Phone Sex Quotes & Sayings

You have a great shift." I tell him. "I'll see you around. It's a good thing we're not friends, or else maybe I'd miss you. Or something more than friends-it's a good thing we weren't going out, or I'd be gutted right now. But, you know, we're not. Going out. Obviously. It's so obvious. I'm not sure why I didn't get the memo on that. Maybe it was all the phone sex, addling my stupid female brain. Or, hell, maybe it was all those hours we spent at the bakery, hanging out, or that time when I slept in your bed and cried on your lap on the bathroom floor. I just got confused about what we are. I didn't get the memo. — Robin York

The Clave keeps wanting to hear what happened when we fought Sebastian at the Burren. We've all had to give accounts, like, fifty times. How Jace absorbed the heavenly fire from Glorious. Descriptions of the Dark shadowhunters, the Infernal cup, the weapons they used, the runes that were on them. What we were wearing, what Sebastian was wearing, what everyone was wearing ... like phone sex but boring — Cassandra Clare

Whether he liked it or not, he had to respect Jamie's decision, no matter how pissed off at Jamie he was for ending their friendship in such a way. And he was pissed off. Never mind that rationally he knew that Jamie had done the right thing - they couldn't go on like that - but the way Jamie had handled the situation was shitty. First, Jamie had claimed that the sex would change nothing and didn't have to mean anything; then, after using him like some glorified dildo to get his rocks off, Jamie made a full U-turn and kicked him out of his life over the fucking phone. — Alessandra Hazard

He shook off the thoughts - that wasn't anything he needed to worry about tonight. Any second
now, he was going to hear the chime of a new text message, the chime that signaled the demise of rich,
slick Maybe-next-time-we-can-meet-for-more-than-two-minutes-which-also-happens-to-be-how-long-
I-last-during-sex Tyler Roland, Attorney-at-Law.
Vaughn picked up his phone to check that it had a signal.
Yep, any second now. — Julie James

After gathering myself, I finally stated bluntly, "Sara, I want to have sex."
"Well, of course you do," she responded like I'd said the most obvious thing in the world.
"But what if I'm terrible at it?"
Sara started laughing hysterically. I hung up the phone. She called back ten seconds later.
"Sorry," she offered calmly. "You're serious. — Rebecca Donovan

About the only good thing about being sex-starved and hornier than the blue wildebeest in mating season she'd once had to write an essay on, was the vast improvement on her pen-pal repertoire. Phone sex? Pah! Any schmuck could talk dirty and get off on it. The art of airmail sex, however, presented a much greater challenge and one she'd excelled at, if Mark's responses were anything to go by. It was a wonder the planes didn't catch fire. — Allie A. Burrow

I'm a little let down," Laurel said. "I expect a sexy breakfast story to have sex, not just your very pretty boobs." "I'm not done. Part two begins when I'm back home working, and carelessly answer the phone. My mother. — Nora Roberts

At this point I feel I would be remiss to not mention the prevalence of a specific kind of person who enters the field of book publishing. This is the English lit major who never should have left academia, a genius who has read all of V.S. Naipaul but can't photocopy title pages right side up. This person is very thin, possibly vegan, probably Ivy League. He or she feels as if answering the phone in a chipper voice is a form of legalized prostitution. He or she has a single quirky fashion piece, usually red or black, and waxes poetic about typewriters and the British, having never truly known either. Regardless of sex, they all want to be David Foster Wallace when they grow up. — Sloane Crosley

The majority of our relationship took place over the phone, saving me tons of calories in unswallowed semen. — Jenny Mollen

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a tunnel'. — Jimmy Carr

She grabbed her phone and texted her were friend.

Philippa: Do weres have sex in animal form?

Georgie: Sure, Rashid and I had some wolf on hyena loving last night.

Philippa: Really?

