Quotes & Sayings About Muffins

Toast your goddamn muffins. — Anthony Bourdain

Miscellaneous Thoughts:
Give me a home where the buffalo roam and I will give you boredom and isolation.
Want to go to Mars? Spend a week in Red Rock Canyon.
Blueberry muffins last longer because you can't tell when they're moldy.
I came in piece, please assemble. — Kalifer Deil

I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin! — Dane Cook

I'm . . . concerned. You appear to be upset. What's wrong?" His voice gentled and his eyes searched mine. "What's happened? And what can I do to help?"

I crossed my arms because my stupid heart was fluttering again. He caught me off guard. I was not at all prepared for Cletus Winston's concern.

"Nothing. Nothing is wrong. I just wanted to bring y'all muffins. Can't I bring y'all muffins?"

He was scrutinizing me again. "No. Something's off. Is it Jackson James? Do I need to maim him? Because I will. I could give him leprosy, you know. Armadillos are carriers."

My mouth fell open and a bubble of laughter emerged unchecked. "Cletus Winston, you will do no such thing."

"Sheriff's deputy or not. Just say the word. It might improve him, actually."

"You are terrible." I laughed, even though he was terrible, and I felt terrible laughing at such a terrible joke.

At least, I hope it's a joke — Penny Reid

When I am in trouble, eating is the only thing that consoles me. Indeed, as any one who knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse everything except food and drink. At the present moment I am eating muffins because I am unhappy. Besides, I am particularly fond of muffins. — Oscar Wilde

You don't get tired of muffins. But you don't find inspiration in them — George Bernard Shaw

She sighs, then breaks a piece off the muffin in my hand. 'Hey. There are plenty more just five feet to your right.'
'then you shouldn't be so concerned about losing some of yours.' she says, grinning.
'Fair enough. — Veronica Roth

These are the end products of the Masterminds of Safety and Ethics, bulked up on cheese that contains no cheese, chips fried in oil that isn't really oil, overcooked gray disks of what might once upon a time have been meat, a steady diet of Ho-Hos and muffins, butterless popcorn, sugarless soda, flavorless light beer. A docile, uncomprehending herd, led slowly to a dumb, lingering, and joyless slaughter. — Anthony Bourdain

A book reads the better which is our own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins. — Charles Lamb

In any case, muffins that are only imaginary aren't liable to get stuck. — Thomas M. Disch

It's impossible to consider myself a producer. I can barely produce an English muffin, in the morning. — Johnny Depp

After he left the planet with his brothers, he'd imagined he'd live out his life alone.
That was until he met Annabelle.
His memory lingered back to the day he stepped into her bakery. His brothers were still unpacking when he decided to take a walk into town. The first time he saw her, she was placing muffins into a customer's bag. Even with her messy hair bun and stained pink apron, she was pure perfection. His entire body warmed when he got a backside peek at her pink tank top and itty bitty jean shorts. Before he knew what was happening, he'd gone inside and sat down in the same booth he sat in now. And when she came to the table to take his order, she'd bit down on her bottom lip. He'd known then those lips would complicate his life, but he had no idea just how much. — Stacey O'Neale

Like plowing, housework makes the ground ready for the germination of family life. The kids will not invite a teacher home if beer cans litter the living room. The family isn't likely to have breakfast together if somebody didn't remember to buy eggs, milk, or muffins. Housework maintains an orderly setting in which family life can flourish. — Letty Cottin Pogrebin

Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!' — Demetri Martin

He met his day in the shower, washing his hair with shampoo that was guaranteed to have never been put in a bunny's eyes and from which ten percent of the profits went to save the whales. He lathered his face with shaving cream free of chlorofluorocarbons, thereby saving the ozone layer. He breakfasted on fertile eggs laid by sexually satisfied chickens that were allowed to range while listening to Brahms, and muffins made with pesticide-free grain, so no eagle-egg shells were weakened by his thoughtless consumption. He scrambled the eggs in margarine free of tropical oils, thus preserving the rain forest, and he added milk from a cartn made of recycled paper and shipped from a small family farm. By the time he finished his second cup of coffee, which would presumably help to educate the children of a poor peasant farmer named Juan Valdez, Sam was on the verge of congratulating himself for single-handedly preserving the planet just by getting up in the morning. — Christopher Moore

