Monkey Quotes & Sayings

But why bother trying to turn a monkey into a goat? — Lisa See

Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey that does your evil bidding. Pullman is a genius just for this. — Maureen Johnson

I swear by that old expression, 'One monkey don't stop no show!' The reality is, we still have some good men out there, and we should hail those men as the kings they are. — Angie Stone

When I was eight, I bought my first puppet. It was a monkey, and I paid five cents for it. I collected some scrap wood and built myself a puppet theatre. I made 32 cents with my first show, which I thought was pretty good, and that's when I knew I would be a puppeteer when I grew up. — Caroll Spinney

I wrote the very first stories in science fiction which dealt with homosexuality, The World Well Lost and Affair With a Green Monkey. — Theodore Sturgeon

Well, robots are, of course, the monkey's natural enemy. — Brian K. Vaughan

There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.
[Kung Fu Monkey
Ephemera, blog post, March 19, 2009] — John Rogers

When I was little, my Aunt Bigeois told me "If you look at yourself too long in the mirror, you'll see a monkey." I must have looked at myself even longer than that: what I see is well below the monkey, on the fringe of the vegetable world, at the level of jellyfish... The eyes especially are horrible seen so close. They are glassy, soft, blind, red-rimmed, they look like fish scales... A silky white down covers the great slopes of the cheeks, two hairs protrude from the nostrils: it is a geological embossed map. And, in spite of everything, this lunar world is familiar to me. I cannot say I recognize the details. But the whole thing gives me an impression of something seen before which stupefies me. — Jean-Paul Sartre

I jumped out of the way and Monique skidded across the floor like a drunk monkey on a skateboard and landed face-first in the puke. I hoped that popping sound was just the button on her halter top and not an imploded implant. That was a mess I wasn't about to clean up. — Barbra Annino

In all honesty, if somebody asked me the secret of auditioning for Americans, I don't know. Often, I do what's called self-taping for America. I go over there quite a lot to sit in a room and do stuff in front of people. You feel like a performing monkey. It's bizarre. — David Wenham

You can't teach a monkey to speak and you can't teach an Arab to be democratic, — Moshe Feiglin

Patty Flood and her good mood were starting to get on my nerves. Her mood was so good it was almost a physical thing, a monkey on a leash that she let leap all over the furniture, delighting only its owner. — Elizabeth McCracken

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. — Winston S. Churchill

Monkey People? They — Rudyard Kipling

Now you're asking me to explain microwaves to a monkey. — James S.A. Corey

Many centuries ago, Oriental thinkers recognized that the mind is a constant mover and that it is next to impossible to stop it altogether. But one can learn to manage it by skillful use of the handle of control. They compared the mind to a jumping monkey. To intensify the image, they added that the monkey was maddened; then someone got him drunk; and finally, a scorpion bit him. — Ervin Seale

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey. — Mark Twain

Surely," he said, "you don't doubt Samuel Rain's genius. Are you a monkey? — Nalini Singh

To put it crudely but graphically, the monkey who did not have a realistic perception of the tree branch he jumped for was soon a dead monkey-and therefore did not become one of our ancestors. — George Gaylord Simpson

I haven't seen a half-monkey, half person yet. — Glenn Beck

As a child I was the best tree climber in our neighbourhood, I was like a little monkey. I've never been afraid of hurting myself or a little physical discomfort. — Rachel Weisz

A friend of mine, Warren Lemming, has this theory: if you're famous, it's as if you've got a golden monkey on your shoulder. When people come up to talk to you, they just see the monkey. — Heathcote Williams

I find, however, it's a much more freeing way to live. It certainly beats walking around with the "Don't you know who I think I am?" voice in your head. I find that only leads me down dark monkey-mind paths and patterns of behavior that benefits no one. — Patrick Fabian

Picture this," said Magnus. "Me with a little monkey friend. I could teach him tricks. I could dress him in a cunning jacket. He could look just like me! But more monkey-shaped. — Cassandra Clare

I wish I could convey the perfection of a seal slipping into water or a spider monkey swinging from point to point or a lion merely turning its head. But language founders in such seas. Better to picture it in your head if you want to feel it ... I spent more hours than I can count a quiet witness to the highly mannered, manifold expressions of life that grace our planet. It is something so bright, loud, weird and delicate as to stupefy the senses. — Yann Martel

I happen to be a kind of monkey. I have a monkeylike curiosity that makes me want to feel, smell, and taste things which arouse my curiosity, then to take them apart. It was born in me. Not everybody is like that, but a scientific researchist should be. Any fool can show me an experiment is useless. I want a man who will try it and get something out of it. — Willis R. Whitney