Georgie: No, you twat. That's called bestiality. — Chessela Helm

I had sex," I blurt out for the second time.
All eyes immediately fixate on Connor, who has been very quiet. His phone is gone and his hands are in his pockets. "Yes, it was with me," he answers the non-existent question. — Krista Ritchie

Generally, I've observed, we seek changes that fall into the "Essential Seven." People - including me - most want to foster the habits that will allow them to: 1. Eat and drink more healthfully (give up sugar, eat more vegetables, drink less alcohol) 2. Exercise regularly 3. Save, spend, and earn wisely (save regularly, pay down debt, donate to worthy causes, stick to a budget) 4. Rest, relax, and enjoy (stop watching TV in bed, turn off a cell phone, spend time in nature, cultivate silence, get enough sleep, spend less time in the car) 5. Accomplish more, stop procrastinating (practice an instrument, work without interruption, learn a language, maintain a blog) 6. Simplify, clear, clean, and organize (make the bed, file regularly, put keys away in the same place, recycle) 7. Engage more deeply in relationships - with other people, with God, with the world (call friends, volunteer, have more sex, spend more time with family, attend religious services) — Gretchen Rubin

You know, a cell phone's like a guy; if you don't plug him in every night, charge him good, you got nothing at all. — Catherine Coulter

Rules. Even as the world of phone and computer sex (and dominance) were full of their own rules, so was the new world of doing-it-for real. And some of these new rules, (OK, most of them, Robin admitted) were just as silly as the ones she had learned and followed before. Safe words, for example. Magic words that when said by the bottom, stopped a scene so that some kind of inconvenient or dangerous activity could be halted. Robin had nothing against the concept ...
Having a code to use so that you're free to pull against the bondage or whimper "no, no, no" seemed to be a great idea. But having all these possible ways to orchestrate what was happening seemed, well, contrary to the point ...
I want to feel that I can't stop it. I want to be really mastered, taken over by someone who isn't goin to stop doing things because I'm not getting off on it. Someone who knows enough not to endanger me, unless that was what was intended ... — Laura Antoniou

I can appreciate that," says Henry. He's adding to the list. I look over his shoulder. Sex Pistols, the Clash, Gang of Four, Buzzcocks, Dead Kennedys, X, the Mekons, the Raincoats, the Dead Boys, New Order, the Smiths, Lora Logic, the Au Pairs, Big Black, Pil, the Pixies, the Breeders, Sonic Youth ...
Henry, they're not going to be able to get any of that up here." He nods, and jots the phone number and address for Vintage Vinyl at the bottom of the sheet. "You do have a record player, right?"
My parents have one," Bobby says. Henry winces.
What do you really like?" I ask Jodie. I feel as though she's fallen out of the conversation during the male bonding ritual Henry and Bobby are conducting.
Prince," she admits. Henry and I let out a big Whoo! And I start singing "1999" as loud as I can, and Henry jumps up and we're doing a bump and grind across the kitchen. Laura hears us and runs off to put the actual record on and just like that, it's a dance party. — Audrey Niffenegger

His name is Richard Bingham and he's an advertising executive at Bingham, Charles & Alexander. And yes, he is the Bingham in the title. He says, "I loved watching you eat your lunch. You really savored the flavors."
I am immediately mortified by his comment as I can only imagine what I must have looked like. I get an image in my head of a phone sex commercial for 1-800 eat-this. I grimace and beg, "Please tell me you were not watching me eat."
But he just smiles, "I couldn't take my eyes off of you. That's why I brought the desserts over. I can die a happy man if you'll just take one bite of each of them for me. — Whitney Dineen

Zane's tongue flicked over the head of his cock, and Ty bit his lip against a moan. "Oh God. You're either having sex or being shot at, aren't you?" Deuce asked with dread. "Why do you answer the phone?" "Got — Abigail Roux

I'm at a bar with a woman! So there, you disgusting whore! And I'm going to take her back to our house and I'm going to have sex with her!" His voice grew louder and louder, cracking with an intensity. "That's right! On the couch, in our bed, on the kitchen floor, on the goddamn kitchen table! How do you like that, you cheating, miserable skank?" Then he flipped his phone shut, looked at me and smiled. "So where were we?" he asked pleasantly. — Kristan Higgins

At the G-20 summit, the White House accidentally listed a phone-sex line for journalists seeking an on-record briefing call for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. To which Bill said, 'Boy, did they get the wrong number.' — Jay Leno

