Midget Quotes & Sayings

Unrequited love," I'd say. He'd look at me sideways in that cunning way he did and say, "what about it?" and I'd reply, "it's not your color." Pithy. Just to show him that I'd noticed. Or maybe I'd show myself to her and say, "Guess I'm not the only one who uses humans around here." And then I'd summon some of Owain's hounds to chew off the bottom bits of her legs. Then she wouldn't fit just right into his arms. She'd be too short. It'd be like hugging a midget.
Nuala- pg. 75 — Maggie Stiefvater

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes. — Leslie Nielsen

Any time a little midget does something like this, you gotta give him a 10!. — Charles Barkley

I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower selling child who asked me for twopence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me."
"A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.
"Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel. — Cassandra Clare

Within five minutes of leaving the reunion, I'd undone the double wrapping and eaten all six rugelach, each a snail of sugar-dusted pastry dough, the cinnamon-lined chambers microscopically studded with midget raisins and chopped walnuts. By rapidly devouring mouthful after mouthful of these crumbs whose floury richness - blended of butter and sour cream and vanilla and cream cheese and egg yolk and sugar - I'd loved since childhood, perhaps I'd find vanishing from Nathan what, according to Proust, vanished from Marcel the instant he recognized "the savour of the little madeleine": the apprehensiveness of death. "A mere taste," Proust writes, and "the word 'death' ... [has] ... no meaning for him." So, greedily I ate, gluttonously, refusing to curtail for a moment this wolfish intake of saturated fat, but, in the end, having nothing like Marcel's luck. — Philip Roth

Don't you think baby corns are scary? There's just something wrong about their midget bodies. — P.C. Cast

That's bad luck: three on a midget. — Groucho Marx

DOWN THESE MEAN STREETS A MIDGET MUST GO! — Art Spiegelman

My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget. — E. J. Holub

Musk loves costume parties as well, and turned up at one dressed like a knight and using a parasol to duel a midget wearing a Darth Vader costume. — Ashlee Vance

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. — Mitch Hedberg

Germany is an economic giant but a political midget, and with the end of the Cold War she has started to muscle her presence throughout Europe and the world. — Christo

How can you have a rock n' roll circus without a midget? — Nikki Sixx

Well, and he supposed a duel with a drunken midget was as good a test as any. — Diana Gabaldon

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. — W.C. Fields

It's not my fault, that I'm flat chested and a midget! — Cassandra Clare

Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun. — Chelsea Handler

Alan Grant: "There are ... far too many words written. Millions and millions of them pouring from the presses every minute. It's a horrible thought."
The Midget (his nurse): "You sound constipated. — Josephine Tey

Watch out for the medallion, my diamonds are reckless,
Feels like a midget is hangin from my necklace! — Ludacris

Excuse me, Mr Tall-and-Good-looking Wolfman, but can you help the English midget reach the sauce?' I think not. — Joss Stirling

Kochu Maria, the vinegar-hearted, short-tempered, midget cook, were — Arundhati Roy

Haruka: I was waiting out front, but you never came. So I came looking for you. And sure enough you're in the midget's clutches!

Otani: This isn't a B-movie, it's a school where you aren't a student! — Aya Nakahara

There is no role I cannot play except a midget. — Theodore Bikel

They say the princess is a stunner," said Peashot. "They also say she's eighteen and twice as tall as you," Vayle replied. "I meant the younger one." "The younger one is a boy." "Oh. Well then I meant the older one. Five years is not so much, and anyway, I'll grow." "Yes, I'm sure she thinks daily of a delinquent midget apprentice growing up to claim her hand ahead of all the nobles and princes of the realm. What could any of them possibly give that you don't have, except titles, land, wealth and all that. You don't have any of those things lying around, do you?" "You're an idiot, Vayle. What does delinquent mean?" "It means you. If anybody asks you to describe yourself, that's the word you want." "Thanks. Idiot." "My pleasure. Allisian is pretty though, but I've heard that the prince chops off the heads of men who stare at his sister." Peashot snorted. — Jonathan Renshaw

