Quotes & Sayings About Mayonnaise

Q: Who invented mayonnaise? A: Somebody with bad taste. — Barry Raspbody

Oh, bring me some lobster mayonnaise. — G.K. Chesterton

I mix mayonnaise, ketchup and brandy and a little bit of mustard. This is a heck of a good sauce for seafood. — Jose Andres

A file of red-coated soldiers came at the quick-march from the other end of the quay, splitting the crowd like vinegar dropped on mayonnaise. — Diana Gabaldon

1¼ cups per serving 25 Minutes to Prepare and Cook 1 pound boneless, skinless chicken breast 2 tbsp chopped walnut halves 1 cup red grapes, seedless, sliced in half lengthwise 1 cup celery, finely sliced 1 Granny Smith apple, cored and diced into cubes For the Dressing: 2 tbsp reduced-fat mayonnaise 2 tbsp plain nonfat Greek yogurt 1 tbsp lemon juice — Meg Galvin

There's something very comforting about watching a Hugh Grant movie. You know no one's head will be blown off in the first three minutes, no one will be tortured, and the worst thing that might happen is seeing a lanky Welshman eating mayonnaise in his underpants — Ali McNamara

We need to have lectures about why we can't have every day things like mayonnaise, ketchup and coke. — Paolo Di Canio

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion. — Ambrose Bierce

She restored herself with a cocktail and an excellent lobster mayonnaise. Phryne was devoted to lobster mayonnaise, with cucumbers. — Kerry Greenwood

In my 'Big Dinners' cookbook, I recreated my mother's recipe for crab dip. The creamy dressing for this dip, made with mayonnaise, tomato paste, a touch of honey, sliced chives, lemon juice and zest, horseradish and Tabasco, is reminiscent of Thousand Island dressing. — Tom Douglas

In water so fine, a few minutes of bad memory all but disappear downstream, washed away by ten thousand belly busters, a million cannonballs. Paradise was never heaven-high when I was a boy but waist-deep, an oasis of cutoff blue jeans and raggedy Converse sneakers, sweating bottles of Nehi Grape and Orange Crush, and this stream. I remember the antidote of icy water against my blistered skin, and the taste of mushy tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches, unwrapped from twice-used aluminum foil. I saw my first water moccasin here, and my first real girl, and being a child of the foot washers I have sometimes wondered if this was my Eden, and my serpent. If it was, I didn't hold out any longer than that first poor fool did. — Rick Bragg

She set about preparing her supper. It would have to be one of those classically simple meals, the sort that French peasants are said to eat and that enlightened English people sometimes enjoy rather self-consciously - a crusty French loaf, cheese, and lettuce and tomatoes from the garden. Of course there should have been wine and a lovingly prepared dressing of oil and vinegar, but Dulcie drank orange squash and ate mayonnaise that came from a bottle. — Barbara Pym

At the pet store he picked out two painted turtles, each about as big around as a mayonnaise-jar lid. He bought them a large kidney shaped dish that had its own little island, a plastic palm tree, some aquatic plants, and a snail. The snail, presumably, to bolster the self-esteem of the turtles: "You think we're slow? Look at that guy." To store up the snail's morale in the same way, there was a rock. — Christopher Moore

Hellman's Mayonnaise: Bring out the Hellman's and bring out the best...
...artery clogger since Burger King's Triple Whopper with Cheese. — Beryl Dov

I've been craving peanut butter-and-mayonnaise fried cheese sandwiches. — Anna Nicole Smith

This here's a re-search laboratory. Re-search means look again, don't it? Means they're looking for something they found once and it got away somehow, and now they got to re-search for it? How come they got to build a building like this, with mayonnaise elevators and all, and fill it with all these crazy people? What is it they're trying to find again? Who lost what? — Kurt Vonnegut

I don't know what you said to my chef," Rick's voice came from the doorway, "but he's now creating a dessert of some kind in your honor."
She grinned. "Just so it's not Jellicoe Jell-O or something."
"How charming were you?"
"I just asked for a sandwich," she said, licking mayonnaise off her finger and turning a page,
"and complimented him on his culinary skills. I'd heard somewhere that his coffee won an award. — Suzanne Enoch

I was trying to figure out a way to tell him his love mayonnaise had mad skills and no one at this table could stop talking about vibrators. — Tara Sivec

