Rennison Louise Quotes & Sayings

I'm a real Luddite. — Louise Rennison

Everyone is so bloody keen on me thinking all of a sudden. It's not what I do. — Louise Rennison

Through my curtains I can see a big yellow moon. I'm thinking of all the people in the world who will be looking at that same moon.
I wonder how many of them haven't got any eyebrows? — Louise Rennison

This is the first day of the rest of my life. So why is my hair sticking up like a cockerel? — Louise Rennison

As we passed a bloke playing a saxophone underneath one of the arches, he put down the sax and started doing a juggling thing with his hands. It was a bit peculiar, though, because, as I said to Jas, He hasn't got any balls. — Louise Rennison

There he is, tall, tanned, Italian, sophisticated. So what do you do?"
I said, "Er, leap on him and snog him within an inch of his life? Taking care not to strangle myself on his false beard, or disturb his banana. — Louise Rennison

Still, life carries on. Exams to be examined. Serious things to be thingied. — Louise Rennison

What in the name of Buddha's bra is he going on about now? — Louise Rennison

Jas, you are three hundred miles away. You would have to have nunga-nungas the size of France for Jock to be able to rest his hand on them. — Louise Rennison

Here is my recipe for a mood enhancer. Take a friend, preferably one with a really annoying fringe and outsize pants, and when she is rambling on swiftly, push her into a ditch and run away. — Louise Rennison

This soft grass suggests 'softness' to me, but also at the same time 'lying-down-ness'. — Louise Rennison

Angus is amusing himself by ambushing the postman. Och aye, they may have taken his trouser snake addendums, but they cannae tak his freedom!! — Louise Rennison

When we did eventually get to the party - me walking next to Dad's Volvo driving at five miles an hour - I had a horrible time. Everyone laughed at first but then more or less ignored me. In a mood of defiant stuffed oliveness I did have a dance by myself but things kept crashing to the floor around me. The host asked if I would sit down. I had a go at that but it was useless. In the end I was at the gate for about an hour before Dad arrived. — Louise Rennison

Cor, love a duck. And also Lawks-a-mercy. I said that inwardly, but outwardly I said, Blimey, and also, what larks. — Louise Rennison

Overslept and had to race to get a life to Jas's with my dad. No time for yoga or makeup. Oh well, I'll start tomorrow. God alone knows how the Dalai Lama copes on a daily basis. He must get up at dawn. Actually, I read somewhere that he does get up at dawn. — Louise Rennison

As I have said with huge wisdomosity many times, boys the world over are a bloody mystery. — Louise Rennison

Gingee, Gingee, it's meeeeeeeeeeee!!!'
I could hear her panting up the stairs to my room. She kicked open my bedroom door and ran from the door and leapt onto the bed, covering me with kisses.
'I LOBE you, my big big sister.'
I couldn't get her off me.
'Libby, just let me ... '
'Kissy kissy kiss, snoggy snog.'
'That's enough, now let me ... '
'Mmmmmm, groovy baby.'
What is she talking about? She is supposed to be in kindergarten to learn how to grow up, not turn into an even madder person.
Then she stood up on the bed and starting thrusting her hips out and singing her favorite:
'Sex bum sex bum I am a sex bum.'
Quite spectacularly mad. — Louise Rennison

He said, 'Hi, gorgeous,' which I think is nice. I admire honesty. — Louise Rennison

Libby carried on singing and wiggling around in Mum's arm, and then Mum noticed me. Being in my bedroom.
"What are you up to, Georgia? Why are you in here?"
I said, "Not that anyone notices, but this is actually my room. You know, for me to be in. I was in bed, as it happens."
Mum said as she went out, "Oh you must be sooo tired, all that lip gloss and mascara to carry round all day."
Vair vair amusing. Not. — Louise Rennison

And that's when it fell off in my hand — Louise Rennison

You wouldn't say ' You've got the crappest eyes I've ever seen. Your eyes make me physically sick. — Louise Rennison

