Political Humor Quotes & Sayings

Other Republican candidates may retort to personal attacks and negative ads. — George W. Bush

It was just inebriating what Midland was all about then. — George W. Bush

A comedian is better than a politician; at least there is no doubt. — Bangambiki Habyarimana

Our priorities is our faith. — George W. Bush

It is incredibly presumptive for somebody who has not yet earned his party's nomination to start speculating about vice presidents. — George W. Bush

This case has had full analyzation and has been looked at a lot. I understand the emotionality of death penalty cases. — George W. Bush

Twinkle the Destroyer wasn't alone, it seemed. There were more gnomes than I thought. Pip the Bringer of Pain, Chauncey the Devourer of Souls, Cuddly the Inexplicable, Gnoman Polanski, Pith the Bitey, Gnome ChompSky, Gnomie Malone, Chuck the Norriser- the list went on.
'It's like a mishmash of violent imagery, TV, an political references'
'I told you they like TV. I'm not sure the understand everything they see, though, so they don't fully grasp what they're stealing their names from. Like, I think Gnome ChompSky just thought it sounded tough and Chuck the Norriser came from watching too many episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger. They believe Chuck Norris is a demigod'
'Who doesn't? — Lish McBride

I understand religion is a walk, it's a journey. And I fully recognize that I'm a sinner, just like you. — George W. Bush

The Senator was vulgar, almost illiterate, a public liar easily detected, and in his "ideas" almost idiotic, while his celebrated piety was that of a traveling salesman for church furniture, and his yet more celebrated humor the sly cynicism of a country store.
Certainly there was nothing exhilarating in the actual words of his speeches, nor anything convincing in his philosophy. His political platforms were only wings of a windmill. — Sinclair Lewis

She leaned into me, and I could feel her hot breath against my ear. 'I want you to eat me,' she whispered. 'I want you to eat me like you're an angry Alaskan grizzly and I'm Timothy Treadwell. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

I am mindful that we're all sinners ... — George W. Bush

The days of discriminating against religious institutions simply because they are religious must come to an end. — George W. Bush

You can't believe that AIDS is a curse from God against Gays without accepting that Lyme Disease is a curse from the same God against Deer Hunters ... — T. Rafael Cimino

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position. — George W. Bush

Self talk and self prayer: When you audible the first and correctly interpret, the white coats correct you in a nuthouse. When you audible the second and misinterpret, the dinner coats swear you to an oath in the White House. Does this make you nuts too? Then outfit your sanity seeking political asylum at my house. — Brian Spellman

Senses of humor define people, as factions, deeper rooted than religious or political opinions. When carrying out everyday tasks, opinions are rather easy to set aside, but those whom a person shares a sense of humor with are his closest friends. They are always there to make the biggest influence. — Criss Jami

See, I'm a great believer in the power of negative thought. And in an age of affirmation, of self-help and self-love, of the rebirth of wide-eyed idealism and the power of positive thinking - I'm happy to be a champion of skepticism and doubt. That night, I rediscovered my role, my reason, and my rage. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

You ever drive up to the pharmacy window and they ask you, "Can I have your phone number?"
Sure all I get on it anymore are political calls, and people doing polls. Maybe it's difficult for people that work at pharmacy drive up windows to get phones. — Neil Leckman

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. No one in this world, so far as I know - and I have researched the records for years, and employed agents to help me - has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby. — H.L. Mencken

For good or evil, a line has been passed in our political history; and something that we have known all our lives is dead. I will take only one example of it: our politicians can no longer be caricatured. — Gilbert K. Chesterton

During my career as a standup and actor, I realized it was very frustrating for me to get hired because Hollywood was hiring a different kind of brother, you know, and I was doing political humor. In order for me to really have a long career, I'm going to have to learn how to write and produce for myself. I had no idea I was really going to like it and I'm very fortunate to be successful. But the idea was to always eventually create something for myself. That was the idea from the beginning when I went into writing and producing. — Larry Wilmore

We keep electing council members for appearance sake, it doesn't mean anything, and it is just a show for the people, so that they may sleep well at night with their delusion of peace. — S.R. Gibbs

