Roger Ebert Funny Quotes & Sayings

I wasn't very ambitious as a child. I'm still not. — Fiona Apple

The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert. — David Letterman

Learning to deal with setbacks, and maintaining the persistence and optimism necessary for childhood's long road to mastery are the real foundations of lasting self-esteem. — Lilian Katz

The fire inside people is like a match; the way to ignite that flame is initially through friction, then other matches are lit through warmth. — Stephen Covey

I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become. — Oprah Winfrey

You can't replace people you love with other people ... But you can trust that you're not going to run out of people to love. — Barbara Kingsolver

There are two things you can't argue in film: comedy and eroticism. If something doesn't make you laugh, no one can tell you why it's funny, and it's difficult to reason someone out of an erection. — Roger Ebert

There are few lonelier sights than a good comedian being funny in a movie that doesn't know what funny is. — Roger Ebert

She helped the hunter with the cooking as a husband helps his wife: when he had gone out to hunt and left something to stew, she would take the pot off the fire. But she never knew when to take it off; sometimes it was cooked to pieces, and she never got it right except by accident. But when the accident happened the hunter would laugh and say, "You're as good a cook as my mother!" After all, why should he want her to keep house? If you have a seal that could talk, would you want it to sweep the floor? — Randall Jarrell

There exists a miracle in every moment. — Lailah Gifty Akita

The ten thousand things rise and fall while the self watches their return. — Lao-Tzu

There was nothing more bitter than a soul who had had its chance and thrown it away. — Brandon Sanderson

There was no mistaking, even in the uncertain light, the hand, half crabbed, half generous, and wholly drunken, of the Consul himself, the Greek e's, the flying buttresses of d's, the t's like lonely wayside crosses save where they crucified an entire word. — Malcolm Lowry

I've never found kicks to the groin particularly funny, although recent work in the genre of the buddy movie suggests audience research must prove me wrong. — Roger Ebert

In the earliest years of the AIDS crisis, there were many gay men who were unable to come out about the fact that their lovers were ill, A, and then dead, B. They were unable to get access to the hospital to see their lover, unable to call their parents and say, 'I have just lost the love of my life.' — Judith Butler

The noble things and the just things, which the political art examines, admit of much dispute and variability, such that they are held to exist by law11 alone and not by nature. — Aristotle.

It is quite possible for the vulgar to be funny, but to succeed, it must rise to a certain genius. — Roger Ebert

The question 'Who am I?' is not an idle one. How you answer the question will determine how you live the rest of your life. It will determine the quality of your life. — Neale Donald Walsch

Cheer up O faint-hearted warrior. Not only has Christ traveled the road - but He has slain your enemies! — Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. — John F. Lehman Jr.

It's funny that there was so much disturbance about having a Catholic in the White House with Kennedy, and when we finally get a religion in the White House that's causing a lot of conflicts, and concerns, and disturbances for a lot of people, it's in the Bush Administration. — Roger Ebert