My cousin Georgia says that boys are like gazelles. She says the get alarmed when they get close to girls. And they have to leap off into the woods like gazelles in trousers. Or have I just made that up? — Louise Rennison

I am soooo excited, I am over-excited. I'm hysterical, I may have to slap my own face in a minute at this rate. — Louise Rennison

I gave my artistic laugh and also threw in some quirky language for good measure. "Lawks-a-mercy, no! I'm going to have a long bath and ... "
I looked shyly down. Which is pretty impressive to have done artistic laugh, quirky language and shyness all in the space of ten seconds. — Louise Rennison

Dave said, "Tarts' wardrobe?" "Loos." Dave said with sort of admirationosity in his voice, "Outstanding" midnight — Louise Rennison

He has a song in his heart for me. I hope it is not Shut Uppa You Face, Whatsa Matta You. — Louise Rennison

What is that song they are singing Is it an old Yorkshire ditty you know like that 'On Ilkley Moor Bar T'at' "
Ruby said "Nah it's a football song. It goes 'We hate Chelsea we hate Chelsea we are the Chelsea haters. — Louise Rennison

Look, I can't go out with you, because ... because ... because I'm a lesbian. — Louise Rennison

I've never had anyone say they love me before. Libby lobes me, that is true, but there is something a bit menacing about the way she says it. — Louise Rennison

Dad has brought me a cup of tea in bed this morning! I said, 'Vati, why are you waking me up in the middle of the night? Are you on fire? — Louise Rennison

Rosie laughed in a not too reassuring way if you like sane laughter. — Louise Rennison

Dad at breakfast today being very quiet. I notice he is clean shaven. I said to him, 'Vati, what has happened to the little beaver that used to live on the end of your chin? — Louise Rennison

Vaisey looked like a startled earwig. — Louise Rennison

But I can be a very kind and caring person, especially if I am about three thousand miles away in a different country. — Louise Rennison

I don't think their mummy and daddy told them they were little sunbeams for Jesus. — Louise Rennison

I said to Mum, Vati is very very like David Beckham, isn't he? Apart from being porky, heavily bearded and crap at football. — Louise Rennison

Tom is back on a flight at 6:15 P.M. That is 6:15. Do you get it? Not 6:00 P.M. but 6:15 P.M. And do you know how many minutes that is? I do. I have also become a Time Lord. — Louise Rennison

I am going to keep my mind (well, what's left of it) occupied by doing (and I never thought the day would come when I would say this) my homework. — Louise Rennison

Oh dear. I have just seen Angus hunkering down in the long grass. He's stalking their poodle. I'll have to intervene to avert a massacre. Oh, it's OK, Mrs. Next Door has thrown a brick at him. — Louise Rennison

In the end they worked out that Angus must have sneaked into Naomi's love parlor before his trouser snake addendums were, you know ... adjusted. Super-Cat!!! He is without doubt the 007 of the cat world. — Louise Rennison

I am so depressed and bored I may even have to do some homework. — Louise Rennison

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind badger. — Louise Rennison

Vaisey said, "Is it because your parents don't understand you?"
Charlie said, "No, it's because our parents understand us very well, and that is why they wanted us to go away. — Louise Rennison

At that point Ms Fox came in and said, "Hello, carry on as if I am not here."
Then she lay down on the floor. — Louise Rennison

However, I will never feel anything again.
Good.
I am done with love.
It's a mug's game.
I am just going to sit in my room for the rest of my life not doing stuff. — Louise Rennison

Shakespeare is just some bloke who keeps ranting "what light trough yonder window breaks" its the moon for god sakes! — Louise Rennison

I care too much for people. I am a bit like Jesus. Only not so heavily bearded. — Louise Rennison

You are not ashamed of our luuurve, are you, Jas?'
'Look, shut up, people might hear.'
'What do you mean, the people who live in the telephone? — Louise Rennison

The tannoy is crackling but I can only hear heavy breathing and snuffling.
...
Uh-oh, the tannoy is crackling again.
Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen, I momentarily lost hold of my pie. — Louise Rennison