Quinoa and Banana Muffins — Vesela Tabakova

One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them. — Oscar Wilde

She nodded a greeting and took a muffin and a cup of coffee. Then she left again. I took two muffins and an empty cup and a whole box of coffee. I figured I could prop it on the edge of the conference table with the spigot facing toward me. Refills as and when required. Like an alcoholic behind a bar. — Lee Child

I wished that my job was baking muffins in a muffin shop, where all I'd have to do was crack eggs and measure flour and make change, and nobody could abuse me, and where they'd even expect me to be fat. Every flab roll and cellulite crinkle would serve as testimony to the excellence of my baked goods — Jennifer Weiner

Dougal eyed the breakfast repast. In addition to burnt toast, there was poorly trimmed ham, eggs that looked rubbery enough to bounce off the floor, pathetically dry scones, and small, smoking pieces of something he suspected had once been kippers.
Sophia noted Dougal's disgusted expression, and her heart lifted.
He looked amazingly handsome this morning, dressed in a pale blue riding coat and white shirt, his dark blond hair curling over his collar, his green eyes glinting as he began to fill his plate. Two scones, a scoop of eggs, and a large piece of blackened ham all went onto his plate.
Sophia had eaten earlier in the kitchen with Mary, who had served warm muffins with cream and marmalade, some lovely bacon, and crusty toast, complemented by a pot of hot tea.
Sophia hid a smile as Dougal attempted to cut his ham. Too tough for his blade, it tore into uneven pieces under his knife. He lifted a piece and regarded it on the tines of his fork. — Karen Hawkins

You get food from Costco. Those big muffins, maybe? My sister says they've got a thousand calories a piece. — Gabrielle Zevin

Coffee?" Santangelo calls down to us. We both look up. He,Ben, and Raffy are hanging over the side.
"Is it espresso?" Anson Choi asks behind us.
"Freshly percolated," Ben answers. "You should see the gadgets they have up here."
Anson Choi aims a begging look at Griggs.
"You want to sell out over a coffee?" Griggs asks him with disgust.
"They've got muffins as well," I tell them. "Double chocolate chip. His mum made them."
Griggs gets up and holds out a hand to me. "Truce. — Melina Marchetta

God gave you that gifted tongue of yours, and set it between your teeth, to make known your true meaning to us, not to be rattled like a muffin man's bell. — Thomas Carlyle

I know I'm supposed to be the new Mistress of Revels! But that doesn't mean I have pockets full of muffins! — Lisa Mantchev

People get so in the habit of worry that if you save them from drowning and put them on a bank to dry in the sun with hot chocolate and muffins they wonder whether they are catching cold. — John Jay Chapman

Steve looked through the scope. The house was quiet now. Thin trickles of smoke leaked from the windows. As he watched, Mrs McGillicutty staggered outside. She was bloody and dazed, but very much alive. "Hey, there's the old lady! What's that she's holding?"
Carolyn took the scope and looked for herself, then handed it back. "Muffins. She's got muffins. — Scott Hawkins

Moonrise
settle back with muffins and tea
until the window empties — R. Willmott

That was women for you
always morphing. One minute they were helpless, needing shelter and English muffins, the next they were ruthlessly bending you to their will like you were a piece of sheet metal. — Marisha Pessl

They have been eating muffins. That looks like repentance — Oscar Wilde

I'm obsessed with muffins. — Phoebe Tonkin

I love to bake, so I made vanilla bean and blueberry muffins for sick hospital children. Just kidding! All of that is true except the sick children part. — Sloane Crosley

