Phyllis Quotes & Sayings

It's true as a woman, particularly: the older you get, the parts get thinner on the ground and not quite as interesting, that's for sure. — Phyllis Logan

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity. — Phyllis Diller

There are periods when life is so pleasant one can almost imagine the world is sun-dappled and safe. — Phyllis T. Smith

I talk to myself on paper about my characters - sometimes writing in first person ... I keep lists of unanswered questions that I can always turn to in order to get myself going. — Phyllis A. Whitney

[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age. — Phyllis Diller

Not being liked has a certain virtue about it, if the reason for the dislike does not lie in yourself! — Phyllis Bottome

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. — Phyllis Diller

Hurt of this magnitude is like menopause," Phyllis tells me. I've just wiped my nose with one of the hats. She takes it from me and hands me a tissue. "Comes in hot flashes. Just when you feel like you can't take it anymore, it passes for a bit. But it comes back, boy does it. — Tarryn Fisher

If you find yourself caring for a relative with dementia, the chances are you'll need help. — Phyllis Logan

Our responsibility to ourselves comes first
because in a sense what one is oneself is the responsibility that one has for others! — Phyllis Bottome

Let others, worn with living / And living's aftermath, / Take Sleep to heal the heart's distress, / Take Love to be their comfortress, / Take Song or Food or Fancy Dress, / But I shall take a Bath. — Phyllis McGinley

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink. — Phyllis Diller

If you haven't had at least a slight poetic crack in the heart, you have been cheated by nature. — Phyllis Battelle

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on. — Phyllis Diller

[President-elect George W] Bush has reached out to these other groups like Blacks and Hispanics ... He ought to do his reaching out to the people who elected him. — Phyllis Schlafly

And what a lovely body the young girl possessed! She was obviously proud of it herself & never seemed ashamed to display it. Iris Leong then decided that if she had a body like Phyllis', she, too, would be proud to display it in all its glory.
All the cards now appeared to be stacked in the girl's favour. She enjoyed orgasms all day long & yet never had to fear about losing her virginity. She thus had her cake & also ate it. She should be a model to all young girls, Iris decided.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

Magic is what happens when you have encountered the Divine. It is the life-altering experiences of connecting to the divinity that dwells within yourself and in the world. — Phyllis Curott

Not reading poetry amounts to a national pastime here. — Phyllis McGinley

A reporter discovers, in the course of many years of interviewing celebrities, that most actors are more attractive behind a spotlight than over a spot of tea. — Phyllis Battelle

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it. — Phyllis Diller

What are so mysterious as the eyes of a child? — Phyllis Bottome

Comedy is tragedy revisited. — Phyllis Diller

Karen made a face. "Oh, c'mon."
"I don't think so," I said.
"Old Play-by-the-Rules McKinley," said Brian, laughing at me.
I could hardly stand him. "You've got that right," I said, and turned away. — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Knowledge cannot be changed, but the use to which it may be put can very easily be changed. — Phyllis Bottome

E.T., who said to Phyllis Diller, You look weird. Never got a dinner! — Red Buttons

We do good by ourselves, but we seldom do wrong alone. — Phyllis Bottome

The most frequent complaint I hear from college students is that professors inject their leftist political comments into their courses even when they have nothing to do with the subject. — Phyllis Schlafly

Ah, snug lie those that slumber Beneath Conviction's roof. Their floors are sturdy lumber, Their windows weatherproof. But I sleep cold forever And cold sleep all my kind, For I was born to shiver In the draft from an open mind. — Phyllis McGinley

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss. — Phyllis Diller

What religious Americans might have been slow to realize is that the ACLU's long march through the institutions of America has culminated at the door of Obama's White House. Behind that door stands the one we have "been waiting for," as liberals chanted about Obama in 2008. Obama is the fulfillment of the ACLU's messianic secularist hopes. No president has done more to empty the public square of Christians than Barack Obama. To the delight of secularists, Obama has been stacking the federal courts with ACLU-style judges who read the First Amendment through an ahistorical and atheistic prism, or as they like to call it, the "living Constitution," which is nothing more than a euphemism for whatever they think the Constitution should mean in our supposedly enlightened times. — Phyllis Schlafly

Please to put a nickel, please to put a dime. How petitions trickle in at Christmas time! — Phyllis McGinley

One solution might be to impose the duty on admissions officers to arbitrarily admit only half women and half men. — Phyllis Schlafly

Just the other day I said to Fang, "Don't you think we've got a storybook romance?" and he said, "Yes, and every page is ripped. — Phyllis Diller

This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him. — Phyllis Diller

I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband. — Phyllis Diller

The world is full of unrequited love,' I said finally.
'You and Patrick having problems?' Dad said, reaching around to get the butter out of the fridge.
'No, I was just wondering what you would say if I was a lesbian.'
'Come again?' said Lester. 'I'm having a hard time following this conversation. — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it. — Phyllis Diller

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband. — Phyllis Diller

Time indeed has very little to do with living except at its beginning or near its end. — Phyllis Bottome