I suppose this is what life will be like for me - never having a boyfriend, always just living through others — Louise Rennison

All boys are swines. They snog you and dump you. Or lick your face. Or put bats in your mouth. — Louise Rennison

If you fall down those stairs and break both of your legs, don't come running to me! — Louise Rennison

Unbelievable! I said, What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties? — Louise Rennison

I said, "Do you think she thinks it's me?"
Jas said, "Well, it's pretty conclusive, isn't it? She said 'the most sniveling idiot I have ever come across.'"
I said, "I didn't know that YOU have been seeing Masimo. Tom the Slug King is going to be very upset. — Louise Rennison

I said with great dignosity, Father, I am afraid I can't discuss my private life with you as I have a date with Lord of the Flies. — Louise Rennison

And a secret inward voice in my head was saying (in a strange breathy voice ... ) Yes, yessss, I will pop round to The Blind Pig. I will 'pop' round because guess who lives at the Blind Pig? It is not a blind pig, it is Alex. — Louise Rennison

I'm not a ice cream, i'm a human being — Louise Rennison

Apparently if you want to get a boy to like you, you go sort of mysterious and icy and cool. That's what my cousin said and she has loads of boyfriends and snogging-type experiences. — Louise Rennison

How do you make yourself not like someone? — Louise Rennison

Rosie get off your desk, and please put your beard away. — Louise Rennison

Shut up Jas, you are not Baby Jesus — Louise Rennison

Look, girls and boys are different. Girls like to be touched twenty times a day in a nonsexual way to feel good about themselves - that is why I tickle you and link arms with you - but boys think about sex, snogging and football, and also snogging whilst playing football. Simple. — Louise Rennison

I am not an ice cream come! I am a human being! — Louise Rennison

Who knows what goes on in my mind? I will be the last to know. Even — Louise Rennison

As we drew near to the gates of Dother Hall the old bell in the belfry rang out. I said, 'I must go in, it's nigh on ten of the clock.' He half-turned away from me, his jacket collar hiding his expression. Was he angry? Disappointed?"
Jo looked intently and I said, "Hungry?"
Jo ignored me, but as she passed by acting out walking away from Phil, she allowed her hand to slap against my head. — Louise Rennison

You're doing it again and it really annoys me. In fact, I will have to kill you now because I have a lot of untamed energy because of the Sex God. I'm going to have to give you a bit of a duffing up." And I shoved her.
She said, "Don't be silly and childish."
I said, "I'm not."
She got up and started making her hair have more bouncability with the air brush thing again. I waited until she had got it just right (in her opinion); then I hit her over the head with a pillow. She started to say, "Look, this is not funn-" but before she could finish I hit her over the head again with the pillow. And every time she tried to talk I did it again. She got all red-faced, which in Jas's case is very red indeed. It made me feel much better. Violence may be the answer to the world's problems. I may write to the Dalai Lama and suggest he tries my new approach. — Louise Rennison

Don't jab each other with courgettes, boys. — Louise Rennison

You make me laugh like a loon on loon tablets! — Louise Rennison

I couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that's why. My face was like a frozen fish finger. All rigid and pale. (But obviously not with breadcrumbs on it.) — Louise Rennison

Anyway, then it said on the news, 'And tonight the Prime Minister has just got to Number Ten.'
I looked down at Jas and said, 'Ooer.' Meaning he'd got to number ten on the snogging scale. And then we both laughed like loons.
Vati just looked at us like we were mad. — Louise Rennison

He who laughs last laughs the laughiest. — Louise Rennison

You STUPID stupid girl. Honestly, you have done some stupid stupid things in your time, but this takes the biscuit of stupidity. — Louise Rennison

Some things in life are not pleasant but they have to be done. For instance, German and maths. — Louise Rennison

And the kittykats would have to erect scaffolding and a pulley to get him down. Mind you, I wouldn't put that past them. Sometimes when they are behind the sofa supposedly purring, I think they are drilling. — Louise Rennison

poo parlor division" instead of "loo. — Louise Rennison

I've said it once and I will say it again, why can't everyone just speak English? The Americans give it a bit of a go - why can't
other nations? — Louise Rennison

