Michael O'leary Funny Quotes & Sayings

The first thing that strikes you about Timothy Murphys verse is the palpable texture of his line - that sound of sense practised by that other American poet-farmer, Robert Frost. And just as Murphys ear is trained on the rhythms of local speech and classical epigram, his eye holds fast on the image. This is an undeluded vision, sometimes bleak, often funny, and never less than painstakingly crafted. — Michael Donaghy

Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps isn't doing so well is because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years. — Conan O'Brien

I had a dream about you last night. We stopped telling each other about our dreams when we realized we were still inside them. — Michael Summers

For me, Twitter works best as a way of taking pictures of being stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. If people really want to read really funny quips about life, parenting, and pop culture, then by all means read Michael Ian Black's tweets. — Michael Showalter

My first manager, he had left Germany when he was five, but he would joke about the Nazis. And I'd laugh, but I'd look at him, and he was the first one who told me, 'You know, funny is a powerful thing; it's a wonderful weapon.' — Michael Keaton

People wince when something is in bad taste. They laugh when it's funny. If it's too dirty or wrong, they won't laugh. But if it's a big, dirty, smart, funny laugh, they love it. — Michael Patrick King

How did you hurt your side?" she asked.
I let the air out of my lungs, relieved. "While I was distracted by the table, the chair snuck up on me."
Erin looked at me with her head tilted to the side and gave me a dubious expression like she was watching the I.Q. points falling out of my ears.
I laughed, which hurt, and said, "I'm just stupid clumsy. It was embarrassing. Like I was trying to dance with the furniture but the furniture was drunk. — Michael Darling

There's magic all around us: Our smartphones are magical, 3-D printers are magical. So I feel that as a magician, if I can pull off something that seems real and convincing enough that I can explain why it's happening and have people believe it, it really is fascinating. And funny. — Michael Carbonaro

It's funny the more technological advanced everything gets, the more like acting in your bedroom when you're a kid it is. — Michael Sheen

I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block ... pretty funny. — P. J. O'Rourke

Any good humor is sophomoric. 'Sophomoric' is the liberal word for funny. — Michael O'Donoghue

Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old model from Los Angeles. Like every other model in L.A., She's dating an older retired guy. What's going on? — Conan O'Brien

You must be a blast on long car rides."
"Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic. — Nenia Campbell

If you get a good comedy once a year, man, that's pretty good. I may be pickier than some, but still, there aren't that many movies that are really, truly, honestly that funny. — Michael Keaton

Magic Johnson is the best player who plays on the ground, and Michael Jordan is the best player who plays in the air. — John Paxson

Funny how much we all suffer trying to spare others a bit of pain. — Michael LaRocca

May I help you?"
"Mr. Neck-uh-stone-sack please," I replied.
"Um. You mean Nat?"
"Yeah. This is Counselor Smallwater's law office. May I speak with Nat?"
"Well, he's in a class right now. Can I take a message?"
"Hmm. I suppose it's all right. You can just tell him that his annulment is official now. He and his sister are no longer married. — Michael Darling

Yesterday Michael Phelps set an all-time Olympic record for most medals. Phelps has so much gold on his chest he's been asked to join the cast of 'Jersey Shore.' — Conan O'Brien

Sometimes we know people who are
too wonderful for words. I am not one of them.
Or you, for that matter, as you well know. — Michael Hogan

When a writer with a voice as good as Richard Christian Matheson's tells you something, you have no choice but to listen. In THE RITUAL OF ILLUSION the voices are legion, and the gaps between their testimonies drag us closer to understanding the darkly beating heart of all our, ephemeral, transfixing dreams. Dark, subtle, horrifically funny. — Michael Marshall Smith

She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he's not ... you know, better."
"Define BETTER with that guy."
"Not all fangs and raaaaar. — Rachel Caine

I have only one heart to give and one mind to lose. May I someday find a woman who will take them both. — Michael W. Grimard

I've played villains on stage - you know, the Iagos and so on - but I think of myself as a funny person. I mostly did comedies before I did TV work. — Michael Emerson

