Martini Quotes & Sayings

A Roman centurion walks into a bar and orders a martinus.

The bartender says, "Don't you mean a martini?"

The centurion answers, "If I wanted a double I would have ordered it. — Harlan Wolff

Extremist individuals live inside every single group on the planet. Devout followers from Christian to Muslim who kill in the name of God, down to people who perpetuate a cycle of abuse from parent to child. And do you know at what point they're labeled as terrorists?"
Martini said, "When the government - "
"When the news reports it. The news can take a starving refugee and make them into an invading migrant. One of my Black ancestors was photographed carrying diapers over his head after a flood. They called him a 'looter.' A white man was photographed doing the same thing. They called him a 'survivor. — Mur Lafferty

You can no more keep a Martini in the refrigerator than you can keep a kiss there. — Bernard DeVoto

After a match, my opponent goes to the hospital and gets an IV and I have a martini. — Tank Abbott

Some car had hit it after all, because it hadn't had the courage to honor its own correct instinct. And I began to cry because I had this thought about people, that they do this all the time, deny the wise voice inside them telling them the right thing to do because it is different. I remembered once seeing a tea party some little girls had set up outside, mismatched china, decorations of a plucked pansy blossom and a seashell and a shiny penny and a small circle of red berries and a fern, pressed wetly into the wooden table, the damp outline around it a beautiful bonus. They didn't consult the Martha Stewart guide for entertainment and gulp a martini before their guests arrived. They pulled ideas from their hearts and minds about the things that gave them pleasure, and they laid out an offering with loving intent. It was a small Garden of Eden, the occupants making something out of what they saw was theirs. Out of what they truly saw. — Elizabeth Berg

A man must defend his home, his wife, his children, and his martini. — Jackie Gleason

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? — Robert Benchley

Mirabelle? Mirabelle Bevan? Well, I'll be blowed!"
Mirabelle started, almost spilling her drink. It took her a moment to realize who the handsome man was, now his hair was greying at the edges and he was out of uniform. Puffing laconically on a cigarette, martini in hand, he wore a lounge suit and an understated silk tie with a discreet regimental insignia woven into the fabric.
"Eddie," she smiled. "What are you doing here? — Sara Sheridan

I'll have a martini...two at the most. Three, I'm under the table...four, I'm under the host. — Dorothy Parker

A couple strolled by behind my chair. For a moment, they got between us and the closest light, casting Freddie in a patch of shadow. As the light peeled away, so did the facade. A desiccated corpse reclined on the divan, with skin turned blue and chapped by arctic windburn. The corpse grinned at me from a lipless mouth, showing sharp yellowed teeth. Her nose and most of one cheek had rotted away, the ragged wounds black with frostbite, and iron talons three inches long curled around the stem of her martini glass. Then the light flooded back and the moment was gone. Freddie must have caught the look on my face. She smiled and gave me a wink. — Craig Schaefer

She walks into my life legs first, a long drink of water in the desert of my thirties. Her shoes are red; her eyes are green. She's an Italian flag in occupied territory, and I fall for her like Paris. She mixes my metaphors like a martini and serves up my heart tartare. They all do. Every time. They have to. It's that kind of story. — Catherynne M Valente

Hester Landon, independent, invincible, indestructible. Who might have died after a terrible fall, if not for a neighbor - and her own indefatigable will. Now she reigned in a suite of rooms in his parents' home while she recovered from her injuries. There she'd stay until deemed strong enough to come back to Bluff House - or if his parents had their way, there she would stay, period. He wanted to think of her back here, in the house she loved, sitting out on the terrace with her evening martini, looking out at the ocean. Or puttering in her garden, maybe setting up her easel to paint. He wanted to think of her vital and tough, not helpless and broken on the floor while he'd been pouring a second cup — Nora Roberts

When I started as an actor, I kind of started with a couple features. I've been waiting for the opening. — Max Martini

I was sent to a school with bosses for teachers- no Twain, only cane; check your dick you harry, no Dickens either, No Tom Sawyers no David Copperfields only Webster, master it for grammar, the Wren with a dash of Martini-Drink deep. — Aporva Kala

Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini ... — Mae West

'The tea is coming!' ... she may want a martini, but make her drink tea. — Alice Taylor