How many are we talking about? What percentage of females in Chicago are ready to have sex with you right now? What happens if one of them needs to travel? Do they have a phone tree? Is there a coverage plan or a backup plan for emergencies?"
Quinn covered the bottom half of his mouth with his free hand, too late to mask the smile, his shoulders started shaking with silent laughter.
I continued, feeling a little better knowing that he was able to laugh at himself, "Is there entry criteria? An established search committee? An interview process? Skills test? What kind of radius do you require? Do you have one circling the block now? Do you always keep one nearby? Was there one at the restaurant? At the bar maybe? — Penny Reid

We spoke on the phone for the first time that morning. My back against the chest of drawers, my knees tucked under my chin.
"What are you doing?" You ask.
"Staring at my socks," I reply, "I wore them inside out."
"You dork."
At some point in the following months, our conversation turns.
"I'm going to kiss you really slow, while fucking you really fast. — Lang Leav

Where are you?
You mean where in the house?
Are you in your bedroom?
Yes, I've been reading. Is this some kind of phone sex?
It's just two old people talking in the dark, Addie said. — Kent Haruf

Just because something is addictive doesn't mean that you will get addicted to it. But ... if your stomach ties up in knots while you count the seconds waiting for a phone call from that special someone ... if you hear a loud buzzing in your ears when you see a certain person's car (or one just like it) ... if your eyes burn when you hear a random love song or see a couple holding hands ... if you suffer the twin agonies of craving for and withdrawing from a series of unrequited crushes or toxic relationships ... if you always feel like you're clutching at someone's ankle and dragged across the floor as they try to leave the room ... welcome to the club. — Ethlie Ann Vare

I do think that it is no surprise that, economically, America is in trouble. There's been a lot of trouble out there. More and more women have found themselves doing phone sex and things like that, to help pay bills, so that they could be two-income households. They can do these short-term jobs and still pick up their kids at school, at the end of the day, and drop them off in the morning. I find it fascinating. I'm not one to judge the people in that situation, nor would I really want to. — Jennifer Love Hewitt

I'd learn over time to insist on chatting by phone before hooking up. It was prudent, I thought, to see if the guy sounded like the type who might ejaculate and then murder me in the throes of shame, or lock me in his basement for the remainder of my life, or hold me down and rape me. Or drill holes in my head and inject boiling water and hydrochloric acid into my brain, the way Jeffrey Dahmer did with his hook-ups to try and turn them into sex zombies. — Drew Nellins Smith

See, I thought gay sex would be all different and weird, but it was just like having sex with a woman, except way hotter. I guess you can't believe stuff you see on the Internet, because you know, the hot gay sex I had last night was totally awesome, and nobody like, put their entire hand in my butt."
Doug stood and walked over to Stephen, who was shoving a bagel into a Ziploc bag. "Anyway, hold on, here he is," Doug said into the phone, and then held it out towards him. "It's your mom. — Valerie Z. Lewis

Day One, Morning The Dempsey Penthouse, New York On the morning the ships came, Meyer Dempsey found himself preoccupied with drugs, sex, and business. It would have been hard to believe that just six days later, only one of the three would seem to matter. "You're not listening to me, Heather," he said into the phone. "I'm going to be in LA from Friday to Tuesday. I've already booked time with the studio on Monday. The whole reason I'm coming early is - " Heather cut him off, probably to feed her need for a zinger more than a reply that couldn't wait. Heather was always "on," never really able to take a break and just be a person for once. It was one of the reasons they hadn't been able to stay married. It was like living with a jester. "Because you want to do the Walk — Sean Platt

The greatest sex toy ever invented may be the telephone. Sometimes there's nothing more erotic than a disembodied voice, no question more tantalizing than a whispered 'What are you wearing?' Especially when you can make up the answer. On the phone your hair always looks great, your legs are always shaved, your worst pair of underwear becomes a silk negligee. — Meghan Daum

Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone. — David Letterman

I tried phone sex - it gave me an ear infection ... — Richard Lewis

I grip Colin harder, kissing him longer, unwilling to let him go. This is what I want; this is what I've wanted since his damn phone interrupted us this morning, his mouth, his body claiming mine. I'm on fire, every muscle in my body attuned to his, my groin clenching with delicious need. When the voices grow louder his hold loosens.
"Don't stop, please," I beg into his mouth. Diving into me once more his tongue slays me, erases every thought of the outside world until the passion has left us breathless and we have to break away if only to live. His forehead presses to mine as we gasp together, the cold air barely cooling the heat raging between us.
-Midnight, A McKenna Chronicle — Elizabeth Miller

