Nerd Humor Quotes & Sayings

These are all direct quotes, except every time they use a curse word, I'm going to use the name of a famous American poet:
'You Walt Whitman-ing, Edna St. Vincent Millay! Go Emily Dickinson your mom!'
'Thanks for the advice, you pathetic piece of E.E. Cummings, but I think I'm gonna pass.'
'You Robert Frost-ing Nikki Giovanni! Get a life, nerd. You're a virgin.'
'Hey bro, you need to go outside and get some fresh air into you. Or a girlfriend.'
I need to get a girlfriend into me? I think that shows a fundamental lack of comprehension about how babies are made. — John Green

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. — Charles J. Sykes

The preface? Why would he waste time with the preface? Skip the preface and move on to the meat of the thing! — Kenneth Oppel

Ah," said Magnus. "Nerd love. It is a beautiful thing, while also being an object of mockery and hilarity for those of us who are more sophisticated. — Cassandra Clare

In a well-ordered universe ... camping would take place indoors. — Morgan Matson

On time for us was thirty minutes before actually started, because the half hour before the first bell was the highlight of our social calendars: standing outside the side door that led into the band room and just talking. — John Green

I burned through all of my extra lives in a matter of minutes, and my two least-favorite words appeared on the screen: GAME OVER. — Ernest Cline

My best definition of a nerd: someone who asks you to explain an aphorism — Nassim Nicholas Taleb

No one messes around with a nerd's computer and escapes unscathed. — E.A. Bucchianeri

You called the guy you're supposed to rescue a nerd, and you just referenced Star Trek. You don't find that a bit nerdy? — A.J. Wiliams

Sence and Sensibility, for instance, came out in three separate volumes, as did Pride and Prejudice (so the next time you read one of the ubiquitous time-travel Austen adaptations and somebody picks up a single-volume first edition, you can hit your nerd buzzer and say "wrong!"). — Amy Smith

Let's see.' She fiddles with her terminal and the room card reader. 'You're in 403 and 404. Have a nice day.'
I hand Persephone the Forbidden Room card and keep Room Not Found for myself. She looks at me oddly. — Charles Stross

Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something. — Alan Sitomer

Congratulations. Your official super-nerd badge is in the mail. — Rachel Vincent

Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself. — John Green

I can see why you like it here," he said,making a sweeping gesture that encompassed Kyle's collection of movie posters and science fiction books. "There's a thin layer of nerd all over everything." said Jace.
"Thanks. I appreciate that." Simon gave Jace a hard look. — Cassandra Clare

Of the seminal moments in my life, Careers Day in the autumn of Year 5 is my favorite. Everyone had to dress as whatever they wanted to be once they grew up. I had gone in a tweed jacket and a bow tie, and when Miss Weston asked me what I wanted to be, I told her that I wanted to be the Doctor.

'Shouldn't you be wearing a lab coat and stethoscope like Paul?' She pointed to Paul Black, who was trying to strangle everyone with the stethoscope in question.

Before I could answer, a boy I didn't know from the other class spoke up.

'Paul's *a* doctor,' he explained, giving me a look of approval. 'He wants to be *the* Doctor.'

'Who?'

'Exactly,' we said at the same time, relieved that she understood.

She didn't. We were sent to the quiet table to reflect on why cheeking teachers was wrong. — Non Pratt

I think that's my new band name," Shane said. "Asshat and Nerd Girlfriend. It's got a ring to it. — Rachel Caine

At least I'm not a font nerd."
"A what?"
Matt smiled. "You know. People who love fonts. There are people who go to a movie and get agitated because, while the movie is supposed to be set in 1962, the restaurant awning shown in the background of some scene is printed in Arras Bold, which wasn't invented until 1991, so clearly the producers of the movie are insane and should be beheaded. — Jessica Park

Seeing what someone's reading is like seeing the first derivative of their thinking. — Ben Casnocha

I keep my chin tucked in, eyes on the ground, the same stance I have when I pass by the guys from my neighborhood who laugh and call me Urkel because I wear a big backpack and don't hang out on the street all night smoking Kool XLs--and by the way, we need a new black nerd archetype; also, when are these wannabe gangstas watching reruns of Family Matters? — Una LaMarche

Gert: What ... what just happened?
Chase: I don't know, but guess who totally stole Cookie Monster's glasses!
Gert: Whew, for a second there, I was worried we almost learned something.
Chase: Ooo, look at me! I'm a big fluffy nerd! — Brian K. Vaughan

However, neither occasion quite matched the levels of hilarity that ensued on the day Mr Miller sat on the corner of his desk and farted it to pieces. — Simon Pegg

She said my glasses made me look like a butch jock's locker room bitch. — Nenia Campbell

Judging books by their covers is seriously underrated, and any book nerd who claims never to have done it is probably lying. — Amy Smith

I know a flute player is technically called a "flautist," but something about it sounds a little sketchy, as does "pianist," so I will refrain. — Julie Halpern

I will take a serious approach to a subject usually treated lightly, which is a nerdy thing to do. — Benjamin Nugent

Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness. — Nassim Nicholas Taleb

Ryker smiled at me. "You learn quick - "

I cut him off. "If you call me grasshopper, I'm going to slug you."

"Padawan."

I shoved him. It was more like shoving a tree. He didn't even flinch. "You're such a nerd."

"Geek, Millie. I'm a geek." His lips twitched and it made me want to raise myself up on my tiptoes and kiss him.

I shot him a grin instead. "Only a nerd would know the difference. — E.M. Denning

There was one new metallic monstrosity stacked in one corner that she hadn't seen the last time she was a visitor to his strange chamber, it appeared to be a mass of hard drives all fused together, but they looked too sophisticated to be merely hard drives.
"What on earth is that?"
"That's my Kung Fu," he said proudly, patting the top of the futuristic-looking stack.
"Is that what you wanted to show me?"
"No, but it's impressive, isn't it?"
"If you say so."
Steves sighed and shook his head, so few people could appreciate the intellectual complexity of an almost untraceable hacking device. — E.A. Bucchianeri

Do you see those dull stars?" She outlined the formation with her finger.
"A pentagram," whispered Scott.
"Yes, but not just any pentagram. Take a look through the telescope."
Scott approached the eyepiece.
"They're not stars!"
"What do they look like?" asked Jenn.
Scott studied each of the figures.
"It can't be," he stuttered. "Planets?"
"Exactly what I thought."
"But how? They're completely off their orbits."
"The earth's off its axis."
"Mount Etna erupted."
"Greece had a earthquake."
"The whole universe has gone mad!" Scott exclaimed.
"And my friends have supernatural powers," said Jenn. — Katie Mattie