~ Sam, Living Violet — Jaime Reed

To tell the truth, it is regarding the physical side of marriage that I have always been apprehensive...There so seldom seems to be enough of it," said Miss Teatime. — Colin Watson

I'm not 'stubborn.'"

"Oh, really?"

Lifting my chin, I said, "I'm determined." (Violet to Doc) — Ann Charles

A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers? — Cassandra Clare

My first wife was a bear in the morning. I love me some passion, and I gotta have a woman who puts a little pepper in the gumbo, but I didn't make that morning mistake twice. — Mary Jane Hathaway

If you fuck like your eyes do, your wife must be one delighted lady. — Poppet

Upright, she's slapped with the aroma of musk and sweat. It's the good hunky, 'shirtless man building a dollhouse for his daughter' kind of perspiration, not the 'he just mowed the lawn' kind of stench. — Sandy Ward Bell

You drop my name again, I'll hunt you down and cut off everything that protrudes from your body. You get me? — Kristen Ashley

You get a kick out of shocking the pants off me, don't you?" I shook my head with a smirk.

He just shrugged with a playful smile, his eyes momentarily flitting toward my pants before returning to meet my gaze.

"It's an expression," I rolled my eyes. "Don't tell me you aren't familiar with it, Mr. Smarty Pants."

"You have quite a repertoire of 'pants' references, don't you? — M.A. George

I cannot believe that you're still a girl. Your kisses don't seem that innocent. They are driving me crazy. — Olga Goa