Quotes & Sayings About My Girlfriend

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair. — Emo Philips

I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat. — Jimmy Carr

I have unemployed my girlfriend. She had a job working for a cardiologist and now she can hang out, put her feet up, buy all the things she wants, have a nice breakfast with you and me in the Four Seasons. Any fights in families like mine come from everyone worrying about money. I'm taking all those worries away. That makes me feel happy, makes me really proud of what I do. — Conor McGregor

When we meet, I'm interested and I'm curious about what he's doing because he's burning a number from a client. And I'm like, 'Who is this?' and my girlfriend's like, 'That's a drug dealer. Stay away from him.' — Rosario Dawson

You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! — John Green

It was only after I untied my girlfriend from being face down on the bed that I learned her screaming, 'Asshole!' was a statement about my character and not an invitation or request. — David Henry

My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you? — Anthony Jeselnik

You shouldn't be afraid of me because I'm a vampire. You ought to be scared because you just trash-talked my girlfriend to her face.
Michael — Rachel Caine

When I train, I love to take time off and fly to the Natural History Museum or an exhibition. I just love that. When you know your past, it will help you with your future ... That's why most of my friends are not fighters. Most of my friends are nerds like me. That's why I have a hard time finding a girlfriend. I need someone to talk science with. I'm married to my work right now. But you never know. One day I could wake up and just do something different. Life is so unpredictable. — Georges St-Pierre

All my friends are always telling me how hard it is to have kids. 'Oh, David, it's so hard.' That's not hard. I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. Yeah, that's hard, that takes finesse. You're just inconvenienced. — David Cross

I wouldn't have cared if my girlfriend was a Jaguar-driving Cyclops with a beard - I'd have been grateful just to have someone to make out with. — John Green

I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I said, "What happened?" He goes: "Well, I guess I, uh ... I guess I said something, and, uh ... and then she got her feelings hurt." That's a weird way to phrase it: "She got her feelings hurt. I said something, and then she ... " Could you more remove yourself from responsibility? "She got her feelings hurt." It's like saying, "Yeah, I shot this guy in the face, and then I guess he got himself murdered. I don't know what happened. He leaned into it." — Louis C.K.

I love you," I said, gripping the back of her neck and bringing her mouth to mine. My hand trailed down her side, naked and smooth and covered in goose bumps.
"We're really doing this, aren't we?" she asked, pulling back just enough to meet my eyes.
"We're really doing this."
"Officially."
"A hundred percent. Dinners, dates, introducing you as my girlfriend. The whole thing."
"Think I like the sound of that," she said, her cheeks pink. — Christina Lauren

Marilyn Monroe is pissing me off, Charlie Chaplin owes me twenty bucks, that fucker Shrek tried to fuck my girlfriend at Baskin Robbins. — David Louden

My girlfriend has the greatest story as to why she isn't religious anymore. When she was a kid, like 12 years old, her parents nailed a 25 pound crucifix to the wall right above her bed. About two weeks later, in the middle of the night, the crucifix falls off the wall and leaves a two inch gash in the back of her dad's head. — Anthony Jeselnik

I love the French and Italian church paintings from the Middle Ages. But I'm also interested to learn more about who was the first to make the leap from religious art to secular. That couldn't have been a small feat. Who was brave enough to say, You know what? Enough of Jesus. I'mma paint me this here bowl of fruit and then I'mma paint my girlfriend ... naked! — Jen Lancaster

My career is my girlfriend. — Aaron Carter

I'm not single, I'm just wait for my girlfriend to quit playing hide and seek. — Tim Walters

Tucker: I'm glad it happened. because then I got to know who you really are.
Clara: Oh yeah? Who am I?
Tucker: A really, really spiritual, spoiled California chick.
Avery: Shut up.
Tucker: It's cool though. My girlfriend is an angel. — Cynthia Hand

We have a saying in my house, my kids and my girlfriend. We say, 'Be your best for the greater good, and rock out wherever you are.' — Michael Franti

