Office Humour Quotes & Sayings

There's a big difference between can't and won't. — Victoria Schwab

Losing the Internet has forced them to interact verbally instead of microblogging their lives, but a lot of them still talk in Tweets:
"Ugh! I'm standing in line at the post office."
"I'm not eating the crusts on my sandwich because apparently I'm five. — Wayne Gladstone

It appears that countless women born between the years of 1965 and 1978 are in love with John Cusack. I cannot fathom how he isn't the number-one box office star in America, because every straight girl I know would see her soul to share a milkshake with that motherfucker. — Chuck Klosterman

In the end, after advice from the Foreign Office, she decided make a three-day visit to Bosnia, still slowly recovering from civil war, in the company of the distinguished journalist Lord Deedes. He recalled not only her gentle sense of humour but her ability to listen and to communicate the uncommunicable. When she walked around Sarajevo's largest cemetery she encountered a mother tending her son's grave. 'There was no language barrier,' he wrote. 'The two women gently embraced. Watched this scene from a distance, I sought in my mind who else could have done this. Nobody. — Andrew Morton

My circus train pulls through the night
Full of lions and trapeze artists
I'm done with elephants and clowns
I want to run away and join the office — Mike Doughty

Long pants,' she said rather too fiercely to Andy when he came out of his room wearing shorts. 'Long pants.' She herded him back towards his door. 'These people are from head office. These people are from Melbourne.' And she emphasised Melbourne as if that should have been all he needed to know.
'Melbourne people vomit if they see knees,' I told him, and he said, 'Why is that kind of information never part of the briefing? — Nick Earls

On my first day in London I made an early start. Reaching the Public Record Office not much after ten, I soon secured the papers I needed for my research and settled in my place. I became, as is the way of the scholar, so deeply absorbed as to lose all consciousness of my surroundings or of the passage of time. When at last I came to myself, it was almost eleven and I was quite exhausted: I knew I could not prudently continue without refreshment. — Sarah Caudwell

The holy stone looked for all the world like a small iron pineapple, its surface divided into squares by deep grooves, a tarnished silver-steel handle or lever held tight to the side. In ancient times the pineapple was ever the symbol of welcome, though the church used the objects in a different way. Apparently, each theological student of good family and destined for high office was given one on beginning their training and forbidden from pulling the lever on pain of excommunication. A test of obedience they called it. A test of curiosity I called it. Clearly the church wanted bishops who lacked the imagination for exploration and questioning. — Mark Lawrence

It was an office of a guy who won't take spam from anybody. — John Zakour

Go right on and listen as thou goest. — Dante Alighieri

The camp offices stood in the centre, adjoining the shrine to Jupiter that held the legion's Eagle. In the camps of the Vth Macedonica and the VIth Ferrata, these buildings were of grey stone, dressed by Gaulish masons to such smoothness that a man could run his hand down them and not feel the joins.
The legions' respective signs of the bull and the eagle had been carved thereon with such pride and perfection that men copied them on their shields and carved them on the bedheads in the barracks.
At Raphana, the camp office of the XIIth Fulminata and IVth Scythians before which we dismounted was built of the local baked mud, and some drunkard with a poor eye for detail had etched
the Scythians' sign of the goat and the Fulminata's crossed thunderbolts together, so that it seemed as if the goat were thunderstruck, or else that lightning grew from its anus. Both applied equally; each was unthinkable in a legion which had any pride in itself. — M.C. Scott

At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated. — Darynda Jones

Even though momentarily I thought about being a doctor, I was always involved in theatre and did a drama degree. I just didn't have the guts to go, 'Yes, I'm going to be an actor,' until I was probably 21. — Elliot Cowan

It doesn't matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn't cry. — Gerry Geek

Yoga is a journey of the soul through the body that creates a harmony among nature, mind, and body. — Debasish Mridha

I moved out of my head office and went out of my mind. — Benny Bellamacina

One thing you can say about him is that he's appreciative. He's just happy having someone to sit with. — Bette Greene

The bust of Colonel Sanders stands as a monument to cruelty and has no place in the Kentucky state Capitol. — Pamela Anderson

