My Immortal Funny Quotes & Sayings

Holly's forgiven you?"
"Almost mostly. But she still gives me slack about it when she's sick. I take it as a husbandly badge," he said, puffing out his chest.
"Sick? You told me she was fully immortal."
"Yeah, but she still throws up some, because, well, the thing of it is ... Ah, fuck, Rydstrom, I knocked her up."
"You're going to be a father?" Gods help the world. I'm going to be an uncle?
"I got Holly, like, on the first shot. Nix is calling me Bull's-eye and the Womb Raider. — Kresley Cole

Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time. — Chuck Klosterman

Stay in the car Nick"
"okay."
Ash gets out abd goes to look at the dead body.
"For an immortal being with 11,000 years under his belt Ash sure is stupid." Nick gets out and sees the blood.
"That's a lot of blood." Nick's book starts sending him an alert. "What Lassie? You going to tell Timmy about the well?" pulls out book, and opens it. words start to appear.
LOOK AND YOU
WILL SEE THAT
WHICH WAS CAN
NEVER BE.
WHEN THEY
SEEK A BOY
YOUR AGE ...
... RUN, YOU
FLIPPIN
MORON, RUN!
"I'm not gonna argue with my book on that. The safest place is with Ash. — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Some truly bad writing, but brilliantly funny at the same time.
"When he was yet a million miles away the bright ring of fire that marked its portal filled the sky in front of him, flexing and twisting like the devil's anus in spasms of immortal agony. — Alan Glasser

You know what's funny about death? I mean other than absolutely nothing at all? You'd think we could remember finding out we weren't immortal. Sometimes I see children sobbing airports and I think, Aww. They've just been told. — Carrie Fisher

What is serious in laughing, worrying, grieving, mourning, concerning about anything which is temporary? Well, it is funny, actually, when you know life isn't immortal. — Bhavik Sarkhedi

I was trying to do you a favor, you silly woman. A few more hours in the fire, and your baby boy would have been immortal! He would've grown into a fine young god and brought you eternal honor. Now you've ruined the magic. He will simply be human - a great hero, yes, strong and tall, but doomed to a mortal life. He will only be Demophoon, when he could have been Fully Phoon! Phoon the Great! — Rick Riordan

Just like an angel, the lovely one and the cute
All the beauty together in your funny sulky looks
Innocent, like the kids, like the pigeons in my garden
Magnetic attraction, awesome, amazing and the super astute
Immortal charming, like the moon and the stars
Elegant, stylish, you must be very tasty, fruit — M.F. Moonzajer

Most of us believe in trying to make other people happy only if they can be happy in ways which we approve. — Robert Staughton Lynd

White middle- and upper-class men have a longer journey to go than many people. — Holly Near

I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. — Tara Gilesbie

Snaketail what art thou doing? called Voldemort. Then ... he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying. — Tara Gilesbie

I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.
I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed ... Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks. — Tara Gilesbie

You won't tell?"
"I'll add it to the box under my bed labeled 'The Secret Confession of the Immortal Pia'. Good Lord, girl, don't look so mortified. There's not actually a box. — Jessica Khoury

Queen Morgause," said Gwenever thoughtfully, "must have been a strange person. — T.H. White

The Enneagram is not a system of personality, as it is so often presented, but rather a definition of character fixation. The same character fixation can manifest across a full range of personalities. Jack Nicholson and Slobodan Milosevic have the same character fixation but different personalities. — Eli Jaxon-Bear

Knowing that a 6-minute mile is just as far as a 16-minute mile will allow you to move forward and gain confidence. How — Sarah Richardson

If I see any politician or a priest or an imam or a rabbi in the Paradise, I will give up believing in God! — Mehmet Murat Ildan

I want to spend my time with people who don't look to be respected. But such good people won't want to spend their time with me. — Osamu Dazai

To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor. — Bauvard

No one ever swung too slowly. — Bobby Jones

Victory after all, I suppose! ... Well, it seems a very gloomy business. — J.R.R. Tolkien

Today, in the face of abjection and solitude, his heart said: 'No'. And in the great distress that washed over him, Mersault realised that his rebellion was the only authentic thing in him, and that everything elsewhere was misery and submission". — Albert Camus

I ask again, and I want a better answer, WHAT are you!" He demanded.
"I told you before, a human rises with the sun, but I rise with the moon. I am a mere immortal soul that feasts on your fears and flesh."
"Why won't you answer my question correctly! — Miranda Leek

Mr. Monogamy doesn't find my shenanigans funny? Oh thank god, if you did I'd have to chuck it all and join a monastery. — Kim Cormack

So, I still say Batman is way better than Superman." She looked smugly at him.
"You're crazy," he said between bites totally taking her bait. "Superman is practically immortal unless he's exposed to Kryptonite. That's the only thing that can kill him. Batman's human. He's killable."
"Killable?" She snorted. "Is that even a word, Buddha Boy? — Harper Bentley

That's Collin."She panicked."He can't see you!" Don't tell me you're afraid of your own brother?"Staton seemed to think that was funny.She hated the smirk that crept over his face. She shoved him."You want Collin to kill you?Hide." That made him laugh louder."Kill me?" Stop it,"she warned him,or he'll hear you." You think I should be afraid of your brother?I'm immortal." Collin's heavy steps filled the downstairs hallway.Her heart raced.Why was life so complicated? — Lynne Ewing