Reserved Funny Quotes & Sayings

I also need to prepare myself for the inevitability of utter boredom: Very often, single people don't do shit. They do nothing, all night long. They sit in a recliner and watch TV. I've probably watched more television than anyone you've ever met, and I don't even own one. Terrible shows, good shows, Golf tournaments in Cancun. C-SPAN. Hours of Oprah. Law and Order. Lonely people love Law and Order, for whatever reason. They prefer the straight narratives. p60 — Chuck Klosterman

Shouldn't the low strings be at the bottom? — Jules Shear

And that was how a great scandal threatened to affect the kingdom of Bohemia, and how the best plans of Mr. Sherlock Holmes were beaten by a woman's wit. He used to make merry over the cleverness of women, but I have not heard him do it of late. And when he speaks of Irene Adler, or when he refers to her photograph, it is always under the honourable title of the woman. — Arthur Conan Doyle

The coldest depth of Hell is reserved for people who abandon kittens. — Robert A. Heinlein

When you're six, most of your Bingo balls are still floating around in the draw-tank. — Stephen King

It is better to wake up alone, knowing you are alone, than to wake up with someone, still being lonely. — Liv Ullmann

She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny. — Elizabeth Gaskell

My enemies embarrassed you. So they embarrassed me, Darrow. You told me you would win. But then you lost. And that changes everything. — Pierce Brown

The Academy ER had a sticker sheet of glittery Oscar statues that were reserved for patients who put on Oscar-worthy acts. The nurses would stick one on a patient's chart so that everyone who treated the patient knew what to expect. Some staffers didn't like Oscar because it gave the practitioners preconceived notions. But Molly thought it was funny and a stress reliever. — Alexandra Robbins

I couldn't help it. I tried to keep it down but it just flooded through all my quiet spaces. It was a message more than a feeling, a message that tolled like a bell: change, change, change. — Junot Diaz

Text of bliss: the text that imposes a state of loss, the text that discomforts (perhaps to the point of a certain boredom), unsettles the reader's historical, cultural, psychological assumptions, the consistency of his tastes, values, memories, brings to a crisis his relation with language. — Roland Barthes

'Ulysses' is the greatest anti-racist text in the English language, and it challenges right from the beginning the vicious racism which lies near the foundations of the Irish Free State and of the Irish republic. — Tom Paulin

Relaxing at home in his 55th-floor condominium before a game, Sammy Sosa is the same as at the ball park: focused but funny, exuberant but reserved. He is in a strange country, conversing in two languages, but his every movement displays a combination of confidence and humility. — Bill Dedman

Irony won't save you from anything; humour doesn't do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades; there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart. Doesn't matter how brave you are, or how reserved, or how much you've developed a sense of humour, you still end up with your heart broken. That's when you stop laughing. — Michel Houellebecq

Merina gave Gwyneth a saucy wink and snatched a cube of cheese off Gwyneth's plate and ate it. She sucked on the tip of her thumb in what had to be the sexiest move Reese had ever seen. "Mmm. Thank you. I know that wasn't mine, but I saw it and just had to have it. You know what that's like. Try the crab bites. To die for. — Jessica Lemmon

Otis," I said.

"Shhh," he said. "I'm incognito. Call me...Otis."

"I'm not sure that's how incognito works, but okay."

Otis, aka Otis climbed into the chair I'd reserved for Sam. — Rick Riordan

I'd rather have people hate me with the knowledge that I tried to save them. — Keith Green

The standard to compare your software to is what it could be, not what your current competitors happen to have. — Paul Graham