Menopause Funny Quotes & Sayings

I am not going to give you disclaimers about what you can expect to find in my story. I went through menopause recently and find I don't much care about anyone's sensibilities anymore. I am called BadSquirrel for a reason. Considering how incredibly rude and grouchy I have become, I expect all of you to be extremely grateful to the QMBG (Queen Mother Bitch Goddess for those of you who haven't kept up) for all of the good warm fuzzy bits of my story. If you like it, it's because she went through it and took out all the really disturbing parts and made me behave. — BadSquirrel

No, we're not getting married," I told my mother on the phone when she asked. "He's going to California and I'm staying here." Usually she doesn't phone. Usually she just does things like send me notes with histrionic scrawlings that read, "Well, you know, I can't use these," and along with the notes she encloses coupons for Kotex or Midol. — Lorrie Moore

Nona had been bonkers since I could remember. Dad said it was menopause, but I had looked that up once, and I highly doubted that was the case. — Holly Hood

Even a lame-duck president can be affected by a clear midterm message if he wants to see his vice president elected and preserve his historical legacy. — Noah Feldman

What religious Americans might have been slow to realize is that the ACLU's long march through the institutions of America has culminated at the door of Obama's White House. Behind that door stands the one we have "been waiting for," as liberals chanted about Obama in 2008. Obama is the fulfillment of the ACLU's messianic secularist hopes. No president has done more to empty the public square of Christians than Barack Obama. To the delight of secularists, Obama has been stacking the federal courts with ACLU-style judges who read the First Amendment through an ahistorical and atheistic prism, or as they like to call it, the "living Constitution," which is nothing more than a euphemism for whatever they think the Constitution should mean in our supposedly enlightened times. — Phyllis Schlafly

I reckon some parsons have a right to tell yu' to be good. The bishop of this hyeh Territory has a right. But I'll tell yu' this: a middlin' doctor is a pore thing, and a middlin' lawyer is a pore thing; but keep me from a middlin' man of God. — Owen Wister

In writing are the roots, in writing are the foundations of eloquence; by writing resources are stored up, as it were, in a sacred repository, when they may be drawn forth for sudden emergencies, or as circumstances require. — Marcus Fabius Quintilianus

No element gets people telling crazy stories like mercury does. People have told me tales about pharmacists waxing floors with mercury, mothers rubbing it into babies' skin to kill germs, and 10-year-olds coating dimes in it to make them shine, then blithely carrying them around in their pockets. — Sam Kean

Aja gave Loor an up and down once-over. She then said, "Is Loor a man's name or a woman's name?"
Ouch.
Loor answered, "It is the name of a legendary hero on Zadaa. A woman."
Really?" Aja said. "What did she do that was so heroic?"
She killed her enemies and ate them. — D.J. MacHale

I think comedy is no different now than it was at other points. It takes a long time to get good and know how to distill what makes you funny beyond the realm of standup, which is what I'm trying to do with Teachers Lounge. — Ted Alexandro

I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause. — Dave Barry

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! — Woody Allen