You threatened to tell his girlfriend he'd been involved with you? (Hunter)
No, I threatened to tell Brittany he made a pass at me if he didn't help. He's a slimeball I wouldn't let touch my dead philodendron. (Abbie) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Girlfriend isn't enough to describe you, Tate. That term is disposable. You're not my girlfriend, my girl, or my woman. You're. Just. Mine, — Penelope Douglas

I really just want to do the best at everything I do. I just want to have all the great people around me that I feel is family, as well as my friends, and I have an amazing girlfriend. I think having love in your life is most important. — Evan Ross

I would like to reach non-gamers. It's always great when guys come up to me who are gamers and represent my usual audience, but they'll say, 'You know, Psychonauts is the only game I can actually get my girlfriend to play with me.' — Tim Schafer

Minus my relationship with Kennedy, I had no automatic invitation to Greek Parties or events, though Chaz and Erin could invite me to some stuff since I fell under the heading of acceptable things to bring to any party: alcohol and girls.
Awesome. I'd gone from independent girlfriend to party paraphernalia. — Tammara Webber

The more time went by, the more something just happened, an Oh my god - I want to love someone freely and walk down the street and hold my girlfriend's hand, — Ellen Page

What the hell is going on in here?"

Hannah jumps in surprise when Coach Jensen appears in the shower area.

Oh, hey, Coach," I call out. "Not what it looks like."

His dark brows knit in a displeased frown. "It looks like you're taking a shower in front of your girlfriend. In my locker room."

"Okay, then yeah, it's what it looks like. But I promise, it's all very PG. Well, except for the fact that I'm naked. But don't worry, no kinky shit is going to happen." I grin at him. "I'm trying to win her back."

Coach's mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. I can't tell if he's amused or pissed or ready to wash his hands of this whole thing. Finally, he nods and opts for option number three. "Carry on. — Elle Kennedy

My favorite thing to do is to wind those guys up by hitting on their girlfriends. I say, 'I think your girlfriend's gorgeous, but it's all right, I'm gay.' They get very nervous after a few minutes! — Adam Garcia

I used to hate being different. I used to cry. I wanted to be blonde-haired and blue-eyed like all of my girlfriends. My mom and dad would feel so badly - 'No, it's OK. You'll be happy you're different later. — Kiana Tom

I'm in love with my corporate girlfriend,
with the Cyclops heart — Phil Volatile

Being forced to sit between my mortal enemy and my ex-girlfriend every afternoon made seventh-period math feel like my own private Kobayashi Maru, a brutal no-win scenario designed to test my emotional fortitude. — Ernest Cline

I lost a girlfriend when I was in my 30s. She was 46. It all sounds so trite, but I put a Post-it on my dressing-room wall. It said, 'The past is history. The future is a mystery. This moment is a gift, which is why it's called the present.' — Samantha Bond

My girlfriend makes me want to be a better person ... so I can get a better girlfriend. — Anthony Jeselnik

Most executives are male, so it's always sort of their vision of stuff. I'm constantly fighting against that even when I play the wife or the girlfriend or the best friend. I always try my hardest to bring as much layering in and not make things stereotypical, but it's hard. — Madchen Amick

I'm not a lesbian, but my girlfriend is. — Gina Gershon

Yesterday I wrote the majority of a song called 'Burn the Nightclub Down' which was about kind of driving into Cleveland full of dread at the prospect of playing at this night club and actually just the night before I had called my girlfriend whose birthday it was. And it's her birthday and here I am on the road in some hellhole in Ann Arbor in Michigan. — Rhett Miller

In my memoir, I admit that I've been as fearful of success as of failure. In fact, when 'Passages' was published, I so dreaded bad reviews that I ran away to Italy with a girlfriend and our children to hide out. — Gail Sheehy