Hey, have you heard that one about the difference between me, Wit, and my loutish cousin, Hilarity? No? Okay, so I walk into a bar, you see, very unassuming, and order a martini. Then the bartender, Hilarity, hauls off and squirts me in the face with a seltzer bottle, ruining my n ice new camel hair suit, dousing my monocle and my watch fob, soaking my cravat. So, do I let him have what for, and blow my top? I do not. I simply say:
Sorry, I believe I said 'very dry'. — Chip Kidd

It began to falter not when the book publishers who loved books gave way to those who preferred profits to reading. It happened when publishers and editors cut back on their drinking. If there is one national flower in book publishing, it is the martini. — Al Silverman

Kitty, do you have the bottle?"
"In my purse. Which is in my room. Not that I think I can find my room from here."
"I'll get it," Martini said. He stood up and disappeared. Ten seconds later he was back, bottle in hand.
"What kept you?"
"That purse gets worse every time I look inside. — Gini Koch

Dream Song 55
Peter's not friendly. He gives me sideways looks.
The architecture is far from reassuring.
I feel uneasy.
A pity, - the interview began so well:
I mentioned fiendish things, he waved them away
and sloshed out a martini
strangely needed. We spoke of indifferent matters
God's health, the vague hell of the Congo,
John's energy,
anti-matter matter. I felt fine.
Then a change came backward. A chill fell.
Talk slackened,
died, and began to give me sideways looks.
'Chirst,' I thought 'what now?' and would have askt for another
but didn't dare.
I feel my application failing. It's growing dark,
some other sound is overcoming. His last words are:
'We betrayed me. — John Berryman

with aides while he wrote his memoirs, Mein Kampf, meaning 'My Struggle,' in which he gave the world's leader fair warning about what was to come. Of course, they didn't listen to him. They never do. "When Hitler got out of Landsberg, there was a gift waiting for him. One of his followers had managed to find their flag, blood and all. They presented it to Hitler as a memento of the Beer Hall Putsch, the incident that brought him to national prominence. To — Steve Martini

When suffering from TBI and PTSD, it's difficult to find the motivation to seek help. I want society not to forget those that served this country. — Max Martini

When I have one martini, I feel bigger, wiser, taller. When I have a second, I feel superlative. When I have more, there's no holding me. — William Faulkner

They say that a martini is like a woman's breast. One ain't enough and three is too many. — Chris Gayle

When she finally was able to order a martini, the first sip nearly knocked her head off. It was so strong. And how surprised she was that scotch tasted more like iodine than butterscotch candy. Two of the great disappointments in her life. — Fannie Flagg

How?" I demanded. "How could you have screwed this one up?"
"When I got in, they said the manager was on the phone and would be a few minutes. So, I sat down and ordered a drink."
This time, I did lean my forehead against the steering wheel. "What did you order?"
"A martini."
"A martini." I lifted my head. "You ordered a martini before a job interview."
"It's a bar, Sage. I figured they'd be cool with it. — Richelle Mead

You know who we been living with for the past week? We been living with the only man in history who ever took a piece in the ladies' can of a Boston & Maine train. When the conductor caught him in there with his Winter Carnival date she screamed, 'He trapped me!' and that's how he got his name. This is the famous Trapper John. God, Trapper, I speak for the Duke as well as myself when I say it's an honor to have you with us. Have a martini, Trapper. — Richard Hooker

Why couldn't we put on a defense? I had seventeen witnesses standing outside the door. They just dropped the defense and went on to the penalty phase. Like everything was cut and dry before it went off to martini land. — Charles Manson

She had always understood that love could have an intense physical effect; could fill a space somewhere in the chest, could turn knees weak, could raise the pulse; could intoxicate, just as could a strong martini or a glass of champagne. Could, she thought, and would ... but only if you allowed it, only if you opened whatever portals of the heart needed to be opened. And some people, of course, found it difficult to do that. — Alexander McCall Smith

This steak wouldn't have tasted nearly as good if I'd been lying dead at the bottom of a ravine. I lifted my martini and drank to that. — Marcia Clark

[...]You can take the pink hair dye out of the girl, but you never lose those roots."

I took another sip of the martini. "You don't know me."

At the end of the bar, the other customer lifted his face to Peter Jennings and smiled.

