Newspapers By Mark Twain Quotes & Sayings

I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower selling child who asked me for twopence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me."
"A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.
"Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel. — Cassandra Clare

I have to walk dogs." "Oh," Gansey replied, sounding deflated. "Well, okay." "But it'll only take an hour." "Oh," he repeated, about fourteen shades brighter. "Shall I pick you up, then? — Maggie Stiefvater

I think the Cincinnati Enquirer must be edited by children. — Mark Twain

I actually get venereal disease more often than most people catch colds. — Klaus Kinski

Yea, all things live forever, though at times they sleep and are forgotten. — H. Rider Haggard

My goal is to balance reality and daydreaming, I think they are equally important. — Jennifer Vensel

We like to read about rich people in the newspapers; the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed. — Mark Twain

All that I ask out of life is that it be constant and unending euphoria. And so, I make love and I write. — Roman Payne

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed. — Mark Twain

No fact is more firmly established than that lying is a necessity of our circumstances
the deduction that it is then a Virtue goes without saying. No virtue can reach its highest usefulness without careful and diligent cultivation
therefore, it goes without saying that this one ought to be taught in the public schools
even in the newspapers. What chance has the ignorant uncultivated liar against the educated expert? — Mark Twain

If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. — Mark Twain

In his day news could not travel fast, and hence he could easily find a jury of honest, intelligent men who had not heard of the case they were called to try - but in our day of telegraphs and newspapers his plan compels us to swear in juries composed of fools and rascals, because the system rigidly excludes honest men and men of brains. — Mark Twain

Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be f**king stupid. — Bill Maher

I desire to tamper with the jury law. I wish to alter it as to put a premium on intelligence and character, and close the jury box against idiots, blacklegs, and people who do not read newspapers. — Mark Twain

I am not the editor of a newspaper and shall always try to do right and be good so that God will not make me one. — Mark Twain

It should know that any strange and much-talked-of event is always followed by imitations, the world being so well supplied with excitable people who only need a little stirring up to make them lose what is left of their heads and do things which they would not have thought of ordinarily. It should know that if a man jump off Brooklyn Bridge another will imitate him; that if a person venture down Niagara Whirlpool in a barrel another will imitate him; that if a Jack the Ripper make notoriety by slaughtering women in dark alleys he will be imitated; that if a man attempt a king's life and the newspapers carry the noise of it around the globe, regicides will crop up all around. — Mark Twain