Pizza Funny Quotes & Sayings

Well, I've seen porn!" Evan defends and Dan just looks at him.
"Okay, captain Pornie, walk me through it," Dan challenges. "I'll be the pizza guy, and Jeff can be the plumber. You can be ... hey, why don't you be the high-powered young executive?"
Evan grins at him with a glint in his eye. "Okay, fine." He laces his fingers together and flexes them in front of him as if he's warming up. He sits back in chair and his eyes focus on the eaves of Jeff's roof then begins.
"The young executive come home after a hard day ...
[five pages of detailed porn]
" ... and all fall asleep together on the executives huge bed. The End." Evan is pretty clearly proud of himself, and Dan really blame him.
After an appreciative silence, Dan says, "Okay, yeah, so maybe there's some merit to the whole threesome thing. — Kate Sherwood

And when I smiled, 'Bing!' I almost blinded her.
She said, 'Great Scot, are you a thief?
Seems like you have a mouth full of gold teeth!'
Hahahaha, had to find that funny,
So I said, 'No child, I work hard for the money.
And calling me a thief? Please ... don't even try it,
Sit down, eat your slice of pizza, and be quiet.' — Slick Rick

I started to crawl off; then I remembered my leftover pizza, and I peeled off the salami, pepperoni, and anchovies and placed them on the CD tray (whicn no one used these days with flash drives around)on Boone's computer. I hit the close button and watched the smelly part of my delicious dinner slide away. Boone would have a great time wondering 'where's that smell coming from? — Duffy Brown

So ... what are you delivering today
pizza or death?"
"Both, actually. Pepperoni for you now, and a fatal aneurism to the woman in room 408 in about ten hours. — Rachel Vincent

Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front of your co-workers and end the misery." I don't know how many of you ever tried to jump off of a Pizza Hut, but you'll just get a sprained ankle out of the deal. Then you'll have to go back inside, and serve crazy bread. — Zach Galifianakis

They kiss.
The kiss that will change everything. Elliot will never have been happier than with this girl, funny, down to earth and bohemian, who dreamed of remaking the world as she ate her pizza.
And Ilena will never have felt more beautiful than through the gaze of this mysterious and appealing boy that fate had thrown in her path in such a strange way. — Guillaume Musso

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind. — Adam Carolla

system that enabled him to sleep in clean sheets every night without the trouble of bed changing. He'd been proposing the system to Sarah for years, but she was so set in her ways. What he did was strip the mattress of all linens, replacing them with a giant sort of envelope made from one of the seven sheets he had folded and stitched together on the sewing machine. He thought of this invention as a Macon Leary Body Bag. A body bag required no tucking in, was unmussable, easily changeable, and the perfect weight for summer nights. — Anne Tyler

With language, as with so much, context is all. — Cecily

Love is the sweetest melody of the soul and anything can be catalyst for that. — Amit Ray

Get your egos off the battlefield. — Charlie Sheen

Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have ... undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It's because he doesn't care! He's in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery. I am so tired of saying no, waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consumed so I know just how much self loathing to take into the shower. I'm going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I'm just through with the guilt. So this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to finish this pizza, and then we are going to go watch the soccer game, and tomorrow we are going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans. — Elizabeth Gilbert

People should just be aware of how they are eating ... yesterday I had a McDonald's breakfast and pizza too - but that's bad. — Peaches Geldof

It seems quite clear that much of this intense activity for Progressive reform was intended to head off socialism. Easley talked of "the menace of Socialism as evidenced by its growth in the colleges, churches, newspapers." In 1910, Victor Berger became the first member of the Socialist party elected to Congress; in 1911, seventy-three Socialist mayors were elected, and twelve hundred lesser officials in 340 cities and towns. The press spoke of "The Rising Tide of Socialism. — Howard Zinn

Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking to a supermodel. — Joan Rivers