I frowned. This from a man who just watched a midget riding a gimp? — Jaye Wells

You know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport. Yet by far the most troublesome. Does that seem right to you? — Jubal Early

Somehow, the notion that Professor Moriarty had parents - might have been a child - never sat right. A viper is a snake straight from the egg. I couldn't help but picture little Jamie as a balding midget in a sailor suit, spying Cook and the baker's boy rolling in the flour on the kitchen table through his toy telescope, and blackmailing them for extra buns. — Kim Newman

I was bullied a lot because I was a midget in this land of giants I lived in. Sometimes, my only weapon was whatever I could throw. I couldn't be held responsible. I didn't choose the short life; the short life chose me. — Nicole Banks

I've got two neptunes here," said Harry after a while, frowning down at his piece of parchment, "that can't be right, can it?"
"Aaaaah," said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney's mystical whisper, "when two neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry ... "
Seamus and Dean, who were working nearby, sniggered loudly, though not loud enough to mask the excited squeals from Lavender Brown- "Oh Professor, look! I think I might've gotten an unexpected planet! Oooh, which one's that, Professor?"
"It is Uranus, my dear," said Professor Trelawney, peering down at the chart.
"Can I get a look at Uranus too, Lavender?" said Ron. — J.K. Rowling

The one thing little people don't like is the 'M' word, 'midget.' — Martin Klebba

This particular event had been somewhat more raucous than usual as Derek Jameson had just lost an arm wrestle with Ann Diamond. The match was the second semi-final of the morning after Belinda Carlisle had been pipped at the post by Rusty Lee. Carlisle had caused some consternation after, upset at losing and forfeiting the chance to compete for the first prize of a quarter of midget gems, she had spat port in Lee's handbag. Carlisle had been asked to leave and, after a brief tussle, had been ejected from the building whilst screaming and spitting in Simon Parkin's face. — St John Morris

Expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise.
become a stranger
To need of pity
Or, if compassion be freely
Given out
Take only enough
Stop short of urge to plead
Then purge away the need.

Wish for nothing larger
Than your own small heart
Or greater than a star;
Tame wild disappointment
With caress unmoved and cold
Make of it a parka
For your soul.

Discover the reason why
So tiny human midget
Exists at all
So scared unwise
But expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise. — Alice Walker

Aaah ... when two Neptunes appear in the sky it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry ... — J.K. Rowling

Midget, midget, midget, how he struts and winks,
For he knows a man's as big as what he hopes and thinks! — Kurt Vonnegut

If you want to be called a dwarf you must be in immediate possession of a battle axe cause otherwise your just a midget with an attitude. — Ralphie May

They were "galvanized iron bake ovens," said Carl LaRue, commenting on Fordlandia's foibles years later. "It is incredible that anyone should build a house like that in the tropics." Another visitor described them as "midget hells, where one lies awake and sweats the first half of the night, and frequently between midnight and dawn undergoes a fierce siege of heat-provoking nightmares." They seemed to be "designed by Detroit architects who probably couldn't envision a land without snow."19 Ford managers, said the priest, "never really — Greg Grandin

According to Thomas, the city [of Bath] had once been a veritable hotbed of manifestations, with every sorcerer, bunyip, golem, goblin, pict, pixie, demon, thylacine, gorgon, moron, cult, scum, mummy, rummy, groke, sphinx, minx, muse, flagellant, diva, reaver, weaver, reaper, scabbarder, scabmettler, dwarf, midget, little person, leprechaun, marshwiggle, totem, soothsayer, truthsayer, hatter, hattifattener, imp, panwere, mothman, shaman, flukeman, warlock, morlock, poltergeist, zeitgeist, elemental, banshee, manshee, lycanthrope, lichenthrope, sprite, wight, aufwader, harpy, silkie, kelpie, klepto, specter, mutant, cyborg, balrog, troll, ogre, cat in shoes, dog in a hat, psychic and psychotic seemingly having decided that this was the hot spot to visit. — Daniel O'Malley

