My Therapist Says Quotes & Sayings

The bloody cockfucking wanker therapist wants me to write my bloody thoughts about all the tragedy in my bloody life. It'll be therapeutic, he says. It'll be closure, he cheers. I'd bloody well like to push him over the ledge of his window, I think back. Hang my head over the sill and tinkle my bloody fingers in a wave. Watch him flail his arms about trying to bloody fly as he plummets, then splashes across the sidewalk. — Christine Zolendz

Deep in the rain forest it was doing what it usually does in rain forests, which was raining: hence the name. — Douglas Adams

My therapist says it's because I have 'daddy' issues. Like that's supposed to mean something to me. How can I have daddy issues when I barely knew the prick? — C.M. Stunich

Nuke them until they glow and shoot them in the dark.
No questions. — John Ringo

Take away religion, take away philosophy, take away the higher aims of art, and you deprive ordinary people of the ways in which they can represent their apartness. Human nature, once something to live up to, becomes something to live down to instead. Biological reductionism nurtures this 'living down', which is why people so readily fall for it. It makes cynicism respectable and degeneracy chic. It abolishes our kind, and with it our kindness. — Roger Scruton

Al Michaels is a good announcer. I think Keith Jackson is a terrific announcer. I always loved him on Monday Night Football. I never understood why they got rid of him. — John Turturro

It's like my therapist says: 'Even hypochondriacs get sick for real sometimes. — Jules Cassard

My therapist says I still haven't got in touch with my anger. Maybe one day I'm going to explode. But I'm still really happy. I know it looks like a strange and painful upbringing - all those experiences led me to the paths that I'm on now. — Drew Barrymore

I'm sorry! I just ... I have this thing about opening stuff. I see a door or a lid that's closed, I just gotta open it! Our family therapist says I'm obsessive-compulsive. — Gary Whitta

I grew as close to Madonna as I've ever been to a woman without being romantically involved. — Nile Rodgers

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that. — Stewart Francis

But you should see the sky tonight.
Screw your astrology apps. Screw your games. Look up sometime. There is a whole wing of positive psychology--my therapist told me--that says the greatest way to affect your outlook on life is to consider what you already have more than what you don't have. And so I might not have a cell phone on me, or a sister at home, or a Dad at all, or a future, but holy shit I have the sky. — Tim Federle

My therapist says I'm afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would REALLY cut into my sitting-around time — Maria Bamford

Pam, my new therapist, who's like some blissed-out, grown-up, yoga-hippie version of Rain, says that the physical body, the idea of the self, is kind of a scar: a brief puckering of time, a fleeting sewing together of energy and heart, which go beyond the physical form, on and on and on, forever. — Kate Ellison

Both the five-year-olds looked at me with bewilderment and a bit of fearful uncertainty. I had a sudden horrifying image of the woman I might become if I'm not careful: Crazy Aunt Liz. The divorcee in the muumuu with the dyed orange hair who doesn't eat dairy but smokes menthols, who's always just coming back from her astrology cruise or breaking up with her aroma-therapist boyfriend, who reads the Tarot cards of kindergarteners and says things like, Bring Aunty Liz another wine cooler, baby, and I'll let you wear my mood ring ... — Elizabeth Gilbert

Some may find them merely diverting melodies. Others may find them incitements to Red revolution. And who will say if either or both is wrong? Not I. — Pete Seeger

When I am preparing my 'lookalike' photographs, I think about the character of the real people, because, if the photographs are going to be plausible, you have to convince the viewer that they could have happened. — Alison Jackson

Therapy isn't curing somebody of something; it is a means of helping a person explore himself, his life, his consciousness. My purpose as a therapist is to find out what it means to be human. Every human being must have a point at which he stands against the culture, where he says, "This is me and the world be damned!" Leaders have always been the ones to stand against the society Socrates , Christ , Freud , all the way down the line. — Rollo May

In exact parallel to regressing people so they supposedly retrieve forgotten memories of 'past lives', Frankel notes that therapists can as readily progress people under hypnosis so they can 'remember' their futures. This elicits the same emotive intensity as in regression or in Mack's abductee hypnosis. 'These people are not out to deceive the therapist. They deceive themselves,' Frankel says. They cannot distinguish their confabulations from their experiences. — Carl Sagan

The identity badge pinned to Sandrine's white tunic says "Speech Therapist," but it should read "Guardian Angel. — Jean-Dominique Bauby

Most meals, I pay for myself so I can stock up on weeks Aaron goes a little crazy. His therapist calls this enabling. I call it love. She says I'm a problem, and I, for one, have agreed to disagree. — David James Poissant

You want to know, but are afraid to ask, whether or not I found someone. If there could be anyone to fill that hole in my heart after I lost him. I did.
"Life is futile," says my new therapist, Michaela,
"and no one gets out of it alive. There is only love. — Emma Forrest

Rock 'n' roll started to make so much money and generated so much income for the record companies that suddenly it was no longer evil. — John Landis

Never undermine the power of passion. You have a very high chance of achieving anything you are passionate about. — Israelmore Ayivor

I'm not very good at multi-tasking. My therapist says I have an over-developed ability to focus. — Eli Easton

There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.' — Louis C.K.

Yes, he's a good boy. Never been in trouble at school and he's on the honor roll. Captain of the football team. All-around psycho serial killer who hides bodies in the fridge whenever his parents go out of town. (Nick)
I also eat babies for breakfast and torture small animals for fun. My therapist says I'm making real progress though. (Caleb) — Sherrilyn Kenyon