Retriever Quotes & Sayings

I love everybody. I think my totem animal is a Labrador Retriever. — Abigail Disney

Thanks a lot. You could have cut the girl some slack. We haven't had anything pretty to look at around here since Bradley's old golder retriever died died last fall. — Robyn Carr

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him. — Steven Wright

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. — Brian Weiss

Dwayne's only companion at night was a Labrador retriever named Sparky. Sparky could not wag his tail - because of an automobile accident many years ago, so he had no way of telling other dogs how friendly he was. He had to fight all the time. His ears were in tatters. He was lumpy with scars. *** — Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Noah appeared beside Blue. He looked joyful and adoring, like a Labrador retriever. — Maggie Stiefvater

Once someone has had the good fortune to share a true love affair with a Golden Retriever, one's life and one's outlook is never quite the same. — Betty White

The Labrador Retriever coat colors are black, yellow, and chocolate. Any other color or a combination of colors is a disqualification in the show ring, according to the breed standard. A small white spot on the chest is permissible, however, but not desirable. Black - Blacks should be all black. Yellow - Yellows may range in color from fox-red to light cream, with variations in shading on the ears, back and underparts of the dog. Chocolate - Chocolates can vary in shade from light to dark chocolate. — Dog Fancy Magazine

My friend Phil has a theory that the Lord, having made teenagers, felt constrained to make amends and so created the golden retriever. — Mary McGrory

Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the kind of dog that, if it takes an interest in your personal regions (which of course it does) you cannot fend it off with a blowtorch. — Dave Barry

Good fences make good neighbors, and these were apparently good enough that they had not felt the need for razor wire at the top. I crested the fence, threw myself into the yard beyond, fell, rolled to my feet, and ran with the expectation of being garroted by a taut clothesline.
I heard panting, looked down, and saw a gold retriever running at my side, ears flapping. The dog glanced up at me tongue rolling, grinning, as though jazzed by the prospect of an unscheduled play session. — Dean Koontz

I'd thought Clarice's smile was both too dim and friendly and too wide and white, so that she looked to me like the love child of a cannibal and a Labrador retriever. — Joshilyn Jackson

And evolution wasn't even properly invented until the late 1800s. Is that enough time to get a Labrador retriever from a dire wolf? I think not. — Bobby Henderson

I've watched goldfish make babies, and ants execute earwigs. I've seen a fly deliver live young while having its head eaten by a mantis. And I had a golden retriever behave like one. — N.D. Wilson

Otis, on the other hand, didn't miss home a bit. He had always hated the stairs in our house in Massachusetts. He was now five years old and very large for a golden retriever. I thought he was fat, but Bruce insisted he was just "big-boned". Either way, climbing the steep stairs at home was a challenge. Whenever Bruce and I went upstairs, Otis would sit near the bottom step, carefully calculating whether we would be on the second floor long enough to make it worthwhile to heave himself up the stairs. And on the way down the stairs, Otis was like a fully loaded eighteen-wheeler barreling down a steep hill. We just got out of his way.
But in the new Washington apartment building, Otis had an elevator. As far as he was concerned, life was sweet. — Elizabeth Warren

I am the planet's most affectionate life-form, something like the cross between a golden retriever and a barnacle. — Elizabeth Gilbert

You have a roommate."
"Yeah." He sounds confused.
"The, um, picture on your door surprised me."
"NO. No. I prefer my women with ... fewer carnivorous beasts and less weaponry." He pauses and smiles. "Naked is okay. What she needs are a golden retriever and a telescope. Maybe then it would do it for me."
I laugh.
"A squirrel and a laboratory beaker?"
"A bunny rabbit and a flip chart," I say.
"Only if the flip chart has mathematical equations on it."
I fake swoon onto his bed. "Too much, too much! — Stephanie Perkins

The dog looked nothing like the lonely mongrel in her stories. The bedraggled golden retriever halted where the bungalow walkway met the public sidewalk. Girl and beast regarded each other. She called to him, "Here, boy, here." He needed to be coaxed, but eventually he approached the porch and climbed the steps. Bibi stooped to his level to peer into his eyes, which were as golden as his coat. "You stink." The retriever yawned, as if his stinkiness was old news to him. He — Dean Koontz

There was a golden retriever who saved countless lives on September 11 by going back in to find people. His companion was in a wheelchair. He got him out and kept going back in to save others. — Linda Blair

