Morning Jokes Quotes & Sayings

The daily work you put into rearing your children is a kind of intimacy, tedious and invisible as mothering itself. There is another kind of intimacy in the conversations you may have with your children as they grow older, in which you confess to failings, reveal anxieties, share your bouts of creative struggle, regret, frustration. There is intimacy in your quarrels, your negotiations and running jokes. But above all, there is intimacy in your contact with their bodies, with their shit and piss, sweat and vomit, with their stubbled kneecaps and dimpled knuckles, with the rips in their underpants as you fold them, with their hair against your lips as you kiss the tops of their heads, with the bones of their shoulders and with the horror of their breath in the morning as they pursue the ancient art of forgetting to brush. Lucky me that I should be permitted the luxury of choosing to find the intimacy inherent in this work that is thrust upon so many women. Lucky me. — Michael Chabon

Nothing us normal. — Ned Vizzini

If you'd asked me then if I saw how big 'The Steve Harvey Morning Show' was going to be, I couldn't tell you. But I knew I could reach people not as a character but as Steve Harvey, because although I tell jokes for a living, I've also lived, and I think I can relate to you more than you know. — Steve Harvey

So they were pen pals now, Emma composing long, intense letters crammed with jokes and underlining, forced banter and barely concealed longing; two-thousand-word acts of love on air-mail paper. Letters, like compilation tapes, were really vehicles for unexpressed emotions and she was clearly putting far too much time and energy into them. In return, Dexter sent her postcards with insufficient postage: 'Amsterdam is MAD', 'Barcelona INSANE', 'Dublin ROCKS. Sick as DOG this morning.' As a travel writer, he was no Bruce Chatwin, but still she would slip the postcards in the pocket of a heavy coat on long soulful walks on Ilkley Moor, searching for some hidden meaning in 'VENICE COMPLETELY FLOODED!!!! — David Nicholls

Depend upon it, it is God's Word, not our comment upon God's Word, that saves souls. — Robert Murray M'Cheyne

The Luidaeg is the daughter of Oberon and Maeve, which technically makes her my aunt. Maybe that's why she hasn't killed me yet, although it's just as likely to be the fact that I amuse her. May says we're reenacting the Princess Bride, one "I'll most likely kill you in the morning" at a time. — Seanan McGuire

We cannot have peace if we are only concerned with peace. War is not an accident. It is the logical outcome of a certain way of life. If we want to attack war, we have to attack that way of life. — A.J. Muste

I do not look at myself every morning and think: 'Oh, my gosh, I am so perfect, so beautiful, so talented.' No, I like to make fun of myself. — Marion Bartoli

A humorist tells himself every morning, "I hope it's going to be a rough day." When things are going well, it's much harder to make the right jokes. — Alan Coren

When you grow up in a place (whether as a child or an adult) you squeeze everything out of it. You need so much when you're young. — Vestal McIntyre

One eye open, one still in a dream. — Markus Zusak

And I vowed that were it ever within my power, I would see to it that he had his voyage. — C.W. Gortner

I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I can, then I put them away for a month. So I couldn't even tell you what they are, or if they're good. I just assume they weren't. — Anthony Jeselnik

Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day. — Seth MacFarlane

I would like, with the sun shining through the window on a crisp early-autumnal mid-morning, with a sufficiency of Monster Cappucino flowing in my veins to prompt minimal sentience, to declare my view for the record that Drummer Jokes are a cruel and pernicious form of humour introduced to the world by under-humoured persons lacking in sensitivity and concern for other drummers. — Robert Fripp

Worse than jokes in the morning did she hate the idea of a husband. — Elizabeth Von Arnim

Say,' I said. "What brings you out here at this hour of the morning, for a thing like this?"

'The bus,' he said. — Hunter S. Thompson

The designers usually don't like to say until we're on the runway. Like when I did Prada last year, I couldn't mention doing Prada or even Tweet or take a picture and put it on Twitter saying I was backstage at the Prada show. And Dolce was the same thing. They like to keep a little surprise, I guess, a little secret for everybody. — Alessandra Ambrosio

The whole idea is to get an edge. Sometimes it takes just a little extra something to get that edge, but you have to have it. — Don Shula

Painting is as close as a person can get to actually capturing the heat of the moment. — Sylvester Stallone

You're nervous because you're afraid of the outcome. Accept the worst outcome ... You'll be free & fight like you're able to. — Randy Couture

You know, I always was an early morning or late night writer. Early morning was my favorite; late night was because you had a deadline. And at four in the morning you make up some of your most absurd jokes. — Joss Whedon

For all his dour black and stern expressions, all the whispered rumors of trick swords and cold brutality, he did not appear worthy of genuine fear. He appeared bored with life. Bored and in need of a nap. — Renee Ahdieh

He waited until they were driving to work before he mentioned the morning field trip. "Why do a field trip?" Meg asked. "Because someone untied its shoes?" Meg frowned. "That makes no sense." "It makes as much sense as most human jokes." "That's true." Simon — Anne Bishop