Mayonnaise," Morgan said, "is a lot like men. — Sarah Dessen

Without Al, Mary Frances discovered what she did alone. She liked to cook for herself, to assemble a meal of things he would never consider worth a mealtime - shad roe and toast, soft-set eggs, hearts of celery and palm with a quick yellow mayonnaise, a glass of wine, an open book in her lap and the radio on. The elements that mattered most were the simple ones: butter, salt, a thick plate of white chine and a delicate glass, the music faint, the feel of paper in her hand, and the knowledge that there was more, always more book to read, more wine if she liked it, some cold fruit in the refrigerator when she was hungry again... — Ashley Warlick

I love mayonnaise. Every birthday when I was a kid I'd go to Black Angus and just dip my burger in mayo. — Blake Anderson

Well," he said after a moment almost long enough to be awkward. He picked up the slices of cucumber and put them on the bread himself, then pulled a plate from the cupboard. Walking back to the table, he said, "Now we can finally have this meal, hm?"

"This meal?" Ceony asked, glancing at his bland sandwich. He took a bite of it without even bothering with mayonnaise. "Any meal I put thought into is levels above a cucumber sandwich. I could have been a chef, if you recall."

"Is that so?" he asked, taking another bite.

Ceony began to cut two slices of bread for herself, but paused halfway through the first. "Would you humor me for a moment?"

"I believe I've been humoring you since you walked through my front door," he replied. — Charlie N. Holmberg

The next day, eating a turkey sandwich with salt and mayonnaise, Rebecca decided Thanksgiving was the best holiday, although she had little to choose from: her family never celebrated Hanukkah but her father was militant about ignoring Christmas and insisted they spend December 25 eating Chinese takeout and going to the movies. — Anna Quindlen

Christ will never more come down to earth nor will there be any law-giver, nor will murder cease nor theft, nor rape, and yet ... and yet one expects something, something terrifyingly marvellous and absurd, perhaps a cold lobster with mayonnaise served gratis, perhaps an invention, like the electric light, like television, only more devastating, more soul rending, an invention unthinkable that will bring a shattering calm and void, not the calm and void of death but of life such as the monks dreamed, such as is dreamed still in the Himalayas, in Tibet, in Lahore, in the Aleutian Islands, in Polynesia, in Easter Island, the dream of men before the flood, before the word was written, the dream of cave men and anthropophagists, of those with double sex and short tails, of those who are said to be crazy and have no way of defending themselves because they are outnumbered by those who are not crazy. — Henry Miller

I eat so much mayonnaise they were going to send me to the Mayo Clinic. — Tom Robbins

Business was doing well, because all the locals knew that dishes made from the flowers that grew around the apple tree in the Waverley garden could affect the eater in curious ways. The biscuits with lilac jelly, the lavender tea cookies, and the tea cakes made with nasturtium mayonnaise the Ladies Aid ordered for their meetings once a month gave them the ability to keep secrets. The fried dandelion buds over marigold-petal rice, stuffed pumpkin blossoms, and rose-hip soup ensured that your company would notice only the beauty of your home and never the flaws. Anise hyssop honey butter on toast, angelica candy, and cupcakes with crystallized pansies made children thoughtful. Honeysuckle wine served on the Fourth of July gave you the ability to see in the dark. The nutty flavor of the dip made from hyacinth bulbs made you feel moody and think of the past, and the salads made with chicory and mint had you believing that something good was about to happen, whether it was true or not. — Sarah Addison Allen

Lori, did you and Adam have a fight? I mean, another fight? A humdinger?"
I snorted. "No, I'm sobbing in Frances's lap because she will marry our father someday and bring back the vegi/soy mayonnaise."
"What's the matter with vegi/soy mayonnaise?" Frances asked.
McGillicuddy wrinkled his nose at the memory. — Jennifer Echols

Pittsburgh did not smell of mayonnaise that day. — Sandra Staas

The daughter of Lithuanian immigrants, born with a precocious scientific intellect and a thirst for chemical knowledge, Elion had completed a master's degree in chemistry from New York University in 1941 while teaching high school science during the day and preforming her research for her thesis at night and on the weekends. Although highly qualified, talented, and driven, she had been unable to find a job in an academic laboratory. Frustrated by repeated rejections, she had found a position as a supermarket product supervisor. When Hitchings found Trudy Elion, who would soon become on of the most innovative synthetic chemists of her generation (and a future Nobel laureate), she was working for a food lab in New York, testing the acidity of pickles and the color of egg yolk going into mayonnaise. Rescued from a life of pickles and mayonnaise ... — Siddhartha Mukherjee