It's true that my research expertise is in biology: for example, the Ebola virus, the Marburg virus, and monkey pox, and not bacteriology as in the case of the anthrax organism. It's also true that I have never, ever worked with anthrax in my life. It's a separate field from the research I was performing at Fort Detrick. — Steven Hatfill

Your monkey was looking under the stall doors in the ladies' room,' I told Diesel.
'That's my boy,' Diesel said. — Janet Evanovich

Based loosely on NASA monkey research, Soviet paranormal studies, chaos theory and the lost experimental writings of Thorstein Veblen, the Faking Smart! Six-Week Program is one of the most advanced six-week programs of its kind. — Martin Fossum

If I found myself alone on planet Earth, no other humans, I would have sex with a monkey in like two minutes. Two minutes. That's really not long enough to be sure you're alone on the Earth, even. That's like ... I walk outside, it's- there's not much traffic. "Oh, my God, it's just me! I'm gonna have sex with a monkey right now. Oh, no-there's a person." — Louis C.K.

The fountain of youth is like the monkey's paw in the W. W. Jacobs story. It never ends well. — Sarah Monette

Never believe that body is permanent. Body is like a water bubble. Mind is like a mad monkey. — Sathya Sai Baba

I got home from the FBi that day, put on my pajamas got a pint of Chunky Monkey, and watched 'The Notebook'. Five times. Everyone left me alone. I suspect they were a little afraid of me.
I went up to my room and listened to Taylor Swift's 'White Horse' on replay, knowing she was the only person in the world who could relate. — Annabel Monaghan

A cat's paw. It's an old fable. The monkey wanted some chestnuts that were roasting in the hot coals inside the fireplace. So he convinced the cat to get them out for him, promising to share them. The cat reached his paw in and scooped out the chestnuts one by one. And as each chestnut was removed, the monkey gobbled it up. The cat was left with nothing but a burnt paw. He was used by a cleverer creature at great expense to himself." "Now — Heather Blackwood

No way. I still get these horrible flashbacks of that night and wake up crying, terrified that some sexed-up howler monkey is going to attack me. — Kylie Scott

The power of kings is transitory, like everything else. Royal glory is difficult to climb, like a bamboo; it is hard to hold, being fidgety like a monkey on a treetop; it is balanced precariously, like drops of water on a lotus-leaf; it is changeable, like the path of the wind; it is undependable, like the friendship of a dishonest man; it is difficult to tame, like a serpent; it glistens only for a moment, like a cloud at sunset; it is fragile, like bubbles on the surface of a river; it is elusive, like the treasure attained in a dream. Remember all this, and enjoy your kingdom modestly. — V.S. Narvane

It is more comfortable to feel that we are a slight improvement on a monkey than such a fallin' off from the angels. — Finley Peter Dunne

I learned about stress management from my kids. Every night after work, I drink some chocolate milk, eat sugary cereal straight from the box, then run around the house in my underwear screaming like a monkey. — Randy Glasbergen

If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that's what I'd be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong. — Marlon Wayans

Anand, look at the back of my hands. No hair. The sign of an advanced race, boy. And look at yours. No hair either. But you never know. With some of your mother's bad blood flowing in your veins you could wake up one morning and find yourself hairy like a monkey — V.S. Naipaul

You're not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don't you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it? — David Letterman

It was hard enough to drive those heavy old cars back then under normal circumstances, but with a crazed monkey clawing you at the same time, it becomes nearly impossible! — Tim Flock

Monkeys"
"You can buy cooler, more humdrum pets
a monkey deprived of his mother in the cradle
feels the want of her affection so keenly
he either pines away or masters you
by literally hanging on your neck
no ounce of your patience or courage is misplaced;
the worst is his air of boredom and neglect,
manifested in tail-chewing and fur plucking.
The whole species is vulnerable to killing colds,
likes straw, hay or bits of a torn blanket,
a floortray thinly covered with sawdust,
they need trapezes, shelves, old rubber tires
any string or beam will do to set them swinging
these charming youngsters tend to sour with age — Robert Lowell

The heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, furry ass on my eyelids. — David Wong

And the monkey flips the switch. — Akiva Goldsman

Monkey. I went along for the ride because I'd got some very safe money on him not doing it, and didn't want him coming back with fake evidence. — Douglas Adams

A Complete List of Lily's Nicknames
Silly
Little
Lil
Monkey
Bunny
Bunny Rebbit
Mousse
Tiny Mouse
Goose
Silly Goose
Mongoose
Monster
Monster
Peanut
Penuche
Pinochle
Sweet Pea
Walnut
Walnut Brian
Copper Bottom
Crazy
Baby
Puppy
Guppy
Old Lady
Crank
Cranky
Cranky Pants
Squeaky
Squeaky Frome
Tiger
Dingbat
Mush
Mushy Face
Hipster
Slinkster
Slinky
Bean
Dog — Steven Rowley