So what are we, then?" I asked. "When someone asks who I am, what am I supposed to say?"
"You say, 'Hi, I'm Liv, Dean's very hot and sexy lady.'" I couldn't smother a giggle. "Seriously."
"Paramour?"
"No."
"Cuddle bunny?"
"God, no."
"Valentine? Sweetheart? Girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend." I rested my forehead against his chest. "I guess." "Not the best word, but it'll do in public." He kissed my
temple. "In private, you can just be my beauty. — Nina Lane

You'll be my girlfriend?" he asked. Butterflies were throwing a party in my stomach. "If that's what you want."
"I want." Remy grinned. — Veronica Blade

My role as Ewan McGregor's girlfriend in the film 'Incendiary' ended up on the cutting-room floor, but at least I had two brilliant days of acting with Ewan. — Natalie Dormer

I love it when he talks and says things that make me shiver.'

'Shut up! I seriously need a girlfriend. Holy shit, I'm so alone!'

'You have me.'

'Yes of course! Because you have a pair of tits and two holes where I could stick my dick. — Debra Strattford

Mick required far less hand-holding than Michael. Signing the Stones, though, had required a full frontal assault worthy of General Patton, one of my heroes. The final battle exploded at the Ritz Hotel in Paris back in '83. After months of relentless pursuit, I had them. All they had to do was sign when suddenly at 3 A.M. Mick goes mental and calls me a "stupid motherfuckin' record executive." I lose it. I reach for his throat. I have a vision of punching out all ninety-eight pounds of him. I stop myself, envisioning tomorrow's headline - "Yetnikoff Kills Jagger." Jagger relents, signs and from then on it's wine and roses. It was Mick - wily and witty Mick - who later that year plotted with my girlfriend, the one called Boom Boom, to throw me a surprise fiftieth birthday bash where Henny Youngman emceed and Jon Peters, Barbra — Walter Yetnikoff

Still, he was another guy in the house, and Mom was mine first, and her being my mom is a thousand times more important than her being some guy's girlfriend. So even though Booth wasn't trying to run the show, he was still in the way. — Jack Gantos

So how's Cupid Day treating you?" He pops a mint in his mouth and leans closer. It grosses me out, like he thinks he can seduce me with fresh breath. "Any big romantic plans tonight? Got someone special to cozy up next to?" He raises his eyebrows at me.
[ ... ]
"We'll see," I say, smiling. "What about you? Are you going to be all by your lonesome? Table for one?"
He leans forward even more, and I stay perfectly still, willing myself not to pull away.
"Now why would you assume that?" He winks at me, obviously thinking that this is my version of flirting
like I'm going to offer to keep this company or something.
I smile even wider. "Because if you had a real girlfriend," I say, quietly but clearly, so he can hear every word perfectly, "you wouldn't be hitting on high school girls. — Lauren Oliver

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes. — Emo Philips

If my friends or my girlfriend back home saw who I've turned into, I don't think they'd recognize me. And I think that's okay with me. — Hannah Moskowitz

Sir, I think maybe your mama didn't teach you how to talk to women. And she's not my girlfriend. — Maggie Stiefvater

My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. — Mitch Hedberg

Megan was an old pro at tipping the scales in her favour.
"Introduce me to your girlfriend" Megan said, smiling.
She knew damn good and well Abby wasn't my girlfriend. HO 101: If the man in your sights is on a date or with a female friend, force him to admit to lack of commitment. Creates insecurity and instability. — Jamie McGuire

When my girlfriend and I talk about being happy, I'll get choked up, which I think is the greatest gift you can give a girlfriend. — Seth Meyers

I will raise you like my own," I promised the tiny basil pot that day. "I will give you sunlight, I will give you water, I will give you love."
"I will eat your limbs," my girlfriend helpfully added rubbing her belly and licking her lips like a grizzly bear gazing up at a sticky beehive in a tall pine tree. — Neil Pasricha

Adam strummed an unfamiliar melody. I asked him what he was playing. I'm calling it 'My-Girlfriend's-Going-to-Julliard-Leaving-My-Punk-Heart-in-Shreds Blues. — Gayle Forman