Child, I done had just about enough of your sackdraggin' Now get upstairs and take your bath and put some decent clothes on. You one sorry sight. You been wearing that old ratty robe since baby Jesus was born." She whacked the spoon against the bowl again, sending a glop of mayonnaise flying. "And looka that hair. Don't look at me in that tone of voice; gone and get up there while I fix this dinner. Winona, baby, go bring in the mail. I don't want this child out there cause it's too many old people in this neighborhood with bad hearts. — Rosalyn Story

If I had questioned Harris further - "What do you mean when you say sex doesn't have to mean anything? Do people engage in it for no reason at all? Does it just happen, like a gurgle in the stomach, a can rattling down the street, or a screen door blowing shut in the breeze?" - perhaps he would have conceded that sex does have trivial meanings: a little pleasure, a little fun, a little relief from boredom and desire. This wouldn't be much of a concession. Sex would mean something, but only in the way that eating a peanut means something, chewing on an ice cube means something, scratching an itch means something. There would be no more call to rhapsodize about the touch of a man and a woman than to compose sonnets about the communion of a picnicker with his mayonnaise. — J. Budziszewski

The Japanese have become so smitten with the Western condiment - its texture as silky as a kimono, its tang as understated as the tang of Zen - that today they have a word for mayonnaise junkie: mayora. — Tom Robbins

My mornings go by so fast I forget breakfast. Lunch - that's turned out to be my biggest meal. I like tuna fish with low-fat mayonnaise and celery, egg whites and garlic. It's delish. — Jackee Harry

CHICKEN BASIL PESTO SANDWICH Ingredients 55 grams mayonnaise 2 tablespoons of mustard 450 grams diced chicken 170 grams basil pesto 4 slices of wheat bread 2 leaves of lettuce Preparation 1. Using a small bowl, mix the chicken, basil pesto and mayonnaise. 2. Place the lead of lettuce on top of the bread 3. Add the mixture on top of the lettuce. — Mike Summers

I use honey to condition my hair and eggs for protein. Also, mayonnaise and olive oil are great options for keeping it moisturized. — Tasha Smith

Having a guy friend is pretty awesome if you're a girl and you pick the right guy."
"And why is that?" she asked
"You always have someone to open mayonnaise jars and you don't have to shave your legs for him"
"I never thought of that. That makes me the luckiest girls in the worl, doesn't it? — Gwen Hayes

It's like making a sandwich. I start with the bread and the meat. That's the architecture. Add some cheese, lettuce and tomato. That's character development and polishing. Then, the fun part. All the little historical details and the slang and the humor is the mayonnaise. I go back and slather that shit everywhere. The mayo is the best part. I'm a bit messy with the mayo. — Laini Giles

When we would visit, the ritual was the same. My grandfather would put out a spread on the kitchen table: six or eight kinds of lunch meat, including Pennsylvania esoterics like Lebanon bologna and souse; white and rye bread; pickles; two mustards; and mayonnaise. We would all sit around that kitchen table and construct our sandwiches and then eat those sandwiches in silence, because that is how white people show affection. — Phoebe Robinson

How much do you know of La Mayonnaise?" she inquired.

He shrugged. "Maybe up to the part that goes 'Aux armes, citoyens' - — Thomas Pynchon

I said Yo Jay, I can rap. And I spit this rap that said I'm killin' ya'll *****s on this lyrical sh*t, mayonnaise colored benz, I push miracle whips. — Kanye West

Elizabeth Taylor's so fat she puts mayonnaise on aspirin. — Joan Rivers

Politicians cover their mistakes with money; cooks cover their mistakes with mayonnaise; doctors cover theirs with dirt. — Joe Haldeman

Sometimes it's just 'Oh my God, I love the taste of fried oysters on French bread with mayonnaise and an order of French fries.' I'm not going to lie to you - I deal with that temptation every single day, many times. — Richard Simmons

Well, he's not a weirdo. I didn't turn around to look at Malcolm because he was probably eating dish soap or mayonnaise or something. — Suzanne Selfors

The Murder Burger is served right here.
You need not wait at the gate of Heaven for unleavened death.
You can be a goner on this very corner.
Mayonnaise, onions, dominance of flesh.
If you wish to eat it you must feed it.
Yall come back soon.
You bet. — Stan Rice

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. — Robin Williams

It's hard to swallow your pride. That's why I slather mine in mayonnaise. — Stephen Colbert

