Quotes & Sayings About My Ex Wife

I just don't like when there's a rumor that says I'm dating someone who is below my standards. But when I got divorced, my ex-wife said I was spending all my time with Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie. I was like, 'Thank you for the big ups!' — Marilyn Manson

My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes. — Louis C.K.

In my divorce, I stood up and said to my ex-wife, 'Hey, I messed up. This had nothing to do with you. I didn't understand what marriage was. I cheated. I was wrong. We couldn't fix it; it got worse. I stepped away because I didn't want it to get any worse. You're the mother of my kids - I don't want to hate you.' — Kevin Hart

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist. — Woody Allen

My ex-wife has never broken 150. I wish she would stop telling people I taught her how to play golf. — Bruce Lansky

I don't care what is written," Meyer Landsman says. "I don't care what supposedly got promised to some sandal-wearing idiot whose claim to fame is that he was ready to cut his own son's throat for the sake of a hare-brained idea. I don't care about red heifers and patriarchs and locusts. A bunch of old bones in the sand. My homeland is in my hat. It's in my ex-wife's tote bag. — Michael Chabon

My mom [comes] to see my shows because she's so proud, but I'm talking about losing my virginity, my ex-wife and our sexual problems, and she's sitting in the front row smiling. I just go, "Mom, you can't sit in the front row, you can't smile. You have to go way in the back and dress in black. If I see you it's like you're breaking in when I'm having sex with my wife. It's just wrong." — John Leguizamo

I love my wife to death. I mean my ex-wife. — Stewart Rahr

Apparently, there's something hinky about the new iPhones. They're not hooked up right. There's a problem with the antenna. They don't like to be held - like my ex-wife. — David Letterman

Every time I see my cat licking its asshole I think about my ex wife. But that's how nostalgia works, right? We only remember the best of the available memories. — Jarod Kintz

I've always been a person who tries to build bridges and not walls. Whether it's my ex-wife and my step-son, or my daughter and my ex, I'm that guy in the middle, and I try to make sure we all stay together. — Chad Coleman

I sprinted into the conference room as my boss, and the owner of this law firm, Cherie Poitras, grabbed her client around the waist, a woman dressed to the nines in high heels and a cream suit. The woman had actually crawled up on the conference table and lunged for her husband. Cherie and I wrestled her off, but not before the husband's attorney put him in a headlock to keep him from strangling his soon-to-be ex-wife. Even in a headlock, the husband, a local politician who stressed the sanctity of marriage and traditional values, struggled to get at his wife, his arms and legs flailing around ... — Cathy Lamb

I don't have custody. Wayne is just - We're on good terms about our son. It's not an issue." "Got a number where we can reach him?" "Yes, but he's on a plane right now. He visited for the Fourth. He's headed back this evening." "You sure about that? How do you know he boarded the plane?" "I'm sure he had nothing to do with this, if that's what you're asking. We're not fighting over our son. My ex is the most harmless and easygoing man you've ever met." "Oh, I don't know. I've met some pretty easygoing fellas. I know a guy up in Maine who leads a Buddhist-themed therapy group, teaches people about managing their temper and addictions through Transcendental Meditation. The only time this guy ever lost his composure was the day his wife served him with a restraining order. First he lost his Zen, then he lost two bullets in the back of her head. But that Buddhist-themed therapy group he runs sure is popular on his cell block in Shawshank. Lotta guys with anger-management issues in there. — Joe Hill

I do feel free, I have patched things up with my ex-husband to the degree of this real friendship. We spend a lot of time together as a family with our son, no way will we be man and wife again. — Beccy Cole

I had one of the best days of my life. I spent the afternoon with my two kids and my ex-wife at Serendipity. Then I came to the theater, and you know, I think I did the play the best I've ever done it. — Gabriel Byrne

I know we are miles and miles away from one another, but I always believed that as long as our souls are connected to each other, the flame of our love will burn forever. Only souls can resist death, our physical connection is meaningless ... you always stayed in me and me in you, I never lose my hug I admit sweetie . I appreciate and admire my hug. — Abdul'Rauf Hashmi

A dream woke me," Arctor said. "A religious dream. In it there was this huge clap of thunder, and all of a sudden the heavens rolled aside and God appeared and His voice rumbled at me-what the hell did He say?-oh yeah. 'I am vexed with you, my son' He said. He was scowling. I was shaking, in the dream, and looking up, and I said, 'What'd I do now, Lord?' And He said, 'You left the cap off the toothpaste tube again.' And then I realized it was my ex-wife. — Philip K. Dick

Someone once told me that there is more to life than golf. I think it was my ex-wife. — Bruce Lansky

My second ex-wife was really kind of like a ship passing in the night. Only she turned out to be the Exxon Valdez. — James Woods