Sensing a favourable shift, Prim called for celebratory muffins and jam. Muffins and jam seemed to sooth everyone's temper, particularly the Alpha Vanara's whose delight in the jam was that of a child discovering blancmange for the first time. Rue could sympathise. She often felt that way about really good jam, not to mention blancmange. And this was, after all, gooseberry. — Gail Carriger

Ah'll clean 'em, you fry 'em and let's eat,' he said with the assurance of not being refused. They went out into the kitchen and fixed up the hot fish and corn muffins and ate. Then Tea Cake went to the piano without so much as asking and began playing blues and singing, and throwing grins over his shoulder. The sounds lulled Janie to soft slumber and she woke up with Tea Cake combing her hair and scratching the dandruff from her scalp. It made her more comfortable and drowsy. — Zora Neale Hurston

No I am not okay. I've just been pulled out of play tryouts where I had to be the first to audition and everyone's trying out for the same parts, I just had a very bizarre conversation with the school secretary, Megan may be throwing up her cucumber sandwiches, I've broken five of the seven deadly sins in as many hours, a demon may be inside a girl in my world religions class, Grant Brawner called me by name, my license photo looks like a dead fish, I have to drive my friends all over town in two hours when I've never even driven without Dad before, none of my birthday wishes have come true yet, and now you're here with muffins like I'm in second grade? So, no, I am not ok. — Wendy Mass

This house has enough nooks and crannies for English muffins. — Kathy Bryson

A week ago someone warned me not to buy the blueberry muffins at Eddie's, but I didn't listen and bought them anyway. Now at odd hours I get these insatiable cravings."
"They're laced with addictive substances. — Kasie West

I started keeping track of my pet peeves and so far have counted over 160 ... but to pick one: muffins. They're imposters. They think they're breakfast food, but really, they are just terrible cupcakes. — Aubrey Peeples

I eat breakfast pretty much 'round the clock - muffins in the morning, scones for lunch, cereal at night - which may be odd but is also oddly satisfying, if only because the choice is my own. — Caroline Knapp

What I feel we ought to do at this juncture is to dash off somewhere where it's quiet and there aren't so many housesdancing the 'Blue Danube' and shove some tea into ourselves. And over the pot and muffins I shall have something veryimportant to say to you. — P.G. Wodehouse

Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat. — David Sedaris

Red flag of the eating disorder: the muffin. Keep your eye on the ladies with the muffins ... and sometimes I'll just eat the muffin top. — Janeane Garofalo

This is an extra letter in the middle of the month because I'm rather lonely tonight. It's awfully stormy; the snow is beating against my tower. All the lights are out on the campus, but I drank black coffee and I can't go to sleep.
I had a supper party this evening consisting of Sallie and Julia and Leonora Fenton - and sardines and toasted muffins and salad and fudge and coffee. Julia said she'd had a good time, but Sallie stayed to help wash the dishes. — Jean Webster

I'm going out for muffins." "Give me five minutes to get my shoes on." "I don't have five minutes," I said. "I have things to do. I've got the panic button. I'll be fine. I'll bring a muffin back for you. What do you want, zucchini, no fat, no sugar, extra bran?" I turned to go and Ranger scooped me up and carried me into the bedroom and tossed me onto the bed. "Five minutes," he said, lacing his shoes. I lay there spread-eagle, waiting for him. "Very macho," I said. He grabbed my hand and yanked me to my feet. "Sometimes you try my patience. — Janet Evanovich

The human mind is itself a miraculous machine. I am writing right now, but I have no idea how this is happening. I know that my brain is composed of a cerebrum, a cerebellum, and a medulla oblongata, but these are just words. I know that electrical impulses are involved somehow, but that is about the extent of my understanding of the mechanics. And while I at least have an intuition as to how an airplane works, I really have none with respect to my brain. Frankly, lots of what appears on my computer screen is as much a surprise to me as it is to you. I certainly never expected over my oatmeal and English muffin this morning to be writing about Bernoulli's principle today. For that matter, I have no idea why I like English muffins. But I do. — Evan Mandery