I've often been described more than once in my life as very much like a golden retriever. Just sort of happy and excited to do whatever it is even if it's as simple as retrieving a ball and bringing it back ad nauseum. — Chris Carmack

My libido was like a Golden Retriever puppy, ready to jump all over him and lick his face.
Down, girl. — Sarina Bowen

Capo, my first golden retriever, so loved to swim she once jumped off a cliff to get into Lake Superior. — Sara Paretsky

Fatty, a bearded collie-terrier mix, is the kindest, cuddliest dog. And Oliver, a white golden retriever, even looks like me! My dogs have taught me to be more loving, more nurturing, and happier. — Nicollette Sheridan

A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to play catch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball, my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing him down the road yelling "Hey, come back here with my breast!" — Linda Ellerbee

Hey, do you know what you call a blond with a brain?" I asked, and the continued on the same breath, "a golden retriever."
I've heard that one, too," she said, no longer smiling.
I'll keep trying." I promised. — Stephenie Meyer

Considering what a hot, wed dog smells like, dog stew has a surprisingly savory odor To tell the truth, it tastes pretty good, like oxtail. To be perfectly honest, it's delicious. (Anything about this to my golden retriever, and I'll punch your lights out.) — P. J. O'Rourke

When order in study was finally reestablished, Wrath looked downright nasty. "Next one of you mouthy assholes makes me pound my desk again, I'm throwing you the fuck out." On that note, he reached down, picked up the cowering ninety-pounds retriever, and settled George in his lap. "You're freaking out my dog and it's pissing me off. — J.R. Ward

Okay, you drive," she said. "I'll sit with m head hanging out of the window like a golden retriever. — Kim Harrison

We don't even have a goldfish." "You've got to think toward the future." My dad smiled at me. "Maybe one day you'll move out and your mom and I will get a golden retriever to replace you. — Robin Benway

If a demon and a vampire mated, their offspring would be unique but in harmony, like a Labrador retriever crossed with a poodle. Voila, labradoodle! — Kresley Cole

lookout for a retriever with — Dean Koontz

My golden retriever, Callie, is so easy to please. She finds great pleasure in our day-to-day routine, which helps me to enjoy the simple things. She loves to jump on the couch with her favorite toys and roll around while I clap my hands. — Kristin Davis

Yet one powerful way of cleaning up a small bay of the chemical ocean is within our reach. We can vote with our purchases. It is the one thing to which industry pays attention. How many polyester dog toys, laced with antimony, would manufacturers continue to produce if none of us bought them? How many Frisbees, footballs, and retriever dummies full of phthalates would they make, if these toys sat on the shelves? How many fire-retardant dog beds and how many kibble bags lined with PFCs would any manufacturer ship, if they remained unbought? It is a powerful way to change silence into action. Our dogs, after all, have no say. — Ted Kerasote

The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That we live in a world were women actually expect you to think thoughtful thoughts, and have real emotions, which we don't have. Having to try to live up to the imaginary ideal that women have of what men are, instead of just being what you are, which is just a pathetic creature, but still. — Dave Barry

Heisenberg and Bohr and Einstein strike me as being like gifted retriever dogs. Off they go, not just for an afternoon, but for ten years; they come back exhausted and triumphant and drop at your feet ... a vole. It's a remarkable thing in its way, a vole - intricate, beautiful really, marvellous. But does it ... Does it help? Does it move the matter on?
When you ask a question that you'd actually like to know the answer to - what was there before the Big Bang, for instance, or what lies beyond the expanding universe, why does life have this inbuilt absurdity, this non sequitur of death - they say that your question can't be answered, because the terms in which you've put it are logically unsound. What you must do, you see, is ask vole questions. Vole is - as we have agreed - the answer; so it follows that your questions must therefore all be vole-related. — Sebastian Faulks

I have my golden retriever now, Pontiac. He's a career-change guide dog from Guide Dogs for the Blind. — Betty White

You're supposed to be a Labrador retriever!" I shouted. "Not a Labrador evader! — Anonymous

I'm a natural golden retriever at heart. I'm fine with that now, but there was a time when I tried to keep myself from jumping up on people. I had to make myself sit. — Sigourney Weaver

There was no way a mass murderer would own a golden retriever. — Nicki Edwards

I've been surrounded by dogs my whole life. I got a golden retriever a year after I was born. — Jon Hamm