Also ... sometimes it's just easier to go along, don't you think? "Let go and let God," they like to say in the meetings my ex-wife goes to, but I decided this was going to be a case of let go and let Al. Up to a point, at any rate. And hey, I told myself, you have to go through more rigamarole than this just to get on an airplane these days. He isn't even asking me to put my shoes on a conveyor. — Stephen King

I want my ex-wife and children to be happy. — Scott Weiland

The following morning, I swore to myself that I would not try to find out where Esther was living. For two years, I had unconsciously preferred to believe that she had been forced to leave, that she had been kidnapped or was being blackmailed by some terrorist group. Now that I knew she was alive and well (that was what the young man had told me), why try to see her again? My ex-wife had the right to look for happiness, and I should respect her decision. This idea lasted a little more than four hours; later in the afternoon, I went to a church, lit a candle and made another promise, this time a sacred, ritual promise: to try and find her. Marie — Paulo Coelho

So who the hell, exactly, are these guys, the boys and girls in the trenches? You might get the impression from the specifics of my less than stellar career that all line cooks are wacked-out moral degenerates, dope fiends, refugees, a thuggish assortment of drunks, sneak thieves, sluts and psychopaths. You wouldn't be too far off base. The business, as respected three-star chef Scott Bryan explains it, attracts 'fringe elements', people for whom something in their lives has gone terribly wrong. Maybe they didn't make it through high school, maybe they're running away from something-be it an ex-wife, a rotten family history, trouble with the law, a squalid Third World backwater with no opportunity for advancement. Or maybe, like me, they just like it here. — Anthony Bourdain

My ex-wife did once accuse me of treating my own needs as if they were instructions and everyone else's needs as impediments. — Jill Dawson

When I think of the moment I knew that my marriage to Josiah would end, there were a few moments before I really, really knew. I probably knew, when I saw my ex-husband and his now wife - then colleague - having tea together in his office, that something was amiss. — Isabel Gillies

It is true, we do not like to lose a good, kind companion, a wife, a husband, a child, a brother, a sister, or any of our near and dear friends or relatives; but we have to do it, and it is right and proper that we should. They go a little before us; when we get there they will receive and welcome us and say, "God bless you, you have come at last." That is the way I look at it. I ex pect to strike hands and embrace my friends who have gone before. — John Taylor

I met my darling wife Wilnelia in 1980 when we were on the judging panel for the Miss World contest at the Royal Albert Hall. With two ex-wives and five daughters, I thought I wouldn't be involved with anyone for a long time - if ever. Winnie was so gorgeous, my jaw dropped - and it's a big jaw to drop. — Bruce Forsyth

Any time I sit down at my laptop to write and I'm feeling lazy, or that I can't be bothered, or if I'm generally just lacking inspiration, I sit there and remember life with my ex-wife, and the words flow from my fingertips. — Shane K.P. O'Neill

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman. — Woody Allen

I had noticed, for example, how all my infatuations dissolved as soon as I really became friends with a man, became sympathetic to his problems, listened to him kvetch about his wife, or ex-wives, his mother, his children. After that I would like him, perhaps even love him - but without passion. — Erica Jong

She (my ex-wife) wanted me to stop being Evel Knievel. I am who I am. I'm not going to change. I'll settle down the day they put me in a six-foot pine box. — Evel Knievel

My father's very public life as Famous Amos was the opposite of that of his ex-wife, my mother Shirley, who was fighting a very private, solitary battle with mental illness. — Shawn Amos

In the words of Richard Driehaus, "The stock market is like a woman. You observe her. You respond to her. And you respect her." That is not as easy as it sounds. Just ask my ex-wife. — Gary Antonacci

All my life there's always been an ex-wife or a girlfriend. — Ronnie Wood

I have tried to date in the past, but I could never get it to work. Trust is a big issue for me. Basically, I don't trust anyone with a vagina. I think that, essentially, all women are untrustworthy cold bitches.

My therapist is still working on that one.

Apparently, that comes from mommy issues as well as my ex-wife issues.

As you can see, I'm not a good candidate for a relationship — Samantha Towle

Losing is like my ex-wife ... it's a b****, and it takes a bigger man than me to live with it. — Don Frye

Grocery shopping was intimidating...the aisles were filled with everything from jumbo to miniature travel-sized rations. Who could I call to ask, "Does the size even matter?" I dare not ask my ex-wife. — Tez Brooks

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud. — Rodney Dangerfield

There is something about my aura or essence, or whatever, that draws the ex-wife characters to me. I don't seek them out, but people tend to think of me for that particular archetype, or whatever you want to call it, and I don't mind it. I think there is a strength to it. — Natalie Zea

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It helps to be able to be alone. 'Cuz writing is done alone, unless you collaborate, but I don't do that. Ask my ex-wife. — Dirk Benedict