Susan was a tough-minded romantic. She wanted to fall in love with a book. She always had reasons for her devotions, as an astute reader would, but she was, to her credit, probably the most emotional one among us. Susan could fall in love with a book in more or less the way one falls in love with a person. Yes, you can provide, if asked, a list of your loved one's lovable qualities: he's kind and funny and smart and generous and he knows the names of trees.
But he's also more than amalgamation of qualities. You love him, the entirety of him, which can't be wholly explained by even the most exhaustive explication of his virtues. And you love him no less for his failings. O.K., he's bad with money, he can be moody sometimes, and he snores. His marvels so outshine the little complaints as to render them ridiculous. — Michael Cunningham

A good story should provoke discussion, debate, argument ... and the occasional bar fight. — J. Michael Straczynski

It's so interesting to watch Ben Stiller work because he just knows what's funny. — Michael Pena

One of the things that is always difficult about a collaboration is that you don't necessarily find the same thing funny. And so the challenge becomes, how do you tell the other person that you don't think something's funny? The best collaborations tend to be when you are willing to be told that. But there's also ego involved, and so there's a lot of frustration in knowing that you're writing something, and the other person, on some level, needs to think that it's funny. — Michael Showalter

Yeah, it's funny, working on a show with as large a cast as we have here, your work gets sort of compartmentalized. There's still about half the cast that I've never had a scene with but I have missed working with Terry. — Michael Emerson

It's funny: There's a lot of comics on 'Breaking Bad.' — Steven Michael Quezada

If I think something's funny, I try to mold it into a joke as soon as possible. Once I have a joke, I say it a million different ways on stage until I find a rhythm and it feels like it's as good as it can be. — Michael Che

My vanity is not dead. I laugh when I see pictures of myself as I am now-maybe so I won't cry, but just because it is really funny how much I've changed. — Michael Zaslow

Why are you here?"
"Oh - I came to tell the chieftain we're going to die." The girl said it quickly and with the same casual indifference as if she were announcing that the sun sets in the evening.
Persephone narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me? What did you say? Who's going to die?"
"All of us."
"All of whom?"
"Us." The girl looked puzzled, but this time Persephone wasn't certain if it was the tattoos or not.
"You and I?"
Suri sighed. "Yes - you, me, the funny man with the horn at the gate, everyone. — Michael J. Sullivan

With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I was, like: 'No, he didn't - he looked like someone had melted goat's cheese over a sex doll.' — Russell Howard

When I first envisioned 'Funny Games' in the mid-1990s, it was my intention to have an American audience watch the movie. It is a reaction to a certain American cinema, its violence, its naivety, the way American cinema toys with human beings. In many American films, violence is made consumable. — Michael Haneke

Byron clapped Walter on the back. 'Good work,' he said.
Walter shook his head. 'You're the one who clocked her with the Stephen King hardcover. That took some of the wind out of her.'
'Thank heavens he's a wordy man,' said Byron. — Michael Thomas Ford

After Michael Jordan had scored a play-off record 69 points - I'll always remember this as the night Michael and I combined to score 70 points. — Stacey King

Amelie said, "I won't be your servant in Morganville. Nor should you be mine. Equals." She offered her hand to him, and he looked down at it, clearly taken aback. But he took it. "Now defend what is ours, my partner."
He grinned ... grinned! ... and whirled to meet Myrnin in midleap as Myrnin attacked. — Rachel Caine

Well, friend, I don't know about your tastes, but I tend to like it very bloody," Myrnin said. He shifted position, dragging Claire along like a rag doll without any effort at all. "Have we been introduced?"
"Probably not. Why, are you asking me out, sweetheart?"
"You're not my type, darling. Is this one yours?"
"No," Frank said, and looked at Shane, just in a quick flicker. "Let's say she's a friend of the family. — Rachel Caine

Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons. — Michael Caine

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death. — Michael Bassey Johnson

Michael Schumacher is leading Michael Schumacher. — Murray Walker

A sense of humor isn't about being funny. It's about being human. — Michael Kerr