I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed." — Phyllis Diller

Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, "A teaspoon before going to bed," and in one day he uses seven bottles. — Phyllis Diller

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor ... I was committed! — Phyllis Diller

I would rather you wait till next Sunday" Phyllis politely told her boss, & added with a grin,If you had enjoyed the meal, why don't you introduce me to some of your friends?I am sure they will like it too."
She was putting all her cards on the table.Eros was taken aback but replied "Sure! Sure!" knowing very well he was lying to her.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

There's only one good reason to be a writer-we can't help it! We'd all like to be rich, famous and successful, but if those are our goals, we're off on a wrong foot ... I just wanted to earn enough money so I could work at home on my writing. — Phyllis A. Whitney

God challenges all of us to attempt things for him which we are unable to do in ourselves, so that the Glory may be his. — Phyllis Irwin

When one married a man, it was clear to me, one married also the sink and the stove ... — Phyllis Bentley

Oh, I'm a ballad queen for sure ... I don't dig dance stuff very much but I seem to hit the charts with it. Go figure ... — Phyllis Hyman

The system - the American one, at least - is a vast and noble experiment. It has been polestar and exemplar for other nations. But from kindergarten until she graduates from college the girl is treated in it exactly like her brothers. She studies the same subjects, becomes proficient at the same sports. Oh, it is a magnificent lore she learns, education for the mind beyond anything Jane Austen or Saint Theresa or even Mrs. Pankhurst ever dreamed. It is truly Utopian. But Utopia was never meant to exist on this disheveled planet. — Phyllis McGinley

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in. — Phyllis Diller

For most women, being seen, having others pay attention to you, is imagined and experienced as more desirable and more powerful than commanding an army or seizing control of the means of production and reproduction. — Phyllis Chesler

Aunts are discreet, a little shy / By instinct. They forbear to pry ... — Phyllis McGinley

The United States is a giant island of freedom, achievement, wealth and prosperity in a world hostile to our values. — Phyllis Schlafly

I don't want to sound like I'm on dope, but that hour is a high; it's as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power. — Phyllis Diller

Admit it, "Lord I'm Not Done Yet"
Live it, "Lord I'm Not Done Yet"
Shout it, "Lord I'm Not Done Yet — Phyllis Lomax Singh

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers. — Phyllis Diller

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet. — Phyllis Diller

There is nothing final about a mistake, except its being taken as final. — Phyllis Bottome

Putting women in military combat is the cutting edge of the feminist goal to force us into an androgynous society. — Phyllis Schlafly

During this week, Ragan has experience a bit of insecurity with me, the result of my being quieter than usual, which he interprets as being a withdrawal from him. "No," I countered, "it is a withdrawal into myself." I do not think the same need exists in him. Quiet can be the two of us reading silently. But he prefers that I be nearby. I need regular time without anybody else around in order to feel restored. — Phyllis Theroux

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing. — Phyllis Diller

Wright told Klein that he saw the Obamas as secularists, for whom "church is not their thing": And even after Barack and Michelle came to the church their kids weren't raised in the church like you raise other kids in Sunday school. No. Church is not their thing. It never was their thing. Michelle was not the kind of black woman whose momma made her go to church, made her go to Sunday school, made her go to Baptist Young People's Union. She wasn't raised in that kind of environment. So the church was not an integral part of their spiritual lives after they got married. But the church was an integral part of Barack's politics. Because he needed that black base. — Phyllis Schlafly

Chimes?" Phyllis asked. "Chimes to call a lover? Chimes with the voice of a bird trapped in them? Chimes that play you whatever song you most desire to hear?"
"No thanks," said Nick. "We've got MTV. — Sarah Rees Brennan

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs. — Phyllis Diller

Becoming a resident of a state may confer the right to get a driver's license, but it does not and should not confer citizenship. — Phyllis Schlafly

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. — Phyllis Diller

Kindness is a virtue neither modern nor urban. One almost unlearns it in a city. Towns have their own beatitude; they are not unfriendly; they offer a vast and solacing anonymity or an equally vast and solacing gregariousness. But one needs a neighbor on whom to practice compassion. — Phyllis McGinley

I don't know how you feel about old age ... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear. — Phyllis Diller

There are two roads to every place, and the wise man chooses the pleasant one. — Phyllis Bentley

Afghans excel at fighting Afghans. This is what Afghans do, even when they are not being invaded by foreign powers. They fight each other, tribe against tribe, brother against brother, half-brother against half-brother, cousin against cousin, uncle against nephew, father against son. — Phyllis Chesler

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along. — Phyllis Diller

Any judge who allows an adulterer with a live-in girlfriend to terminate the life of his wife should be impeached. — Phyllis Schlafly

The successful truck gardener can never go out to dinner in the summer or spend a week end away, because his conscience tells him he has to be at home eating up his corn or packaging his beans for the freezer. — Phyllis McGinley

Nothing about contraception should be taught in schools. There is no question that it will encourage sexual activity. — Phyllis Schlafly

Saying hello to something new means saying good-bye to something old and loved. — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