This is what I'm good at. I like meeting people, my fellow citizens, I like interfacing with them. — George W. Bush

Dubya! What in Tarnation!? Why, I'll tan yer hide fer this!So, what's sex like after fifty, anyway? — George W. Bush

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. — Mary Louise Cecilia "Texas" Guinan

Caricatures are an important part of our culture of debate. They should defuse political spats through humor and irony. It is about making a strong statement but softening it with a wink. So Danes do not get too upset about caricatures. None of us is interested in insulting Muslims. — Anders Fogh Rasmussen

The senator has got to understand if he's going to have - he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road. — George W. Bush

It's going to require numerous IRA agents. — George W. Bush

What good is it to be rich if we canna scrape up the scratch to buy a political prisoner on a whim? — Kresley Cole

A story once went the rounds of Israel to the effect that Ben-Gurion described me as 'the only man' in his cabinet. What amused me about is that he (or whoever invented the story) thought that this was the greatest compliment that could be paid to a woman. I very much doubt that any man would have been flattered if I had said about him that he was the only woman in the government! — Golda Meir

You know, if you find a person that you've never seen before getting in a crop-duster that doesn't belong to you, report it. — George W. Bush

You want a friend in this city? [Washington, DC.] Get a dog! — Harry Truman

I expect you to work hard on our agenda. — George W. Bush

How do you know if you don't measure if you have a system that simply suckles kids through? — George W. Bush

One thing was for sure: Barbara Bush was willing to speak her mind. That was something she did quite frequently in later years. Mother's quick wit and self-deprecating humor endeared her to millions of Americans. Her willingness to speak her mind stood in contrast to some tightly scripted political spouses. As a result of her wide following, she helped many Americans understand and love her husband. — George W. Bush

I am a person who recognizes the fallacy of humans. — George W. Bush

I'm struggling to keep up with her pace. Though I'm taller, she's built for speed and I'm built for political activism. — Jani Berghuis

The president has kept all the promises he intended to keep. — George Stephanopoulos

Kosovians can move back in. — George W. Bush

Okay. I'm not a white male. At least, not predominantly so. And as I mentioned before, I'm in an environment right now where race is really important. See, Chinese men are not that physically intimidating. We're not that tall. We're not that built. We have exactly one thing going for us in a fight - that our opponent recognizes that there's a possibility, no matter how remote, that we might know kung-fu. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

Politics is the only art whose artists regularly disown their masterpieces. — Raheel Farooq

The comics that are just conversing with you up there and drawing on their own life, yeah, I guess so. I guess some do political humor, some do topical humor, but the ones that I like, the ones that are appealing to me, were guys who were just talking to you about their life. — Ray Romano

Lesbian humor isn't trying to sell anything, it doesn't have to sell out. Coming out as a lesbian onstage is still a very political act; if it weren't, more women would do it. — Kate Clinton

Anyway, I'm so thankful, and so gracious - I'm gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well. — George W. Bush

God told me to strike at al Qaida and I struck them, and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East. If you help me I will act, and if not, the elections will come and I will have to focus on them. — George W. Bush

Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles. — Bauvard

The woman who knew that I had dyslexia - I never interviewed her. — George W. Bush

This administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end. — George W. Bush

I've changed my style somewhat, as you know. I'm less - I pontificate less, although it may be hard to tell it from this show. And I'm more interacting with people. — George W. Bush

The Romans may be known for many things, but humor isn't one of them. As usual, this interpretation relies on a prima facie reading of Jesus as a man with no political ambitions whatsoever. That is nonsense. All criminals sentenced to execution received a titulus so that everyone know the crime for which they were being punished and thus be deterred from taking part in similar activity. That the wording on Jesus's titulus was likely genuine is demonstrated by Joseph A. Fitzmeyer, who notes that "if [the titulus] were invented by Christians, they would have used Christos, for early Christians would scarcely have called their Lord 'King of the Jews'."[..] the notion that a no-name Jewish peasant would have received a personal audience with the Roman governor, Pontius Pilate, who had probably signed a dozen execution orders that day alone, is so outlandish that it cannot be taken seriously. — Reza Aslan