To a Vase
How do I break thee? Let me count the ways.
I break thee if thou art at any height
My paw can reach, when, smarting from some slight,
I sulk, or have one of my crazy days.
I break thee with an accidental graze
Or twitch of tail, if I should take a fright.
I break thee out of pure and simple spite
The way I broke the jar of mayonnaise.
I break thee if a bug upon thee sits.
I break thee if I'm in a playful mood,
And then I wrestle with the shiny bits.
I break thee if I do not like my food.
And if someone they shards together fits,
I'll break thee once again when thou art glued. — Henry N. Beard

I don't think of eggs as being fundamental to the flavor of mayonnaise, but they are to Hollandaise. — Wylie Dufresne

You don't use mayonnaise, why? ... Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise? I could go outside ... — Jim Gaffigan

I probably should have restrained myself. Graham had been perfectly normal all morning, but after an evening of dreaming up revenge scenarios, I couldn't help myself when presented with such an easy opportunity. Besides, he had told me to get inventive. The "sandwich" I made Graham had six different types of meat including one mystery one, plus peanut butter, plus marshmallow spread, plus mayonnaise, hot sauce, and raisins. Graham — Jen Malone

When I am no longer desperate, when I have got all this sorted out, I promise you here and now that I will never ever complain again about how the shop is doing, or about the soullessness of modern pop music, or the stingy fillings you get in the sandwich bar up the road (£1.60 for egg mayonnaise and crispy bacon, and none of us have ever had more than four pieces of crispy bacon in a whole round yet) or anything at all. I will beam beatifically at all times, just from sheer relief. — Nick Hornby

I spent my childhood eating. The only exercise I got was trying to twist off the cap of a jar of mayonnaise. — Richard Simmons

I eat a lot. I'm a big sandwich dude. Turkey, mayonnaise, mustard, cheese, yes. I love craft services. — Jason Mitchell

Chic is a kind of mayonnaise, either it tastes, or it doesn't. — Karl Lagerfeld

My favorite snack would have to be Fritos, no doubt about it. Fritos and mayonnaise. I know. Really healthy, isn't it? — Sylvester Stallone

I just want to tell you what it's like not to have Planned Parenthood ... you have to give your kids Ramen noodles at the end of the month to fill up their little bellies so they won't cry. You have to give them mayonnaise sandwiches. They get very few fruits and vegetables because they're expensive. — Gwen Moore

I have always wanted to write a book that ended with the word 'mayonnaise. — Richard Brautigan

Another female household-hinter gave me a recipe for a big hearty main dish of elbow macaroni, mint jelly, lima beans, mayonnaise and cheese baked until 'hot and yummy.' Unless my taste buds are paralyzed, this dish could be baked until hell freezes over and it might get hot but never 'yummy. — Betty MacDonald

Mayonnaise is a lot like men, it can make everything much better, adding flavor and ease to your life. Or, it can just be sticky and gross and make you nauseous"- "Keeping the Moon — Sarah Dessen

Mayonnaise, like hollandaise, was invented by the French to cover up the flavor of spoiled flesh, stale vegetables, rotten fish. Beware the sauce! Where food comes beslobbered with an elegant slime you may well suspect the integrity of the basic ingredients. — Edward Abbey

Food, like anything else, lives in the physical world and obeys the laws of physics. When you whisk together some oil and a little bit of lemon juice - or, in other words, make mayonnaise - you are using the principles of physics and chemistry. Understanding how those principles affect cooking lets you cook better. — Nathan Myhrvold

I'm not a person who writes really abstract things with oblique references. I look at abstraction like I look at condiments. Give me some Tabasco sauce, some ketchup, some mayonnaise. I love all of that. Put it on a trumpet. I've just got to have the ketchup and Tabasco sauce. That's my attitude about musical philosophy. — Wynton Marsalis

They were all women's magazines, but they weren't like the magazines my mother and sister read. The articles in my mother's and sister's magazines were always about sex and personal gratification. They had titles like "Eat Your Way to Multiple Orgasms," "Office Sex - How to Get It," "Tahiti: The Hot New Place for Sex," and "Those Shrinking Rain Forests - Are They Any Good for Sex?" The British magazines addressed more modest aspirations. They had titles like "Knit Your Own Twin Set," "Money-Saving Button Offer," "Make This Super Knitted Soap-Saver," and "Summer's Here - It's Time for Mayonnaise! — Bill Bryson