I found the word dwarf really offensive, but there was not one better synonym in the dictionary. Midget? Pygmy? Manikin? Homunculus? They all sounded worse to me, so I had to accept my fate. — Nick Nwaogu

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. — Patton Oswalt

I would pore for hours over the stalls of worn necklaces, sets of gilt spoons, sugar tongs in the shape of hen's feet or midget hands, clocks that didn't work, flowered china, spotty mirrors and ponderous furniture, the flotsam left by those receding centuries in which, more and more, I was living. — Margaret Atwood

Shoot eagles on the Jack Nicklaus course,
Porsche with the triple exhaust,
Seats soft like a midget's cough ... — Action Bronson

There's a Drunk Midget in My House
Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid! — Tina Fey

I'm a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun. — Bo Burnham

I was madder than a midget with a yo-yo — Larry The Cable Guy

I don't know why small chocolates are called fun-sized; I mean, if I called a midget fun-sized, they'd kick off. — Karl Pilkington

She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short. — Clive James

Is this the baby?" I said.
Ma turned on me again.
"What do you think it is?" she said. "A midget that can't talk? — George Saunders

I had dreams, and they were not about ending up a speck. I didn't dream of becoming a star, but I thought I might have a small nonspeaking role in a grand epic, an epic with a touch of artistic credentials. I didn't dream of becoming a giant - I wasn't that delusional or arrogant - but I wanted to be more than a speck, maybe a midget. — Rabih Alameddine

Despite his short stature, the midget was obviously someone not to be crossed. She — Martyn V. Halm

I felt puny and absurd, a ludicrous midget. Easy enough to talk of soul and spirit and essential worth, but not when you're three feet tall. — Richard Matheson

If you work hard, and become successful, it does not necessarily mean you are successful because you worked hard, just as if you are tall with long hair it doesn't mean that you would be a midget if you were bald. — Lemony Snicket

I'm not too heavy?" she asked. He had just come off crutches, after all.
Sophie, you're practically a midget," he reminded her. — Sarah Mayberry

Midget wrestling on channel 3, it costs me 50 bucks a month. — Al Yankovic

It's a sad day for American Capitalism when a man can't fly a midget on a kite over central park. — Jim Moran

One exhibition to which Tom Norman became particularly attached was his family of midgets. It consisted of two midgets, billed as man and wife and always brought into town in a specially constructed miniature coach drawn by ponies. In each town on the tour he made a point of closing the show down for a few days so as to allow the lady midget to 'give birth to her baby'. A new-born infant would then be hired to stand in for the hypothetical offspring, and even larger queues always gathered after such a 'happy event' to see the new arrival. The only problem was the difficulty he had in restraining the 'mother' from swearing volubly, smoking a pipe and drinking gin in front of the customers. The exhibition finally came to grief when the 'mother' ran away one night, objecting to being displayed as a woman any longer, both midgets being men. — Peter Ford

Let's go inside. I always find walking inside buildings has this bizarre effect on me. I immediately forget uncomfortable situations, like when tiny midget women straddle my best friend's boyfriend and face-rape him. — Frankie Rose

The worst thing about falling in love with her so early in life was that he'd been an absolute snot at fourteen, at once arrogant and self-pitying. Almost as bad was the fact that he'd been nearly half a foot shorter than she at their first meeting - she'd been five foot nine, and he barely five foot four. Though she was only a few weeks older than he was, she'd looked upon him as a child - while he broiled with the heat and anguish of first love.
When nothing else garnered him her attention, he turned horrid. She was disgusted by this midget who tried to trick her into broom closets to steal kisses, and he was at once miserable and thrilled. Disgust was better than indifference; anything was better than indifference. — Sherry Thomas

There are far too many people born into the world, and far too many words written. Millions and millions of them pouring from the presses every minute. It's a horrible thought." "You sound constipated," said The Midget. — Josephine Tey