The retriever took each bit of meat from his master's hand with a delicacy almost equal to that of a hummingbird sipping sugar water from a garden feeder, and when it was all gone, he gazed up at Dusty with an adoration that could not have been much less than the love with which the angels regard God. — Dean Koontz

I opened both eyes. Dread was sitting on my chest as if it were an animal. I mean, dread so real it had physical presence, like a Labrador retriever I could teach tricks to. Here, Dread. Sit, Dread. Roll over, Dread. Play dead, Dread. — Claire Cook

I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever. (Luke/Lucian) — Cassandra Clare

That's the thing about being a Labrador retriever - you were born for fun. Seldom was your loopy, freewheeling mind cluttered by contemplation, and never at all by somber worry; every day was a romp. What else could there possibly be to life? Eating was a thrill. Pissing was a treat. Shitting was a joy. And licking your own balls? Bliss. And everywhere you went were gullible humans who patted and hugged and fussed over you. — Carl Hiaasen

Identity, though, is a difficult matter to tease out, especially in a time of flux. How to tell a spaniel from a retriever when all dogs have become middle-sized and brown? Should we go by some arbitrary blood quantum wherein half makes an Indian and forty-nine percent makes something else? Certainly forty-nine percent does not a whiteman make, at least not by the laws then prevailing in our state and most others. Or do we go by the old ways, the clans and the mothers, blood degree be damned? Or by what language someone dreams in or prays in or curses in? Or whether they cook bean bread and still tell the tales of Spearfinger and Uktena by the winter fire and go to water when they're sick? And what if they did all those things but were blond and square-headed as Norsemen? Or do we just hold a dry oak leaf to their cheeks and cull by whether they are darker or lighter? — Charles Frazier

Kilgore Trout owned a parakeet named Bill. Like Dwayne Hoover, Trout was all alone at night, except for his pet. Trout, too, talked to his pet. But while Dwayne babbled to his Labrador retriever about love, Trout sneered and muttered to his parakeet about the end of the world. — Kurt Vonnegut

I call my golden retriever Cara my 'white wolf.' She's changed my attitude and made me write this book where the wolf is the hero, not the villain. — Debi Gliori

The big one was at least cute, and as annoying as she was, you couldn't get mad at a golden retriever. — Chelsea Handler

Art is like an ill-trained Labrador retriever that drags you out into traffic. — Annie Dillard

There is hope for you yet.
-Einstein the Labrador Retriever via scrabble tiles — Dean Koontz

A.E. Matthews ambled through This Was a Man like a charming retriever who has buried a bone and can't quite remember where. — Noel Coward

Such a better world it would be if we all had the morals of a Golden Retriever; butt sniffing notwithstanding. — A.A. Bell

I mean, there's a lot of other things I could do for money. I could sell autographed ECT machines or rhinestoned mood stabilizers or even Star Wars scented laxatives. But do I do that? Do I do a commercial on television to (attempt to) sell a medication while running around some random backyard with some rented golden retriever laughing and looking cured and totally amazed to be so worry-free while a voice comes on and says, "Reginol is not recommended for wayward fish or Libras with dementia. If you notice swelling in your femur or notice a subtle beam of backlight glowing northward from your anus or the anus of someone you went to school with, call your doctor immediately as this could be a symptom of hydrocephalus that could lead to roughhousing and misguided bloat. Reginol is not recommended for pregnant Nazis or yodelers over seventy. Reginol does not protect you from unpopularity or autism . . . " All — Carrie Fisher

So when the moon's only partly full, you only feel a little wolfy?"
"You could say that."
"Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
"I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever. — Cassandra Clare

Being a childless woman of childbearing age, I am a walking target for people's concerned analysis. No one looks at a single man with a Labrador retriever and says, "Will you look at the way he throws the tennis ball to that dog? Now there's a guy who wants to have a son." A dog, after all, is man's best friend, a comrade, a pal. But give a dog to a woman and people will say she is sublimating. If she says that she, in fact, doesn't want children, they will nod understandingly and say, "You just wait." For the record, I do not speak to my dog in baby talk, nor when calling her do I say, "Come to Mama. — Ann Patchett

Mike, who was taking on the qualities of a golden retriever, walked faithfully by my side to class. — Stephenie Meyer

I also go on long walks with my dog, a golden retriever named Breeze-and I work out with weights at a health club a couple of times a week. — Karen Hughes