And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you. — Collin Raye

Amazingly similar in the execution. A bow pulled, an arrow shot. Entirely different in the aftermath. I killed a boy whose name I don't even know. Somewhere his family is weeping for him. His friends call for my blood. Maybe he had a girlfriend who really believed he would come back ... — Suzanne Collins

When I first met my girlfriend, I was super intimidated. I wanted to impress her. I was thinking, Don't mess this up, man. You've gotta play your cards exactly right. — Henry Cavill

I think that's my new band name," Shane said. "Asshat and Nerd Girlfriend. It's got a ring to it. — Rachel Caine

Here goes. See, my boyfriend and I decided to stay together for the summer, you know, even though he had to go visit some family in nowhereville. At least, that's what he told me. Anyway, everything was fine at first, because you know, we talked every night, and then boom, he just stopped calling. So I called and texted him like the good girlfriend I am, and it wasn't stalkerish, I swear, because I stopped after, like, the thirtieth time. A week goes by before he finally hits me back, and he was totally drunk and all, hey, baby, I miss you and what are you wearing, like no time had passed, and I was all, you so do not deserve to know. — Gena Showalter

I mean, you can't have sex until you're married if you're Mormon. The first time I had sex, my parents found out. They were listening in on the phone while I was talking about sex to my girlfriend. They freaked out, man. They both cornered me in my bedroom. — Bert McCracken

Maybe if I hadn't been so hell-bent on not becoming my parents, I could have saved Charlie. Maybe I would have been his girlfriend. Maybe we could have gotten married and been happy, regardless of who our parents were and what they did to each other. — A.S. King

Here's the story: 25 years ago, I had my lips injected with silicone. Stupid thing to do at 24. I saw 'Beaches.' Remember that movie 'Beaches'? I did it with my best girlfriend, so she and I go and we get our lips done. Fine. I have it like that for my whole career, right? So then cut to a couple of years ago, I have a doctor remove as much as they possibly can because it got to the point where they were yucky. You know, they get hard. It's gross. They are now whatever that was after they took out as much of the silicone as they could. — Lisa Rinna

I once took the key off my girlfriend's key ring so that I could surprise her when she got home. So I did this whole romantic setup in our bedroom with flowers and rose petals. She was so mad when she got home, but then when she walked in, she was so surprised. — Trey Songz

And I had just kissed my ex-girlfriend, who had cried, while my current girlfriend was in jail. So far, it had not been my best day. — Mark Zero

It was getting very difficult for me to keep from being excited in other places. Watching Abby own my brothers - and a poker veteran like my father - hand after hand was turning me on. I'd never seen a women so sexy in my life, and this one happened to be my girlfriend. — Jamie McGuire

In any relationship that comes to an end, there's never just a baseline reason why. You say, 'Oh, I broke up with my girlfriend.' Someone says, 'Why?' You say, 'Well, you got three hours? And then maybe after I tell you my version, you've got to talk to her.' — Michael Rapaport

He takes a seat, coming eye to eye with me. His elbows meet his knees and he leans forward, smiling calmly. "My name is Owen Gentry. I'm an artist and this is my studio. I have a showing in less than an hour, I need someone to handle all the transactions, and my girlfriend broke up with me last week."
Artist.
Showing.
Less than an hour?
And girlfriend? Not touching that one. — Colleen Hoover

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. — Anthony Jeselnik

You told me this wasn't a formal date when you invited me to come. Why should I care if you have a girlfriend?"
"Absolutely," he said, giving me a fake-serious look. "Yeah, you and I are just friends ... out for a friendly walk. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Exactly!" I agreed, my heart giving a painful twist.
He broke into a large grin and, leaning over, kissed me on the cheek. "Kate," he whispered, "you are way too gullible. — Amy Plum

When I turned 18, I skipped my party to take my girlfriend on a road trip. It turned out to be an amazing birthday. — Josh Hartnett