"Maybe," Seven said, "but neither do you. — Jodi Picoult

Society is so tough and expectations are so unrealistic. Could I take better care of myself? Absolutely. I joke all the time that I'm old and I'm getting older and I feel it, so I guess I would rather talk about it with a smile and say, 'Oh God, I'm old!' than spend all my time at the dermatologist. I approach aging with ice cream and a martini. — Jenna Lyons

He snapped some icicles off a branch to make me a martini. He came back to the car, long legs lifting high in the snow, and there was snow in his hair and on his eyelashes and I remembered that I love him. It felt like something breaking with a little pain and spilling warm. I hope the parka — Thomas Harris

As I remember, the worst result of a World War II block was a flood of Argentine Gin. Sensitive martini-boys and Gibson-girls still shudder ... — Mary Francis Kennedy Fisher

Let's see, the last guy I dated - is there a word for someone who's sexually attracted to Muppets? Andrea's elegant persona was destroyed as she laughed so hard martini shot out of her nose. — Molly Harper

A medium Vodka dry Martini - with a slice of lemon peel. Shaken and not stirred. — Ian Fleming

A dry martini,' he said. 'One. In a deep champagne goblet.' ...
Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon-peel. Got it? — Ian Fleming

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. — Daniel Seligman

Does my hair look alright? Of course, it looks alright. Why am I asking you for? ... We get lunch right? ... Can we get this thing going? I gotta meet my girlfriend for a martini. — Alex Riley

I'd rather drink my dinner out of a martini glass and follow it up with a cosmopolitan chaser. — Kimberly Raye

I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host. — Dorothy Parker

Done is better than perfect. Time for a martini. — Carolyn V. Hamilton

The martini: the only American invention as perfect as the sonnet. — H.L. Mencken

I held her shoulder blades, caressing the grooves of her ribs, scooping her in my arms and feeling her tense muscles loosen up. She was indeed a dirty martini with a twist. — Kavipriya Moorthy

It is always the time of hope, confidence and love. Everything passes; love remains. We will not be disappointed. — Carlo Maria Martini

Let us candidly admit that there are shameful blemishes on the American past, of which the worst by far is rum. Nevertheless, we have improved man's lot and enriched his civilization with rye, bourbon and the Martini cocktail. In all history has any other nation done so much? — Bernard DeVoto

One martini is just right. Two martinis are too many. Three martinis are never enough. — M.F.K. Fisher

I'm definitely an anomaly, but I'm making things. They're selling, say, martinis, and I'm kind of making vintage Riesling. People aren't going to sit there very often, not your average public, and your average music-business monster is not going to take the time to notice the overtones and the undertones inside the flavor. They'd rather just have the martini. — Ben Folds

I am grateful for what I call well-spent moments: Making a tuna fish sandwich with the works. Taking at least a half hour to eat it outside. Ironing my vintage tea towels while watching old black-and-white film noir movies and sipping one martini with extra olives - a quirky combination, but it works. — Sarah Ban Breathnach

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough. — James Thurber

When passerby's ignore homeless people, they don't know if that was a man or woman in uniform previously. They should not be invisible. They cannot be ignored. — Max Martini

She ordered a martini and encouraged me to, but said she couldn't drink it with her medication. She just liked seeing it in front of her, like the old days, all set to do its little magic. — Richard Ford

I guess she felt as I: that the weakness was not Government but Man, one at a time, that men were never as strong as their ideas and that ideas were governments turned into men;
and so it began on a couch with a spilled martini
and it ended in the bedroom: desire, revolution,
nonsense ended, and the shades rattled in the wind,
rattled like sabres, cracked like cannon,
and 30 dogs, 20 men on 20 horses chased one fox
across the fields under the sun — Charles Bukowski

While shooting 'The Unit', I went to the Middle East twice to see the troops. I met some great men and women. — Max Martini

Resting on its back in the ocean, the otter drifts along tossed by currents so tumultuous that it disappears beneath the waves for minutes at a time before bobbing back to the surface, one tiny arm behind its neck, looking for all the world as though it should be resting a martini on its chest. This is the California waiting for us: this state, and this state of mind. — Monica Ganas

Are you this friendly to all the guests Mr...?" I ask, while trying to see if he's wearing a name tag.
"Yes, when we have a gorgeous lady in the lounge such as yourself, we pull out all the charm. I'll be back in a little while with your food and another martini." He says as he turns to walk back to the bar. — A.M. Willard

Bonnie made a joke now as she served him his martini. She made the same joke every time she served anybody a martini. "Breakfast of Champions," she said. — Kurt Vonnegut

Happiness is ... finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry. — Johnny Carson

