Newhart Quotes & Sayings

When I started out in 1960, I thought it might possibly last a couple of years. I never expected it to last 42. I take great satisfaction in that longevity. — Bob Newhart

I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line. — Bob Newhart

Chuck Lorre and I had been talking about doing one of his shows for a while. I said I'd like to do 'The Big Bang Theory,' because I think it's the best written, most intelligent show on television. — Bob Newhart

I love portraying the totally indifferent person. — Bob Newhart

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. — Bob Newhart

Humor is so important to the American scene throughout history. — Bob Newhart

I've done more than I thought I was ever going to do. I've had a very long and very satisfying career. — Bob Newhart

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much. — Bob Newhart

I was never a Certified Public Accountant ... I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do. — Bob Newhart

Marriage and fatherhood heighten the disillusion that we all think we are born handy. We confidently believe that we can fix things around the house, as if it's part of the collective brain that was further enhanced by eighth-grade shop class. — Bob Newhart

I didn't need the elf outfit to play an elf; I could just play an elf. — Bob Newhart

You should have a value system. You can win if you stick with your value system. — Bob Newhart

All I can say about life is "Oh God, enjoy it. — Bob Newhart

The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place. — Bob Newhart

I have an aversion to laugh tracks - the moment I hear a laugh track, I go to another channel. — Bob Newhart

The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little bit. — Bob Newhart

I don't think of myself as an American Master. I've just been making a living. — Bob Newhart

When I was off TV, people would ask me to please come back, which I think was their way of saying, 'There's nothing out there for us.' — Bob Newhart

The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball. — Ellen DeGeneres

A collison is what happens when two motorists go after the same pedestrian. — Bob Newhart

I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today. — Bob Newhart

The giant superstars are people whose talent is so enormous that their death wish can't destroy it. — Bob Newhart

Humor's a weapon if you want to make it one. — Bob Newhart

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention ... that antenna is always out there. — Bob Newhart

I've always said people say on a dramatic show, 'I was crying. It was so emotional when he went and grabbed that little girl from a burning building and handed her over to her mother.' In comedy, the best thing you can say is, 'I think it's funny.' — Bob Newhart

I am a minimalist. I like saying the most with the least. — Bob Newhart

Don't be silly and don't waste your time. — Bob Newhart

When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank. — Bob Newhart

One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear. — Bob Newhart

I'm not a classically trained actor. I'm not a product of Stavlovski method or anything like that. — Bob Newhart

I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head. — Bob Newhart

I'm going old school. Adult comedy but you can have your kids in the room. Kind of Andy Griffith meets Bill Cosby meets Bob Newhart. Also my character isn't an idiot as all the rest of the sitcoms recently have the dad character like Homer Simpson. — Henry Cho

Dick Martin, if you put a gun to his forehead, he couldn't tell you a joke. — Bob Newhart

I didn't know I was cool, but I was very flattered that some of the younger comedy writers came up to talk to me at the Emmys. I found that gratifying. — Bob Newhart

The first time I heard Richard Pryor, I knew he would be a major force in the world of comedy. — Bob Newhart

Every new routine I have ever written and performed probably occurred extemporaneously. Then after you have fleshed it out and tried it out in front of a number of audiences and it works, you put it down on paper. — Bob Newhart

I've had time off, and it drove me nuts. I was crawling up the wall. — Bob Newhart

About a year after 'Bosom Buddies,' I was suddenly a regular on 'Newhart,' and I was there almost seven years. And then, somewhere in the mid-1990s, I ended up doing a TV series version of 'Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.' — Peter Scolari

I don't have a stack of scripts that, when I get home, studios are clamoring, saying, 'Has Bob read ours yet?' — Bob Newhart

[On playing another character that was not Dr. Bob Hartley]: I think you're lucky when you realize what you are. Spencer Tracy always played Spencer Tracy. I'm not putting myself into that category, but, to the same extent, the part of me that was Bob Hartley is in my new character, Dick Loudin. If you make fine bone china and you're recognized as the best in the world, you don't suddenly announce you're going to make automobiles. We see it so much in this business. We're so self-destructive. If you really do something well, you should stick to it. — Bob Newhart

I don't want to find the secret. I'm afraid all the joy will go out of it if I find the secret. — Bob Newhart

In today's world, you would call my father mostly unaccessible. I'm not sure that isn't true of most fathers at that time. He went through the Depression. I don't know what that would have done to my psyche. — Bob Newhart

I can't do a one-camera show. I don't know how to do that kind of show where you count in your head and then you do the next line. — Bob Newhart

'Newhart' ran the longest, and it was great to have a regular role, but I run into a lot of film fans, and they ask me about 'Blade Runner.' I was grateful to be a part of that. — William Sanderson

I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color. — Bill Engvall

I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant. — Bob Newhart

Stammering is different than stuttering. Stutterers have trouble with the letters, while stammerers trip over entire parts of a sentence. We stammerers generally think of ourselves as very bright. — Bob Newhart

I probably make more money in a year on 'Newhart' than 70 percent of your working top-name stars. Some weeks I just have six lines, but it doesn't bother me. — Peter Scolari

What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am ... a dry sense of humor. — Bob Newhart

People are meant to be certain places, and I think I'm meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy. — Bob Newhart

