Positive Humor Quotes & Sayings

He circled around me, whispering in my ear. "I'm O positive. I'm everyone's type. — Dannika Dark

Right," she said, "We're going to the Land of the Dead and I shouldn't think negative. — Rick Riordan

I'm still trying to figure out how to write about cancer and my family's experience with it. If I had been able to write 'The Pura Principle' back in those days, I'm positive it would have had no humor in it. Which means the story would have been false. — Junot Diaz

Always remember that you can explain things for people, but you can't comphrend for them. — Shannon L. Alder

I envisioned him tied in a chair, an iron arrow pointed at his brow. Ah, the power of positive thinking. — Red Tash

To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make! — Criss Jami

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips. — Mitch Hedberg

See, I'm a great believer in the power of negative thought. And in an age of affirmation, of self-help and self-love, of the rebirth of wide-eyed idealism and the power of positive thinking - I'm happy to be a champion of skepticism and doubt. That night, I rediscovered my role, my reason, and my rage. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

Positive lessons learned... Blessings recognized... Humor found... No regrets. — Tanya Masse

Sometimes you can't agree with people because you would both be wrong. — Shannon L. Alder

I think humor is incredibly positive, I think it is life advancing. There's medical research to show that it improves your antibodies. It's all about sense and perspective. — John Cleese

If you wanna live a good life, start thinking positive and start talking positive. Use your brains and mind. — Reason Nkosinathi Makhubela

AWESOME things come to those who focus on the positive, recognize the blessings, find the humor and never give up! — Tanya Masse

Some people are so positive, that when they slip in dog poop, they pirouette — Josh Stern

If you can't laugh at yourself, don't worry others will ... ! — James A. Murphy

When you are being judged by someone that has no idea who you are always remember this: Dogs always bark at strangers and usually there is always some wacko neighbor that wants to try out their new gun on an intruder. — Shannon L. Alder

KM: Yes. Mrs. Lopez, she's human. And you know, clearly, she'd like people to show some appreciation for her hard work. But if people just, you know, take her pie and don't even say, "Hey, nice pie," they just scarf it down or whatever-
MH: I could see how that would get to be annoying. I mean, if you're constantly providing ... pie. And getting no positive feedback-
KM: Right! And what about your future? I mean, how do you know people are still going to want your pie in the future? Supposing they become a famous rock star or something. People are going to be offering them pie all over the place. If they haven't promised only to eat your pie, well, where does that leave you? — Meg Cabot

Subordinates look for their bosses to be positive, in good humor, and cheerful. They aren't supposed to be emotional or have bad days. but leaders are guman, too, and when they are in a lousy mood and snap at a subordinate, it can have a devastating effect. — Donald T. Phillips

So, at the end of the day, humor works by distracting a person long enough to lower his resistance to the new information and then makes a positive association with the person/brand/computer screen that provided that humor to him. The reality is that people want to be entertained more than they want to be educated. Brand owners have gotten wise to this and now connect with consumers by providing information in an entertaining manner. It's what the ad agency world has dubbed "infotainment." The new school of business teaches that if you do not deliver your information via infotainment, you lose out to those who do. — Marshall Chiles

I see light at the end of the tunnel. — Walt Whitman Rostow

I'm tired of ignorance held up as inspiration, where vicious anti-intellectualism is considered a positive trait, and where uninformed opinion is displayed as fact. — Philip Plait

A great sense of humor is a great gift! — Diamante Lavendar

Now, I want you to look at each other. Really look. And then I'd like you to each say something positive about the other person." "Now Todd, you go first."
Todd eye balled me up and down."She appears to have all her teeth".
"OOh, good one,Todd," I cooed,then turned to maggie and smiled sweetly. " And Todd smells very little like a pile of goat crap. — Kristin Walker

I'm more and more positive about this. So I don't know anything about my husband or life. The point is, I've married a good-looking multi-millionaire who loves me and has a huge penthouse and brought me taupe roses. I'm not going to throw it all away just because of the small detail that I can't remember him. — Rachel Gibson

Don't let HATE hijack your HEART.
Don't let FEAR and TERRORISM brainwash your MIND.
Don't let EVIL and WAR conquer your SOUL.
Don't let NEGATIVITY and ANGER poison your SPIRIT.
Focus on the GOOD and the POSITIVE.
Be HAPPY and KIND.
LEARN from the negative.
Recognize your BLESSINGS.
Find the HUMOR when possible.
Do unto others as you'd have KARMA do unto you.
Instead of asking yourself, "what's in it for me?", ask yourself, "what's in it for the GREATER GOOD?".
Stay VIGILANT, but don't let fear and worry consume you.
RESPECT and ACCEPT differences.
Continue to LIVE, LOVE and LAUGH and encourage and inspire others to be AWESOME. — Tanya Masse

Things will happen that you can't prevent, things will fall apart that you can't hold together, but ultimately you're shaping yourself and that final product speaks volumes about who you really are, not what people see you as or what you want to be. — Erik Tomblin

