Mortician Jokes Quotes & Sayings

Go to Fox News for conservative, maybe go to msnbc for liberal, and be right here on CNN for the God's honest truth. — Anthony Weiner

No such thing as time travel, he'd rumbled patiently, once. Only live with what you've done, and try in the future to do what you're happy to live with. — Richard K. Morgan

I know it's a cliche but I never wanted to be famous. I don't believe anybody wants to be famous. — Jeremy Renner

...the whole configuration of human development needs to be reconceptualized. A lifetime ought not to be thought of in linear manner, an ascending upward gradient, or a kind of bell-shaped curve in which persons develop from one stage of helplessness as an infant through a lifetime to a final stage of helplessness in old age... In...God resides the ultimate coherence from whom each passion for understanding, each new insight, new stage, new vision of the universe, derives its ultimate intelligibility and toward which all such phenomena point. — James E. Loder

You knocked the door down." Disbelief rang in his matter-of-fact tone.
"I know," she answered,unable to say anything else. Unable to look away from his body.
"But it's solid oak."
"I know." She felt the solid oak beneath her and a little shocked that she'd done it, too. If it mattered at all, her shoulder felt a little bruised. And it was the slight pain that brought some reality back into the moment.
"You don't have any clothes on." Oh, God, did she really say that? — C.C. Hunter

Time and time again people showed better qualities than we might dare to hope for, sometimes against all expectation. — Alexander McCall Smith

It is ... marvellous ... to have a period of apparent fanaticism. No obstacle can discourage you. The single vision of your quest obscures defeat and lifts you over mountainous difficulties. — Margaret Sanger

It's not too late," he says. "Zahra, I - "
"Sh." I lay a finger across his lips. "Don't say it. You will marry Caspida, and you will learn to love each other. You will live a happy life, long after my lamp has passed to new hands."
"I won't make my third wish," he says. "That's the answer! If I don't make the wish, you can stay here in the palace for as long as you want. You'll never have to go back to your lamp. We can fight off anyone who tries to take you from me. — Jessica Khoury

Three powerful d's of life; Dream. Desire. Dare. — Lailah Gifty Akita

I love deadlines," he has said. "I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. — Douglas Adams

The worst vice of the fanatic is his sincerity. — Oscar Wilde

I could spend thousands now on the highest end hi-fi in the world and know that, for all the wattage and purity of signal, the music would never quite touch me again as it did then from that primitive monaural system. But nor could anything quite touch me now as it did then. — Stephen Fry

Because God is trustworthy, you need not let worry steal your joy for one more day. With God as your leader, even when confusion is at its peak, there can always be a certainty in your uncertainty. To be certain of God's character and His goodness to us means that we can look uncertainty in the eye and even flourish in it. Worry can be transformed into excited anticipation of what is to come." (Life Hacks, p.35) — Jon Morrison

The red carpet stuff is brilliant because it's so fun. In terms of exposure, I think it's something that you can never get used to because you don't know what you're being exposed to at all times. You just don't know what to expect. — George Sampson