Lady Tina DeSilva. The president of the Ryan Foxheart Fan Club Castle Lockes Chapter. And my most mortal of enemies. "Oh look, everyone. Mervin has arrived and he brought the muffins. If past experiences have any prescience as to what we can expect, then they're sure to be as dry as his conversational skills." She was also sixteen years old. And evil. — T.J. Klune

How you can sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can't make out. You seem to me to be perfectly heartless."
"Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them."
"I say it's perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances. — Oscar Wilde

Way back when I was a junior pastry chef, I'd bake loads of muffins every morning, as many as 120 or so, while operating on autopilot. — Yotam Ottolenghi

You know, you say 'not exactly' a lot. You're not exactly a vampire. You're not exactly from Scotland, and you're allergic to daylight. What else? (Sunshine)
I hate bran muffins and grass. (Talon) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Usually, old ladies tell me to find Jesus. Look, I'm just trying to find some chai and a good vegan muffin. — Davey Havok

That's why the bran muffins and the colonoscopies. — Chuck Palahniuk

By the way, I may have misled you by using the word 'tea'. None of your wafer slices of bread-and-butter. We're good trencher-men, we of the Revolution. What we shall require will be something on the order of scrambled eggs, muffins, jam, ham, cake and sardines. Expect us at five sharp."
"But, I say, I'm not quite sure - "
"Yes, you are. Silly ass, don't you see that this is going to do you a bit of good when the Revolution breaks loose? When you see old Rowbotham sprinting up Piccadilly with a dripping knife in each hand, you'll be jolly thankful to be able to remind him that he once ate your tea and shrimps. — P.G. Wodehouse

Good heavens, I suppose a man may eat his own muffins in his own garden."
"But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to eat muffins!"
"I said it was perfectly heartless of YOU under the circumstances. That is a very different thing."
"That may be, but the muffins are the same! — Oscar Wilde

Israel was thinking of warm beer, and muffins, and Wensleydale cheese, and Wallace and Gromit, and the music of Elgar, and the Clash, and the Beatles, and Jarvis Cocker, and the white cliffs of Dover, and Big Bend, and the West End, and Stonehenge, and Alton Towers, and the Last Night of the Proms, and Glastonbury, and William Hogarth, and William Blake, and Just William, and Winston Churchill, and the North Circular Road, and Grodzinski's for coffee, and rubbish, and potholes, and a slice of Stilton and a pickled onion, and George Orwell. And Gloria, of course. He was almost home to Gloria. G-L-O-R-I-A. — Ian Sansom

Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. — Oscar Wilde

There are forces working in the world as never before in the history of mankind for standardization, for the regimentation of us all, or what I like to call making muffins of us, muffins all like every other muffin in the muffin tin. This is the limited universe, the drying dissipating universe that we can help our children to avoid by providing them with 'explosive material capable of stirring up fresh life endlessly'. — Madeleine L'Engle

On Christmas morning, we always make breakfast, and everyone eats before we open any presents. I make muffins and homemade applesauce, which I don't think anyone likes as much as I do ... I just love the way it makes the house smell! — Laura Leighton

I vaguely remember having a waist," Lark said, waddling into the room. "I could see my feet too. They weren't great feet, but I liked looking at them."
"You'll see them soon then you won't appreciate it. All the stuff that bothers you now will become a faint memory once you have the babies."
"How do you know?" she said, teasing me. "You read that in a book? I get enough know-it-all crap from Raven who watched a TV show and is therefore an expert."
I brought her a glass of low fat milk and English muffins with low fat cream. Lark frowned at the food then smiled up at me. "If I sound bitchy, blame the hormones. You didn't know me before I was preggers, but I was a saint."
Grinning, I handed her the remote and placed a pillow under her feet. — Bijou Hunter

I would love to pretend I don't diet, but I work very hard. I stay active and eat very healthy. Anybody who says otherwise is either unhealthy or lying! I will admit that I'm addicted to sugar - licorice, Jujubees and jelly candies. And I actually love bran muffins! — Evangeline Lilly

Muffins should always be eaten quite calmly, as it is the only way to eat them! — Oscar Wilde

Cat can have kittens in the oven, girl, but that won't ever make em muffins. — Stephen King

The only purpose of starting is to finish, and while the projects we do are never really finished, they must ship. Shipping means hitting the publish button on your blog, showing a presentation to the sales team, answering the phone, selling the muffins, sending out your references. Shipping is the collision between your work and the outside world. — Seth Godin

Miss Wyndham, welcome. Shall I send for your luggage?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you, Tuffins. How have you been? I hope I haven't come at a bad time."

