Male Humour Quotes & Sayings

Forgive, forget. Bear with the faults of others as you would have them bear with yours. — Phillips Brooks

Don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male — Keisha Keenleyside

Along with every other male of his acquaintance he loathed the Naked Chef with messianic passion and prayed for the day he suffered a fatal accident on his scooter or burst into flames with the friction of sliding down that nauseating banister. Mark hated to think how rich he must be. And the fact that a mere bloody cook was taking up space in The Times that could be filled by a train journalist. Like himself, for example. Bastard. — Wendy Holden

I was shy, said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side. — Anne Gracie

The log officer handed me a pair of examination gloves. Pink. Everyone else wore red or black.
"Thanks." I glanced at her name tag. "Officer Kennedy."
"You're welcome. They support breast cancer awareness."
I snapped on the gloves. "I knew that. I'm always willing to do my part to keep breasts safe."
"We appreciate that, sir. — Greg Mongrain

Warfare leaves a residue of 'eat drink and be merry' that often leads inexorably to moral breakdown. — Frank Herbert

They say nothing!" the little captain raged. "They only putrid gunner, ship engineer. I, Ba-Karkar, must speak for all!"

Ogu kicked him again. "Then ask what kind help Asahel wants, untranslatable epithet male. Or no more untranslatable for you! Never again in putrid boomer prison."

Her husband gave a choked gasp. "Cruel female!"

"No more sex, either," she added. — Julian May

Why did he kill his own mother?' Ruth asked.
'The oldest story in the book,' said Gamache.
'Ben was a male prostitute?' Gabri exclaimed.
'That's the oldest profession. Where do you keep your head?' asked Ruth. 'Never mind, don't answer that. — Louise Penny

Dagmar turned when she felt a tug on her sleeve, a human male standing next to her. "Yes?"
"Yeah, how much for the blonde?"
Dagmar blinked, glanced back at Gwenvael and the three girls before asking, "Pardon?"
"The blonde. How much for the blonde? The bigger one. Just for an hour or so?"
Of course. Dagmar would never be one of the whores ... she must be selling the whores.
"Five coppers for an hour," she replied. "Any more than that and it'll cost you."
"An hour will do." He reached into his pocket and handed her five copper pieces. She dropped them into her satchel, tapped Gwenvael on the shoulder, and said, "He's bought you for an hour of sex. Enjoy. — G.A. Aiken

Asian girls? Really? Could you be anymore stereotypically male? — Larry Gent

Scrambling through the drifts, Blay rushed over and landed on his knees. Qhuinn was sprawled on the ground, his long, heavy legs stretched out, his upper body in John's lap.
The male just stared at him with those mismatched eyes, unmoving, unspeaking.
"Is he paralyzed?" Blay demanded, looking over at John.
"Not that I'm aware of," Qhuinn replied dryly.
I think he's got a concussion, John signed.
"I do not - "
He went flying off the hood of his car and hit this tree
"I mostly missed the tree - "
And I've had to hold him down ever since.
"Which is pissing me off - — J.R. Ward

In his essay,Agastya had said that his real ambition was to be a domesticated male stray dog because they lived the best life.They were assured of food,and because they were stray they didn't have to guard a house or beg or shake paws or fetch trifles or be clean or anything similarly meaningless to earn their food.They were servile and sycophantic when hungry;once fed,and before sleep,they wagged their tails perfunctorily whenever their hosts passes,as an investment for future meals.A stray dog was free,he slept a lot,barked unexpectedly and only when he wanted to,and got a lot of sex. — Upamanyu Chatterjee

I want to fuck you so bad I can taste it — Chuck Palahniuk

On my days off, I love denim cut off shorts with gladiator sandals and crop tops. — Kat Graham

Stamp-collectors are a strange, silent fish-like breed, of all ages, but only of the male sex; women, apparently, fail to see the peculiar charm of gumming bits of coloured paper into albums. — George Orwell

I catch sight of Janice. Her eyes are so full of excitement that I half expect her to jump up and down. This is something she'll never forget, I tell myself. As an old lady with all the spirit knocked out of her and nobody believe in she'll remember a happy day in July when a horny young guy strutted his stuff and made her heart beat fast. — Eric Bishop-Potter

Let the will embrace the highest ideals freely and with infinite strength, but let action first take hold of what lies closest. — Franz Grillparzer

(For better or for worse, my dad taught me that the best place to pitch a tent will always be the spot marked NO CAMPING.) — Elizabeth Gilbert

The male tax?"
"Yeah. The tax that men have to pay for not having to menstruate every month. Or risk getting pregnant. Or deal with the physically stronger sex in a macho world ... Women have to put up with all that stuff, so the least we men can do is pay the male tax and get the tab. — Zack Love

When music and courtesy are better understood and appreciated, there will be no war. — Confucius

Music touches us emotionally, where words alone can't. — Johnny Depp

Three times Jan had been called to the colours (the army), but each time had been deferred because of his deplorable physical condition..when every male who could stand halfway erect was being shipped to Verdun to undergo a radical change in posture from the vertical to the eternal horizontal — Gunter Grass

You are kept apart that you may be separately fleeced of your earnings. You are made to hate each other because upon that hatred is rested the keystone of the arch of financial despotism which enslaves you both. You are deceived and blinded that you may not see how this race antagonism perpetuates a monetary system which beggars both. — Thomas E. Watson

I flinch. Maybe you have to be male to understanding that castration can't be reduced to finger-scissors and some onomatopoeia. — Mark Mills

How could you receive a member of the Male Sex in your bedroom, and in your dressing gown?Sir, I must request you to leave immediately!"
"You don't mean to tell me that's a dressing gown?" interrupted Mr Carlton, a dangerous gleam in his eyes." Well, it's by far the most elegant one I've ever been priviledged to see, and I suppose I must have seen scores of 'em in my time-paid for them too! — Georgette Heyer

I guess that the goddess Venus wasn't on my side with this fine specimen of the male gender! — Adele Rose

At first, Maisie had been glad to work with a female crewmember. So much the better to fend off the sneers, leers, and veiled derision of her male majority shipmates. But now she knew better. Karen was here to make neither friends nor feminist stands. She was here to ruin Maisie's career! — Mads Sukalikar

I want a baby of my very own one day, but it seems that my being male is a BIIIIT of a problem. — Yana Toboso

101 Reason why its its great to be a woman : Since the advent of feminism, we can publicly ogle male bodies and not be called sexist. If a man indulges in this behavior over a picture of naked woman, he is a sexist pig, and recompense must be demanded for this slight on womankind. — Summersdale Publishers

The encapsulated bird your conspirators sent you to fetch. The sterilized male chicken with the Creator DNA sequences. The plot capon. Where is it? — Charles Stross

Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich. — Habeeb Akande

She had a smooth, low voice and a naughty, shocking sense of humour. Laughter followed in her wake; she collected admirers, both male and female, simply walking across the lobby. She had a certain knack for including everyone in her own private jokes, bending in conspiratorially to say something wickedly off-colour to one of the old stone-faced dowagers waiting for a cab. The next moment, they'd both be giggling uncontrollably — Kathleen Tessaro

I know you do not care much for such revelries, but trust me - this one you will enjoy, Harry. You and I will sit at the high table, eating porpoise and swan, whilst we watch my male kinfolk eating humble pie! — Sharon Kay Penman