Big fat hairy monkey, hands a couple of octaves wide? — Terry Pratchett

Take that absurd fool Elipas Levi who was supposed to be the Grand High Whatnot in Victorian times. Did you ever read his book, The Doctrine and Ritual of Magic? In his introduction he professes that he is going to tell you all about the game and that he's written a really practical book, by the aid of which anybody who likes can raise the devil, and perform all sorts of monkey tricks. He drools on for hundreds of pages about fiery swords and tetragrams and the terrible aqua poffana, but does he tell you anything? Not a blessed thing. Once it comes to a showdown he hedges like the crook he was and tells you that such mysteries are far too terrible and dangerous to be entrusted to the profane. Mysterious balderdash my friend. I'm going to have a good strong nightcap and go to bed. — Dennis Wheatley

Diesel rocked back on his heels and grinned at the monkey. "Carl?"
"Eep!" The monkey stood, squinted at Diesel, and gave him the finger.
"Looks like you know each other," I said.
"Our paths crossed in Trenton," Diesel said. "How did he get here?"
"Monkey Rescue," Glo told him. "He was abandoned."
"Figures," Diesel said.
The monkey gave him the finger again.
"Does he do that all the time?" I asked Diesel.
"Not all the time."
"I got him by mistake," Glo said. "And now we don't know what to do with him."
"You could turn him loose and let him go play in traffic." Diesel said.
- Lizzy, Shirley, Diesel, and Carl, pages 132-134. — Janet Evanovich

Sogeking... SHOOT THAT FLAG. — Eiichiro Oda

Instead of holding on to the Biblical view that we are made in the image of God, we come to realize that we are made in the image of the monkey. — Lin Yutang

Barry, you're over thirty years old. You owe it to your mum and dad not to sing in a group called Sonic Death Monkey. — Nick Hornby

Gape long enough into a looking glass and you'll eventually see beauty. The same can be said of self-analysis, and as soon as one apes oneself, a second monkey is born. — Anthony Marais

I'm just trying to imagine you in flannel pink sock monkey pajamas. I'm sure you look stunning in pink. (Damien)
Actually, with his skin tone he probably does look really good in it. I would definitely say he's an autumn. (Kish)
That's summer, you dweeb. (Damien)
I find it fascinating that you two women know that color palettes for clothes have a name. The fact you corrected him really scares me. (Sin) — Sherrilyn Kenyon

A past President, bullied and sandbagged by a monkey posing as a newscaster, finally lashed back ... The nation's marketplace of ideas is being poisoned by a propaganda company so blatant that Tokyo Rose would've quit ... As with all the other nefariousness and slime of this, our worst presidency since James Buchanan, he [President Bush] is having it done for him, by proxy. Thus, the sandbag effort by Fox News Friday afternoon. — Keith Olbermann

Whilst Man, however well-behaved,
At best is but a monkey shaved! — Charles Darwin

Ann Coulter to me is someone who says things that I say all the time, but I say them at three in the morning when I'm drunk as a monkey. She says them at three in the afternoon stone sober in bright daylight. — P. J. O'Rourke

it is a hard-hearted monkey indeed that remains unmoved during a good slathering of bacitracin, and — Hope Jahren

I do not stay to be nice. I stay because it is my duty - " "But, Mama can't find out, Muddy," Addy cautioned, interrupting him. "She'd have a heart attack." " - and because Adara has promised me hot monkey sex," Brand finished. — Lexi George

No one ever said that you would live to see the repercussions of everything you do, or that you have guarantees, or that you are not obliged to wander in the dark, or that everything will be proved to you and neatly verified like something in science. Nothing is: at least nothing that is worthwhile. I didn't bring you up only to move across sure ground. I didn't teach you to think that everything must be within our control or understanding. Did I? For, if I did, I was wrong. I fyou won't take a chance, then the powers you refuse because you cannot explain them, will, as they say, make a monkey out of you. — Mark Helprin

We humans are herd animals of the monkey tribe, not natural individuals as lions are. Our individuality is partial and restless; the stream of consciousness that we call 'I' is made of shifting elements that flow from our group and back to our group again. Always we seek to be ourselves and the herd together, not One against the herd. — Anna Louise Strong

They'd never get here in time. It's easy. A lobotomized monkey could do it." "And where are we going to find a lobotomized monkey at this time of night? — Jasper Fforde

