Philosophical Humor Quotes & Sayings

Try jogging when following your heart, it's healthier — Benny Bellamacina

Some major writers have a huge impact, like Ayn Rand, who to my mind is a lousy fiction writer because her writing has no compassion and virtually no humor. She has a philosophical and economical message that she is passing off as fiction, but it really isn't fiction at all. — Theodore Sturgeon

Fear and anger, Yoda had often warned him, were slaves to the dark side. Vaguely, Luke wondered which side curiosity served. — Timothy Zahn

[The Void Which Binds] actual but unaccessible presence in our universe is one of the prime causes for our species elaborating myth and religion, for our stubborn, blind belief in extrasensory powers, in telepathy and precognition, in demons and demigods and resurrection and reincarnation and ghosts and messiahs and so many other categories of almost-but-not-quite satisfying bullshit. — Dan Simmons

Ambrose loved the way Fern looked. But he wondered suddenly if he loved the way she looked because he loved the way she laughed, the way she danced, the way she floated on her back and made philosophical statements about the clouds. He knew he loved her selflessness and her humor and her sincerity. And those things made her beautiful to him. — Amy Harmon

It's a philosophical minefield!
Cabal had a brief mental image of Aristotle walking halfway across an open field before unexpectedly disappearing in a fireball. Descartes and Nietzsche looked on appalled. He pulled himself together. — Jonathan L. Howard

We go to school so that when we grow up we can make lots of money, and we make lots of money so we can provide for our children, and we have children to provide for our retirement (because we don't have any money left). — R.M. ArceJaeger

Perhaps it is a good thing that we don't live long enough to realize how redundant things seem — G.E.GRAVES

Some women barter their bodies like whores with wedding bands. Some use sex like a sword. But some women can touch a man and heal like Jesus. — Paula Wall

... the vintage of history is forever repeating ~ same old vines, same old wines! — E.A. Bucchianeri

The only difference between a prayer and a curse is the one who stands to profit. — Paula Wall

Silence does not always imply consent. Sometimes it simply means that the silent one has opted out of a discussion with idiots. — Lex Allen

In the real world, in the grand scheme of life, this year is going to count for exactly nothing. These are the friendships that don't last and the choices that don't count. All those things we freak out about now, like who's going to be class president and are we going to win the game this weekend- there's going to be a time when we can't remember caring about them. In exactly three hundred and sixty five days from right now, wearing your letter jacket will make you look like the lamest of losers. — Jen Klein

The truth about life is complicated, indefensible and embarrassing. — Alex Weinle

Some people remember the sixties better than others do. Some weren't even there, some who were there were not really there, and some who were not really there were "really there". — Tom Hays

Like Flannery O'Connor, McCorkle's genius is to give us both philosophical speculation and a riveting narrative filled with unforgettable characters. Great writing, poignancy, humor, wisdom-all are in abundance here. Jill McCorkle is one of the South's greatest writers; she is also one of America's. — Ron Rash

You won't comprehend the vitality of literacy until you marry an illiterate. — Kshitij Shringi

Always skip to the pub to enjoy your barley and hops — Benny Bellamacina

Life is like a DVR recording. The story goes on, but you cannot see it until you fast forward through the commercials — Christopher Earle

Apparently, what differentiates the mere rich from the filthy rich is a servant who treats you like dirt. — Paula Wall

Progress is heading in a forward direction and realizing what was behind is now your legacy! — K.C. Rhoads

It is better to make an irrational noise in a bush than in a desert. — Duop Chak Wuol

If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. — Yogi Berra

Let destiny change you,but never change your destiny,for what God has given you is the best — Philosophical Library

The older we get, the more we become ourselves. — Alan Andrews

But hippies always forget that old Gaea can be one heartless bitch. Spend a little time wandering lost in the woods as she attacks you and tries to reduce you to fertilizer." She snorted. "You won't be singing kumbayas very long." She paused to make sure Janus would get the point. "In this world, Gaea's the predator and we're the prey. — Jenifer Mohammed

An autobiography is inherently incomplete unless the last page is written on the eve of the author's demise. — Dan Makaon

The only working model of socialism I have ever seen is in an elementary school classroom. — R.M. ArceJaeger

To be, or not to be: what a question! — E.A. Bucchianeri

It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more ... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what.
[I saw hate in a graveyard
Stephen Fry, The Guardian, 5 June 2005] — Stephen Fry

A king of a kingdom no one fucking knows about! I'm the tree in the forest that silently falls
when no one is around to be crushed! [Lothaire, Enemy of Old] — Kresley Cole

Not evil. Moronic, which isn't quite the same thing. Evil presupposes a moral decision, intention, and some forethought. A moron or a lout, however, doesn't stop to think or reason. He acts on instinct, like a stable animal, convinced he's doing good, that he's always right, and sanctimoniously proud to go around f***ing up ... anyone he perceives to be different from himself, be it because of skin color, creed, language, nationality, or ... leisure habits. What the world needs is more thoroughly evil people and fewer borderline pigheads. — Carlos Ruiz Zafon

Good evening, Lord Corwin,' said the lean, cadaverous figure who rested against a storage rack, smoking his pipe, grinning around it.
Good evening, Roger. How are things in the nether world?'
A rat, a bat, a spider. Nothing much else astir. Peaceful.'
You enjoy this duty?'
He nodded.
I am writing a philosophical romance shot through with elements of horror and morbidity. I work on those parts down here. — Roger Zelazny

