Office Jokes Quotes & Sayings

Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office. — Abraham Lincoln

Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane. I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain and I can see Daniel waving goodbye. God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes. They say Spain is pretty though I've never been, well Daniel says it's the best place that he's ever seen. And he should know, he's been there enough. Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much. — Elton John

Find a judo solution, one that delivers maximum efficiency with minimum effort. When good enough gets the job done, go for it. — Jason Fried

Be generous before you are just. Do not temper mercy with justice. — Lord Acton

Life, like the boring drunk at the office party, keeps seeking you out, leaning on you, killing you with pointless yarns and laughing bad-breathed in your face at its own unfunny jokes. — Glen Duncan

Hopefully with digital projection, a film will always look the way the filmmaker intended. — Asif Kapadia

The only way to stop Jim Brown was to give him a movie contract. — Carl "Spider" Lockhart

I wouldn't have the slightest interest in running for public office. I'd rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them. — Johnny Carson

HYSTERICAL HISTORY Bumping into Vincent O'Neil makes me think about what Uncle Frankie said. I need new material for Boston, not Vincent's stale and stinky fart jokes from The Big Book of Butt Bugles and Blampfs. So I keep my eyes open for new concepts to work out as I go to history class that afternoon. We're supposed to give a presentation on our favorite president. I chose Millard Fillmore. Why? Because nobody else will. Plus, his name is funny. Who knows? Maybe I'll get a whole bit out of him for Boston. I roll to the front of the class and prop a portrait of President Fillmore on the flip-chart easel. "Millard Fillmore was the thirteenth president of the United States. Born in January 1800, he was named after a duck. No, I'm sorry. That was his brother Mallard Fillmore. Millard Fillmore was the last member of the Whig Party to ever hold the office of president. Probably because they all wore wigs. — James Patterson

She knew she should be happy the girls were outside riding their very expensive horses. Girls who rode became interested in boys and makeup and cigarettes much later than their nonriding counterparts. — Elin Hilderbrand

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. — Steven Wright

The link between man and the world is broken. Henceforth, this link must become an object of belief: it is the impossible which can only be restored within a faith. Belief is no longer addressed to a different or transformed world. Man is in the world as if in a pure optical and sound situation. The reaction of which man has been dispossessed can be replaced only by belief. Only belief in the world can reconnect man to what he sees and hears. The cinema must film, not the world, but belief in this world, our only link. — Gilles Deleuze

[ ... ] any fool can make a discovery. Every baby has to discover more in the first years of its life than Roger Bacon ever discovered in his laboratory. — George Bernard Shaw

If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess. — Honeya

Are we taking the drunken drivers off the road only to turn them into drunken pedestrians? — Lawren Harris

Star Wars film is breaking all previous box office records. (Why might we want to revisit those characters, that narrative, those jokes and tropes again, in this way, right now? I wonder what it will turn out to reveal about the economics and politics of this moment.) — Laura Mullen

When People in sales are at work, they are at war. — Honeya