The clatter of Crow calling to Crow - is there anywhere a friendlier, happier sound? — Clem Martini

This is an excellent martini - sort of tastes like it isn't there at all, just a cold cloud. — Herman Wouk

The chromatic scale is what you use to give the effect of drinking a quinine martini and having an enema simultaneously. — Philip Larkin

You are my Marilyn. You are my lake full of fishes. You are my sky set, my 'Hollywood in Miniature,' my pink Cadillac, my highway, my martini, the stage for my heart to rock and roll on, the screen where my movies light up. — Francesca Lia Block

When I talk about my husband, I feel as if people roll their eyes. It's like when you're 16 and order a martini, and the waiter says, 'Do you think I'm stupid?'. They can't grasp that I'm old enough to be married. — Megan Fox

Do I really run like that?" (Kitty)
"Yup," Martini confirmed. "Don't worry, I think it's sexy."
"Thank God. I think I look like a cheetah on drugs. — Gini Koch

If you told me to write a love song tonight, I'd have a lot of trouble. But if you tell me to write a love song about a girl with a red dress who goes into a bar and is on her fifth martini and is falling off her chair, that's a lot easier, and it makes me free to say anything I want. — Stephen Sondheim

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive. — Tallulah Bankhead

I thought you weren't going to ever talk about it."
"How can I help it?"
"You'll lose it if you talk about it."
"I just talk around it. You know I feel rather damned good, Jake."
"You should."
"You know it makes one feel rather good deciding not to be a bitch."
"Yes."
"It's sort of what we have instead of God."
"Some people have God", I said. "Quite a lot."
"He never worked very well with me."
"Should we have another Martini? — Ernest Hemingway,

My chosen drink would be a Southern Comfort, lime and lemonade, a dry martini or a good red wine. — Nikki Sanderson

They don't give blue ribbons to second-place beers. — Hosho McCreesh

When a horse learns to buy martinis, I'll learn to like horses. — Steve McQueen

The thing about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, the thing that was so profound to me that summer - and yet also, like most things, so very simple - was how few choices I had and how often I had to do the thing I least wanted to do. How there was no escape or denial. No numbing it down with a martini or covering it up with a roll in the hay. As I clung to the chaparral that day, attempting to patch up my bleeding finger, terrified by every sound that the bull was coming back, I considered my options. There were only two and they were essentially the same. I could go back in the direction I had come from, or I could go forward in the direction I intended to go. — Cheryl Strayed

Worrying about parents is a waste of time. It's your life. Let's have a martini. — Megan Mayhew Bergman

If Plato is a fine red wine, then Aristotle is a dry martini. — Eric Stoltz

Some of the biggest bores I've ever known are men who have been highly successful in business, particularly self-made heads of big companies. Before the first olive has settled into the first martini, they pour the stories of their lives into the nearest and sometimes the remotest ears capturable ... These men have indeed paid the price of success. To rise to the top of a big company often takes a totality of effort, concentration and dedication. Others, too, have to pay part of the price. Wife and children are out of mind even when in sight ... — Malcolm Forbes

All the charming and beautiful things, from the Song of Songs, to bouillabaisse, and from the nine Beethoven symphonies to the Martini cocktail, have been given to humanity by men who, when the hour came, turned from tap water to something with color in it, and more in it than mere oxygen and hydrogen. — H.L. Mencken

When I was a little kid, all I wanted to do was to escape what I thought was the country and get to a city. Probably film and television had influenced me so much, I really thought the key to happiness was living a very artificial life in a penthouse in New York with martini glasses. — Tom Ford

I've been learning a lot about how to make a martini and all the variations that you can have with a few ingredients with Belvedere. — Stephanie Sigman

As far I'm concerned, being an adult is way more fun than being a kid. But then I was a kid who wanted to be an adult. I'd watch shows like 'Bewitched' and see Darren come home and mix a martini and I'd go, 'That looks awesome! I want to do that!' — Paul Feig

The mothers in my neighborhood were screamers and yellers, silent fuming carpet-raking speed cleaners or detached unkempt anticleaners, all-day-luncheon martini drinkers, chain smokers prostrate on the couch with bookcases filled with accounts of JFK and Camelot. — Laurie Lindeen

He lied with a smile that paralyzed reason." [Abby Chandlis - main character of The List] — Steve Martini