I took the Nuban's bow. I didn't trust the midget to be able to run down any thieves, and besides, I might want to shoot a circus clown or two. Just for laughs. — Mark Lawrence

Ninety-five per cent of my language problems are the fault of that stupid little midget. — Gianfranco Zola

Many of us are confessional giants but ethical midgets. — Mark Buchanan

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From At The Circus — Groucho Marx

Blobfish, the guy who snapped a hamsters neck, myself, the homeless guy who has never thrown a punch (but has killed a fox) and Dickface, the man obsessed with trees and touching himself in public, follow an arrogant midget into the home of a pale creature I am certain will kill us all, to save the life of an ungrateful bastard parrot called Madness.
The temperature drops further.
A cold night for heroes. — Craig Stone

I assure you that the training that you get in a midget, in a sprint car and perhaps in a Silver Crown car is really the kind of experience that makes you into a damn good race driver. — Rodger Ward

I have finally taught Dean that he can do anything he wants, become mayor of Denver, marry a millionairess, or become the greatest poet since Rimbaud. But he keeps rushing out to see the midget auto races — Jack Kerouac

From what I've seen, a girl's got to behave like a mental midget before she'll get any action in this town. If resisting that makes me a freak, so be it. I may die with my hymen intact, but at least I'll have my dignity" ~ Confessions of a Triple Shot Betty — Jody Gehrman

What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight. — Dylan Moran

Yes, Hart, I went commando to a diplomatic function," Harry said, and then motioned to his body. "And now, as you can see, I'm going Spartan so a midget can whack me with a stick." He bent and picked up his Bongka. "Honestly, Hart. Help me out here. Focus a little. — John Scalzi

Right, because I'm flat-chested and a midget. — Cassandra Clare

If you want a midget to look like a baby, don't put a cigar in his mouth. — Chuck Jones

Call me a midget, but just be real. I am all for correct terms, but please don't tiptoe around feelings. Don't be too careful, because that shuts you off from people. — Peter Dinklage

The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science! — W.C. Fields

Nothing is working. Nothing in my life is working. Giants of literature, philosophy, and the arts have influenced my life, but what have I done with this life? I remain a speck in a tumultuous universe that has little concern for me. I am no more than dust, a mote - dust to dust. I am a blade of grass upon which the stormtrooper's boot stomps. I had dreams, and they were not about ending up a speck. I didn't dream of becoming a star, but I thought I might have a small nonspeaking role in a grand epic, an epic with a touch of artistic credentials. I didn't dream of becoming a giant - I wasn't that delusional or arrogant - but I wanted to be more than a speck, maybe a midget. I could have been a midget. All our dreams of glory are but manure in the end. — Rabih Alameddine

You open a door and find a midget, and there's no way you can be in a bad mood. It's just not possible. — Tim Dorsey

You see, to tall men I'm a midget, and to short men I'm a giant; to the skinny ones I'm a fat man, and to the fat ones I'm a thin man. — Norton Juster

What can I do, I asked myself, that is so spectacular that no one will be able to say he had seen it before? The answer was perfectly obvious. I would send a midget up to bat. — Bill Veeck

The midget, Bush, and that Rumsfeld deserve only to be beaten with shoes by freedom loving people everywhere. — Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

I have a wonderful assistant. I tell her I need four amputees and a midget, and she finds them. — Nikki Sixx

Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings. — Dave Attell

I knew how to raise my own child, what did he think it was, a game of Scrabble or Monopoly, there are no rules, was she so blind that she couldn't see that all that mental midget had done was turn her into a nervous wreck, full of doubt about something that had come naturally to her from the beginning, something any idiot could see, which was that she was a wonderful mother, full of love and patience? — Nicole Krauss

When ... I've thought of madness, it seems most easily explained to me as poetry in action. A life of symbol rather than reality. On paper one can understand Gulliver, or Kafka, or Dante. But let a man go about behaving as if he were a giant or a midget, or caught in a cosmic plot directed at himself, or in heaven or hell, and we feel horror - we want to disavow him to proclaim him as far removed as possible from ourselves. — Helen Eustis

