Offensively Funny Quotes & Sayings

Jesus. I have become the thing they call the third wheel. — Kendare Blake

Perhaps America will one day go fascist democratically, by popular vote. — William L. Shirer

So are the early unions of an unfixed Marriage: watchful and observant, jealous and busy, inquisitive and careful, and apt to take alarm at every unkind word. For infirmities do not manifest themselves in the first Scenes, but in the succession of a long Society. — Jeremy Taylor

What was done with the seed saved from the India Hemp last summer? It ought, all of it, to have been sewn again; that not only a stock of seed sufficient for my own purposes might have been raised, but to have disseminated the seed to others; as it is more valuable than the common Hemp. — George Washington

She touched her finger to his lips and smiled slightly. "You just made me very happy, Nick Barrett."
"Yeah, but what do we tell the grand kids if it goes that far?"
"Tell them the truth," she whispered, "Grandma kicked your ass."

From "THE PRIDE — Richard Tabaka

The best customer service is if the customer doesn't need to call you, doesn't need to talk to you. It just works. — Jeff Bezos

Apple Stores Offer the Best Buying Experience and Customer Service On The Planet — Tim Cook

Courage is not having the strength to go on; it is going on when you don't have the strength. — Theodore Roosevelt

The quarrel of the sociologists with the historians is that the latter have learned so much about how to do it that they have forgotten what to do. They have become so skilled in finding facts that they have no use for the truths that would make the facts worth finding. — Albion W. Small