She heard music. Angels singing? she thought, dizzy. It seemed odd for angels to sing after table sex. She managed to swallow on a throat wildly dry. "Music," she murmured.
"My phone. In my pants. Don't care."
"Oh. Not angels."
"No. Def Leppard. — Nora Roberts

Some writers research in order to write. I write in order to research topics that interest me. Especially if I can meet with other people, in forums from illness support groups to phone-sex hotlines, and learn what other people know best. — Chuck Palahniuk

[I hear phone sex can work], I sent, [but I kind of doubt text-sex would.]
He sent me a picture shot down his pants. I snickered and sent him a picture of my mouth.
[autehigixuhi&^%$], he sent back. Then, [yeah, phone sex not satisfying. Also I think I dick-dialed Kentucky.] — K.D. Sarge

He's called you, like, four times in the past week. And seriously, you should be embarrassed. I've never met anyone who has as much phone sex as you two." My eyes narrowed on her. "How do you know about the phone sex?" "Duh. I pick up the phone and listen." I gaped at her. — Gena Showalter

What r u wearing? Huh? Matt blinked at the phone, sure he'd read it wrong. Wasn't that how phone sex started? He wasn't dating anyone. — J.L. Langley

I get all excited when I think that someone's 1-900 sex call from a cell phone might be passing through my body right now. — David Henry

I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom. — Bert McCracken

Whoa, cowboy! I don't have phone sex on the first phone call. — Carolyn Brown

If we do this, it's one time. One night that we never talk about to anyone, and I mean anyone. We never mentioned it again. No pressure. No expectations. No sleeping over or phone call in the morning. This is about sex, pure and simple. Can you handle that?
Veronica's breath hitched as a rich wave of sexual heat assaulted his senses. She was ready for him, her body going pliant in his arms. "You sure do have a lot of rules. — Kristin Miller

Uh huh. Oh, except for my underwear. They're a little tight. I think my butt is getting bigger too."
"More for me to squeeze."
"Really? You're okay with me, you know ... growing?"
"You just mentioned a bigger ass, and I'm already hard. — Nina Lane

Newborn babies can't do much on their own-
They can't eat or walk or talk on the phone-
But every parent is sure their creation is without a doubt a tremendous sensation. — Jennifer Davis

You definitely have the voice for phone sex, but I've got to go. I have a date with my vibrator."
"Oh, Eva." Cross spoke my name in a decadent purr. "You're determined to drive me to my knees, aren't you? What will it take to talk you into a threesome with B.O.B. — Sylvia Day

We might be able to have phone sex, but that's not the same as hugging his wood with my beaver. — Helena Hunting

Well, all of us country club ex-wives need a lot of money," she said. "Sex with the
stable boys at the club isn't cheap you know."
I almost choked. "Mom! You made me spit my beer."
My dearest mother hummed into the phone. "Maybe you wouldn't be single, darling, if
you learned to swallow properly. — N.R. Walker

What are you doing here, anyway? You don't strike me as the speed dating type.'
'I lost a bet with Alfie,' he says. 'You met him at The Cow that day . . .?' Waistcoat Guy, I think, nodding. 'I said to him that if you didn't text me back then I'd try speed dating, because I'm officially the worst single man in London.'
'You're not!' I say. 'I mean, it wasn't a bad date. I was just . . .'
'Don't say you were drunk! It's the biggest post-sex insult ever.'
'. . . drunk, I mean drinking, a bit more than I ought, and I was, uh, cringing at the thought that I'd been a nightmare date.'
'No. You were great,' says Mark/Skinny Jeans.
'Actually, the biggest post-sex insult is "we did?"' says Robert. 'But that's another story. — Gemma Burgess

I used to tell you everything," I said, wistfully recalling all the letters and phone calls from years past.
"You did."
No bullshit.
Honesty.
I lifted up to my tiptoes, so I could almost look him eye to eye, and said, "I'm really looking forward to having sex with you, Quentin."
At my admission, he threw his head back and filled the entire first floor of his house with laughter. — J.B. Hartnett

