One Liner Quotes & Sayings

Good things come in small packages.
Shopping isn't a good thing, so be ready to carry big packages! — Shubham Choudhary

I guess the one-liner kind of comic sounds like a guy who can talk and talk and whatever the subject is, he can pull out a one-liner, but I couldn't do that. I didn't like the association. I mean, I love Steven Wright, but so many people started saying "Steven Wright" to me, and I would get mad, because I never wanted to be thought of as copying anybody. — Mitch Hedberg

The truth is that Ron is my hero. He's always there for his friends - sometimes belligerently, but there nevertheless. He's also the comic relief in stressful situations; the funny guy with a great one-liner. And no matter how scared he may be, he will put aside his fears to support and protect the people he loves. To me, that represents true courage. — Rupert Grint

A man's weakest spots are almost always closest to his passions. — Auliq Ice

I think, with certain characters, you have to listen. Sometimes, listening can be funnier: the thing you don't say is the one-liner. That's the ying to the yang. — Ray Santiago

We both were there, but alone. "Bye," she said and left; I was alone; again, one more time. — Vikrmn

Bridget -
I like my tea like I like my men. Strong, sweet and dark.

Joan -
I like my tea like I like my men too. Still warm. — Bridget Golightly

I wrote a book on cats. In retrospect, I should have used paper, cause chapter six got hit by a car. — Wynne McLaughlin

I'm in love with this country called "America." I'm a huge fan of America. I'm one of those annoying fans - you know, the ones that read the cd notes and follow you into bathrooms and ask you all kinds of annoying questions about why you didn't live up to that. I'm that kind of fan. I've read the Declaration of Independence, and I've read the Constitution of the United States, and they are some liner notes, dude. — Edward De Bono

Short of climbing aboard a time capsule and peeling back eight and one-half decades, James Cameron's magnificent Titanic is the closest any of us will get to walking the decks of the doomed ocean liner. Meticulous in detail, yet vast in scope and intent, Titanic is the kind of epic motion picture event that has become a rarity. You don't just watch Titanic , you experience it from the launch to the sinking, then on a journey two and one-half miles below the surface, into the cold, watery grave where Cameron has shot never-before seen documentary footage specifically for this movie. — James Berardinelli

The passenger liner Ossifar Distana was one of the most luxurious of its kind in space anywhere. It ferried the cream of society across the void in opulence and style. Only the wealthiest could afford an apartment on this ship for a trip of any duration, even a short one around the proverbial block. Even the crew was obliged to pay rent. — Christina Engela

I'm no good at the one-liner thing. It's just not me. — Jamie Bell

Donald [Trump], is great at - at the one-liners, but he's a chaos candidate. — Jeb Bush

No one-liner can ever be optimal. — Stephen Jay Gould

It occurs to me that John McCain is as intellectually shallow as our current President ... Bush goes bumbling along, grinning and spewing moronic one-liners, as though nobody understands what a colossal failure he has been ... I fear to the depth of my being that John McCain is just like him. — Jack Cafferty

What a shame to be so afraid of failure that you stop living. My wife has a great one-liner about failure: "Never consider yourself a failure-you can always serve as a bad example." She is right. Failure can be a better teacher than success. — Bernie Siegel

When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'That's what I should do; I should write one-liners.' And I did. My first album is mostly one-liners. — Mike Birbiglia

The koloss he'd attacked did not rise. Its companions stood, looking unconcerned, though their eyes were focused on him. They seemed to want something.
"He ate my horse," Elend said, saying the first thing that came to his clouded mind.
The group of koloss nodded. — Brandon Sanderson

In 1962, I wrote a series about 42nd Street called 'Welcome to Lostville.' One result was that the young Bob Dylan read it and invited me to his first concert at Town Hall; the result was a kind of friendship that years later led to my liner notes for 'Blood on the Tracks.' — Pete Hamill

There is no cure for madness except the madness as the cure. — Santosh Kalwar

You may as well tell our readers that death and taxes are coming back. — Dani Kollin

I am known as a one liner man because I don't give chance to people to read between the lines. — Amit Abraham

I circumnavigate the globe with a one-liner like latitude. — Ras Kass

Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer. — Rowan Atkinson

It's not a 24-hour news cycle, it's a 60-second news cycle now, it's instantaneous. It has never been easier to get away with telling lies. It has never been easier to get away with the glib one liner. — Malcolm Turnbull

Prayers For Rain' begins like practically every Cure song, with an introduction that's longer than most Bo Diddley singles. Never mind the omnipresent chill, why does Robert Smith write such interminable intros? I can put on 'Prayers For Rain,' then cook an omelette in the time it takes him to start singing. He seems to have a rule that the creepier the song, the longer the wait before it actually starts. I'm not sure if Smith spends the intro time applying eye-liner or manually reducing his serotonin level, but one must endure a lot of doom-filled guitar patterns, cathedral-reverb drums and modal string synth wanderings during the opening of 'Prayers for Rain. — Tom Reynolds