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. — Ambrose Bierce

I hate positive people. They always criticize negative people. — Daniel Marques

In these downbeat times, we need as much hope and courage as we do vision and analysis; we must accent the best of each other even as we point out the vicious effects of our racial divide and pernicious consequences of our maldistribution of wealth and power. We simply cannot enter the twenty-first century at each other's throats, even as we acknowledge the weighty forces of racism, patriarchy, economic inequality, homophobia, and ecological abuse on our necks. We are at a crucial crossroad in the history of this nation
and we either hang together by combating these forces that divide and degrade us or we hang separately. Do we have the intelligence, humor, imagination, courage, tolerance, love, respect, and will to meet the challenge? Time will tell. None of us alone can save the nation or world. But each of us can make a positive difference if we commit ourselves to do so. — Cornel West

My MOTIVATION was struggling..I got Tired of it! — Kalon Jackson

If you are reading this then you have wasted another day of your life day dreaming, rather than planning the life God intended you to live. — Shannon L. Alder

So. Monday. We meet again.
We will never be friends - but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership. — Julio Alexi Genao

EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE UNTIL YOU THINK ABOUT IT. — NITYA MORE

So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America ... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back. — Chris Rock

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor, and your picture begins to lighten up. — Allen Klein

My silence was reward for you saying something intelligent. I'm a firm believer in positive reinforcement. — Sam Argent

She's such a bitch," Tina says, which I find a little contradictory, but overall quite true. "She's got to be in charge of everything."
I sit next to her. "Well, I guess. But in business, that's leadership."
Tina stares at me for a second. "I can't believe you consider that a positive trait. How about her inability to accept other points of view? Is it good leadership to be narrow, too?"
"Focus," I say. "They call that focus."
Tina stares at me. "Her paranoia?"
"Business savvy."
"Compulsive need to have everything just how she wants it?"
"Organizational skills."
"Aggressiveness?"
"Aggressiveness," I say, "is already a good thing."
"Jesus Christ," Tina says, her eyebrow ring glinting in the morning sun. "Sometimes I worry about this country. — Max Barry

I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick. — John Updike

We laughed together. It's so lovely laughing with a man. It feels positive. Relaxed ... — James Lusarde

Yes, contractions can be intense,' Noura continues. 'But your bodies are designed to handle it. And what you must remember is, it's a positive pain. I'm sure you'll both agree?' She looks over at Mum and Janice.
POSITIVE?' Janice looks up, horrified. 'Ooh, no, dear. Mine was agony. 24 hours in the cruel summer heat. I wouldn't wish it on any of you poor girls.'
But there are natural methods you can use,' Noura puts in quickly. 'I'm sure you found that rocking and changing position helped with the contractions.
I wouldn't have said so,' Mum says kindly.
Or a warm bath?' Noura suggets, smile tightening.
A bath? Dear, when you're gripped by agony and wanting to die, a bath doesn't really help!'
As I glance around the room I can see that all the girls' faces have frozen. Most of the mens' too. — Sophie Kinsella

While I still did not know what self- actualization that sat on the top level of the pyramid meant, I could believe
that if I knew I would be able to say something positive about it as well in
my life. — Vann Chow

Be aware of the type of humor you use in your daily life. Just because people are laughing doesn't mean it is creating positive vibes. — Alaric Hutchinson

There was no mistaking her sincerity
it breathed in every tone of her voice. Both Marilla and Mrs. Lynde recognized its unmistakable ring. But the former understood in dismay that Anne was actually enjoying her valley of humiliation
was reveling in the thoroughness of her abasement. Where was the wholesome punishment upon which she, Marilla, had plumed herself? Anne had turned it into a species of positive pleasure. — L.M. Montgomery

In another telling anomaly of the meat-grinding business, many of the larger slaughterhouses will sell their product only to grinders who agree to not test their product for E. coli contamination
until after it's run through a grinder with a whole bunch of other meat from other sources ... It's like demanding of a date that she have unprotected sex with four or five other guys immediately before sleeping with you
just so she can't point the finger directly at you should she later test positive for clap. — Anthony Bourdain

Many animal rescue organizations hit with a hard-core, heartbreaking message. Their videos and stories can become difficult for average people to watch. By taking a more positive, heartwarming approach to animal rescue, I've been able to engage people and keep them engaged for years. Instead of selling the agony and misery - and sadly, there is no shortage of that - I start with the happy endings. I work backwards so the first message they get is joy and success due to their involvement. Opening the mind with humor and joy gets the rescue message in that much deeper. — Elayne Boosler

Succeed at home first. Seek and merit divine help. Never compromise with honesty. Remember the people involved. Hear both sides before judging. Obtain counsel of others. Defend those who are absent. Be sincere yet decisive. Develop one new proficiency a year. Plan tomorrow's work today. Hustle while you wait. Maintain a positive attitude. Keep a sense of humor. Be orderly in person and in work. Do not fear mistakes - fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes. Facilitate the success of subordinates. Listen twice as much as you speak. Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not worrying about the next job or promotion. — Stephen R. Covey