As more and more technologies develop that enable us to communicate without touch (from phones to email to phone sex to virtual surgery), it seems likely that touch will become more and more stigmatized as a vehicle for contamination, both literal and symbolic. — Harvey Molotch

In fact, gone are the days of having sex at all. I have resorted to jerking off alone in the bathroom after my wife's asleep. It's a sad, lonely existence when you have to take your cell phone into the shitter so you don't wake your wife when you pull up the YouPorn app and crank one out. The worst part is the SpongeBob SquarePants shower curtain in the bathroom. Do you know how difficult it is to keep an erection while SpongeBob is staring at you with his big, googly eyes and you keep hearing the song "Jellyfishin', Jellyfishin', Jellyfishin" in your head? — Tara Sivec

Francis Bacon is a good-looking young man. I don't think he has a girlfriend but I don't know. I don't think he has a boyfriend, either, but I don't know. If he has a group of friends at school, that where he keeps them. He doesn't get many phone calls here. He doesn't go out often. He keeps to himself, even in the family. He's pleasant and polite. Sure, he and I get into fights. He doesn't have his music loud enough. He doesn't drink or smoke enough. We never walk in on him having sex with some girl. It's regular family stuff. "Francis Bacon, are the cops ever going to come looking for you?" You know. That sort of thing. — James Marshall

I contemplated the phone for some time. Never had I heard her so oddly gay and forthright; as a matter of fact, we hadn't discussed sex since adolescence. Her entire inner life was secretive and mysterious, and no one dared violate it. She sent out powerful "No Trespassing" signals and I had learned to honor them. It crossed my mind that my sister was drunk. — Brooke Hayward

If you were truly 'here for me,' you would have a Kahlua in one hand and Henry Cavill's number in the other. Since I'm not having drunken phone sex with Superman, there must be another reason you're darkening my living room. — Naima Simone

My phone started to vibrate and I flipped it open. Yes, I'm the only person that doesn't have an iPhone.
The phone talked to me. "Jackson, how's it going?"
"Hi, Echo. Veeva Stackpoole's here."
Silence. "What does she want?"
"Well, at first she wanted me to run away with her and get a lot of plastic surgery - "
"Oooo, can I come too?" she said. I love Echo so much.
"Hey, Veeva, Echo wants to come. Is that okay?"
Veeva sneered and said, "Asshole ... "
"Echo it doesn't look like we're going to go now. Veeva doesn't want to. — Dan Ahearn

And the sex," I said. "It will be frequent. Possibly violent. You'll be screaming. Neighbors will make phone calls. — Jim Butcher

Only the Democratic Party could produce a string of presidential candidates who oppose school choice and vouchers while sending their own children to lily-white private schools. Only the Democratic Party could hysterically denounce a Supreme Court nominee for allegedly making unwanted sexual advances in the workplace and then applaud a president who was receiving oral sex from a White House intern while discussing deploying American troops with a congressman on the phone. Indeed, only the Democrats could oppose Clarence Thomas, actually block Supreme Court nominee Douglas Ginsburg (for marijuana use), and then run Bill Clinton for president. — Ann Coulter

Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city; Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation. — Dylan Moran

Ty grabbed my phone and threatened to tell Otter that I liked being spanked during sex.
This proceeded to lead up on a long tangent where I had to have him explain to me how he knows about stuff like people getting spanked during sex. H said he might have heard it mentioned while watching MSNBC. I told him he was grounded from watching the news channels for a week. That's where this whole sidebar should have ended, but then I was forced to explain S & M and bondage to my little brother, who was persistent on the topic, and who kept staring at me with mounting horror when I finally /did/ explain, and I realized I had maybe gone too far, and we had to spend the next five minutes swearing to God that I had never nor would I ever attempt to do anything like that. He might now be the only nine-year-old who has heard the terms "cock ring" and "fisting". My parenting skills are unparalleled. — T.J. Klune

You want sensitive and understanding, stick with the therapist.You want great,
headbanging sex, get off the fucking phone and come with me. — Jennifer Crusie

What's your favourite position?"
"I usually play winger."
"Zach, I adore you, but you can't make soccer jokes during phone sex. It just isn't done. — Tiffany Reisz