If we do not accomplish it in time, what has begun with a monkey may not end with a monkey. Next even a swarm of mosquitoes may decide to challenge your authority. — R.K. Narayan

I'll buy Chiquita bananas with your smoking-fund money cos this monkey is our future. All hail the monkey! — Jonathan Dunne

And that is the real elephant in the room. The monkey in my wrench. The worm in my candy bar ... — J. Kenner

Somebody said my name, asked if I was okay. I didn't answer, the sound of the commotion dying around me as the heavy monkey of sleep rested its warm, hairy ass on my eyelids. — David Wong

At the turn of the century, parishioners attacked vaudeville as a sinful venture. Organized boycotts adversely affected ticket sales. Benjamin Franklin Keith's wife was deeply religious and prodded her husband to follow church directives. Comedian Fred Allen said, 'Mrs. Keith instigated the chaste policy, for she would tolerate no profanity, no suggestive allusions, double-entendres or off-color monkey business. — Kliph Nesteroff

Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings. — Dave Attell

If you have a tendency to find yourself in MacGyveresque situations, go ahead and choose a synthetic rope to craft with. I don't want you cursing my name as you hang from a cliff by your swiftly fraying Monkey's Fist necklace. — Maura Madden

Holy tit fungus! Did you give Sasquatch an autopsy in here? God almighty, girl." He waddled back into the hallway, this time holding his privates with both hands. "You balded the dick mitten. Nice. Let me see it."
He looked at her like she might drop trou simply because he suggested it.
"I would rather lick a monkey's armpit than show you my vagina." Dove gave him the finger.
"You know what I love best about a naked muff hole? It looks just like a camel's dangly lips." Duke extended his own lips to make them appear gummy and slack. — Debra Anastasia

How did he get here? What drew him back? Easy answer: the monkey bars. Not-so-easy answer ... What took him away in the first place? Gyroscopic deflections are only partly to blame. Who can stop a revolving planet? Who can predict where on the table a spinning quarter will fall flat? — Jay Nichols

Lady Middleton piqued herself upon the elegance and extravagance of her table, and all her domestic arrangements; she loved to surprise English visitors with displays of hospitality native to her homeland, such as flavouring her soups with monkey urine and not telling anyone she had done so until the bowl had been drained. — Ben H. Winters

This isn't a trunk monkey, is it." Nick
"No. It's not. It's a memento from your enemies." Caleb
"Yeah, well, at least it makes my heart surgery scar look cooler." Nick — Sherrilyn Kenyon

Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space. — Chuck Palahniuk

Visualize yourself confronted with the task of killing, one after the other, a cabbage, a fly, a fish, a lizard, a guinea pig, a cat, a dog, a monkey and a baby chimpanzee. In the unlikely case that you should experience no greater inhibitions in killing the chimpanzee than in destroying the cabbage or the fly, my advice to you is to commit suicide at your earliest possible convenience, because you are a weird monstrosity and a public danger. — Konrad Lorenz

every time a reader leaves a book review, a crippled monkey gets a free banana. I — Bobby Adair

Grandpa," I asked, "what good's it going to do us, knowing his name?" "It might do a lot of good," Grandpa said. "This trainer says that if you could make friends with that monkey he would probably do anything you wanted him to do." "Make friends with him!" I said. "Grandpa, I don't — Wilson Rawls

People moan about drugs being tested on animals. I sort of think it depends innit. If the drug's aspirin and the monkey's got a headache, is it right? — Karl Pilkington

This could be your big ticket," he said. "You know what happens to you at art school?"
I shook my head.
"All that good natural technique you have? All that detail? They'll beat it right out of you. They'll be so threatened by it, they'll make you start throwing paint at the canvas like a monkey. By the time you graduate, the only thing you'll be able to do is teach art to high school kids."
Okay, I thought. I'm glad he's excited for me.
"On the plus side, you'll probably get laid a lot."
I gave him a nod and a quick thumbs-up. He patted me on the shoulder and then left me alone. — Steve Hamilton

For a while, the world for me was like a set of monkey bars. I swung from one place to the next, sometimes backward, sometimes forward, capitalizing on my own momentum, knowing that at some point my arms ... would give out, and I'd fall to the ground. — Amanda Lindhout

It is the simple truth that man does differ from the brutes in kind and not in degree; and the proof of it is here; that it sounds like a truism to say that the most primitive man drew a picture of a monkey and that it sounds like a joke to say that the most intelligent monkey drew a picture of a man. Something of division and disproportion has appeared; and it is unique. Art is the signature of man. — G.K. Chesterton

