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Piss Funny Quotes & Sayings

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Top Piss Funny Quotes

Piss Funny Quotes By Ann Everett

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials — Ann Everett

Piss Funny Quotes By Melanie Finn

Some things in life are certain; death, taxes, and that your family will piss you off. — Melanie Finn

Piss Funny Quotes By Jeaniene Frost

Sorry. My friends didn't mention certain ... details about you and you just wouldn't believe how nutty some people are. Just last week, I had a woman convinced her trailer was haunted by Tupac, as if he'd want to spend eternity in a double wide that smelled like cat piss. — Jeaniene Frost

Piss Funny Quotes By Alan Moore

Now, as I understand it, the bards were feared. They were respected, but more than that they were feared. If you were just some magician, if you'd pissed off some witch, then what's she gonna do, she's gonna put a curse on you, and what's gonna happen? Your hens are gonna lay funny, your milk's gonna go sour, maybe one of your kids is gonna get a hare-lip or something like that - no big deal.
You piss off a bard, and forget about putting a curse on you, he might put a satire on you. And if he was a skilful bard, he puts a satire on you, it destroys you in the eyes of your community, it shows you up as ridiculous, lame, pathetic, worthless, in the eyes of your community, in the eyes of your family, in the eyes of your children, in the eyes of yourself, and if it's a particularly good bard, and he's written a particularly good satire, then three hundred years after you're dead, people are still gonna be laughing, at what a twat you were. — Alan Moore

Piss Funny Quotes By Nenia Campbell

You mean you don't want to come in and hold my hand while I piss? — Nenia Campbell

Piss Funny Quotes By Noel Fielding

My mum and dad are both really funny. My granddad's really funny, my uncle's really funny, everyone's really funny. You have to be quick, otherwise you get roasted. Everyone takes the piss quite a lot. You have to be really sharp. — Noel Fielding

Piss Funny Quotes By Simon Dunn

This was going to be the best cup of tea ever, even if it did look piss weak and oily. He took a gentle sip. Motherfuckers. It was coffee. — Simon Dunn

Piss Funny Quotes By Debra Anastasia

She could sit around listening to her heart breaking, or she could go watch a grown man piss himself.
"How crossed are her eyes?" Dove asked.
Duke gave her the shit-eating grin of victory. "So fucking crossed that she can see herself change her mind. — Debra Anastasia

Piss Funny Quotes By Tina Fey

Anytime there's a bad female stand-up somewhere, some dickhead Interblogger will deduce that "women aren't funny." Using that same math, I can state: Male comedy writers piss in cups. — Tina Fey

Piss Funny Quotes By Christine Manzari

The girl may have been tiny, but everything about her said, I'm not scared of you, so piss off. — Christine Manzari

Piss Funny Quotes By Ripley Patton

You know," he said, "P.S.S. Piss Camp."
"Yeah, I get it," I said, "It's just not funny. — Ripley Patton

Piss Funny Quotes By Scott Lynch

Don Lorenzo and 'Master Eccari' fenced pleasantries for a few moments thereafter; Galdo eventually let himself be skewered with the politest possible version of 'Thanks, but piss off. — Scott Lynch

Piss Funny Quotes By Stephen King

I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss. — Stephen King

Piss Funny Quotes By Kiersten Fay

His appearance projected danger and reinforced the common knowledge that one did not want to piss off a demon, especially this one. — Kiersten Fay

Piss Funny Quotes By Stephanie Perkins

He pats his way around the the bed and slides back in. "Ow," he says.
"yes?"
"My belt. Would it be weird ... "
I'm thankful he can't see me blush."Of course not." And I listen to the slap of leather, s he pulls it out of his belt loops. He lays it gently on my hardwood floor.
"Um," he says. "Would it be weird-"
"yes"
"Oh, piss off. I'm not talking trousers. I only want under the blankets. That breeze is horrible." He slides underneath, and now we're lying side-by-side. In my narrow bed. Funny, but I never never imagined my first sleepover with a guy being, well, a sleepover. — Stephanie Perkins

Piss Funny Quotes By Vincent Hobbes

It's almost funny if it didn't piss me off so much. — Vincent Hobbes

Piss Funny Quotes By Steve Coogan

People come up to me in supermarkets and demand humour. And the less amusing I am, the more they piss themselves. So I say, "I'm doing my shopping, mate, OK?" and the guy will be on the floor in hysterics. Quite odd. Eventually I do have to say something funny so I usually go for something pathetic like, "It's a nice place to shop but I wouldn't like to live here!" and they roar again. Wet themselves. I'm lucky though that I am not massively famous, I can get the Tube without much bother. Must be awful being the Beckhams. — Steve Coogan

Piss Funny Quotes By Jennifer L. Armentrout

Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja? — Jennifer L. Armentrout

Piss Funny Quotes By Chris Rock

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body. — Chris Rock

Piss Funny Quotes By Stephanie Perkins

He pats his way around the bed and slides back in. 'Ow,' he says.
'Yes?'
'My belt. Would it be weird ... '
I'm thankful he can't see me blush. 'Of course not.' And I listen to the slap of leather as he pulls it out of his belt loops. He lays it gently on my hardwood floor.
'Um,' he says. 'Would it be weird - '
'YES.'
'Oh, piss off. I'm not talking trousers. I only want under the blankets.That breeze is horrible.' He slides underneath, and now we're lying side by side. In my narrow bed. Funny, but I never imagined my first sleepover with a guy being, well, a sleepover.
'All we need now are 'Sixteen Candles' and a game of Truth or Dare.'
He coughs. 'Wh-what?'
'The movie, pervert. I was just thinking it's been a while since I've had a sleepover.'
A pause. 'Oh. — Stephanie Perkins

Piss Funny Quotes By Laini Taylor

Maybe they're not surrendering," said the smirking soldier in false consolation. "Maybe they all just really had to piss. — Laini Taylor

Piss Funny Quotes By Lewis Black

Can somebody explain to me why Pepsi and Coke advertise? Are we missing something? Seriously, everyone in this room has drank enough Pepsi and Coke in their lifetime they could piss it for a week. — Lewis Black