So this is what men are like. Well, that's it, then - I am going to be a lesbian. — Louise Rennison

I put my arm around her and said, Jas, I have found that when you are troubled, it is often better to think of others rather than yourself. I think you would feel much better if you got me some milky coffee and jammy dodgers and I told you all about me. — Louise Rennison

I could have stayed holding on to Masimo and riding round forever, round and round, like that bloke on that doomed phantom boat, The Flying Dutchman. Of course there are differences - he was not on a scooter, and I don't have a beard and I am not Dutch. — Louise Rennison

As she left my room I knew I should shut up. But you know when you should shut up because you really should just shut up ... but you keep on and on anyway? Well, I had that. — Louise Rennison

Heathcliff. The "hero" of Wuthering Heights. Although no one knows why.
He's mean, moody, and possibly a bit on the pongy side. Cathy loves him, though. She shows this by viciously rejecting him and marrying someone else for a laugh. Still, that is true love on the moors for you. — Louise Rennison

English
So much to say, so little time.
Miss Wilson kept interrupting our chat with her so-called love of Shakespeare. For
goodness' sake. Hers is not the love that dares not speak its name, hers is the love that bangs on and on about Billy. It's all "What ho, my lord" and "Oh look, here comes MacBeth talking total bollocks. — Louise Rennison

When girls walk home we put on lippy and makeup. We chat. Sometimes we pretend to be hunchbacks. But that is it. Perfectly normal behavior. — Louise Rennison

He says we should take it easy and that maybe he overreacted a bit."
Dave said, "A bit? That's like Hitler saying, 'Oooh, I just meant to go for a little walk, but then I accidentally invaded Poland. — Louise Rennison

Still, a really heavy period should cheer me up. — Louise Rennison

Does it matter that the sausages are local? I'm just going to eat them, not make friends and go to the cinema with them. — Louise Rennison

Oh no. I've just accidently paid a visit to the cakeshop of love. I haven't put back my Italian cakey, but I have accidentally picked up a Dave the Tart. — Louise Rennison

Dad leapt over the garden wall instead of going through the gate. Sadly he didn't do himself a severe injury, and so he lives to embarrass me to death another day. — Louise Rennison

I am exhausted by trying to get along with the Lord. — Louise Rennison

How many times do we all have to do this? Get up, go to school, again? Before everyone admits it's a crap idea? — Louise Rennison

I like the idea that I can talk to any teenage girls. You know, in a language that makes sense to them. — Louise Rennison

Or if I truly gave up I could be like Wet Lindsay. When Robbie dumped her she got all pale and even wetter than normal. She was like an anoraksick. (A person who is both very thin and wears tragic anoraks.) I just made that up as a joke. Even though I am very upset I can still think of a joke. — Louise Rennison

Your soul shines through even if you haven't got mascara on — Louise Rennison

I am abandoned on the ship of life." "I know." "Jas, you are not really cheering me up." "Well, I know and that is because there is really nothing to be cheerful about; I would hate to be you." in — Louise Rennison

Lord of the Flies is so boring ... and so weird. I always thought boys were very very strange, but I didn't think they would start eating each other. — Louise Rennison

When uncle Eddie does his impression of 'Like a Virgin' it's like Madonna is coming out of his body!'
Christ what an image. — Louise Rennison

Oh Blimey O'Reilly's pantyhose...what is the point of Shakespeare? I know he is a genius and so on, but he does rave on.
What light doth through yonder window break?
It's the bloody moon, for God's sake, Will, get a grip!! — Louise Rennison

I could have quite literally snogged until the cows came home. And when they came home I would have shouted, WHAT HAVE YOU COWS COME HOME FOR? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SNOGGING, YOU STUPID HERBIVORES??? — Louise Rennison

When Mutti and Vati came in I didn't speak to them. I just unfurled the CAT MOLESTERS banner I had made. — Louise Rennison

I am a pop widow. — Louise Rennison