It takes a long time before we really get to grips with this [Darwin's 'On the Origin of Species'] and begin to understand it, because not only does it seem incredible and thoroughly demeaning to us, but it's yet another shock to our system to discover that not only are we not the centre of the Universe and we're not made by anything, but we started out as some kind of slime and got to where we are via being a monkey. It just doesn't read well. — Douglas Adams

I hate my country. There are so many rich people who don't share their shit. They're like spoiled little ten-year-old bullies on the playground. They hog the monkey bars and the slide and the seesaw. And if you complain even a little bit, if you try to get just one spin on the merry-go-round, the bullies beat the shit out of you. — Sherman Alexie

He doesn't look very smart," Diesel said. "He's not even giving me the finger."
"Can monkey's do that?" Hal asked.
Carl gave him the finger.
"Cool!" Hal said. — Janet Evanovich

I find it easier to claim that I am friends with a monkey rather than with a man. — Shahla Khan

You can't train a monkey to show character in times of peril, to be selfless, to be kind when there's no percentage in it, or to exercise pride without haughtiness. — Michael Reisig

It's an absurd error to put modern English literature in the curriculum. You should read contemporary literature for pleasure or not at all. You shouldn't be taught to monkey with it. — Rebecca West

I know when people think of New York, they think of theater, restaurants, cultural landmarks and shopping," I told him. "But beyond the iconic skyline and the news from Wall Street, New York is a collection of villages. In our neighborhoods, we attend school, play Kick the Can, handball and ride our bikes. I grew up knowing the names and faces of the baker, the shoe repair family, the Knish man and the Good Humor man who sold me and the other kids in my neighborhood half a popsicle for a nickel. My father took me to the playground where he pushed me on the swing, helped balance me on the seesaw and watched as I hung upside down by my feet on the monkey bars. Yes," I told the interviewer, "people actually grow up in New York. — Gina Greenlee

Glancing back at me as I settled on the Harley, Cooper sighed. "My sister dresses like a slut, but most of the girls at school dress that way. They act like whores, but they're not. They just like dressing up and playing sexy. These guys are losers and they come here with these ideas about the country girls being easy. When they aren't easy, they make them easy. They look down at local girls and poor chicks like you. Now that they know where you work, they'll come hanging around to make you dance like a monkey. If that happens, you tell me and I'll hunt them down and make them dance. Do you understand? — Bijou Hunter

The mind is a monkey, hopping around from thought to thought, image to image. Rarely do more than a few seconds go by in which the mind can remain single-pointed, empty. — Dani Shapiro

I'll need you to get a leash for my monkey, Claude, and also a hat."
"Of course, monsieur"
"Do you think he needs a little coat as well?"
"Perhaps not in this weather, monsieur."
"You are right," Magnus said with a sight. "Make it a simple dressing gown, just like mine."
"Which one, monsieur?"
"The one in rose and silver."
"Excellent choice, monsieur. — Cassandra Clare

Today the earth speaks with resonance and clearness and every ear in every civilized country of the world is attuned to its wonderful message of the creative evolution of man, except the ear of William Jennings Bryan; he alone remains stone-deaf, he alone by his own resounding voice drowns the eternal speech of nature. — Henry Fairfield Osborn

What I love about the way they both [Paul Thomas Anderson and Joaquin Phoenix] work is that all of the monkey business is on film. There's no monkey business outside of the monkey business of making the movie. There's no ego bullshit, there's no wasted energy. It's all directed at the story and that's rare. — Katherine Waterston

No matter what else you came up against, if you could smile and laugh while a monkey did you with chestnuts in a dank concrete basement while somebody took pictures, well, any other situation would be a piece of cake — Chuck Palahniuk

What Waringa tried hard to avoid was looking at the pictures of the walls and windows of the church. Many of the pictures showed Jesus in the arms of the virgin Mary or on the cross. But others depicted the devil, with two cow-like horns and a tail like a monkey's, raising one leg in a dance of evil, while his angels, armed with burning pitchforks, turned over human beings on a bonfire. The Virgin Mary, Jesus and God's angels were white, like European, but the devil and his angels were black. — Ngugi Wa Thiong'o

I've said before, Harry, no need to hide your light," said Alice, squeezing his hand. She giggled, "Dance, monkey, dance. — Hanif Kureishi

all monkeys playing with a microwave. Push a button, a light comes on inside, so it's a light. Push a different button and stick your hand inside, it burns you, so it's a weapon. Learn to open and close the door, it's a place to hide things. Never grasping what it actually did, and maybe not even having the framework necessary to figure it out. No monkey ever reheated a frozen burrito. So — James S.A. Corey

I think the discomfort that some people feel in going to the monkey cages at the zoo is a warning sign. — Carl Sagan

I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey. — Robert Benchley