Motherhood Humor Quotes & Sayings

For me, adoption was grief in reverse. — Jody Cantrell Dyer

There is the sheer emotional, intellectual, physical, chemical pleasure of your children. The honest truth is that the world holds no greater gratification than lying in bed with your children, putting your leg on top of them in a semi-crushing manner, while saying sternly, You are a poo. — Caitlin Moran

Toys have taken over my family room. I watch Mary Poppins, and no matter how many spoonfuls of sugar I eat, action figures won't march into a bin with the snap of my fingers. — Barbara Brooke

I would be the first to admit that my maternal instincts are not well developed
though in defense I must add that the raising of Ramses would have discouraged any woman. — Elizabeth Peters

I suffer from CLAUSTROPHOBIA, a fear of closed spaces.For example, I'm petrified that the WINE store will be closed before I have time to get there!!! — Tanya Masse

One very important key to maintaining our daily sanity is a simple scheduling tactic I call Putting Things the Hell Off. — Ian Frazier

Motherhood is a constant battle of wanting to go to bed early so you can catch up on sleep and wanting to stay awake so you can enjoy some peace and sanity! — Tanya Masse

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. — Dorothy Parker

The physical relief of having fully drained boobs cannot be overstated. — Cassi Clark

Half the time your kids end up hating you for at least 5 of their teenage years[.] And don't ever expect anything so mundane as a thank you — Donna Ball

Heaven is the feeling of hand warmers on sore nipples. — Cassi Clark

It's tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to! — Tanya Masse

In case you haven't heard, let me tell you now, babies do not come out knowing how to breastfeed. — Cassi Clark

Having a kid is like an industrial revolution of the emotions. Suddenly you can mass produce worry, and guilt. — S.K. Tremayne

Maggie had learned a long time ago that each day with a child was filled with two kinds of battles: those that won the war, and those that did not. — Sydney Strand

Looking with his eyes? Seriously? What else would he look around with?"

Trish nonchalantly uses her middle finger to scratch her temple. "Toddlers learn by making connections between the body part and the action."

Vince blinks. "Oh, so talking to a kid like that's normal?"

"Someday I hope to have a conversation where I don't sound like a character from Star Wars."

"I can see how you'd look forward to that. — Jess Molly Brown

Though breastfeeding is supposed to the most natural thing ever, it seems like a rich-people sport for all the stuff we buy to help. — Cassi Clark

She's wonderful and soulful. She has a sly sense of humor. I've seen her deliver a funnier joke with a single silent raise of her eyebrow than many stand up comedians. She guards a very sensitive heart. Any human suffering brings her to tears. She's smart. Talk down to her and find yourself mentally slapped. She's an excellent judge of character, and seems to know an original spirit from a forgery every time. Cross boundaries with her...in any improper way and suffer the wrath of a lion. ... She's principled and firm. Rude behavior doesn't materialize in her presence. She's a grown-up who fully sees and knows children as citizens, and people, and souls. And because she respects children, all children seem to respect her. — Shonda Rhimes

I think I would scream too if someone violently jammed a big ass breast in my mouth. — Cassi Clark

H.L. Mencken once said that Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be having a good time. As she looked down at her dead child, Mary Beth realized that the unbearable sense of loss she felt was tempered by gratitude and a kind of relief. There would be no more boyfriends now, no more weekend parties. Ruby would remain pure forever, and for that her mother was deeply grateful. Catholicism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be having a good time ... with your daughter. — Anna Quindlen

Even AWESOME MOMS use the F-BOMB! — Tanya Masse

It was deflating to realize how much my own family's quality of life might improve if I replaced myself with a Fundamentalist stay-at-home daughter. — Quinn Cummings

I can absolutely assure you that birth is nothing like holding an ice cube in your hand for a minute and breathing through the "pain. — Cassi Clark

Real motherhood is different. It's better and it's messier and it's more complicated. It will break your heart and make you laugh harder than you ever imagined. You find yourself alternating between feeling like your friends talked you into some sort of pyramid scheme so you could share in their misery and thinking this is the most fulfilling thing you've ever done in your life. — Melanie Shankle

Go hug a nursing mom -- but not too hard. Her boobs may hurt. — Cassi Clark

Sometimes being a MOM is like a good
ol' country song! You lose your sleep, you lose your hair, you lose your patience, you lose your energy, you lose your memory AND you lose your SANITY! But you DO IT all for LOVE! — Tanya Masse

My rugrats give me gifts that say "#1 Mom" on them and I'm like, bwhahahahaha, joke's on you, I'm more like the #1,297,279 Mom. But they truly think I'm the best mom on earth. And that's all that matters. — Karen Alpert

Poor woman! She probably thought change of air might agree with many of her children. — Jane Austen

MOMB - noun - One who can deal with all of the INSANITY of being a MOM ... Because she's the BOMB! — Tanya Masse

WINE. Because...KIDS! — Tanya Masse

Mama Ginger came calling, to set the alarm on my biological clock. Oh, and to remind me that there's no point to me being a woman if I never have children."
"Well, if that's true, I wasted a hell of a lot of money on panty hose and lipstick." Jettie snorted. — Molly Harper

If we wear our nursing covers backwards like capes, then everyone can see we're breastfeeding superheroes. — Cassi Clark

I sighed and deleted the message, imagining the dirty clothes multiplying like rabbits, because that's what they do when I'm not around. — Alex Owens

Successful breastfeeding take courage, resilience, patience, and support and it always has. If your partner or support group hasn't piled on the accolades for your heroism, then let them know you will expect oohs and has when you make it through the first two to three months (no matter how you got there) and your baby is happy and healthy -- because you are awesome! — Cassi Clark

You know you're a mom when you open the door to the dishwasher mid-cycle and think, 'This is the closest I'm going to get to a spa treatment till next Mother's Day.'"

"Joining the words 'Lose Weight, Effortlessly!' in the same sentence may be a form of hate speech."

"Try to make time for the things that are important, not just the things that are urgent."

"I want my work to matter, my words to count for the good, and to spread some good cheer along the way. — Judy Gruen

If nursing were easy, there wouldn't be so many helpful products. — Cassi Clark

I am often slow in catching up to the times, but even so, I still cannot even grip this idea: With nothing more than pitocin in your IV drip, you can sooner control the date and time of the birth of a human being
the gushing entry into the great blue world of a whole new person
than you can the scheduling of a few line cooks in your operation. — Gabrielle Hamilton

These days, "getting lucky" means drinking an entire cup of COFFEE while it's still HOT! — Tanya Masse

On a good day, my style is librarian chic. On a bad day, it's frumpy mother. — Cassandra Page

It had been six weeks since I brought my second child, my daughter, kicking and screaming into the world. Six weeks, that magic number men everywhere look forward to and women dread. — Julia Arnold