Mark Twain Humorist Quotes & Sayings

A heartwarming tale of Christmas past that's chock full of all the wit and hilarity we admire in America's favorite humorist
Mark Twain. Carlo DeVito brings us back one hundred years to a magical time in Twain's family life, revealing a house that's brimming with love and laughter, as well as the profound heartbreaks of life. A Mark Twain Christmas only deepens our understanding and respect for both the man and his work. — Gilbert King

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be
a Christian. Samuel Clemens "Mark Twain", American author and humorist — George Washington

In the afternoon the ship's company assembled aft, on deck, under the awnings; the flute, the asthmatic meodeon, and the consumptive clarinet crippled the Star Spangled Banner, the choir chased it to cover, and George came in with a peculiarly lacerating screech on the final note and slaughtered it. Nobody mourned. We carried out the corpse on three cheers (that joke was not intentional and I do not endorse it). — Mark Twain

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion. — Mark Twain

When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause. — Mark Twain