One of the things I've tried to do with my life is redefine the boundaries that I think are very limiting. I'm not suggesting that everybody should have three girlfriends, or necessarily have girlfriends living with them. I think there are many, many options to living your life. — Hugh Hefner

Girl you spent time with not drinking and screwing. Girl you hang out with when you could have been doing something else. Girl you spent quality time with. Girl you do nice things for. Girl you want to smooch all night."
He laughs once. "I guess that makes you my girlfriend. — Elle Casey

A demonic reaper asked to be my valentine and then killed his crazy ex-girlfriend to save my life. Tomorrow I was starting up antipsychotic meds. — Courtney Allison Moulton

Will, I love you. I really do. You are going to be a part of our wedding; you will also be a part of our family. I want the best things in the world to happen to you." She narrowed her eyes at me, and I felt my balls crawl up into my body. "But I still wouldn't tell a girlfriend of mine to take a chance with you. I'd tell her she should let you fuck her brains out, but keep her emotions out of it because you are a clueless little shit. — Christina Lauren

I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them. — Andrew Dice Clay

The most terrifying thing in the world was having to give a speech at my girlfriend's wedding. I was physically shaking and sweating the entire time. — Lindy Booth

You really are one of a kind. I mean, it's not every day my girlfriend offers to kill me. — Bree Despain

My name is Cinnabon, and I'm here to make you gorgeous, girlfriend. — Bratniss Everclean

When I was growing up, I said to my ex-girlfriend, 'I will not be successful until everyone in Holland knows my name.' And it worked. — Afrojack

I was a tomboy growing up and then fell into the world of theatre and musical theatre. A girlfriend introduced me to yoga in college and I was hooked. I didn't really know anything about it except that it was the highlight of my week. I ended up graduating from the University of Virginia and moving to Los Angeles where I could continue acting and do a yoga teacher training. I went from practicing once or twice a week to several hours everyday. I loved it. — Kathryn Budig

Tell me if I'm mistaken, but isnt't that my girlfriend in the graveyard?"
"You are not mistaken."
"And she's straddling some guy."
"That's correct," said Colin.
Hassan pursed his lips and nodded. "And- I just want to make sure we have our facts straight here- she's naked."
"She certainly is."
...
And then he raced forward about ten paces, cupped his hands over his mouth, and screamed, "I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU!" Still, though, a goofy grin was on his face. — John Green

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT. — Dane Cook

Simon said, "So have we DTRed now?" Isabelle shrugged. "I have no idea what that means." Simon hid the fact that he was inordinately pleased by this. "Are we officially boyfriend and girlfriend? Is there a Shadowhunter ritual? Should I change my Facebook status from 'it's complicated' to 'in a relationship'?" Isabelle screwed up her nose adorably. "You have a book that's also a face?" Simon — Cassandra Clare

More than one of my girlfriends tried to kill me a few times. — John McAfee

Aside from blow jobs, though, I'm through with being the perfect girlfriend, just through with it. Then if he's sore with me, let him dump my ass. That will just give me more time to be a genius. — Sheila Heti

My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep. — Anthony Jeselnik

When I first met my girlfriend, Mercy Malick, she asked me if there was anything I should tell her that could put her off me if she found out later. So I told her that I was a total 'Star Wars' geek and had boxes of 'Star Wars' toys in storage. — Joseph Gatt

Get away from my ex-girlfriend, you moany little whinge-bag.'
Caelen took a deep breath, like he was in pain, and stood up. His voice was low, guttural. 'I was hoping I'd get the chance to kill you.'
'You won't be killing anyone, you sad little emo git.'
'You've stood in the way of our love for long enough.'
'Just listening to you makes me want to top myself, you self-pitying Paranormal Romance novel reject.'
Caelen glared. 'Stop insulting me.'
'Why? If you cry will your mascara run? — Derek Landy

My work is always more emotional than I am. My characters say things to each other that I get accused of not being able to say to my girlfriend. — Adam Rapp

Fumi: So, what happened Asami-chan?