My ex-wife was trying to be nice once, so she took me to a concert in Los Angeles. I went with her to Symphony Hall, and the orchestra was playing. When the show started, the spotlight was sharp on this one man (Andres Segovia) and he had sombrero on and his guitar propped up like this and, oh man ... he was a master ! - I really heard it. That one guitar sounded like a whole orchestra to me. — B.B. King

Besides Bob Satterfield, the only ones who ever hurt me were my ex-wives. — Jake LaMotta

My wife - an ex journalist and current TV producer - has a rule that she taught me at the start of B3ta. Does the item make you laugh, or does it make you go, 'Oh my God?' If you score on either count, then you have something that is worth sharing. — Rob Manuel

I said, "It seems like you have fond feelings towrd your ex-wife. Are you two still close?" "Nah," he said casually. "She thinks I changed my name to motherfucker. — Elizabeth Gilbert

For me, my films are not like my children. They are like my ex-wife. They gave me so much; I gave them so much; I loved them so much; we part ways, and it's OK, we part ways. — Alfonso Cuaron

I don't know how much more you can take."
He laughed. "You're a witch. From a family of witches. My ex-wife is a witch. Apparently literally and figuratively. Plus my kid's a witch. And I am probably some kind of animal shifter. All that, and I'm still upright and functioning. I don't think there's anything you could tell me that would break me at this point. — Kristen Painter

I love my wife. My ex-wife. Nothing will ever change that." "Okay." "I can't love anyone else. — C.D. Reiss

When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, "You want me to wear a condom?! — Jarod Kintz

If you really want to know why atheists resent religion so much, try lying to someone for 10-20 years. If you don't have that kind of time, just ask my ex-wife. — Captain Perverto

You ask me about my ex-wife? That is not polite. But I will answer. I got another wife now. Much younger, much nicer, much prettier. And so much more intelligent than Benetton.' — Oliviero Toscani

I didn't need one so pissed at his ex-wife he'd make me fall in love with him before apologizing for leading me on. He wanted to hurt women, and nothing froze my creative juices like heartache. — C.D. Reiss

I still love my former wife, I won't call her my ex-wife. — Dave Pelzer

I'm on a search for my future ex-wife. — Richie Sambora

Has anyone else here seen or fought a nightmare?"
Marshal Spence Neumann lifted his head. "Seen one. Swear to God it looked like my ex-wife for a second."
A chuckle rumbled within the group. Someone mumbled, "She was a nightmare. — Erin Kellison

The drink? Yes, I've had tough times in my life, especially the last year, regarding my ex-wife, my kids, I nearly broke my neck, I was on death row with pneumonia. — Paul Gascoigne

I saw Farrah Fawcett originally when she and her boyfriend, Lee Majors, came over to my house for a birthday party that I was having for my ex-wife, Leigh Taylor-Young. — Ryan O'Neal

The embryo of my second novel, Bobby's Diner, came to life because of my husband's ex-wives. Let's just say, they inspired the writing. — Susan Wingate

My parents, my teachers, my friends, my ex-wife-everybody held up a mirror and I accepted the image that came back. Well, it finally dawned on me that my reflection in others' eyes was the truth once removed. — Richard Moran

Its front porch had a beautiful view of the water and invisible screening to keep the jellybugs and stinkmoths at bay. I wove mats for the floors and painted sincere, klutzy seascapes for the walls. Piece by piece I assembled chef-quality cooking equipment, learned how to use it, and achieved a state of domestic competence that would have astounded my long-suffering ex-wife, Joanna. — Julian May

Of course I began to see Nikki, which was strange because I was staring into Danny's eyes, and Danny is a six-foot-three black man who looks nothing like my ex-wife. — Matthew Quick

I don't know what I want. And, if that's the case, as my ex-wife said, I'd only hurt people. — Haruki Murakami

Aly Ron Sunday Daoud, you are the sun that shines on my path, chasing away any shadows. You are the laughter that fills up my gaping holes, without which I would be a basket case. You are the reason why I love my life. The best part of my day is drinking a coffee, eating a chocolate treat and listening to great music, while sitting in a couch of Lahore Gymkhana Club. You appreciate life, you grasps it and make it what you want within my heart. Sure, you hit a few bumps recently, what with your loser ex, but a survivor. And not just any survivor, but your's survivor with dignity and pride, still loving you my sweetest ex. — Abdul'Rauf Hashmi

I had been living in Ohio in my own house with my own life when my marriage abruptly came to an end. I had nowhere to go with my two sons, very little money, and not much to do in Ohio except be someone's ex-wife. My parents instantly and very generously invited my family to move back home to New York, where I could begin again. — Isabel Gillies

Do you know what I did? I urrrrrinated on the cake at my ex-wife's wedding. Pissssed all over the icing.
Melvin Baylor - Seven Up — Janet Evanovich