"There is never a bad time for your visits," he replied. As welcoming as I remember. I suspected his fondness for me stemmed from the fact that I was one of the few people who never made a request for "muffins" and snickered at the horrendous rhyme. — Tarun Shanker

When I came to America, I was really into all the things people eat here ... People called me Muffin because I would eat muffins all the time. — Heidi Klum

I wonder the food didn't turn to ashes in our mouths! Eggs! Muffins! Sardines! All wrung from the bleeding lips of the starving poor!"
"Oh, I say! What a beastly idea!" ...
Jeeves came in to clear away, and found me sitting among the ruins. It was all very well for Comrade Butt to knock the food, but he had pretty well finished the ham; and if you had shoved the remainder of the jam into the bleeding lips of the starving poor it would hardly have made them sticky. — P.G. Wodehouse

Does it matter?
losing your legs? ...
For people will always be kind,
And you need not show that you mind
When the others come in after football
To gobble their muffins and eggs.
Does it matter?
losing your sight? ...
There's such splendid work for the blind;
And people will always be kind,
As you sit on the terrace remembering
And turning your face to the light.
Do they matter?
those dreams from the pit? ...
You can drink and forget and be glad,
And people won't say that you're mad;
For they'll know that you've fought for your country,
And no one will worry a bit. — Siegfried Sassoon

I love to bake! I have a huge sweet tooth, and I love to make things like zucchini muffins, you know, anything decadent like that. And I stand by the claim that chocolate can be good for you! I love having a good piece of dark chocolate, one that's 70 percent or more cacao. — Lauren Bowles

Loaves of fig and pepper bread, of course. But there was also lasagna cooked in miniature pumpkins, and pumpkin-seed brittle. Roasted red pepper soup, and spiced caramel potato cakes. Corn muffins and brown sugar popcorn balls and a dozen cupcakes, each with a different frosting, because what was first frost without frosting? Pear beer and clove ginger ale in dark bottles sat in the icy beverage tub. They ate well into the afternoon, and the more they ate, the more food there seemed to be. Pretzel buns and cranberry cheese and walnuts appearing, just when they thought they'd tasted everything. — Sarah Addison Allen

Imagine, if you can, what the rest of the evening was like. How they crouched by the fire which blazed and leaped and made much of itself in the little grate. How they removed the covers of the dishes, and found rich, hot savory soup, which was a meal in itself, and sandwiches and toast and muffins enough for both of them. — Frances Hodgson Burnett

Maybe you can bring that up at the next fan club meeting too."
"Hey! I don't even know what you're talking about, okay? I hear things when I'm on my travels. I don't even care about stuff like that." I cared so hard. I had actually gone three times to the fan club meeting. They knew me as Mervin. I had a backstory and everything. It was my turn to bring muffins next time. I was considering poppy seed. Or cranberry. Fun. — T.J. Klune

Marry Ann; and at the end of a week you'll find no more inspiration in her than in a plate of muffins. — George Bernard Shaw

It was time for me to go that Thursday night. We'd just watched Citizen Kane--a throwback to my Cinema 190 class at USC--and it was late. And though a soft, cozy bed in one of the guest rooms sounded much more appealing than driving all the way home, I'd never really wanted to get into the habit of sleeping over at Marlboro Man's house. It was the Pretend-I'm-a-Proper-Country-Club-Girl in me, mixed with a healthy dose of fear that Marlboro Man's mother or grandmother would drop by early in the morning to bring Marlboro Man some warm muffins or some such thing and see my car parked in the driveway. Or even worse, come inside the house, and then I'd have to wrestle with whether or not to volunteer that "I slept in a guest room! I slept in a guest room!", which only would have made me look more guilty. Who needs that? I'd told myself, and vowed never to put myself in that predicament. — Ree Drummond

