Men Only Golf Quotes & Sayings

Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say, "Man, we shot 66!" But go out and shoot 77, and they say "Hell, he shot 77!" — Lee Trevino

By the time a man can afford to lose a golf ball, he can't hit that far. — Jacob Braude

I have to admit," I said when he finished a lengthy discussion on the types of drivers, "I've been golfing and it's about the most boring thing I've ever done. Old men drive around in golf carts pretending they're sporty and getting grouchy if there's any noise. It's like the nursing-home Olympics."
Nick's mouth dropped open. "It takes great athletic ability to know how to aim and drive the ball that far."
"I get more exercise shopping at the mall," I joked. "I don't come home and tell everyone I won at shopping." Although those red shoes I got on sale the other day felt like a win. — Cindi Madsen

The Scots say that Nature itself dictated that golf should be played by the seashore. Rather, the Scots saw in the eroded sea coasts a cheap battleground on which they could whip their fellow men in a game based on the Calvinist doctrine that man is meant to suffer here below and never more than when he goes out to enjoy himself. — Alistair Cooke

The golf links lie so near the mill, That almost every day, The laboring children can look out, And watch the men at play — Sarah Norcliffe Cleghorn

Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding." Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree's on a golf course, all the better. — Tim Allen

The man who runs from his office to the golf club, gulps a sandwich, belches and races to the first tee has no business howling in anguish when he puts his first two shots in the woods, then tops a 3-iron shot into the pond. — Tony Lema

The business man - the man to whom age brings golf instead of wisdom. — George Bernard Shaw

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf. — Will Rogers

This preternatural love of rules almost for their own sake punctuates German finance as it does German life. As it happens, a story had just broken that a German reinsurance company called Munich Re, back in June 2007, or just before the crash, had sponsored a party for its best producers that offered not just chicken dinners and nearest-to-the-pin golf competitions but a blowout with prostitutes in a public bath. In finance, high or low, this sort of thing is of course not unusual. What was striking was how organized the German event was. The company tied white and yellow and red ribbons to the prostitutes to indicate which ones were available to which men. After each sexual encounter the prostitute received a stamp on her arm to indicate how often she had been used. The Germans didn't just want hookers: they wanted hookers with rules. — Michael Lewis

There is an old saying: if a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. — Sam Snead

Give me a man with big hands and big feet and no brains and I'll make a golfer out of him. — Walter Hagen

He enjoys that perfect peace, that peace beyond all understanding, which comes to its maximum only to the man who has given up golf. — P.G. Wodehouse

I have always felt and said that a man who can be a champion in one era could be a champion in any other era because he has what it takes to reach the top. — Ben Hogan

Golf asks something of a man. It makes one loathe mediocrity. It seems to say, If you are going to keep company with me, don't embarrass me. — Gary Player

Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad. — Robin Williams

What did I want with prestige? The British Open paid the winner $600 in American money. A man would have to be two hundred years old at that rate to retire from golf. — Sam Snead

What earthly good is golf? Life is stern and life is earnest. We live in a practical age. All around us we see foreign competition making itself unpleasant. And we spend our time playing golf? What do we get out of it? Is golf any use? That's what I'm asking you. Can you name me a single case where devotion to this pestilential pastime has done a man any practical good? — P.G. Wodehouse

There are a lot of things in life way more important than money. All that said, some people do get confused. I play golf with a man who says, " What good is health? You can't buy money with it." — Charlie Munger

If a man can shoot 10 birdies, there's no reason why he can't shoot 18. Why can't you birdie every hole on the course? — Ben Hogan

The only way of really finding out a man's true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself. — P.G. Wodehouse

Golf does strange things to other people, too. It makes liars out of honest men, cheats out of altruists, cowards out of brave men and fools out of everybody. — Milt Gross

Hitting a golf ball and putting have nothing in common. They're two different games. You work all your life to perfect a repeating swing that will get you to the greens, and then you have to try to do something that is totally unrelated. There shouldn't be any cups, just flag sticks. And then the man who hit the most fairways and greens and got closest to the pins would be the tournament winner. — Ben Hogan

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt. — Fletcher Knebel

A man who went to the 'footie' match on Saturday afternoon and played eighteen holes of golf was really doing his duty by the nation. — Donald Horne

When that happens [the demise of golf], old men will furtively beckon to their sons and, like fugitives from the guillotine recalling the elegant orgies at the court of Louis XV, will recite the glories of Portmarnock and Merion, of the Road Hole at St. Andrews, the sixth at Seminole, the eighteenth at Pebble Beach. They will take out this volume from its secret hiding place and they will say: "There is no question, son, that these were unholy places in an evil age. Unfortunately, I had a whale of a time." — Alistair Cooke

Golf is the Great Mystery. Like some capricous goddess, it bestows its favours with what would appear an almost fat-headed lack of method and discrimination. On every side we see big two-fisted he-men floundering round in three figures, stopping every few minutes to let through little shrimps with knock-knees and hollow cheeks, who are tearing up snappy seventy-fours. — P.G. Wodehouse

Golf in the interest of good health and good manners. It promotes self-restraint and affords a chance to play the man and act the gentleman. — William Howard Taft

Golf - a young man's vice and an old man's penance. — Irvin S. Cobb

For many years I had an impression of my golf swing, which was that I vividly resembled Tom Weiskopf in the takeaway and Dave Marr on the downswing. Unfortunately, there came a day when I was invited to have my golf swing filmed via a video camera. Something I will never do again. When it was played back, what I saw - what you would have seen - was not Weiskopf and Marr but a man simultaneously climbing into a sweater and falling out of a tree. — Alistair Cooke

Augusta National is a young man's golf course, and you really need a young man's nerves to play on it. — Jack Nicklaus

Instead of playing with army men or whatever, I played golf, like for hours every day. — Bubba Watson

Nothing impresses the ladies like a clean, pressed pair of khakis and a large pattern shirt featuring either classic cars, mojitos or men playing golf. — Tim Heidecker

One of the bonds between Lily and me is that we both suffer with our teeth. She is twenty years my junior but we wear bridges, each of us. Mine are at the sides, hers are in front. She has lost the four upper incisors. It happened while she was still in high school, out playing golf with her father, whom she adored. The poor old guy was a lush and far too drunk to be out on a golf course that day. Without looking or given warning, he drove from the first tee and on the backswing struck his daughter. It always kills me to think of that cursed hot July golf course, and this drunk from the plumbing supply business, and the girl of fifteen bleeding. Damn these weak drunks! Damn these unsteady men! I can't stand these clowns who go out in public as soon as they get swacked to show how broken-hearted they are. But Lily would never hear a single word against him and wept for him sooner than for herself. She carries his photo in her wallet. — Saul Bellow

Forcing companies to recruit away from the golf course might lead to the appointment of more women from NGOs and academia and medicine, all of whom are likely to understand such concepts as stewardship and sustainability much better than men picked from the usual hunting grounds. — Noreena Hertz

I fuck old men for a living. Of course I golf. — Dolce

My one complaint with my father as a parent is that, not only was he not a golfer, but also he was sort of opposed to golf. I was a country club kid growing up. I should have played golf, but my father thought golf was a sport for old men. — Mike Greenberg

TV families and your own are hard to tell apart, except your isn't interrupted every six minutes by commercials and theirs don't get bogged down into nothingness, a state where nothing happens, no skit, no zany visitors, no outburst on the laugh track, nothing at all but boredom and a lost feeling, especially when you get up in the morning and the moon is still shining and men are making noisy bets on the first tee. — John Updike