Punchline Comedy Quotes & Sayings

The universities are a sort of lunatic asylum for keeping young men out of mischief. — Mandell Creighton

You can't eat it, but it sustains you, — Gabriel Garcia Marquez

When a captive lion steps out of his cage, he comes into a wider world than the lion who has known only the wilds. While he was in captivity, there were only two worlds for him - the world of the cage, and the world outside the cage. Now he is free. He roars. He attacks people. He eats them. Yet he is not satisfied, for there is no third world that is neither the world of the cage nor the world outside the cage. — Yukio Mishima

I just think it's fortunate that Sir Isaac Newton didn't share the sense of humor of a member of the public, because had he done so, he would of been so amused by the simple effects of gravity, that he would of never gotten round making a comprehensive study of it's causes.
That's the punchline! 'a comprehensive study of it's courses'! I worked for that! Will you be telling this joke at work? I don't think so!
And yes, I am aware that I say this to you while hanging precariously of this art-deco balcony. And I do so deliberately in the hope that I will fall to my death, and that you will learn about the thin line between slap-stick and tragedy. — Stewart Lee

Some things don't wind up sounding like you'd expect, which is just as well. — Fred Frith

You can be afraid in a press conference, nervous, sweaty, but you can't be afraid when you do your work because it doesn't work that way. — Meryl Streep

By 1938, Eleanor Roosevelt was so angry at FDR's policies, she writes a book called This Troubled World. And it is actually a point-by-point rebuttal of her husband's foreign policy. We need collective security. We need a World Court. We need something like the League of Nations. We need to work together to fight fascism. We need embargoes against aggressor nations, and we need to name aggressor nations. All of which is a direct contradiction of FDR's policies. — Blanche Wiesen Cook

I tucked the feather into my bra, then glanced up at the sudden heavy silence. "What?"
Blake grinned. "What else you got in there? Can I see?"
"Shut up, Blake!" said the rest of the boys. — A&E Kirk

Advanced engineering always, like advanced everything else, brings down upon it the discredit of ridicule of minds who cannot see so far. — Alfred P. Sloan

Every damn President since I can remember has been so in love with foreign policy that they're just like a schoolboy with a new girl. — Cleveland Amory

If you're asking yourself who the content is for, it's already too late to make an impact. — Dane Brookes

Yea, and if some god shall wreck me in the wine-dark deep,
even so I will endure ...
For already have I suffered full much,
and much have I toiled in perils of waves and war.
Let this be added to the tale of those. — Homer