The face of a golden retriever feels like home. — David Rosenfelt

He actually felt as if God had sent the retriever to intrigue him, to remind him that the world was full of surprises and that despair made no sense when one had no understanding of the purpose - and strange possibilities - of existence. — Dean Koontz

A lifetime's experience urges me to utter a warning cry: do anything else, take someone's golden retriever for a walk, run away with a saxophone player. Perhaps what's wrong with being a writer is that one can't even say 'good luck'
luck plays no part in the writing of a novel. No happy accidents as with the paint pot or chisel. I don't think you can say anything, really. I've always wanted to juggle and ride a unicycle, but I dare say if I ever asked the advice of an acrobat he would say, 'All you do is get on and start pedaling'. — J.G. Ballard

The little ball went up, then down, then up in his palm. My inner golden retriever couldn't look away. — Jennifer L. Armentrout

As Miriam released my hand I felt that she and Midwife Bell had returned to a more primitive world, where men never intruded and even their role in conception was unknown. Here the chain of life was mother to daughter, daughter to mother. Fathers and sons belonged in the shadows with the dogs and livestock, like the retriever growling at Midwife Bell's unfamiliar car from the window of my neighbours' living room. — J.G. Ballard

Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out the car window if you feel like it."
Luke laughed. "I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever."
-Clary & Luke, pg.415- — Cassandra Clare

The voice in my head is is fond of upper-case. It's like having a sub-cranial golden retriever. — Tabitha McGowan

Suddenly a dog burst from the concealment of the trees, its shaggy wheaten coat gleaming warmly in the sun. He was a medium-sized mix of no particular breed, part hound, possibly, or maybe retriever. He seemed well fed, so it was doubtful that he was a stray. Then again, mayhap he was skilled at poaching birds and rabbits from the bountiful reserves of game in the area. — Tracy Anne Warren

There is something about the human condition. I don't think dogs are like "If only I was a poodle instead of a golden retriever, I'd be totally happy." Dogs are happy with who they are. — Michael Ian Black

We threw chew toys to Misty, Mom's golden retriever that she bought two years ago secondhand. Misty was supposed to be a seeing-eye dog, but she failed her exam because she's too affectionate. It's a flaw we don't mind. — Douglas Coupland

AGATHA, an old Labradoodle ATHENA, a brown teacup Poodle ATTICUS, an imposing Neapolitan Mastiff, with cascading jowls BELLA, a Great Dane, Athena's closest pack mate BENJY, a resourceful and conniving Beagle BOBBIE, an unfortunate Duck Toller DOUGIE, a Schnauzer, friend to Benjy FRICK, a Labrador Retriever FRACK, a Labrador Retriever, Frick's litter mate LYDIA, a Whippet and Weimaraner cross, tormented and nervous MAJNOUN, a black Poodle, briefly referred to as 'Lord Jim' or simply 'Jim' MAX, a mutt who detests poetry PRINCE, a mutt who composes poetry, also called Russell or Elvis RONALDINHO, a mutt who deplores the condescension of humans ROSIE, — Andre Alexis

The theory is simple.
Every boy, every man, is really
a bit of a golden retriever
or a big chocolate Lab.
Watch any man's eyes
at the bounce of a ball.
His head tilts slightly sideways, just a hair,
as a primitive focus
comes to life. — Toby Barlow

She walked rather quickly; she liked to be active, though at times she gave an impression of repose that was at once static and evocative. This was because she knew few words and believed in none, and in the world she was rather silent, contributing just her share of urbane humor with a precision that approached meagreness. But at the moment when strangers tended to grow uncomfortable in the presence of this economy she would seize the topic and rush off with it, feverishly surprised with herself
then bring it back and relinquish it abruptly, almost timidly, like an obedient retriever, having been adequate and something more. — F Scott Fitzgerald

The best long range shotgun load to have in one's boat for mallards is a fine retriever. — Nash Buckingham

I am very benign-looking. I'm somewhat like a golden retriever: It's not hard to look at me. I'm perfectly fine. It's not like things jut out and make you nervous. But the lovely thing about being so pale and having such pasty features is that I can look like pretty much anything, which is nice. — Elizabeth Mitchell

If Levi were a dog, he'd be a golden retriever. If he were a game, he'd be a Ping-Pong, incessant and bouncing and light. — Rainbow Rowell

Try throwing a ball just once for a dog. It would be like eating only one peanut or potato chip. Try to ignore the importuning of a Golden Retriever who has brought you his tennis ball, the greatest treasure he possesses! — Roger Caras