It was a state of aloneness. It was the kind of place that started shooting political prisoners because it suspected that they would enjoy solitary confinement and internal exile too much. — Will Wiles

I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine labor secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified. — George W. Bush

The point is, this is a way to help inoculate me about what has come and is coming. — George W. Bush

She's just trying to make sure Anthony gets a good meal - Antonio. — George W. Bush

And it started out fun. We were chattering enthusiastically, flipping between CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News. But as the evening wore on, and the numbers rolled in, it got quieter, and I found myself becoming intensely depressed. Why was I putting myself through this? The issues I've devoted my life to have become so marginalized by the coverage that they have no possible relevance to me. I can't even blame the media - people simply don't care about alternate-party politics. And why should they? I'm so far in the minority that my activism is a joke, a punchline that stopped being funny years ago. It goes beyond rooting for the underdog. It's not rooting for the Giants: it's more like, say, rooting for the Twins. But during the Super Bowl. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

I also have picked a secretary for Housing and Human Development. Mel Martinez from the state of Florida. — George W. Bush

You subscribe politics to it. I subscribe freedom to it. — George W. Bush

Jamie Kilstein and Allison Kilkenny have created an important political radio show that balances humor and unreported news. At a time when media conglomerates dominate the airwaves, independent media like Citizen Radio is vital to national discourse. — Noam Chomsky

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and
regardless of their political or cultural differences
accuse each other of cheating. — Dave Barry

Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure. — George W. Bush

Rev. Pat Robertson says that if more states legalize gay marriage, God will destroy America. He did say that afterwards, gays will come in and do a beautiful renovation. — Conan O'Brien

I didn't set out to do a gay comic, but given the current political and religious climate in this country, I feel it is important as a gay person, and a Christian, to create stories with humor and honesty. — Paige Braddock

Brains were no good to a working man; they only made him discontented and saucy and lose his jobs. She'd seen it happen again and again. — Flora Thompson

More recently, during a debate in the House of Lords in 1978 one of the members said: "If there is a more hideous language on the face of the earth than the American form of English, I should like to know what it is." (We should perhaps bear in mind that the House of Lords is a largely powerless, nonelective institution. It is an arresting fact of British political life that a Briton can enjoy a national platform and exalted status because he is the residue of an illicit coupling 300 years before between a monarch and an orange seller.) — Bill Bryson

To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem. — Douglas Adams

There was an assumption that I was personally attacking Sarah Palin by impersonating her on TV. No one ever said it was 'mean' when Chevy Chase played Gerald Ford falling down all the time. No one ever accused Dana Carvey or Darrell Hammond or Dan Aykroyd of 'going too far' in their political impressions. You see what I'm getting at here. I am not mean and Mrs. Palin is not fragile. To imply otherwise is a disservice to us both. — Tina Fey

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that. — Don Rickles

There's a way you political folks have of coming round and round a plain right thing — Harriet Beecher Stowe

There are fears that Britain could be facing a double-dip recession, or worse still, a double-dip with misery sprinkles and fuck-where's-my-job-sauce. — Frankie Boyle

You might want to comment on that, Honorable. — George W. Bush

Behind his careful political flippancy and cynicism one might also detect a certain careless sincerity, which would probably in the long run save him from moderate success, and turn him into one of the brilliant failures of his day. — Saki

Let me put it to you this way, I am not a revengeful person. — George W. Bush

I don't remember debates. I don't think we spent a lot of time debating it. Maybe we did, but I don't remember. — George W. Bush

Take Tom Jones and mix him with Enrico Caruso, the Italian tenor-cum-castrato singer. Then add tons of pathetic love songs, faked sex appeal and musical kleptomania focusing on Western hits from the 1970s. Spice it up with a political flexibility rare even for Central European standards and a personal status close to that of the Pope. What do you get? Karel Gott, Czech pop music's most mega-super, long-lasting and brightest star. — Terje B. Englund

We will ensure a place for you in heaven, but we will make this place a hell." Religious exploiters
"Follow us for a greater economy and other superficial dreams, and we will make sure it never happens, ever." Political Class
"I search for happiness in all the wrong places because I have been conditioned to believe that happiness is somewhere outside (can't find it within)." Common Man
"You are absolutely free to do anything only if you do what we say." Society — Saurabh Sharma