Asami: Onii-chan's(big brother)... always said mean stuff and he's always been cold. He couldn't get along well with his ex-girlfriend and I thought that he wouldn't be able to get along with anyone else either. I'd always thought that he'd always be by my side. But it's different with Haruna! He's getting along so well with her! And on top of that, they might be OO and XX and they might get married!! He won't be only my Onii-chan anymore!!

Fumi: Wow! You really approve of Haruna-chan, huh? I see!! Asami-chan really likes Haruna-chan!!

Asami: Fumi-kun... were you even listening...? — Kazune Kawahara

Are you in?" I roll my eyes and try to kiss him again, but he won't let me. I pinch his nipples, and all he does is wink and growl at me. "Say it."
"Fuck you"
"We'll get there, Naomi. Be patient. But first, you have to say it." I keep glaring, but I feel my body melting, my shields and my walls crashing down in flames. "Say you're mine, tell me that you're my girlfriend."
"You're my boyfriend," I say, and the words nearly kill me. "That's all you get for now. Best I can fucking do. — C.M. Stunich

I change my mind so much I need two boyfriends and a girlfriend. — Pink

Alex!" Brittany yells my name from the front of the gallery.
I'm still smoking and trying to forget that she brought me here because I'm her dirty little secret. I don't want to be a fucking secret anymore.
My pseudo-girlfriend crosses the street. Her designer shoes click on the pavement, reminding me she's a class above. She eyes Mandy and me, the two blue collars, smoking together.
"Mandy here was about to show me her tattoos," I tell Brittany to piss her off.
"I'll bet she was. Were you going to show her yours, too?" She eyes me accusingly.
"I'm not into drama," Mandy says. She throws down her cigarette and smashes it with the tip of her gym shoe. "Good luck, you two. God knows you need it. — Simone Elkeles

I used to break dance. I can do some good James Brown footwork. But now I think I've danced too much. My girlfriend made fun of me: 'Enough with the dancing.' — Sam Rockwell

My teacher knew that I always had a girlfriend. For some reason, he never said anything to me about it. — Frederick Lenz

I've really actually grown with my girlfriends and the people that they've introduced me to and the way that I've been welcomed in by their families. I'm a very, very lucky man. — Alex Pettyfer

The lips on my upper right bicep are my girlfriend's lips. She has the most amazing lips, and I wanted to carry them around with me everywhere I go, considering I can't carry her lips physically with me. So I decided to place them in a discreet location, such as the inside part of my bicep. — Jake Owen

I like to play pranks on my girlfriend, you know, keep things fresh for me, make me laugh, you know? She hates it. But like, the other night, I put Saran wrap over the toilet seat, you know, which doesn't sound that original, but she's bulimic. — Anthony Jeselnik

My weirdness aside, if I am to find any friends, particularly a girlfriend, she will almost certainly have to be a human. My previous track record tends to suggest that of all species that exist on the planet, it has so far been exclusively humans to whom I find myself sexually attracted. This is a good thing legally if nothing else. — Jon Richardson

Pardon me, but I wonder if you wouldn't mind switching seats. You see, that's my girlfriend there, and she's pregnant. And since she gets a bit ill on airplanes, I thought she might need someone to hold her hair when ... well ...
St. Clair holds up the courtesy barf bag and shakes it around. The paper crinkles dramatically. The man sprints off the seat as my face flames. His pregnant girlfriend? — Stephanie Perkins

Your MY first girlfriend I ever had
Your MY first boyfriend I ever had — Me

Sir," Adam started - Blue's eyebrows spiked - "I think maybe your mama didn't teach you how to talk to women."

The old man shook his head at Adam, like in pity.

Adam added, "And she's not my girlfriend."

Blue flashed him a brilliant look of approval, and then she got into the car with a dramatic door slam Ronan would have approved of. — Maggie Stiefvater