Hundreds of words await ostracism from our functional vocabularies: waltz and fizz and squeeze and booze and frozen pizza pie, frizzy and fuzzy and dizzy and duzzy, the visualization of emphyzeema-zapped Tarzans, wheezing and sneezing, holding glazed and anodized bazookas, seized by all the bizarrities of this zany zone we call home. Dazed or zombified citizens who recognize hazardous organizations of zealots in their hazy midst, too late - too late to size down. Immobilized we iz. Minimalized. Paralyzed. Zip Zap. ZZZZZZZZZ.
Crazy.
Crazy.
Did I say crazy? — Mark Dunn

I have never been a Marilyn Monroe wannabe. I have always been happy in my own skin! — Mamie Van Doren

It's funny how different people are. If I'd been this kid and someone was snarling "Ordering a pizza?" at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back "Yeah. You want pepperoni?"
-Maximum Ride — James Patterson

I went to a pizzeria. The guy gave me the smallest slice possible. If the pizza was a pie chart with what would you do if you found a million dollars, he gave me the "Donate it to charity" slice. "I'd like to exchange this for the 'Keep it!'" — Mitch Hedberg

Phones are only good for ordering pizza and telling someone you're running late — Amy Reed

The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear matching outfits than to get any two randomly selected Americans to agree on pizza toppings. — Dave Barry

Sex and pizza, they say, are similar. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, you get it on your shirt. — Mike Birbiglia

U.S. Presedent Barack Sadam Husene Obame sit in the darkened Oval Ofice at 2 a.m. wearing hes traditienel Kenyan roabe.
He take one last bite of the Chicago style deep dish pizza that he has flown to him every day on the Amerecan tax payer's dime and wipe the grease off his mouth with the U.S. consititutien.
He get up and walk to desk, where he keeps the Kenyan black magic crystle ball. Its black glow iluminate his face.
"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo - which basic U.S. freedoms are next to go?" he say aloud to no one and every one at the same time.
Then he flash that trade mark Bary Obame million doller grin as a crack of lightning sound in the distence. — Seinfeld 2000

So if you are what you eat and you are as young as you feel, then I am a pizza, right out of the oven. — Tom Althouse

Don't answer the door without a shirt! Now, go get dressed before you catch a cold," I scolded.
"Why? He was kinda cute. Do you think he would've went for it if I said I didn't have any money?" Wesley asked.
"You're mine and I wouldn't let you prostitute yourself for pizza. Now go put on a shirt," I said, pulling two slices onto a plate. — J.M. Colail

If I'm not feeling super confident about an outfit or a little insecure - I'll probably accessorize my outfit with some jewelry. — Amber Le Bon

People don't just appear on the beach unless they're demigods or gods or really, really lost pizza delivery guys. (It's happened - but that's another story.) — Rick Riordan

Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's. — Natasha Leggero

The whole point of straws, I had thought, was that you did not have to set down the slice of pizza to suck a dose of Coke while reading a paperback. — Nicholson Baker

In Pizza Express you can get garlic bread with cheese and tomato. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but that's a pizza. — Jimmy Carr

The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M. — Charlie Pierce

Tag opened the door to his knock, and with a look of disappointment, peered behind Wade.
"You got someone better coming over?" Wade asked him.
"Pizza," Tag said. — Jill Shalvis

Lovers do things together! They rent videos, they ride Ferris wheels, they go out for pizza, they play Scrabble. They ... they talk!'
'Talk?' He lifted his head and frowned, his eyes puzzled. 'We talk all the time, Raine. I've never had such talkative sex.'
'That's just it!' She wiggled, flailed, but couldn't budge him. 'Two minutes alone with you, and I'm flat on my back. Every single time!'
A slow, knowing grin spread over his face. 'Is this your way of telling me you want to be on top? — Shannon McKenna

I love Pizza thicker, when the crust is thinner! — Jasleen Kaur Gumber

I love my pizza so much, in fact, that I have come to believe in my delirium that my pizza might actually love me, in return. I am having a relationship with this pizza, almost an affair. — Elizabeth Gilbert

The beautiful thing about studying abroad is that you don't study very much. — Stephanie Wilson