Think about this truck. Make believe this is not the darkest, wettest, most miserable Army truck you have ever ridden in. This truck, you've got to tell yourself, is full of roses and blondes and vitamins. This here is a real pretty truck. This is a swell truck. You were lucky to get this job tonight. When you get back from the dance ... Choose yo' pahtnuhs, folks! ... you can write an immortal poem about this truck. This truck is a potential poem. You can call it, "Trucks I Have Rode In", or "War and Peace", or "This Sandwich Has No Mayonnaise." Keep it simple. — J.D. Salinger

I remember the stink of the liverwurst.
How I was put on a platter and laid
between the mayonnaise and the bacon.
The rhythm of the refrigerator
had been disturbed. — Anne Sexton

Europe's the mayonnaise, but America supplies the good old lobster. — D.H. Lawrence

A hippo sandwich is easy to make. All you do is simply take one slice of bread, one slice of cake, some mayonnaise, one onion ring, one hippopotamus, one piece of string, a dash of pepper. That ought to do it. And now comes the problem ... biting into it! — Shel Silverstein

Light mayonnaise is like masturbation - it approximates the real thing but leaves you unfulfilled,
ultimately leading to fantasies about diving face-first into a big-ass jar of the real stuff. — Susan Donovan

And oil's not supposed to mix with water. But then someone invented mayonnaise, and wham - instant mixing. — Jackie Kessler

His voice had sounded as though he lived entirely on mayonnaise and butter but never quite cleared his throat of them; — Dean Koontz

Coconut oil mixed with olive oil is what I put on my body every day; I put rose hip oil on my face. If my hair feels dry, instead of going and buying something filled with chemicals, I put egg whites or avocados or mayonnaise in my hair. I leave it on there for an hour or two and I wash it out. — Nikki Reed

That day, getting through my world was like trying to swim in a pool of warm mayonnaise while carrying two bowling balls. — Anonymous

My mom taught me this really great beauty tip. She used to put oil or mayonnaise on the bottom half of her hair before she would shower. — Blake Lively

My favorite sandwich is peanut butter, baloney, cheddar cheese, lettuce, and mayonnaise on toasted bread with catsup on the side. — Hubert H. Humphrey

I keep looking for ultimate answers, but maybe there aren't any or maybe I'm not looking in the right places, because in the section marked ANSWERS in the back of my geometry book, there's only a bunch of numbers, and all I can find to stare at in the refrigerator is five carrots and a jar of no-fat mayonnaise. — Rachel Vail

When I wasn't at school, I was experimenting at home, and became a bit of a Mad Scientist. I did hours of research on mayonnaise, for instance, and though no one else seemed to care about it, I thought it was utterly fascinating ... By the end of my research, I believe, I had written more on the subject of mayonnaise than anyone in history. — Julia Child

Wait!' called Blue. 'Will you tell me about my father?"
"No," Gwenllian replied. "I will get mayonnaise. — Maggie Stiefvater

My notion of an elegant table is you don't leave the knife sticking out of the mayonnaise jar. — Sue Grafton

The hipster contingent has taken over a lot of the commercial streets, and now you can't go two blocks without running into some up-its-own-ass artisanal shop with a name that's just two random nouns thrown together with an ampersand. Satchel & Dove. Twig & Petal. Those are the places where you find out there's such a thing as boutique tarragon mayonnaise and that a baby onesie can legitimately cost sixty dollars. (p.169) — Una LaMarche

Then, with an extended, falling glissando of disgust, the whole string section, plus flutes and piccolo, surged toward the brass, leaving the music critic and his deed - an early evening frites and mayonnaise on Oude Hoogstraat - illuminated under a lonely chandelier. — Ian McEwan

In Germany, salads are assemblies of ham and mayonnaise, not trendy tossed leaves. — Rachel Johnson

Keep favorite condiments on hand, such as ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, vinegar and salsa. — Betty Crocker

[Hadley] "I have a fear of mayo, so I've actually gotten pretty good at it over the years."
[Oliver] "You have a fear of mayo?"
She nods again."It's in my top three or four."
"What are the others?" he asks with a grin. "I mean what could possibly be worse than mayonnaise. — Jennifer E. Smith

One of my favorite things is mayonnaise and I have to tell you that. I love mayonnaise, but I don't eat it any more. If I do I put light mayonnaise on it, which I know is still not good but it's a lot better than the other one and I don't eat it that much. — Mike Ditka

Life's like a mayonnaise soda. — Lou Reed