Aren't you something," Grandma said. "I never saw a midget up close."
"Little person," Briggs said. "And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either. — Janet Evanovich

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night. — W.C. Fields

A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.
"Actually, she wasn't a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel."
"Easy mistake to make," Jem said. — Cassandra Clare

He checks the horns. They're small: not truncated like Hellboy's, but wee, budding, trainer-bra efforts. Definitely not the thing that killed Dazza. In demon terms, he's looking at a midget or a waen. He recalls the ten second rule, and though they only clashed for a moment, it was more than enough. He understands. He has the measure. There is no paralysis by fear. There will be no subconscious surrender to superior mental force and aggression.
In short, he can take this cunt. — Christopher Brookmyre

Feels like a midget is hanging from my necklace — Ludacris

Another visitor described them as "midget hells, where one lies awake and sweats the first half of the night, and frequently between midnight and dawn undergoes a fierce siege of heat-provoking nightmares." They seemed to be "designed by Detroit architects who probably couldn't envision a land without snow."19 Ford managers, said the priest, "never really figured out what country they were in. — Greg Grandin

Better feed him more beans or you're going to have a midget on your hands, Wiley," he said. "It's bad enough to be deaf, but to be a deaf midget ... oh God, help us. I had a dog like that once. — Nick Wilgus

That cat was a spy. You had to take a pot shot at it. It was a very clever German midget dressed up in a cheap fur coat. — J.D. Salinger

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so. — Chelsea Handler

A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post. — Tom Waits

(Of Marilyn Monroe) She was good at being inarticulately abstracted for the same reason that midgets are good at being short — Clive James

Stephanie, huh?" I ask, when she doesn't respond. "You go by Steph?" "No. Not Steph." she says as we cross the street to the familiar green and white Starbucks logo. "My ex-boyfriend called me that so I'm kind of over it." God, someone actually dated this cranky little midget? Then my eyes skimmed the perky cleavage beneath the tiny tank top. Right. There was that. — Lauren Layne

Despite my wretched command of the Spanish language, I understand sexo. But even if I were in the mood to, y'know, cheat on my wife and illegally solicit cheap sex from a New Wave midget in a pitch-black alleyway in the murder capitol of the goddamn world, this winsome lass wouldn't be my first choice. She looks like eight miles of bad road, stuffed into four and a half feet of permanent intravenous antibiotic regimen. — Joshua Ellis

That goddam stunted, red-faced, big-cheeked, apple-cheeked, curlyheaded, midget assed, , google-eyed, undersized, grinning, buck-toothed rat!!" Yossarian sputtered.
~ Catch-22 — Joseph Heller

It was two whacked-out guys who said they always wanted to kidnap a midget. — Janet Evanovich

Yes, I'm sure [the princess] thinks daily of a delinquent midget apprentice growing up to claim her hand ahead of all the nobles and princes of the realm. What could any of them possibly give that you don't have, except titles, land, wealth and all that. — Jonathan Renshaw

Day baseball is now dead for all practical purposes. Sooner or later, the game will be played in its entirety at night, and as I've said before, then baseball will be squarely in the amusement, the entertainment business along with wrestling, midget auto racing and the trotting tracks. — Larry MacPhail

He was able to find the intensity and beauty that he wanted, in the plung itself. Physical forces in a complicated coalition of gravity, acceleration, and temperature were powerful and intense enough to satisfy him. It made sense. Nothing was as comforting as the enduring purity of elemental forces, and returning to them could not mean defeat. But he never thought that he would die in a bark suit, strapped to a shock pancake, next to an incompetent midget. — Mark Helprin

Everyone looked like a broken-down movie extra, a withered starlet; disenchanted stunt-men, midget auto-racers, poignant California characters with their end-of-the-continent sadness, handsome, decadent, Casanova-ish men, puffy-eyed motel blondes, hustlers, pimps, whores, masseurs, bellhops
a lemon lot, and how's a man going to make a living with a gang like that? — Jack Kerouac