To her British lover about to climb in bed with 80-something Mae: She said that she hoped soon to be able to say what Paul Revere said - 'The British are coming'. This was the last one-liner Mae ever uttered on film. — Mae West

I don't think of any sentence as a "one-liner", but I do pay attention to how people actually speak when they are being funny. Rhythm is key. — Lorrie Moore

It's always a good feeling when you can produce just the right one-liner to prove your point so tidily. — Emily Giffin

What positions are kings supposed to put themselves in?"
"Padded rooms without windows or pointy objects, if my staff had its druthers."
"No pointy objects at all?" Kaika quirked an eyebrow. "Doesn't sound like much fun. — Lindsay Buroker

The most common one-liner in the Bible is, "Do not be afraid." Someone counted, and it occurs 365 times. — Richard Rohr

Bridget reckons John Lennon wrote a song about her. I'm guessing it was 'Give Peace a Chance'. — Bridget Golightly

Every Republican has a one-liner on ObamaCare. I've got detailed plans on energy independence, on school choice, on health care, on foreign policy. They all hire somebody to write their plans. They can borrow mine. I've actually got ideas. Enough with the slick talkers. Let's elect somebody that's done something. — Bobby Jindal

A lantern can give you light only when you light it — Munia Khan

If anaphylactic shock is wrong, I don't wanna bee bite. — Wynne McLaughlin

Wow! So beautiful. Which star? Planet, not star; It WAS called Earth. — Vikrmn

Then everything was normal again, except that the liner was speeding for the planet Krim at something more than thirty times the speed of light. Normality extended through all the galaxy so far inhabited by men. There were worlds on which there was peace, and worlds on which there was tumult. There were busy, zestful young worlds, and languid, weary old ones. From the Near Rim to the farthest of occupied systems, planets circled their suns, and men lived on them, and every man took himself seriously and did not quite believe that the universe had existed before he was born or would long survive his loss. Time passed. Comets let out vast streamers like bridal veils and swept toward and around their suns. Some of them - one in ten thousand, or twenty - were possibly seen by human eyes. The liner bearing Hoddan sped through the void. In time it made a landfall on the Planet Krim. — Murray Leinster

I like showing different types of comedy - showing that I could tell a story, or showing that I could do a one-liner, showing I could do stuff about music - so just trying to be versatile and talking about different topics. — Hannibal Buress

Every object, even those which had been hers, which he never touched, seemed to share his loss. He was suddenly parted from his life. That presence, loving or not, which fills the emptiness of rooms, mildens them, makes them light - that presence was gone. The simple greed that makes one cling to a woman left him suddenly desperate, stunned. A fatal space had opened, like that between a liner and the dock which is suddenly too wide to leap; everything is still present, visible, but it cannot be regained. — James Salter

Please don't stand up on my account. — Bob Hope

I'll always wait for you. Bye! Gotta go. — Vikrmn

I don't think every joke has to be so dadgum cerebral. I mix it up really good, because that's the kind of humor I like. I like the goofy one-liner type stuff. — Larry The Cable Guy

The one-liner of this movie [ The Hollars], you've probably heard before: 'A guy goes home to his family and finds out about himself. — John Krasinski

My Halloween costume is Godot. I'm not showing up at the party, just texting the host every 10 minutes that I'm on my way. — Wynne McLaughlin

Now it's going to turn into the biggest media blitz since the Pope's divorce. — Dani Kollin

He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England — Bob Hope

The Chinese are quite entrepreneurial. Remember when Lenovo bought IBM's PC division. It was said that China didn't need a brand name, China didn't need to buy Lenovo to get into the PC business, I remember reading a one-liner somewhere which struck me as quite possibly true, it said the one thing that the Chinese had not been able to copy or figure out was the way, in terms of systems, that Americans - it probably would be true for Europeans as well - that Americans install and live by their management systems, while China is still quite half-assed. Perhaps that is a true statement. — Tom Peters

Bridget was so excited to see the giant Colin Firth statue, she almost had a stroke. But she couldn't quite reach. — Bridget Golightly

Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer. — Robert Orben

When you serve a beer-cock an ear. — John Shirley

If I write something down, it's normally just a sharp one-liner. — Courtney Barnett

There are certain things that cannot be adequately explained to a virgin either by words or pictures. — Warren Buffett

People are clever, but almost no one ever devises an optimal quip precisely at the needed moment. Therefore, virtually all great one-liners are later inventions - words that people wished they had spouted, but failed to manufacture at the truly opportune instant. — Stephen Jay Gould

The poor soul would have been 100 - if he'd lived another twelve years. Apparently he asked to be scattered over the place where he spent his happiest moments - but Bridget wasn't keen no having ash all over her duvet. — Bridget Golightly

A sign to me is a one-liner, a symbol is very complex and my house is a series of symbols. — Charles Jencks

The fact that you can go to the bathroom on an airplane is pretty novel. I bet nobody expected that a hundred years ago. Can you imagine two sailors looking over the front rails of their massive ocean liner in the early 1900s, one of them pointing way up in the clouds and whispering to the other, "One day a man will take a crap up there." No, me either. — Neil Pasricha