It's your outlook on life that counts. If you take yourself lightly and don't take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives. And sometimes it can be a lifesaver. — Betty White

It's good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it's appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people's lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national - really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it. — George W. Bush

Focus on the POSITIVE
Recognize the BLESSINGS
Find the HUMOR
Hope for the BEST
&
Brace yourself for the worst. — Tanya Masse

Congratulations on passing your test! Your HIV positive. — Frankie Boyle

I'll just do a round around of the house and make sure the rest of the family are fast asleep. We don't want that sharp-nosed aunt of yours catching us when we find the diamonds." "What diamonds?" "Think positive for once ... Which would you rather, diamonds or the remains of a murdered maidservant? It's all a question of attitude. — Kerstin Gier

Don't be like those people who believe in "positive thinking" and tell themselves that they're loved and strong and capable. You don't need to do that because you know it already. And when you doubt it - which happens, I think, quite often at this stage of evolution - do as I suggested. Instead of trying to prove that you're better than you think, just laugh. Laugh at your worries and insecurities. View your anxieties with humor. It will be difficult at first, but you'll gradually get used to it. Now go back and meet all those people who think you know everything. Convince yourself that they're right, because we all know everything, it's merely a question of believing. — Paulo Coelho

The truth is that circumstances had done much to cultivate in Mrs. Tristram a marked tendency to irony. Her taste on many points differed from that of her husband, and though she made frequent concessions it must be confessed that her concessions were not always graceful. They were founded upon a vague project she had of some day doing something very positive, something a trifle passionate. What she meant to do she could by no means have told you; but meanwhile, nevertheless, she was buying a good conscience, by installments. — Henry James

Most photographers have some kind of verbal patter going on when they shoot: "Great. Turn to me. Big smile. Less shark eyes. Have fun with it. Not like that." Some photographers are compulsively effusive. "Beautiful. Amazing. Gorgeous! Ugh, so gorgeous!" they yell at shutter speed. If you are anything less than insane, you will realize this is not sincere. It's hard to take because it's more positive feedback than you've received in your entire life thrown at you in fifteen seconds. It would be like going jogging while someone rode next to you in a slow-moving car, yelling, "Yes! You are Carl Lewis! You're breaking a world record right now. Amazing! You are fast. You're going very fast, yes! — Tina Fey

Death can come slow. Death can come quick. If you've got one last breath, you better make the most of it. — A.H. Scott

Read it with sorrow and you will feel hate.
Read it with anger and you will feel vengeful.
Read it with paranoia and you will feel confusion.
Read it with empathy and you will feel compassion.
Read it with love and you will feel flattery.
Read it with hope and you will feel positive.
Read it with humor and you will feel joy.
Read it with God and you will feel the truth.
Read it without bias and you will feel peace.
Don't read it at all and you will not feel a thing. — Shannon L. Alder

A positive attitude and a sense of humor go together like biscuits and gravy. — Dolly Parton

When you focus on the positive, the blessings and the humor and just do your thing and you stop worrying SO much about what every one else is thinking and doing and STOP taking life way too seriously ... Awesomeness happens! — Tanya Masse

What? It's not my blood!"
"Let me see it," Julian demanded, and a moment later there were sounds of a scuffle from the back seat.
"I am AB positive and this is distinctly type O blood!" Ty finally shouted at him. "Look at the little Os! — Abigail Roux

The Boston Globe: The Woodstock Music and Art Festival will surely go down in history as a mass event of great and positive significance in the life of the country ... That this many young people could assemble so peaceably and with such good humor in a mile-square area ... speaks volumes about their dedication to the ideal of respect for the dignity of the individual ... In a nation beset with a crescendo of violence, this is a vibrantly hopeful sign. If violence is infectious, so, happily, is nonviolence. — Michael Lang

Children are lovable and adorable. — Lailah Gifty Akita

My fear is, what is the larger effect of my book on the world and on the minds of the people who take the time to consume it? Am I contributing in a positive way to the overall kind of collective consciousness of people in the world? I worry about that. — Patrick Rothfuss

After the alarm clock, it is the turn of Mr Kellogg to shame us into action. 'Rise and Shine!' he exhorts us from the Corn Flakes packet. The physical act of crunching cornflakes or other cereals is portraied in TV advertising as working an amazing alchemy on slothful human beings: the incoherent, unshaven sluggard (bad) is magically transformed into a smart and jolly worker full of vigour and purpose (good) by the positive power of cereal. Kellogg himself, tellingly, was a puritanical health-nut who never had sex (he preferred enemas). Such are the architects of our daily life. — Tom Hodgkinson

Never speak unless you can improve upon the stupidness of people's silence. — Shannon L. Alder

What was significant about the laughter ... was not just the fact that it provides internal exercise for a person ... form of jogging for the innards, but that it creates a mood in which the other positive emotions can be put to work, too. — Norman Cousins

Always remember that you have been called worse things by better people. — Shannon L. Alder