Peanut Jeff Dunham Quotes & Sayings

Peanut: Come here puppet boy... make your daddy talk! — Jeff Dunham

The Countess G - - insists upon it that he is a vampire. — Alexandre Dumas

Apparently with no surprise To any happy Flower The Frost beheads it at its play
In accidental power
The blonde Assassin passes on
The Sun proceeds unmoved To measure off another Day For an Approving God. — Emily Dickinson

WHAT! WE CANT TALK AT THE SAME TIME! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, WE CAN'T DO IT! Peanut. WHAT! You said my name wrong. No it's Jeff Dun-ham. No it's dunham, No dun-ham. No dunha. No you see it says dunham jeff dun-HAM. Actually if you look at it, it say jef f dunham — Jeff Dunham

Jeff: The drive from the valley?
Peanut: Was bad as hell!
Jeff: Traffic?
Peanut: Sucked like hell!
Jeff: Drivers?
Peanut: Angry as hell!
Jeff: And you?
Peanut: Were scared as hell!
Jeff: Parking?
Peanut: Sucked more like hell!
Jeff: So?
Peanut: We're in hell! — Jeff Dunham

Tis not that dieing hurts us so- tis living- hurts us more. — Emily Dickinson

Good intentions are not sufficient to creat a positive outcome; you must act. As you take part and become actively engaged, answers to your questions will appear. Lastly, like a great rock is not disturbed by the buffetings of the wind, the mind of a judicious man is steady. He exists as a stanchion, a stalwart support. Others can cling to him, for he will not falter. — Colleen Houck

When the inhabitant of a democratic country compares himself individually with all those about him, he feels with pride that he is the equal of any one of them; but when he comes to survey the totality of his fellows, and to place himself in contrast to so huge a body, he is instantly overwhelmed by the sense of his own insignificance and weakness. — Alexis De Tocqueville

I have come to kno one thing without ay shadow of doubt: if anything in this universe reflects the fingerprint of God, it is the human heart — Charles Martin

Peanut: Just last week I was lying in bed and I woke up sobbing 'I will never be happy until we return to SA-NA-TA-ANA!' And now we're here! Thank you for bringing me! — Jeff Dunham

Peanut: Too much starbucks coffee, coffee, coffee!
Jeff: You didn't have coffee before the show!
Peanut: I admit it was crack.
Jeff: You didn't do crack
Peanut: Then you did! It feels like one of us did!
Peanut: Don't you do crack?
Jeff: No! I'VE NEVER DONE CRACK!
Peanut: Alright. I admit Jeff does not abuse drugs. He's an alcoholic. — Jeff Dunham

This is why your divorce, your addiction, your enslavement to porn, or years of sticking your finger down your throat to match up to some arbitrary standard of beauty can all be woven into the fabric of God's plan of redemption. God doesn't cause sin. He mourns it. He despises it. But through His gracious power, He's able to use it. No one and no sin can outrun God's grace. — Preston Sprinkle

You think you had it bad when somebody put out a rumor on you in the school; think about somebody putting a rumor out about you on the Internet. — Nelly

I don't go out. I don't go to clubs. It's not my thing. I sit at home with my glass of wine and watch hours of reality TV. I have a million shows on my TiVo. — Kaley Cuoco

Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today?
Peanut: Yes we had a great day!
Jose: No we did not.
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No we did not have a good day.
Peanut: Yes we hhhaad...a great frickin' day!
What?
Jeff: Did you have a good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: A good day?
Peanut: Yes
Jose: No
Peanut: Shut up
Jeff: You're supposed to have taken him to the spa.
Peanut: I took him to the spa!
Jose: He put me in the vegetable steamer.
Peanut: It's the same thing!!! — Jeff Dunham

Celerity: noun, mass noun; an ability possessed by certain Que Cum Virtute Judicium (Virts) increasing the mobility or swiftness of movement — Alex Lane

Every character I've had in my act - none of them have a similar creation story. I actually thought up Peanut and designed him in my head. I described him to a woman that was making soft puppets and she drew up some sketches. And the character came to be just because he popped into my head. — Jeff Dunham

Pete Rose gets banned for life for gambling while the drug addicts are allowed back after a year; and then they get extra chances after that. Baseball is saying, in effect, that gambling is worse than drugs. How do kids make sense out of that? — Jim Bouton

Jose: Do not drop me senor
Jeff:i wont drop you,jose
Jose:then i be jose jalapeno on the floor
Peanut:do a little tap dance and we got salsa!
Jeff:Thats terrible!
Peanut:not with the right chips its not
Jeff:stop it! im sorry jose
jose:its okay
jeff: okay
Jose:ill kick his ass later
peanut:i'll turn ur ass into guacamole
jeff: stop it!
peanut: i will stir u with ur own stick!
jeff:stop it!
peanut: this is the way we stir the guac stir the guac stir the guac. OLE!! — Jeff Dunham

Sometimes the hardest pieces of a puzzle to assemble, are the ones missing from the box. — Dixie Waters

Jeff: There's a lot of history in this city...
Peanut: Translated: Old. As. Shit. — Jeff Dunham

You're only famous in the eyes of others. Inside, you're still the same, and not a hundred million records or TV shows can change that. I think the only pitfall of fame is believing that it means something, and behaving like that. — Jamie Cullum