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini. — P.G. Wodehouse

It occurred to me, not exactly for the first time, that psychogeography didn't have much to do with the actual experience of walking. It was a nice idea, a clever idea, an art project, a conceit, but it had very little to do with any real walking, with any real experience of walking. And it confirmed for me what I'd really known all along, that walking isn't much good as a theoretical experience. You can dress it up any way you like, but walking remains resolutely simple, basic, analog. That's why I love it and love doing it. And in that respect
stay with me on this
it's not entirely unlike a martini. Sure you can add things to martinis, like chocolate or an olive stuffed with blue cheese or, God forbid, cotton candy, and similarly you can add things to your walks
constraints, shapes, notions of the mapping of utopian spaces
but you don't need to. And really, why would you? Why spoil a good drink? Why spoil a good walk? — Geoff Nicholson

as bitter and medicinal as the martini was, I set about drinking it as though each sip would make it more appetizing. Which proved to be true. Five — Camille Pagan

Suffering is as necessary to entertaining as vermouth is to a Martini - a small but vital ingredient. — Phyllis McGinley

Bond insisted ordering Leiter's Haig-and-Haig "on the rocks" and then he looked carefully at the barman. "A Dry Martini", he said. "One. In a deep champagne goblet." "Oui, monsieur." Just a moment. Three measures of Gordons, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemonpeel. Got it?" "Certainly, monsieur." The barman seemed pleased with the idea. — Ian Fleming

It was always fun to skate with Paul Wylie and Paul Martini. — Nancy Kerrigan

But now, I am addicted to the peace and calm of being alone. There is something so soothing about solitude that I have no urgent wish to give it up and connect with people. — Kavipriya Moorthy

We have lived through the era when happiness was a warm puppy, and the era when happiness was a dry martini, and now we have come to the era when happiness is 'knowing what your uterus looks like'. — Nora Ephron

I don't get cast as the guy who steps off a yacht in a white linen suit with a martini. — Martin Freeman

Karl Rove described Obama as "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini, and making snide comments about everyone who passes by." Unlike George Bush, who's the guy at the country club who makes snide comments, and then passes out. Now this characterization, of course, was something Mr. Rove just completely pulled out of his bulbous, gelatinous a$$, but remember this is America, a land where people believe anything they hear. — Bill Maher

The gray-haired growser, who proved to be a lawyer, had made it clear how much he loathed the people who were, in his view, attempting to undermine the American Constitution by imposing a state religion - or possibly it was "religion state by state," for his argument grew more confused with each Martini he sank. At any rate he was noisily predicting that the result would be world domination by the Communist bloc because they would wind up with a monopoly of practical science while his own people would be reduced to praying, sticking pins in chance-opened Bibles, and casting lots to decide whose eldest son should be sacrificed to stave off disaster. — John Brunner

Obinze's burger was served in four pieces, arranged in a large martini glass. When Georgina's order arrived, a pile of red raw beef, an egg sunnily splayed on top of it, Obinze tried not to look at it as he ate, otherwise he might be tempted to vomit. — Anonymous

Your presence resembles a dirty martini,
she only drinks it when she's thirsty. — Shannon Lynette

Adrian ordered a martini, earning disapproving looks from his father and me.
'It's barely noon,' said Nathan.
'I know,' said Adrian. 'I'm surprised I held out that long too. — Richelle Mead

Martinis are like breasts, one isn't enough, and three is too many — Herb Caen

We sit down with the kids every single night, not that I want to every night - sometimes I'd rather be out with my husband having a martini at a swanky restaurant - but we sit down with our kids every night at dinner. — Debi Mazar

A martini. Shaken, not stirred. — Sean Connery

The great thing about working with NPR - and, really, there's like a million of 'em - is all the cool stuff I get to do for the public. Meet the president. Hang out at the National Finals Rodeo in Vegas. Drink a $10,000 martini. — John Ridley

Then Frank said, 'Have you ever heard that when five o'clock comes, it's martini time? We could be right in the middle of a scene, but it's over for me, because it's martini time. Did you ever hear that? — James Kaplan

And there was, in those Ipswich years, for me at least, a raw educational component; though I used to score well in academic tests, I seemed to know very little of how the world worked and was truly grateful for instruction, whether it was how to stroke a backhand, mix a martini, use a wallpaper steamer, or do the Twist. My wife, too, seemed willing to learn. Old as we must have looked to our children, we were still taking lessons, in how to be grown-up. — John Updike