What is it, you ask?" Kali said, trying to cover her surprise with nonchalant words. "I haven't thought of a name yet. Got any ideas?"
"Shit," the pirate said, said of. The gag made elocution difficult.
"That wouldn't impress anyone at the patent office. — Lindsay Buroker

I'm thinking we ought to rethink the whole self-esteem thing. It should almost be a dirty word. I mean, look at Kayla. She has the intelligence of a tree stump, and its sense of humour. She's less about real attractiveness than she is about advertising ... She's the kind of girl who shows how hot she is because she has nothing else to offer, who doesn't realise that hotness has an expiration date. Yet, I'm still a little nervous talking to her like she's holding a lottery ticket she just might or might not decide to hand over to me. It is nuts, if you stop to think about it. I give give her this power, and it's kind of like voting some idiot into office. But hey, we're good at that, too. — Deb Caletti

Also, you may not have noticed, but this is a cupboard."
"I admit that our private office is of modest dimensions," Kami told him, "But that's the way we like it. Just because we're editors doesn't mean we need special privileges. We're not snobs. — Sarah Rees Brennan

When will the Home Office realize that when judges retire, not only are they sent home for the rest of their lives, but the only people they have left to judge are their innocent wives.'
'So what are you recommending?'asked Alex as they walked into the drawing room.
'That judges should be shot on their seventieth birthday, and their wives granted a royal pardon and given their pensions by a grateful nation.'
'I may have come up with a more acceptable solution,' suggested Alex.
'Like what? Making it legal to assist judges' wives to commit suicide?'
'Something a little less drastic,' said Alex. — Jeffrey Archer

Isn't victory being able to push our bodies and minds to their limits and, in doing so, discovering that they have led us to find ourselves anew and to create new dreams? — Kilian Jornet

But he survived, that radio announcer. His ship and five others out of the flotilla of ten came through, a bit radioactive, but otherwise unharmed. And I understand that the first thing that happened to him when he reported back to his office after treatment
was a reprimand for the use of overcolloquial language which had given offense to a number of listeners by its neglect of the Third Commandment. — John Wyndham

Eunice had deposited St John upon the balcony of the first-floor apartment of former Liberal MP, The Rt. Hon. Leonard Cossins, the disgraced Lord Mayor of Mitchell-Baines who had been removed from office having been caught administering counterfeit buttercup syrup to the local yeomanry whilst on a hunting trip to Stoke-Poges. — St John Morris

We ran both the courier service and a detective agency from the same office, and had phone apps for both. Basically, we're Uber for parcels and mysteries. — Jay Stringer

This was fun. We should find out we're still married more often."
"Why, so every day can be a special new plunge into hell?"
"Nobody I'd rather burn with than you, babe. — Erin McCarthy

In peacetime some sort of introduction is generally required to make a person's acquaintance; in war a small eatable will perform the same office. — Susanna Clarke

Did you catch the time-of-great-suffering thing?"
Her expression softened. "Can you just make sure I'm not around when it happens?"
"No can do," I said, strolling back to my office with a negating wave of my hand. "If I have to suffer, then so does everyone else within a ten-mile radius."
She pursed her lips. "What ever happened to taking one for the team?"
"Was never much of a team player."
"Sacrificing yourself for the greater good?"
"Not that into human sacrifice."
"Suffering in silence?"
I stopped and turned back to her, my eyes narrowing accusingly. "If I have to suffer, I'll be screaming your name at the top of my lungs the whole time. You'll be able to hear me all the way to Jersey, mark my words."
- Charley to Cookie — Darynda Jones

Out of the will of God, there is no such thing as success, in the will of God there cannot be any failure. — Elizabeth George

There are times when Pride must transform into Vanity in order to reach the astray echo of the reflection of self. — Lionel Suggs

If u want to work in Corporate, then u should know how to play Chess. — Honeya

What will they say, Ce, when we dance together? I want to do that. I want to hold you in my arms, in front of the entire damn world. Would you do that? Would you dance with me? — L.B. Gregg

You sure you don't want me to bring you back something?" Her eyes moved in the direction of his office. "A hit man? Some holy water? — Christina Lauren

When People in sales are at work, they are at war. — Honeya