Mall Santa Quotes & Sayings

I do not need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. — Jeff Wheeler

I've had this look for about a year. I usually grow this beard out around Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall, I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at my birthday party.' — Marc Maron

Numbness is not happiness. — Marty Rubin

There is no such thing as an achieved liberty: like electricity, there can be no substantial storage and it must be generated as it is enjoyed, or the lightsgto out. — Robert H. Jackson

There are times when Los Angeles is the most magical city on Earth. When the Santa Ana winds sweep through and the air is warm and so, so clear. When the jacaranda trees bloom in the most brilliant lilac violet. When the ocean sparkles on a warm February day and you're pushing fine grains of sand through your bare toes while the rest of the country is hunkered down under blankets slurping soup. But other times, like when the jacaranda trees drop their blossoms in an eerie purple rain, Los Angeles feels like only a half-formed dream. Like perhaps the city was founded as a strip mall in the early 1970s and has no real reason to exist. An afterthought from the designer of some other, better city. A playground made only for attractive people to eat expensive salads. — Steven Rowley

I know the mall is just a lot of fake plants and fake food and people buying crap for too much money, and at Christmas people pay for their kids to talk to Santa, learning greed the way some kids learn piano. I know all that. I can hear the Muzak, smell the waffle fries. Like everybody else, I walk around stuck inside a cliche, like we're stars of some TV show we plan to watch later, if nothing else is on. But still, there's something hopeful about this place, too, and maybe it takes having a crazy mother to get that. People buy stuff, because they think they are going to need it, because they think their lives are going to keep skipping down the same old path, and I want so much for that to be true for them that it nearly makes me cry. The mall says, Nothing is terrible. The mall says, Life is small and adequate. — Heather Hepler

Santa is like a queen bee. All the elves are his drones, who exist to feed him royal jelly, which I guess would be milk and cookies. If an elf escapes and eats royal cookies, it will turn into another Santa. That's what all those mall Santas are. They're trying to start their own festive colonies. — Thomm Quackenbush

If it makes Tom Cruise happy, I don't care if he prays to turtles, ... And I don't think anybody else should. — Madonna Ciccone

I have never tried to walk through a mall in the Christmas season dressed like a jolly old elf. You might as well dress up like a pork chop and walk into an alley full of starving dogs. — Thomm Quackenbush

God who is in heaven
Thank you for letting us know you.
God who is in the mountains and streams
Thank you for letting us see and feel you.
God who is in the heart of all people
I pray earnestly that your will becomes realized.
What I'm most grateful for
is that, even if I were not to have eyes, ears, and a body
you have given me this soul
so that I can know you, who are invisible,
and for that I thank you with all my heart. — Ilchi Lee

And then he winked.
Jeez, I thought my heart would explode on the spot. The last time a guy winked at me was years ago, and that'd been a creepy mall Santa. — Veronica Wolff

Instead of joyfully looking forward to my birth, my mother began systematically preparing for her own death. She was fatalistic. — Lorna Luft

The real Santa Claus is at the mall. — Lemony Snicket

Kid, time's up," Hunter said to the boy on Santa's lap.
"I'm not finished!" the boy cried.
Hunter bent over, until their faces were level. The kid reminded him of Cupid,whose chubby face hid a diabolical brain intent on replacing Santa as the most beloved holiday figure. Hunter had lost more than one of his platoon members after they were lured into Cupid's boiling pots of
chocolate. He'd learned not to trust kids.
"If you don't want me to slip you a poison gumdrop in your sleep, get off Santa's lap," Hunter whispered.
The boy burst into tears.
"Next!" Hunter barked. — Lizzy Ford

My mother told me," the boy replied, turning a page of the catalog. "Haven't you seen Santa at the mall and all the kids who sit on his knee and tell him what they want for Christmas?" "My mother says they're just men in Santa suits." "Do you get presents on Christmas morning?" "Yes." "And you don't think Santa brings them." "Nope. My mother brings them." "What about the Easter Bunny?" "There's no such thing as the Easter Bunny." The two little girls at the table behind them heard this and started to cry. Their parents glared at Harriman and the boy — Billy Wells

Science is not a subject you took in school. It's life. We are wrapped by it, in it, with it. — Neil DeGrasse Tyson

I had this grand idea that Elvira's kind of the Santa Claus of Halloween - at the malls, you'd have an Elvira there. Girls would dress as Elvira just like guys dress as Santa Claus, and it's not the real thing, but they'll pose for pictures, sign autographs. Of course, I couldn't go around to every mall, so we'd have to get more Elviras. — Cassandra Peterson

I like photographs which leave something to the imagination. — Fay Godwin

When 'Christians' cite the Bible as the basis for secular policies, they must explain why they believe Muslims in the Middle East are evil for doing the same with the Koran. — Kurt Eichenwald

I wear a taint of rationing, that's all. I have the thready, ashamed look of a reduced person who assumes there is a worse reduction to come. — Morag Joss

Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them. Holiday shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up. — Dave Barry

Hey Lynch I didn't leave that car for it to sit while you just blow III — Maggie Stiefvater

I believe that one-product wonders come and go. — Kevin Rollins

You have something important to add, so you interrupt an exciting conversation already in progress just to let us know you have nothing to contribute to the discussion. Umm ...
- Troy Ragland — Troy Ragland

I was lucky to come from a difficult area. It teaches you not just about football but also life. There were lots of kids from different races and poor families. People had to struggle to get through the day. — Zinedine Zidane

Each story, good and bad, short or long
from that trip to the mall when you saw Santa, to a long, bad illness
they are all a line or a paragraph in our own life manuscript. Two thirds of the way through, even, and it all won't necessarily make sense, but at the end there'll be a beautiful whole, where every sentence of every chapter fits. — Deb Caletti