Don't ever call me mad, Mycroft. I'm not mad. I'm just ... well, differently moraled, that's all. — Jasper Fforde

New Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. It's not their field. It's like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Here's what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Here's what they don't know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, I'd join the Tea Party. — Bill Maher

The problem with all politicians is that they are human. — Steven Ivy Attorney Entrepreneur

I would have my secretary of treasury be in touch with the financial centers, not only here but at home. — George W. Bush

One good thing about being an immigrant in the US, no one cares about my sociopolitical opinion. I exist like a bland wallpaper to all races. — Fidelis O. Mkparu

The only working model of socialism I have ever seen is in an elementary school classroom. — R.M. ArceJaeger

As young Americans, you have an important responsibility, which is to become good citizens. — George W. Bush

It's one thing about insurance, that's a Washington term. — George W. Bush

The Libertarian Party convention wasn't much better. You will never find a more stammering, awkward, inarticulate group of people than libertarians. I still remember the convention the previous year, entitled 'Women of Liberty.' All of the speakers were women, and all of the topics boiled down to 'Effectively Communicating Libertarian Ideas to Women' - in other words, 'How to talk to girls.' Looking around at the nearly entirely white male audience, it wasn't hard to see why they chose this tack. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

On this National Day of Prayer and Remembrance, we ask almighty God to watch over our nation, and grant us patience and resolve in all that is to come. We pray that He will comfort and console those who now walk in sorrow. We thank Him for each life we now must mourn, and the promise of a life to come. — George W. Bush

I confirmed to the prime minister that we appreciate our friendship. — George W. Bush

Kids, don't trust any radical under twenty-five. His cock tends to get in the way of his political vision — Juan Antonio Butler

We say to seniors, we understand how important prescription drug coverage, so prescription drugs will be an ingrinable part of the Medicare plan. — George W. Bush

These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion. — George W. Bush

About 14 percent of our nation's civilian workforce is foreign-born. — George W. Bush

INDECISION NOW!' isn't a battle cry that's going to rouse anybody's blood. But I sometimes wonder if it isn't the sanest one. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

Liberal, shmiberal. That should be a new word. Shmiberal: one who is assumed liberal, just because he's a professional whiner in the newspaper. If you'll read the subtext for many of those old strips, you'll find the heart of an old-fashioned Libertarian. And I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners. — Berkeley Breathed

My favorite Congressional incongruity: ... Red State legislators galumphing from meeting to meeting in full pancake makeup. Estee Lauder may well make more money on Capitol Hill than in Beverly Hills. — Frank Bruni

And then the other guy will look really sheepish, and mumble that, okay, maybe he tried to make a run for it, and maybe he took a drunken swing at the arresting officer, and maybe he made a couple of off-color remarks about law-enforcement professionals, and maybe he's been hiding from the cops ever since an incident a few years back involving a bleeding hooker, nine pounds of cocaine, and a soiled image of Tipper Gore. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

It's my first trip as president of the United States. — George W. Bush

I turned on Fox News and jumped when I saw that they had one of those things in their studio. "Are you people crazy?" I screamed at the television. "Get out of there. Somebody shoot it!" Then I realized I was watching Special Report and had mistaken Charles Krauthammer for a zombie. — Ian McClellan

A number of people who I've talked to about this assume that I got into a fight with the cops. (Because of, y'know, the militant politics.) I actually had an audience member come up to me once and ask me if I paid taxes. Of course I pay taxes! I pay taxes for exactly the same reason that I hate paying taxes - because I think my government is terrifying and stupid. I don't need the IRS kicking my door down and taking my meticulously alphabetized collection of Tijuana bibles. — Phillip Andrew Bennett Low

I've got a great sense of where I want to lead and I'm comfortable with why I'm running. And, you know, the call on that speech was, beware. This is going to be a tough campaign. — George W. Bush

It has sustained me in moments of success and in moments of disappointment. Without it, I'd be a different person. And without it, I doubt I'd be here today. — George W. Bush

If I'm the president, we're going to have emergency-room care, we're going to have gag orders. — George W. Bush