I stacked my plate with two blueberry muffins, three scoops of scrambled eggs, a half a pound of bacon, grits, sausage gravy, two waffles with a pint of syrup - and a side dish of fruit, because I like to eat healthy. — Marshall Thornton

I ain't gonna pay no dollar for a corn muffin that's half dough. — Kevin Kling

So, what's up with you two? You're really flight attendants?"
Marna's eyes danced. "I prefer sky muffins." She giggled. — Wendy Higgins

How big are muffins going to get before we all join hands across America? Have you seen them? They're huge. "Yeah, I'll take a coffee and... Oh, my God! Yeah, I'll have the beanbag chair with raisins. — Kevin James

He Liked Pizzas, she Burger.
He Liked Italian, she Continental.
He Liked muffins, she puffs.
Poles apart they had no chance,
but cheese kept them together. — Nishant Kumar

I believe the world to be a muffin pan, and there certainly are a lot of muffins here. — Aaron Funk

Dr. Kellet himself wore a three-piece Harris tweed suit strung with a large gold fob watch. He smelled of cloves and pipe tobacco and had a twinkly look about him as if he were going to toast muffins or read a particularly good story to her, but instead he beamed at Ursula and said, "So, I hear you tried to kill your maid?" (Oh, that's why I'm here, Ursula thought.) — Kate Atkinson

Blueberry Muffins — America's Test Kitchen

They caught up with each other's news casually, leaving long, cosy gaps of silence in which to go to work on their muffins and coffees. Jerome - after two months of having to be witty and brilliant in a strange town among strangers - appreciated the gift of it. People talk about the happy quiet that can exist between two lovers, but this too was great; sitting between his sister and his brother, saying nothing, eating. ~ on the comforts of home. — Zadie Smith

If you're going to ask me if the muffins are low fat, you should know I'm running out of places to hide all the dead bodies. — Jill Shalvis

One day Turtle had savaged an innocent bowl of batter into something that almost (but not quite) resembled muffins. Her mother, who had a great deal to bear on other fronts which do not enter the scope of this story, except to say that Turtle had three older brothers, each more reprehensible than the last, opened the back door and told Turtle to take herself and her regrettable muffins to her grandmother, and if she had to stay the night, so much the better, as there was going to be a great deal of screaming presently, and Turtle was a bit young to be hearing all the words that Turtle's mother planned to be using. — T. Kingfisher

I found myself face to face with a long line of people resembling extras off the set of Night of the Living Dead: shuffling along, pale and twitching, empty cups in hand
murderous. Miserable. No matter that the air was rich with vapors of fresh-ground beans and warm muffins; no matter that the soft piped-in Vivaldi poured over us like steamed milk. These angry zombies were rushing to work, and their eyes flashed fair warning: Don't mess with us. We haven't had our coffee. — Joan Frank

This is about as far as I can go without some sarcasm creeping in. But before it does, I must say, with utmost sincerity, that your cookies are good enough to bring some of these wax statues back to life. Thanks for that. I once made corn muffins for a fourth-grade project on Williamsburg and they came out like baseballs. So I'm not sure how to reciprocate ... but, believe me, I shall. — Rachel Cohn

I'm all over the place with muffins. Carrots are great. Banana, chocolate chip, they rock, too. — Shawn Mendes

English muffins with avocado is one of my favorite breakfasts. — Mia Hamm

After the woman left, I set my coffee down and opened the bag. Two muffins-double-chocolate and
blueberry bran.
I texted Adam a thank-you. I'd just started eating the chocolate muffin when he texted backPut that one
down and eat the bran. It's better foryou. — Kelley Armstrong