The quiet is funereal, air as thick and still as if it never moves; as if all sound has been smothered out, the way a blanket subdues a fire. The atmosphere has weight, and simultaneously seems a vacuum. — Phyllis Edgerly Ring

I don't like to cook. I can make a TV dinner taste like radio. — Phyllis Diller

Happiness is wanting what you have. — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

And Vicky also told her sister that all girls at the Health Centre considered that men were born crazy, if not down-right stupid.They were prepared to do crazy things & pay high prices just to prove how "macho" they were, when it came to young pretty girls. And the sisters tittered with laughter at the thought of the old men who enjoyed drinking Phyllis' urine & the young men who ate cucumber sandwiches filled with her excrement. And thus Vicky told Phyllis that although one should not take candy off children, it was quite in order to take money off crazy & stupid rich men.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book; or a friend who's #read one. — Phyllis Diller

When lightning strikes, the mouse is sometimes burned with the farm. — Phyllis Bottome

Rosy lifted her arm, tried to say something, then pointed at the cafe, held her head, covered her mouth and - humiliation of humiliations - she began to cry. Right there in the street. "I'm so confused," she said but it came out as a great honking wail.
"Come here, you silly girl," Phyllis said.
The woman put her arms around Rosy, patted her back, and for the first time in forever, Rosy allowed herself to just cry.
A young mother with twins in a pram passed them. The children's eyes tracked Rosy for a second before their faces crumpled and they started to cry too.
"I'm sorry," Rosy said, and flapped her arms. "I'm sorry. — R.G. Manse

A lady is smarter than a gentleman, maybe, she can sew a fine seam, she can have a baby, she can use her intuition instead of her brain, but she can't fold a paper in a crowded train. — Phyllis McGinley

The only creative power I know is that of what might roughly be called 'love'; not of course a sentimental love: a far more impersonal and less individual emotion. I sometimes think that migratory birds may have it for each other. They fly in the same direction, and have never been seen to interfere with each other's flights. — Phyllis Bottome

Alan: "I had terrible stage fright."
Sin: "I'm not familiar with the concept of 'stage fright.'"
A: "It's pretty awful. You end up having to picture the entire audience in their underwear. Phyllis was in that audience, you know."
S: "Why, Alan, I had no idea your tastes ran that way."
A: "Phyllis is a very nice lady. And I do not consider her so much aged as matured, like a fine wine. But I still think you owe me an archery lesson. — Sarah Rees Brennan

Vicky had once told her that she should not be ashamed of her pubic hair. Pubic hair was what men expected to see on women. Vicky said that there was a young prostitute at the Centre who had no pubic hair & many customers were known to shy off her because they thought that she was diseased. So Phyllis was resigned to displaying her pubic hair to all who wanted to see it.[MMT] — Nicholas Chong

My father used to call me the laughing hyena. — Phyllis Diller

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to. — Phyllis Diller

Growing up, my two favorite books were Woody Allen's 'Side Effects' and Phyllis Diller's 'Housekeeping Hints.' I carried that Phyllis Diller book with me everywhere when I was in fifth or sixth grade. Eventually, it just fell apart. — Jill Davis

Between the 6th and 7th grade, something happens to your eyes. they water a lot. I think its so you can get all the watering out of the way before you begin wearing mascara. — Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

Frigidity is largely nonsense. It is this generation's catchword, one only vaguely understood and constantly misused. Frigid women are few. There is a host of diffident and slow-ripening ones. — Phyllis McGinley

It's hard / Keeping up with the avant-garde. — Phyllis McGinley

Prayer's value is not that it makes challenges go away,
but that it changes my perception and experience within them.
~ Life at First Sight: Finding the Divine in the Details — Phyllis Edgerly Ring

Women are not men's equals in anything except responsibility. We are not their inferiors, either, or even their superiors. We are quite simply different races. — Phyllis McGinley

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. — Phyllis Diller

The justices have constitutionally protected obscenity in libraries, filth over cable television, and now unlimited internet pornography. — Phyllis Schlafly

The wonderful thing about saints is that they were human. They lost their tempers, got hungry, scolded God, were egotistical or impatient in their turns, made mistakes and regretted them. Still they went on doggedly blundering toward heaven. — Phyllis McGinley

Encountering gender apartheid and waged slavery shook me to my roots more than half a century ago in Afghanistan. Oh, the women of Afghanistan, the women of the Muslim world. I was no feminist
but now, thinking back, I see how much I learned there, how clearly their condition taught me to see gender discrimination anywhere and, above all, taught me to see how cruel oppressed women could be to each other. They taught me about women everywhere. — Phyllis Chesler

How sad that men would base an entire civilization on the principle of paternity, upon the legal owership and presumed responsibility for children, and then never really get to know their sons and daughters very well. — Phyllis Chesler

Everybody has a finite amount of energy and limits to what he or she can do. Listen to your body. It will talk to you if you're willing to listen. — Phyllis George

Those wearing tolerance for a label call other views intolerable. — Phyllis McGinley