I don't think too much about age. Maybe if you're hurting, aching and arthritic, then you think about it a lot. But I don't. — Bob Newhart

I made people laugh as a kid, but that's not how you make a living. — Bob Newhart

You may have done 20 great shows in a row and come to one, and it doesn't work. You never presume anything. — Bob Newhart

I was an accountant in Chicago, and a friend of mine, Ed Gallagher, was in advertising. At 4:30 every day I'd be bored, and I would call him. He'd interview me. — Bob Newhart

One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people. — Bob Newhart

I think there's a little confusion between humor and 'gross' passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable, because they aren't the same thing. — Bob Newhart

With the stand-up comic on TV, whether it's Seinfeld or Cosby or Roseanne, more important than their knowledge of how to tell a joke is their knowledge of themselves, or the persona they've created as themselves. So that when you're in a room with writers, you can say, 'Guys, that's a funny line, but I wouldn't say it.' — Bob Newhart

The highest of highs is to have a new routine that you're just breaking in and that's working, and that's - you're one step removed doing a situation comedy because you have a live audience there. — Bob Newhart

Funny is funny is funny. — Bob Newhart

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable. — Bob Newhart

A guy walks into a psychologist's convention with a banana in his pocket.When asked about the significance of this he says;well,they were all out of grapes. — Bob Newhart

More and more, as I get older, people come up to me and say, 'Thank you for all the laughter.' And my standard answer is, 'It was my pleasure.' But that's the truth. — Bob Newhart

The best advice I was probably given and the best advice I could give someone who is trying to get into the comedy field is to take advantage of every opportunity you have to work to hone your skills. — Bob Newhart

Cell phones have gotten so small, you can't tell who's a cell phone user and who's a schizophrenic. — Bob Newhart

I don't want to sound like the old guy, but cynicism is a potential danger. It colors our way of looking at the world. — Bob Newhart

Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story. — Bob Newhart

There is an edginess in my work that people don't always recognize. — Bob Newhart

I think that what comes through in Chicago humor is the affection. Even though you're poking fun at someone or something, there's still an affection for it. — Bob Newhart

Comedians are innately programmed to pick up oddities like mispronounced words, upside-down books on a shelf, and generally undetectable mistakes in everyday life. — Bob Newhart

Don't ever have two dogs. That way you won't know which one to blame. — Bob Newhart

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. — Bob Newhart

Doormen are kind of invisible, people don't know their names. They just say, Thank you, or Good morning. I'd never thought about doormen before. They're a vanishing breed. More electronic doors are being introduced. — Bob Newhart

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves. — Bob Newhart

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. — Bob Newhart

There are a lot of questions I keep asking myself about why I do comedy. I guess I laugh to keep from crying. And I guess if you ever get me crying, I might not stop. This is the way I look at tragedy or else I'll cry. — Bob Newhart

I gave up accounting. I went in for about six months writing ad copy. I was fired from that, and then another guy and I did a kind of poor man's Bob and Ray kind of syndicated radio show. Then I decided to stick it out and see what happened. I'd give it a year, a year became two years, and then two years became three years, and then along came the record album. — Bob Newhart

The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour. — Bob Newhart

It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it. — Bob Newhart

People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that. — Bob Newhart

The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique. — Ellen DeGeneres

People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail. — Bob Newhart

For some reason, comedians are still children. The social skills somehow never reach us, so we say exactly what we think without weighing the results. — Bob Newhart

Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ. — Bob Newhart

I have to warn you, I'm not just some sitcom guy. I'm now an author. — Bob Newhart

Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore. — Don Rickles

With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it's getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. — Bob Newhart

There's a lot of cynicism. Let's really enjoy Christmas, with all that's going on in the world. — Bob Newhart

Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married. — Bob Newhart

Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, I believe at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, 'You really aren't cut out for accounting.' — Bob Newhart

I don't watch that much television. — Bob Newhart

You do a clean show and it's over and the audience have enjoyed themselves and you've enjoyed yourself, and you haven't had to resort to shock. — Bob Newhart

I would say I came from upper middle class family. — Bob Newhart

I wasn't the class clown. I wasn't that obvious. There would be a circle of guys, and they're watching the class clown. And I'm standing in the back, and I turn to the guy next to me and I say something funny to him, and he starts to laugh. And the guy next to him says, 'What did he say?' — Bob Newhart

I found the most difficult thing when you became successful - when I had the record album, it won Album of the Year - that you were cut off from the source of your material. Your material was everyday people, and you were kind of cut off from that, and you had to work at it. — Bob Newhart

Because of the spin-meisters and the focus groups and the way politics is run now. It's run by polls and focus groups. So it's even more true today, I think, than it was some 40 years ago. — Bob Newhart

Dad had a music store, and he'd often bring home comedy albums that I would listen to. I started listening to Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby, and developing taste. They really influenced my style of comedy. — Billy Crystal

I'm very open to the up-and-comers. — Bob Newhart

Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian, even though we work 180 degrees differently, but funny is funny is funny. — Bob Newhart

Don't live in the past. There's no point. You can't change anything. What a waste of time. — Bob Newhart

Stand-up is different from television. In stand-up, you've got to be in control. — Bob Newhart