Some say knowledge is power. Some tell us that all power comes from the gods. Others say it derives from law. Yet that day on the steps of Baelor's Sept, our godly High Septon and the lawful Queen Regent and your ever-so-knowledgeable servant were as powerless as any cobbler or cooper in the crowd. Who truly killed Eddard Stark, do you think? Joffrey, who gave the command? Ser Ilyn Payne, who swung the sword? Or ... another?"
Tyrion cocked his head sideways. "Did you mean to answer your damned riddle, or only to make my head ache worse?"
Varys smiled. "Here, then. Power resides where men believe it resides. No more and no less."
"So power is a mummer's trick?"
"A shadow on the wall," Varys murmured, "yet shadows can kill. And ofttimes a very small man can cast a very large shadow."
Tyrion smiled. "Lord Varyls, I am growing strangely fond of you. I may kill you yet, but I think I'd feel sad about it. — George R R Martin

Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought. — Carroll Bryant

If you make a deal with a fool, don't be surprised when they act foolishly. — Jeffrey Archer

I asked this heroic pet lover how it felt to have died for a schnauzer named Teddy. Salvador Biagiani was philosophical. He said it sure beat dying for absolutely nothing in the Viet Nam War. — Kurt Vonnegut

A suspicion that lightness is not deeply serious (but instead whimsical) pervades aesthetic discourse. But what if lightness is a philosophical choice to temper reality with strangeness, to temper the intellect with emotion, and to temper emotion with humor. — Sarah Ruhl

Betemit's positional flexibility is the same as yours: He can stand around and muse about the great philosophical debates of our day anywhere on the field. Catching and throwing the baseball is an entirely different question. — Baseball Prospectus

I notice you didn't include a blade with your new attire," Royce said. "Not even a little jeweled dagger."
"Lords no." Albert looked appalled. "I don't fight."
"I thought all nobles learned sword fighting." Royce looked to Hadrian.
"I thought so too."
"Nobles with competent fathers perhaps. I spent my formative years at my aunt's at Huffington Manor. She held a daily salon, where a dozen noble ladies came to discuss all manner of philosophical topics, like how much they hated their husbands. I've never actually held a sword, but I can tie a mean corset and apply face paint like a gold-coin whore. — Michael J. Sullivan

It is logical to look for a green fowl in a dark room even if you know the chance of finding a green fowl in a dark room is slim. — Duop Chak Wuol

He who jumps for the sake of jumping will probably keep jumping until he jumps back into his own jumping ground. — Duop Chak Wuol

Human misery must somewhere have a stop; there is no wind that always blows a storm; great good fortune comes to failure in the end. All is change; all yields its place and goes; to persevere, trusting in what hopes he has, is courage in a man. The coward despairs. — Euripides

I mean really, how could an artistic individual stay grounded in the nitty-gritty of how many minutes per pound meat has to stay in the oven when trying to fathom the creative philosophy behind the greatest artistic minds of the world? — E.A. Bucchianeri

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes — Benny Bellamacina

Life is like a double-blind experiment. And the Observer is the only One in on the Know. — Solange Nicole

Godshawk looked surprised, the way that people generally do when you ask them philosophical questions in shrubberies in the middle of the night. — Philip Reeve

There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor. — H.L. Mencken

This is no tall story. Nor is it a short story. Indeed, a story cannot be measured, for their realities stretch far beyond a page or one person's life. — Leah Broadby

Please, God,' Ruth would pray, 'don't let me be competitive. Let me realize what a privilege it is to study. Let me remember that knowledge must be pursued for its own sake and please, please stop me wanting to beat Verena Plackett in the exams.'
She prayed hard and she meant what she said. But God was busy that autumn as the International Brigade came back, defeated, from Spain, Hitler's bestialities increased, and sparrows everywhere continued to fall. — Eva Ibbotson

I like people too much or not at all. — Sylvia Plath

A man who discovers his pants are on fire tends to have very little time to worry about somebody else's box of matches — Jeff Lindsay

It's best to locate the mind first before launching the 'missiles of contention'. — Gasmaskman

While the churches, bringing the sweet smell of piety for the soul, came in prancing and farting like brewery horses in bock-beer time, the sister evangelism, with release and joy for the body, crept in.
silently and greyly, with its head bowed and its face covered. — John Steinbeck

When there's a monster under your bed sometimes it really is best not to look. — Jocelynn Drake

Russell's prose has been compared by T.S. Eliot to that of David Hume's. I would rank it higher, for it had more color, juice, and humor. But to be lucid, exciting and profound in the main body of one's work is a combination of virtues given to few philosophers. Bertrand Russell has achieved immortality by his philosophical writings. — Sidney Hook

I'm a fool.
At least i'm a self aware fool. — Colleen Hoover

Life is like a one rung ladder, some days you can be on the top and bottom of the world at the same time — Benny Bellamacina

Be not afraid life with all its despair, pain and unhappiness is just a crucible wherein your brighter dreams are conceived, shaped and born — Rassool Jibraeel Snyman

When your diary is full and your life is empty, get a date — Benny Bellamacina

Earlier on I said something so lucidly philosophical that my oratory rambled non-stop right into expressing amazement I had just said that. — Beth Myrle Rice

Most people need a philosophical enema and I'm the bag with the pipe. — Marla Buchanan

If water was beer I'd be a teetotaler — Benny Bellamacina

Camus said there is only really one serious philosophical question, which is whether or not to commit suicide. I think there are four or five serious philosophical questions:
The first one is: Who started it?
The second is: Are we going to make it?
The third is: Where are we going to put it?
The fourth is: Who's going to clean up?
And the fifth: Is it serious?
Out Of Your Mind (2004), Audio lecture 1: The Nature of Consciousness: A Game That's Worth The Candle. — Alan W. Watts